eggbowl | In my blood...

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]

You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

... Often times, when we must excise corruption from Dahna's surface, what we are truly searching for is the source of Rena's will, within that area. Usually, as said, this is people; there have been rare occurrences where entire lands were isolated for this task.

[and while those thorns have all been removed, he knows full well that the wounds remain, a bitter space still rife with darkness. sealed, but if Rena had enough astral energy...]

Still, that's only to note that I have some experience in what to expect - obviously, what one can do for a large tract of land can not be done for a living body. Your implication is that his corruption is the direct result of this, yes?

["Yes... It is a rare phenomenon, like Rex Lapis has mentioned, but every several decades or so..."

Rukkhadevata sighs softly, lamenting on the fact that this unfortunate situation had fallen on such a gentle soul. of course the Great Spirit's energy would latch onto someone who is descended from powerful mages; Dohalim is a well of astral energy, after all. even she can feel the ambient energy radiating off him, separate from his master core.

"Every several decades, the corruption would not appear as a score on Dahna's land, but a taint in the very soul of a person. In some cases, the presence is subtle enough that we would only need to observe. In others, such is the case of a tainted lord using the corrupted energy for their own end, for example, more... drastic measures have been taken.

"However, you, Dohalim, are a special case. It's even rarer for us to be able to converse with the corruption. It's almost as if you are serving as a vessel for the tainted spirit. Though, for what end, I cannot say."

it's almost as if Dohalim's blood runs cold at the idea of being used by a spirit for whatever it is it wants to do. to have this thing inside of him, living inside of him, and for what?

a shiver runs up his spine, his hand taking hold of one of Zhongli's, squeezing tightly, as if seeking for a lifeline]

H...How do we get rid of it, then?

["It's... complicated. The dark astral energy is not the enemy here, but the corruption within it. It's not a matter of removing the astral energy from you, but just a portion of it. All the while, making sure not to bring harm to you."

the goddess looks away for a moment, as if trying to hide some sort of truth in her eyes from both men. there is a way to cleanse Umbra, but she's not sure if she's ready to reveal that yet. she herself isn't ready to come to terms with it]

[he squeezes Dohalim's hand just the same, perhaps not as tightly. he's here, they're both fine.]

... For now, we will do our best to help lift you up; much of its personal strength comes from picking at your insecurities and uncertainties. My... inability to share much of this personally probably contributed significantly to tonight's oddities.

[there's a touch of guilt there, as his tail curls a little tighter around the Renan's hips. he doesn't quite miss Rukkhadevata's expression, but the truth behind it... well, he can understand her not being willing to say everything even to him, yet. this is a complex issue.]

I believe, if I'm not misreading it, that the astral energy has an interest in you. It doesn't seem to intend to break you, or force you into its whims - tonight aside, that is. Even that seemed somewhat like frustration at your situation, more than some strange ambition.

[the fact that Umbra is kind of a dick is its own issue, alongside the fact that it doesn't seem to realise how fragile the Renan actually is.]

So you mean to tell me that I have to coexist with this, then...

[a bit ironic, if Dohalim thinks about it. to be an advocate for coexistence between two races, only have to live alongside something he doesn't want inside of him... but that's a different situation, right? this thing has hurt many people including Zhongli through him. it brought him here, and must have tried something for him to be woken up restrained.

frustration mounts as a light tremble is felt in his hands; Dohalim looks down at the tail wrapped around him]

How can you say that it has no intention of it breaking me when every day, I can feel it trying to whittle me down? How can the both of you sit here and tell me that I have to live with this corruption?

["It is not an ideal situation, Dohalim. I recognise this. However, and this may be selfish of me to do so, but I ask to please be patient with me while I search for a way to cleanse Umbra of this corruption."]

Umbra? It has a name?

["Yes, as one of the governing fragments of Rena... Umbra, or Shadow is its name, reflecting a part of the Great Astral Spirit's elemental energy."]

Only insomuch as you already were, baobei.

[Zhongli exhales a soft sigh at the question. His eyes close as his tail flicks lightly.]

Because it is used to doing everything as Rena does - slowly wearing others down to get what it wants. It understands nothing of human limits, let alone emotions.

[It's stupid, he does not bluntly say. Still, the earlier conversation with Umbra illuminated its deficiencies.]

You trusted me with our contract, in the measure of working through this; if you can, please extend that to both of us... I'm sorry it's become such a troublesome path.

[this is nothing he wants for Dohalim, after all.]

