eggbowl | In my blood...

[it's that loss of control that Dohalim hates the most; how much Zhongli's words had shaken him. He said nothing that would instill fear in him, there were no threats on his life, but even among this harsh assault on his body, all the deity can do is embrace him. It confuses him, which only feeds into his mounting anger even more.

There's that undeniable tug of their bond that the corruption tries to taint again; perhaps if it corrupts Zhongli… but his rational part of him tries to stop it, tries to stop the taint of corruption from seeping into their bond. Zhongli is spending his own energy trying to protect Dohalim, but… who's protecting him? Along their fated connection, a soft apology can be felt, full of pain and sorrow, buried under the darkness.

On the surface of it all, as the corruption tries to gain control of the situation again, grunts as he shoves Zhongli's face into the bed again. He's still speaking. He doesn't want him to. He pulls his hip back before snapping it back forward, movements harsh and intentional, wanting to cause harm, wanting it to hurt. His free hand slides down to grip at Zhongli’s waist tightly, fingernails digging into his skin, as he sets a pace, movements erratic as he fucks into the deity. There’s that same relentlessness from before in the motions; this is Zhongli’s punishment, after all. and he’ll take it, whether he likes it or not]

[another shove sees his face in the bed again, a little harder perhaps, certainly with more purpose. there's a wonder if it even feels good to the Renan - to whatever seems to be in control - but what can he do under the circumstances anyway? just hold on to what bits of Dohalim he can find beneath it, energy tremulous and resonant.

it certainly hurts, even with the scant slick from earlier, and Zhongli's grip tightens as fingers dig into his waist and keep him in the other's place. relentless and rough, and maybe it'll be what that corruption wants. his body certainly recoils, breaths hard to find, and the deity can feel his eyes watering. slowly, too slowly, he gets used to the push and pull, his body starting to relax as the sensation of pain numbs.

really, he shouldn't be allowing this. but... if he holds onto what's beneath hard enough, maybe that's enough. maybe it'll help somehow, knowing he'll stay through even this. Zhongli's not sure where that though originates from, but for right now, it's something to hold on to. this is his punishment, and he can handle it. surely.]

[that's better. at the lack of Zhongli's infuriating words, Dohalim grins to himself as he continues. it's more enjoyable now that the deity isn't speaking; he can feel the tension in his body slowly relax. that's it... it would have been easier on him if he'd just given in in the first place, instead of being so defiant; he would have given Zhongli a small mercy if he'd just kept his mouth shut.

however, this all hides the internal battle he's now having with himself; Dohalim tries to push back against the corruption, to put an end to this cruelty, to stop himself from hurting Zhongli more. he knows that all he causes is pain, now, but this... this is too much. this is too far. he can feel the deity's hold on their bond, and he clings to it as well, but... the corruption is too much to bear, right now. the anger only seemed to exacerbate it as well, making it even harder to fight it. he can feel himself slip into it again...

letting go of Zhongli's hair and propping himself up, he looks down at his back, long black hair splayed across pale skin, tangled from how rough he'd pulled on it. reaching down, he grabs onto both of the other's wrists, before pulling his arms back, effectively lifting Zhongli off the bed, and angling him in a way where he can drive into him deeper. now that he's able to finally enjoy this, Dohalim is aware of how close he is, heat radiating throughout his body]

Haah... Look at you... Taking me in so well...

[for his part, unaware of the actual catalyst for his treatment, Zhongli clings to the facts he has now. He'll soothe Dohalim later, he supposes, try to reassure him that this changes nothing. That he doesn't have to worry so much...

There's a sharp hitch of breath as his arms are pulled back, muscles flexing with the effort. It's a pretty view really, hair framing his curves and body trembling, stretched around Dohalim's cock. And despite himself... absent the ache he'll feel later, it's... good.

He's more than a little sizeable, and it's an effort not to moan when hips slap against his own. His cock twitches beneath him, despite all the aches.]

Nnh... haah...

[how long has he needed this? It's almost too bad he can't wrap his tail around the man, or it would be under normal circumstances. This is... not those, though. He shouldn't let them be known. Not now.]

