eggbowl | In my blood...

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]

You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]

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[Dohalim cracks his eyes open again to look at Zhongli, concern swirling in his gaze. he's aware of their dynamic, right now, that the confines of mortal life in the eyes of an immortal god would shorten their life together, but what else could it be?]

What is it...?

[he can feel the nervousness creep up on him, heart starting to pound in his chest as he waits for Zhongli to explain. the hand still holding onto the other's tightens slightly, perhaps as a way to desperately calm himself down. Zhongli said it himself, whatever it is shouldn't happen within his lifetime, but it's not a guarantee that it won't. what if, by some act of fate, it does? he doesn't even know what it is yet, and he can feel himself getting worked up about it already, but if it weren't so serious, would Zhongli have brought it up in the first place?]

Mm... it is... something of the nature of Gods. I said before that we are immortal - but that we are not unkillable, and that most of us have gone that way by now. Normally, it becomes a... necessity, of sorts.

[he squeezes Dohalim's hand in reassurance, taking a moment to consider how to explain.]

Although we immortals cannot "die" in the sense of old age, we are subject to something we call "erosion." Over time, we will eventually begin to... well, forget. What we've experienced, our morals, eventually even who we are. We stagnate, and revert to our primal natures.

[it isn't exactly an adequate explanation, but it'll start to illuminate the potential problems. especially with someone like Zhongli, who was self-admittedly a war god and whose violence spanned so long.]

... I do not know if I mentioned it, but I am... to my knowledge, the oldest God who remains conscious here.

[Dohalim is silent as he listens to Zhongli's explanation, trying not to take it to heart more than he should. but how could he not, when the very idea of losing oneself to something inevitable strikes such a chord with him, when he himself fears that very thing as well? Dohalim would be terrified if something like that was looming over his head, but the deity seems to be taking it in stride. possibly because it is inevitable?

but if, and when it does happen, for Zhongli to forget who he himself is, much less who Dohalim is... to go back to his instincts as a war god... what would that mean for Dahna? or does he have a contingency plan for when he starts going down that path?]

I... Assume the older you get, the more you're susceptible to erosion.

[he tries to keep his voice as steady as he can; Dohalim swallows thickly, as if to keep down the worry bubbling in him]

Does that mean that Rukkhadevata is also in danger of this erosion, as well?

Naturally; as wind and rain slowly erode mountains, so to does time erode a being's sensibilities.

[he does speak as if it's just... natural, the way humans think of death as a whole. to him, they're effectively one and the same.]

It isn't something so sudden as to be an intense worry. In my experience, it is a slow and plain change. The difficulty comes in choosing the right time to send a God to rest once it's begun. That... much of that has been a part of my contracts with my fellows.

[which also implies quite a few things about his history with his fellow gods.]

As to Rukkhadevata, she is... considerably younger than I, so it is not a worry for the near future, I think.

But it is still a worry for her, as well as you.

[Dohalim buries his face in Zhongli's shoulder again, his arm slowly moving to wrap around the deity as to hold him once more. the implications aren't lost on Dohalim, pairing Zhongli's age with his contractual obligations of laying eroding gods to rest. he just has to wonder how many he's watched go through such a thing, and he has to wonder how its affected him.

for every answer, more questions come up. at least this is something that can be addressed here and now, and not have to wait until the next time they see the goddess. though, that thought alone, Dohalim isn't sure if it's a good or bad thing]

If you were the one to put the gods to rest... Who would be the one to lay you to rest when your time comes?

It is, yes.

[at the question of himself, of what happens when he erodes so far that he forgets his role, Zhongli exhales a soft sigh. he's thought about it for some time, really, but...]

When it comes to me... I suppose it will depend upon the way of the world at that time. Ideally, I will pass on much of my ability as a god to a worthy successor. That way, it won't cause any problems when I'm laid to rest; otherwise, I will have to be sealed away until such a person or creature is found. At that time, as I am... ah... what one might consider one of the "creator" gods, the process will happen naturally. At least as far as I understand it.

[there haven't been many cases where something else happened with them.]

It sounds like there are some uncertainties... I'm not sure I like that.