[he shouldn't say it. not in front of both deities, even though he wants to scream it out, to get it off his chest. to tell the both of them that he doesn't want to live this way, that he doesn't want to be used by this corruption. it's too much, it's all too much at this point.

bringing both of his hands up, he presses his palms against his face as he tilts his head down. it's all so overwhelming. and the expectation of having to just... accept this and live with it, when there's a chance that he can hurt more people, despite the contract...]

I... Can't do this. I can't do this...

[he dissolves into a small mantra, repeating the words to himself softly. Rukkhadevata's heart feels like it's breaking as she watches Dohalim break down like this, and she wonders if she should go ahead with cleansing him of the corruption in the only way she knows how to. but... without even discussing it with Zhongli, she can't go ahead with it, especially not when she wants to find a different way to do so. she... wants to watch Dohalim thrive, to see what a descendant of her mages is truly capable of.

but to see one of her children like this... the temptation is there. to just do it, and fix everything for him. it hurts, not being able to just explain this pain away for him with her knowledge. for once, she doesn't know what to do, or what to say]

... Dohalim...

[this is truly where he flounders. to be emotionally vulnerable, to make anything even a fraction better than it was. all he can do is shift to pull Dohalim closer, stroking fingers through his hair.]

You don't have to be perfect. [quietly, but with conviction.] You're allowed to be vulnerable, at least here. You can be honest with us.

[it isn't something that should just be ushered away, in the end. this pain and fear are things that are human, after all. things to learn to live with, and learn to know he isn't alone among. Zhongli knows this, even if he is... unconscionably terrible at making it clear.]

[lifting his head up slightly, Dohalim looks down at his palms. he's so exhausted from all of this it seems like he can't even shed tears anymore. everything feels heavy again, like the weight on his shoulders is bearing down on him again. his chest is tight, and it's hard to breathe]

Is this punishment from Rena... Or punishment from the gods... To have to continue to live like this...

["Dohalim..." Rukkhadevata can feel her own throat tightening slightly at the sight of the man. perhaps this was already too much for him to know. "We are here to support you, if you will let us. I cannot, in good conscience, let you go through this on your own. Please... Please believe that."

she scoots herself over to Dohalim and Zhongli, shifting onto her knees and pulling the both of them into a warm embrace. "This is not a punishment... I just need a little more time. I know it is a lot to ask of you, especially now, but please... just hold on for a little while longer."]

I don't want to... I don't want this... Just let me...

["It would be easy to let you fade into nonexistence. To cut your life short because you want it. But... My apologies, my child, I cannot. I cannot lose you like that."

perhaps she, herself, is being vulnerable. she almost lets slip of Dohalim's origins just then; she only just manages to catch herself. it would prove to be disastrous to rip away the last remaining thing Dohalim thinks to be trueat this point]

You already know why I cannot give up so readily. But this isn't a punishment. I would never.

[There's a brief pause, something akin to surprise, when Rukkhadevata embraces them both. That it's comforting in its way, even to his old bones. Even so, he reacts little to it; Dohalim is more important right now.]

... I know you struggle to see it, but the man that we see before us is worth all the struggle in the world. In all your flaws, and all your imperfections. Were I able to take on your burden truly, I would not hesitate.

[If he could do anything more, anything at all without fear of making the end result worse...]

[Dohalim doesn't even ask why anymore, knowing that he'll get the same answer as before. he drops his hands into his lap as he leans into the embrace, utterly exhausted at being woken up in the middle of the night, and of everything else. he's so tired of all of this, and all he wants is rest from the corruption, to not have his mind constantly on it and what it could do.

sensing the inner turmoil Dohalim is facing, and the need to recess back into his mind to numb it, Rukkhadevata pulls away just enough to tilt his chin up to look at her. "Don't give up. You have those who care so deeply for you. I understand it's a lot to ask of you, but do not give up. Let us be your strength when you feel weak. Let us be the light that guides you in the dark."

Dohalim looks up at the goddess, before letting his eyes slip closed]

I'm tired. I've said this to Zhongli before, but I'm so tired...

["I know, my child. And I know this is an unfair set of circumstances for you. Just hold on for a little while longer." leaning in, she presses a soft kiss in Dohalim's hair. "For now, just rest here. I can provide a dreamless sleep for you, so take rest."]

[Zhongli only continues his motions, gently stroking over his spine. His own state of mind is muted, no doubt lost in thought over so many things, unwilling to let it draw to the surface both for himself and for the Renan.]

Yes, rest. We shall watch over you and you needn't worry about anything, here.

[It isn't until the redhead has properly fallen asleep that the deity sighs, soft but heavy. This... isn't something he can brute force, with contracts or with fighting. Relationships are always so... fluid and strange.]