[it really is so much easier to claim him like this when he's not fighting it; it only motivates him to go harder and deeper. A sharp pull of Zhongli's arms as he snaps his hips flush against the deity's buries his cock in deep, wanting to fill every inch of his hole. He's so deliciously tight, and Dohalim has to wonder if he's ever been fucked like this.

He lets out a low groan, hands gripping Zhongli's wrists tightly; he'd be surprised if he didn't leave bruises later. Not that it really matters. In fact, he thinks he'd like to see them on him. They'd be pretty, and complimentary to the debauchery of everything else]

Isn't... isn't this better? N-not fighting it, and just taking it? You're so pretty like this, you know...

[it's certainly been some time, at the very least. Even then, how many were this big? Went this deep? The circumstance is new too, and though he could do without the utter lack of preparation... there are worse things.]

Nngh... ah... I... wouldn't have... refused...

[His voice wavers with each thrust inward, body jolting prettily as Dohalim pulls him back into each movement. Pretty, he says, and the deity baffles at that less because he doesn't understand and more because he hadn't taken Dohalim for the type to enjoy it. Corruption was one thing, but as far as he understood it, it took from one's hidden interests and feelings first...]

Hah... ah... Dohalim...

[He could get used to this, honestly. If it were a little less... ignorant of his consent, even more so. His cock twitches between his legs dripping precum as his mind sinks into the pleasure of it.]

[hearing that waver in Zhongli's voice only pulls a grin on Dohalim's face as he continues his treatment of the deity. he's surprised by his own ability to stave off an orgasm, as his thrusts become more erratic, rutting against Zhongli's hips in such an animalistic way. honestly, he's waiting for a particular reaction from the deity, waiting for that moment where he gives into it all. a sound, a moan, something that tells Dohalim that he's broken that veneer of defiance.

though, if this were any other time, if this wasn't so tainted with corruption... it isn't to say that Dohalim hasn't developed some sort of feelings for Zhongli. for someone who had not been in his inner circle... perhaps, if time and fate had a different path laid out for them, things may have been different. Zhongli had been shrouded in mystery ever since entering Dohalim's court, but he always treated him with warmth and kindness, had lent him an ear if he needed it. if things had been different, then perhaps he would have had Zhongli be a right hand man. if things had been different, then...

it's that guilt that the corruption clings onto, twisting and distorting it, driving his cruelty as he continues to pound into the deity. nails dig into his wrists as he yanks his arms back even more, arching Zhongli's back as he angles himself to push in deeper]

[It's certainly hard to keep up defiance when someone is rutting into him with such fervor. Combined with the fledgling sense of attachment Zhongli already had for Dohalim, it's even harder to keep from breaking a little.

Still, it's a certain angle, a singular pressure that rakes along his walls, that sends him over the edge. A pulse of pleasure and his weight pitches forward a bit, body squeezing down on the Renan's cock. It's not a test of his hold - indeed, cruel hands yank at his arms, nails digging into flesh and pulling him back, upright.]

Haah... ah--! Doh.... nngh!

[What would it be like, he wonders? If the circumstances were different, if their paths had changed. He suspects this roughness would be rare at best, but it could be a sweet little secret. Zhongli has always been warm and kind to those who deserve it, but he's no fool - he's noticed his draw to the redhead by now. Perhaps they would have a mirrored lifestyle, a leader and his advisor by day, morphing into this by night...

Well, maybe not exactly this. Zhongli is cognizant enough to realise it would be different, that Dohalim would likely be more... shy, more gentle, at least for a time. He can't be mad about it, in the end. Bent back with Dohalim's cock reaching aches he didn't know he had...]

Haaah... mmn... plea... se...

[It's abrupt, his voice almost dreamy as his resolve crumbles. Too good... he feels too good, the other man's cock carving out a space and digging in deep, hands pulling him back and leaving his hard chest and twitching cock on display. If he pulled a little more, Zhongli wonders if he might feel the tip against his belly. That would be pleasant...]

Doha... lim...

[ah, there it is. Dohalim lets out a sharp "hah" as he pulls Zhongli's arms back just a little more. if he were in a normal state of mind, he'd be worried about pulling too hard and hurting the other but right now... right now he just looks so pretty. it's a miracle Dohalim hasn't come just yet, especially with how hot and tight Zhongli is around his cock.

which is why, as he presses in again and pulls Zhongli back even more, he stops for a moment, chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath. hair sticks to his forehead as his bangs fall over his eyes; he tosses his head to the side to shake the locks from view, albeit with futility]

Please what...? Tell me... What you want, Zhongli. Go on...

[he won't move until the deity tells him. he can't just give him what he wants without asking, first, after all. but ah... hearing that desperation in Zhongli's voice... like music to his ears. it's so much nicer to hear that tone from someone who is usually so proper and decorous]

Put that vernacular to good use.

[abruptly, everything stops. he should have expected it, of course - this is his punishment, after all - but ah, it's so hard to take. he can feel how Dohalim throbs inside him, feel how he throbs in turn, arms burning with the pressure on his shoulders. sweat sticks hair to his face too, a scattered mess around his skin as he's left panting and almost whining.]

Dohalim... nngh... [if he tilted his head, he thinks he could probably see the man. could lean back a little and ease the ache on his muscles, if he really wanted to. and yet... yet he allows this, almost basking in the cruel ache of it.] I want... haaah... I want release...

[not nearly as vulgar as he could be, but it's easy to shy back from it a little for now. letting go, for someone like him, isn't at all a simple task, and this probably isn't the right way to reach it. but really, he's so close and his body aches so much, what else can he do? and if it pleases Dohalim, then... ah...]

I want... to feel you filling me up. [his hips shift, a little squirming to try desperately to get some of the sensation he needs so badly.] Don't-- don't stop. Please.

[he stands still for a moment more, waiting for those words, and giving himself a moment to catch his breath and calm himself down a bit so he can keep going. he doesn't expect Zhongli to be so crude in his words, but just hearing him pleading is enough to pull a grin on his face. the way his body shifts impatiently is almost intoxicating, and Dohalim finds himself staying still for longer than intended, just to watch him. but he does eventually lean in to gently press an uncharacteristically soft kiss on Zhongli's shoulder before muttering in his ear]

Since you've asked so nicely...

[straightening back up, Dohalim pulls out almost completely, hissing out a breath at the sudden cold air on his cock, before thrusting back in, swift and hard. just once, to feel the now easier glide of his cock against hot walls squeezing around him. it feels so nice, especially now that the corruption has taken its hold completely, for the time being. but it's a brief moment of pause before Dohalim sets a pace again, as unrelentless as before. heavy breaths break the sound of skin slapping against skin, with interjected groans from Dohalim himself. he's close, and really, he shouldn't care of Zhongli does cum or not, but he supposes that he's taken his punishment so well that he could give him this reprieve]

[the wait is agony, after he's been so good. after he's given in so fully, for the moment. Dohalim is so still behind him, thick but not enough like this, and he can feel his cheeks heat up at the soft kiss to his shoulder. that... he didn't expect. is it a little bit of the other Dohalim, or just a circumstance of getting what he wants? it's hard to tell.]

Ah... haah...

[Dohalim nearly pulls out and the deity trembles beneath him, aching for the feeling of fullness in a way he hadn't expected. such a small thing, and yet it has such a profound effect... if not half as profound as the way he thrusts back in. deep, hard, and it pulls a sharp cry from Zhongli. ah, ah, that's... wonderful, isn't it? unrelated to their bond, unrelated to the circumstances, and if he just ignores that it's so very easy to fall into the pleasure.

his body trembles as his orgasm approaches, drawn ever closer by the relentless pace and the sound of Dohalim above him. behind him. he's starting to lose track of positioning altogether, really, hands curling and uncurling, curling again to dig nails into his palms for lack of anywhere else to put them. it's a little bit thrilling to be held fast like this, too... as the final bit of resistance and concentration break, Zhongli devolves into moans and gasps of the other's name, filled with that same hopeless desperation until his orgasm finally hits. and when that does, cum splattering the sheets as his whole body tightens, trembling and squeezing down on the invading cock like it means to coax him to his own end.

ah, this is going to be such a confusing mess later, isn't it?]