[Rukkhadevata doesn't speak just yet as she works to make sure Dohalim doesn't have any dreams or nightmares. just so he can have some uninterrupted sleep, away from an overactive imagination, and the loom of corruption threatening to twist it into something dark. it's still night; she really should send the both of them on their way.

however, as the soft green glow of her astral energy fades, she looks at Zhongli, taking note of that heavy sigh. she can't imagine how heavy a toll this is, being so attached to someone with such a myriad of issues, and that most of them stem from Dohalim being who and what he is. she knows none of this is fair, to both Dohalim and Zhongli.

she shifts the Renan around in the deity's lap just a little, to make sure he's leaning against him comfortably. Dohalim's head is now resting on Zhongli's shoulder, breathing even, and face soft. only then, does she speak, as she sits back to look at them properly.

"...I see you've acted on your emotions."

perhaps small talk will help with the heavy mood for now]

[it's his own fault, he rationalises. that if he tried a little harder, perhaps he could understand a little better. just having Dohalim close to him is a balm on his senses, but... is the same true in return? it's so hard to know.

his hands settle, steady where they rest around the Renan's side, and Rukkhadevata's words pull him from his thoughts.]

... Ah... yes, I suppose I have.

[is he embarrassed? perhaps a little. it was a lot, all at once, even if Dohalim had reassured him that he'd enjoyed it all. even if he'd asked for this sort of exclusivity.]

I suppose I'm unreasonably lucky, even now. Though I do feel a little bad, being unable to offer him all the comfort he requires. [whether because of the humans around or because it isn't something he can offer, honestly.]

["I think you offer more than you realise. The way he goes to you without hesitation, the small touches here and there that he seeks... If you didn't offer any sort of comfort, I doubt he would reach for you."

she smiles softly as she looks down at Zhongli's tail wrapped around Dohalim's waist, and the way his hand rests gently on top of it. there's an almost envy there, at the fact that Dohalim gets to touch said tail; she does have to wonder from time to time how it feels. oh well, it seems that will be something she never know. there are several things she can say and do to the older god that other gods couldn't ever get away with, but there are limits. touching his tail is definitely one of them.

Rukkhadevata's smile fades slightly, as she lets out a small sigh of her own. her heart is still heavy, upset at herself for not being able to do more. the fact that she can offer a boon, but the price to pay to give it to Dohalim... is she willing to do it? she wants to offer relief, but...

"I do know of a way to cleanse Umbra of corruption." her words are spoken softly, eyes avoiding Zhongli's amber gaze]

You are correct, of course. It's only that mortals have such complex minds and morals, really. He's already gone through so much...

[It occurs to him from time to time that... there a world where all of this effort still ends poorly. Even after cleansing the corruption, after lifting him up...

His gaze shifts to her though, when she speaks again. The avoidant gaze, the hesitation...]

... but it is either costly or difficult. Perhaps both. [He places a hand on her arm.] else you would have mentioned it before now... right?

[and it might even be something Dohalim would refuse, since she's waited till he slept.]

[Rukkhadevata reaches up to gently press her hand against Zhongli's, slim fingers gently squeezing his for a moment before she drops it. there's no turning back now, she supposes.

"You are correct. If I could have cleansed it now, I would have, but..."

she isn't sure how difficult it actually would be, only that it definitely wouldn't be an easy task. there are layers to this, with how deep the corruption lies within Dohalim and Umbra, and she has to tread carefully. and not to mention just how much of her own energy she'll expend...

"I will admit that I had not planned to tell even you unless I had no other options, but I suppose that I should forewarn you, for if the time comes where I have not found another way to eradicate the corruption."

she takes a deep breath to steady herself. "You are correct in that the cost would be great. Insomuch that there is a possibility that I may expend all of my energy to do so. However, this is a last resort, of course, and I will continue my search in ways to cleanse it."]

... We are, after all, nothing if not for our abundant and resilient energy.

[his voice is quiet, conflicted. of course, he should have known there was a way to use their own energy; had it been another time, perhaps even he could have expended some of his to the same effect.

even knowing that Rukkhadevata isn't the type to rush into things, if it came down to it, just knowing that she would...]

It is good to know that the option is there, but as you said - it's a last resort. I shall endeavour to put it aside until such a time as it becomes necessary. I suspect Dohalim would feel the same way.

Would that Umbra were more liable to offer to assist in the search, I'm sure it could provide something.

[there's a soft chuckle at that, as he settles back again, his position as open in offering connection as he is with Dohalim. it's unusual for him, but... perhaps he's tired. of being strong, of being the sentinel, always chronicling the history.]