[hearing Zhongli speak his name in such a manner, with such desperation in it is enough for Dohalim to topple over that edge, into his own pleasure. the tightness around his cock urges him towards an orgasm; one final push in and he cums. he lets go of Zhongli's wrists to wrap his arms around his chest, pulling the deity flush against his chest to make sure that every drop of his spend is pumped into him. ragged breaths puff against Zhongli's shoulder as Dohalim presses his face against it, cut between small moans. at some point does he lean forward, taking Zhongli down with him as he moves to lie down on his bed; as he does so, he finally slips out of him. it's a bit of an awkward landing, but he manages to get them there in the end, despite their legs dangling off the edge. there's a blissfulness in the haze, and for a moment, there's no corruption, no strain on the bond between himself and the other, just... peace.

but that doesn't last long at all as clarity soon comes to him, and without the influence of corruption, what dawns on Dohalim almost makes him sick. he pulls himself away from Zhongli as he recoils, as everything catches up to him. everything he'd done here. how could he have done this, how could he have let this happen? a tremble makes its way up his spine as he tries to push away the images, the memory of imposing himself onto Zhongli, forcing his way into him--]

I-I'm sorry--

[he needs to leave. he's a monster. he... how could he have done this? Zhongli had shown him nothing but kindness and warmth and this is... this is how he repays him...]

[arms wrap around his chest and it's a relief, really - freedom for his arms as Dohalim cums inside him. it feels good, a relief he didn't know he needed as hot spend fills him. as the other pulls him along afterward, Zhongli lets himself collapse onto the bed, legs hanging off but otherwise just... sated. it'll start to hurt again soon, he knows.

between the bruises and the ache of strained muscle, he'll be in a fair bit of pain, even. still... in some way, was it not worth it? if it had been slightly different circumstances, if they had gotten to this point naturally, maybe that would be best, but...]

Ah... it's alright-

[it's a concerted effort to sit up, inhaling a sharp breath as he works to turn toward Dohalim. with the corruption at rest, it's easy to wrap his own astral energy around their bond, to share warmth with him.]

Are you alright? [as far as he understands it, there's a real risk of injury when... well, jamming it in the way he had. his body is fine, and it will heal quickly, but Dohalim... and beyond that, the amount of guilt for being unable to stop it from happening could be doing anything to the young man, really.]

[for once, he resists that warmth, tries to deflect it in their bond. he doesn't deserve it, he doesn't deserve to be cared for, to be shown kindness when all he's brought is more pain. it's not alright; nothing about this is alright. how could he say so when he'd forcefully imposed himself onto the deity, and for what? for control? to quell the corruption inside of him? why did he not fight it...

so engrossed in his own mind, Dohalim barely notices Zhongli moving, and the question asked gets him to look up at him. whatever pain he's in, if any, his body hasn't registered it yet; the emotional shock of what he'd done still gripping him tightly. breathing is hard, all of a sudden, as his chest heaves, as he tries to gulp in air. there's real fear in his eyes, true terror for what he'd done, not unlike when Zhongli found him just days prior.

he doesn't answer the question. he's not alright, this he knows. he hasn't been alright, not since the corruption had made itself known. even if nothing sexual had transpired between them, Dohalim could have... he nearly strangled the deity, he wanted to see him struggle until he couldn't anymore. to watch as life slowly faded from those golden eyes. he'd taken a back seat to his own body, autonomy lost as the corruption took over. and he knows it's going to keep doing this, too... how much more will Zhongli endure... how much more is he willing to endure...

Dohalim notices the bruises forming against Zhongli's pale skin; with an indigo glow of his eyes, he raises his hands to cast a healing arte, focused on taking away the pain. on fixing him. on fixing this, somehow.. he's panicking on the inside, as Zhongli could probably feel as it vibrates against their bond, like faint tremors as Dohalim threatens to crumble]

[the healing arte flows through him and Zhongli shifts with a little more purpose. he's a mess, he knows, but he just can't let it be.]

... Dohalim...

[voice quiet, he shifts to pull the young man to him directly. it's not really a request, nor does he intend to allow himself to be stopped. he's not good at this, and yet... maybe more than ever, he wants to.]

Just breathe. I'm alright. You wouldn't have done anything to truly hurt me. And what happened... that wasn't your fault. Not to me.

[his voice is warm and soothing, and he knows it's not ideal. being in this room alone must be a problem, but he doesn't want to rush anything. as for the corruption... he suspects, after that maneuver, that there's something to it. a balance that can be stricken between them. and if he can do that, can share in it... then maybe that, too, will help to postpone any rash decisions on stopping the redhead.]

[how could he say that he's alright? none of this is alright. as much as he tries to push Zhongli away, as much as he tries to get himself away from him, all Dohalim can do is fall into his arms. he doesn't move to embrace Zhongli back, however, choosing to try to close himself off. his lungs burn from the forceful breathing he can't seem to calm down; it's making him lightheaded. and with the deity's arms around him, it only makes him feel claustrophobic. but he doesn't try to push himself away again, however, opting in to press the crown of his head against Zhongli's chest. maybe if he doesn't look at him, then he can... figure this out.

eyes squeeze closed as he brings his hands up to the other's shoulders, holding onto them with a shaky grip. he casts another healing arte, as if to try to fix the root of the problem; maybe if he heals Zhongli completely, then it'll take one thing off his guilty conscious. he can't fix death, but at least this... physically... he can]

Please... Please, just let me go. I... I am beyond help... I can't...

... you aren't beyond help, and I will not let you go.

[Zhongli's words aren't forceful, but they're certainly definitive. He can understand, of course. Wise he did must feel completely irrevocable, given moral standpoints and their general relationship, but still.]

I'm not asking you to accept this as fact while you're not ready to... but I say it so that you can hear it. You're not beyond help. The fact that you care now tells me that - and it tells me that you aren't so far gone that you've lost it all.

It isn't easy, learning to coexist with whatever your past is. It isn't easy to live with a circumstance like yours. Don't carry that weight alone.

[He doesn't hold Dohalim tightly - if the man wants freedom, he'll give it after that moment. Even as hands grip his shoulders, working to heal Zhongli's injuries, his expression doesn't change. It isn't pity, nor fear or disgust. It's sympathy and understanding, in more ways than his words could ever convey.]

But... moving forward, if you need something of me, you need only ask. If those whispers take you again, don't keep that fact silent.

Not yet...

[but how much longer does he have? how much longer can he keep his own mind before the corruption takes over completely? the near loss of his own mind and control is enough to fuel more of that panic, which only makes him tremble more. he tries to focus on healing Zhongli, but even then, that starts to waver.

but as the deity keeps talking, his deep, smooth voice starts to soothe him. he doesn't understand why Zhongli wants to help him so much. he doesn't understand how the deity, who should be angry at him than anything, who should shun him away from doing something so unspeakable, can be so kind to him, still. it hurts his heart knowing that he'll keep hurting Zhongli if this keeps going, if they let this keep going.

and yet, as he tentatively reaches out to their bond, he searches for that warmth, to let it engulf him. it's selfish... selfish to want it, especially after... but...

he keeps casting healing artes, to give himself something to focus on. even once Zhongli's injuries are completely healed, Dohalim keeps casting, not knowing what else to do. he feels so lost right now; he's spiraling, and he isn't sure how to pull himself out of it. at least with healing Zhongli, that's something he can control. the uncertainty of when the corruption will take hold again shakes him so deeply, it terrifies him, and even with their contract, Dohalim is scared that he'll break it and hurt someone else. but that contract, that bond, he clings to it as soon as he takes hold, letting the warmth surround him]

Please... Please don't let it claim me...

[most of it, Zhongli has no choice but to let Dohalim with through himself. He can only be here, solid and warm, as a beacon of truth and the fact that Dohalim isn't alone. Even now, in the wake of everything...

As his body mends and those spells continue, he reaches for Dohalim's hands to pull them away. His own hands cover them, drawn together to warm.]

I will not allow it. [lifting his hands, he places them to his chest, to give him something to focus on. Zhongli's heartbeat is steady, as resonant as their bond.] I promised, didn't I? You will not lose me. There are many things it appears I missed, but... you needn't worry about that. I believe I understand a little more, now.