["Umbra, unfortunately, will not be of any help. Not when it knows nothing but corruption and is comfortable with the taint. In fact, we must be more diligent now that it has displayed its own consciousness."

Rukkhadevata sighs again as she watches Zhongli, noticing his stature, and sensing the weariness of his form. this whole situation doesn't just affect Dohalim, and she wonders just how much of a toll it's taking on the other god. she reaches over to tentatively place a hand on Zhongli's tail, fingers threaded through the tufts of fur lined on the top.

"You need your rest, as well. At the rate you are going, I fear for your erosion. This... Must not be easy for you."]

I agree completely. But with this act, we are equipped with a little more information.

[at the touch of a hand on his tail, Zhongli's head tilts slightly as he turns his gaze back to her, a faint pause there only when she mentions his erosion. ah... that.]

I have been resting to the best of my ability. This isn't enough to take too much of me, and... if I am honest, being so close to the Earthen core, I find myself somewhat reinvigorated. [his tail shifts slightly against her hand, soft fur lifting slightly at how fingers thread through it; after a moment, he does shake his head.] Right now, all I have to do is keep track of my own self. I don't wish to worry him over something that should be many decades off, even now.

[after all, that's the reality as he knows it. as a God, as a technically ageless being, staying with a mortal... it's certainly best not to stress his poor Renan's heart, isn't it?]

[that's what Rukkhadevata is worried about. what she fails to mention, and isn't sure she should mention it to the other right now, is the fact that, in the process of cleansing Umbra with her own astral energy, the transference of it from her own self into Dohalim's body... his ancestors were her disciples chosen specifically for a purpose such as this. that, if and when the time comes that she is to relinquish her station, that one of the mages will be able to take up the mantle, so to speak.

effectively, it would make Dohalim a god of this land, if he were to accept it all. so for Zhongli to allude to his erosion as an event in the distant future, outside of the constricts of time when it comes to mortal life...

perhaps she really should tell him, at some point. but is now really the best time, when it's the middle of the night, and that both Dohalim and Zhongli need their rest? they should be getting back to Viscint, but... maybe she might also be a bit protective of them both, and wants to watch over them for a while.

finally, Rukkhadevata speaks again, eyes trained down at the scales under her fingers. "Would you be willing to tell him sometime in the future?"]

... if it became important, of course. I've already spoken to him of how my own energy isn't as strong as it once was, I only want to keep him from dwelling on something he can't change now.

[He hasn't begun to forget, after all. It isn't a big deal yet.]

Eventually, I suppose I will have to introduce him to the Conqueror of Demons, as well.

["He does have a penchant for doing so, doesn't he..."

it's a fault that Rukkhadevata recognises in the Renan, which only worries her for when he inevitably finds out the truth of his people. she'll have to figure out how to soften that blow for when the time comes, if Umbra hadn't already unveiled the truth by that point. though, she has a feeling that the corruption takes enjoyment in making those Dohalim trusts tell him truths about himself that they've been hiding, perhaps to break his trust in them, and to pit him against them. now that she thinks about it, this might get messier than she had previously anticipated.

at the mention of Xiao, Rukkhadevata looks back up at Zhongli.

"Ah, yes... How is he doing, by the way?"]

His heart is far too gentle for his own good.

[Zhongli reaches to gently brush the redhead's hair back, quietly just watching him for a moment. It's his greatest strength, of course, as well as his most glaring weakness.]

He is well, as far as I can tell. We haven't spoken in person for quite some time, but I do send along some medicine to help with the effects of our contract. You know how he is; he has been keeping as little company as ever.

["Of course."

Rukkhadevata will admit that she doesn't know much about Xiao aside from his valiant efforts when it comes to containing the corruption that does spring up on Dahna from time to time. but, she also knows what Zhongli says to be true: that he doesn't like being around people too much, which does make meeting him a little more difficult. she could just call out to him, but without a purpose other than to strike up a conversation with the young spirit, even she can recognise that it would be a waste of time.

"It is nice to know that he's still performing his duties, and that he's as well as he can be, considering."

she does know about the other spirits that used aid Xiao in cleansing the planet, and how they'd all unfortunately fallen. so for him to continue on... she hums softly to herself.

"Though, I wish he could take rest when he should. Even he must think that pushing himself isn't healthy."]

One would think... but he seems to throw himself into it with a vigor that is almost unnatural.

[it's another difficult thing for Zhongli; though he had freed Xiao from his prior life, the one he had locked the spirit into was not all that much better. that he maintains this zeal for his work is more concerning than anything.]

Nothing shy of demanding it of him will make him slow down, I think. At least, until he finds someone to truly bond with.

[his expression belies that that is... a significant ask, really.]

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