[Dohalim focuses on the gentle beat of resonance in their bond, as well as the subtle heartbeat in Zhongli's chest. like the pulse of the earth beneath his feet whenever he's outside the walls of Viscint. the familiar feeling soothes him as he starts to relax, hunched shoulders slumping as he leans heavily against the other. he doesn't look up just yet, his eyes shut as he tries to even out his breathing. hands twist to clasp around Zhongli's, the tremble in his fingers still apparent. he's still terrified. scared of what he might do. scared for the deity, scared if the corruption within himself will taint their bond completely... he's already had to try to keep it at bay enough that it didn't completely tangle itself to their connection, but how much longer would he be able to keep it away?

he casts another healing arte. he's not sure if Zhongli's wounds are completely healed or not, but he wants to make sure. is he expending more energy than he should? probably. but this is the least he could do. whatever physical injuries Zhongli had sustained were by his hand, so he has to fix it. at least he has the ability to do so. though... using so much of it in such a small span of time, with high emotions running rampant in his mind, Dohalim does get a little lightheaded, but he presses on]

What do you understand?

[the question is a genuinely curious one, with no condescending malice behind it]

[Zhongli gives a squeeze to the other's shoulders as that healing energy continues to wash over him, a reminder to stop. to tell him that he's fine, really. he can't stand watching him in this panic, pressing on despite any exhaustion he must feel.]

Ah... just... more of what you require. [one arm rises to cradle Dohalim's body against his own.] I regret to say I hadn't realised how much of an effect it was having on you, in the times when I was gone. After all, I promised not to leave you alone, didn't I?

[even for the sake of chasing a lead, he shouldn't have been gone so long. he should have realised sooner that Dohalim was fighting so hard against his own mind, against the part of him that wanted cruelty and violence. as he leans in, the deity allows himself to press his lips faintly to the crown of the other man's head.]

I doubt my understanding is perfect by any means, but... I do hope to offer you more, moving forward.

You offer enough. More than, if I may be honest.

[and yet, he continues to take more of it. he continues to demand of it. Zhongli had only been away for a handful of hours; if he can't stand being away from him for a period of time, then he may as well take away all autonomy the deity has. and that isn't fair. none of this is fair. but he can't help but want to keep him close, no matter what... the idea of being separated from Zhongli makes his heart pound in his chest as coldness spreads from the pit of his stomach throughout his body. he can feel the corruption want to pick at that anxiety; despite his exhaustion, he tries to push it down. he's already put Zhongli through enough to last him a lifetime, probably, he doesn't need to again.

so he concentrates on putting out another arte, despite the squeeze of his shoulders. the kiss at the top of his head does give him pause for just a moment, confused at the gentle gesture. he can feel a slight flush on his face, but he perishes the thought quickly. he continues on, healing Zhongli. to maybe put at ease some of this guilt...]

... Dohalim.

[there's a soft sigh there, and Zhongli shifts to lean back. the expression he levels on the Renan is full of concern.]

I'm fine. I don't hurt anymore. You're going to harm yourself... I don't want to see you hurt. [it's... slow. agonisingly slow, as something chips away at the veil of earth always covering his emotions. even now, Zhongli can barely grasp the finer details of his own thoughts regarding the other man.] ... Look at me... if you would. Just for a moment.

[he doesn't know if it will help. he doesn't know if he's misread something, either, or if it won't cause more problems than it solves. still, within his own tumultuous heart, maybe it's worth it. for once, maybe if he relaxes just a little of his stern distance...]

[Dohalim considers it for a moment, as he keeps casting. does he deserve to look at Zhongli in the eye? he doesn't think so. he's trapped in a loop of guilt, this much he knows, but he doesn't even try to break free from it. though the corruption is ever present now, it doesn't do much except softly pluck at that guilt, serving more as a reminder that it's there, than acting upon it.

but he does will himself to look up, the indigo of the so called bright eyes fading back into amber, truly revealing more raw feelings. eyes are half lidded, slightly unfocused from heavy emotions and exhaustion, tired eyelids fluttering closed as he lets himself sink into it. perhaps he'd just noticed now, but he's just so tired, but then again, hasn't he always been?]

I just... Want to make sure...

[there's a slight tremble in his voice as he falls into that exhaustion, slumping in Zhongli's arm. perhaps... he'd pushed himself too much, but still... that tremble makes its way to his very bones, burrowing deep into them, and soon, he's shaking like a quivering leaf threatening to fall from a tree branch]

I've hurt you... I wanted to make sure I fixed it...

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