[the biggest one being when exactly this process would start. it could happen years, decades and centuries down the line, when he himself has ceased to exist (which... only makes him more upset that his own death might contribute to the erosion), or it could happen even as soon as tomorrow. Zhongli did say that there is a potential of it happening in their time together, but what is the likelihood of it happening? should he be this worried about it? he'd only just confessed his feelings for the deity, and told him he didn't want to part with him, so this...

Dohalim huffs out a shaky sigh against warm, pale skin, before lifting his head back up. his hair is covering his face, but Zhongli could guess the concern etched on it]

And there's no way to stop it once it begins, yes? And you don't know exactly when it will start?

There are bound to be uncertainties when dealing with a circumstance that has no precedence, you know.

[but his worries, as it turns out, are a little more... mundane than that. the when of it... and of course, how to handle it...]

Yes, it isn't something you can reverse. There are some methods to slow it - keeping one's routine is known to be helpful, as is continuing to learn about the world as it changes. As to when it starts... no, but the question is more how long it will take to manifest in any way that is problematic. It's something I've spoken briefly with Rukkhadevata about - after six thousand years, it would be stranger if there was no stain of erosion on me at all.

That said... with very little to shake up my memories, I likely have several centuries, perhaps another millennium, to maintain my self. If I can find someone worthy of taking over my duties sooner, then... I can also safely live out my life as I wish. My successor, or another God or their successor, could provide my final rites when absolutely necessary.

Is there anything I can do to assist with this?

[Dohalim doubts there is; there's no way he can be the successor to a god, much less Zhongli. while he has control of both plants and rock, it's only because he was so lucky to be born from a line of powerful Renans. but for someone not born of Dahnan descent, even if there was a chance of a mortal ascending to godhood, there's no way he could take up the mantle.

right?

so there has to be something else he can do. something to ease the erosion if it does come within his lifetime. if he has to navigate this, while fighting his own battle with Umbra, then... then so be it]

If there's a chance of this starting sooner than you had anticipated, tell me what I can do...

[Dohalim drops his head back down onto the deity's shoulder, pressing gentle kisses along smooth skin in an attempt to comfort himself somehow]

...

[Zhongli closes his eyes briefly at the question, keeping himself relaxed and calm under the redhead's weight. he can understand the worry, the want to help, but... ultimately, assisting isn't so... simple. even so...]

All you need to do is be yourself, Dohalim. [he doesn't move, not wanting to stop Dohalim's soft kisses over his skin, not wanting to be parted with him. if he could, he would keep them here all day, but...] Erosion has a tendency to set in when one lacks anything to look forward to. When day blends into obligation, and one slowly grows tired. As the world stands, there is nothing that should be able to hasten it.

If it became an absolute necessity, I... imagine you could use your Master Core to store my energy. It would be better if I could be sealed in the earth itself, of course, but in an emergency...

[he can hardly lay claim to Dohalim as his successor, in any case. even if he were to be, the man is far more suited to Rukkhadevata's power than his, and beyond that... they would have to reveal that devastating truth to explain it fully.]

But that would mean I have to...

[he would have to allow himself to use the Master Core to store Zhongli's power, as well as learn how to do it. he supposes it wouldn't be much more different than storing the harvested astral energy from the Dahnans, but... would he be able to do it? would he be strong enough to?

and to be himself as a way to help... that's almost laughable. he isn't sure he's felt like himself in so long]

And I don't even feel like myself, so I'm not sure how that will help.

Yes. It would be... a dire circumstance, but it is a way.

[he chuckles softly at the comments, wanting so badly to press their lips together. the angle just isn't right for it... so all he can do is reach up and brush his fingers through Dohalim's hair, soft and gentle.]

Are you not yourself like this, too...? Is it not you who wants to be like this? With me?

[it's a soft question - there's no disappointment there, no implication that he believes it to be the case. a reminder that he isn't asking for anything complicated, really.]

I... Perhaps...

[there's an unspoken "but" there, as thoughts rattle him. Zhongli is right in that he himself wants to be like this, in this moment and for the rest of his life with the deity, but aside from that... it's a small ripple in a giant pond of conflicting emotions. and who's to say that this person here is who he really is?

sighing softly, Dohalim closes his eyes for a moment, the hand in his hair lulling him a little]

It's just... I'm not sure how to explain this... I'm not sure I've felt like my own self even before Umbra's discovery.

[perhaps it's the expectations placed on him, from his family to the Renans who participated in Kelzalik's insurrection... who is he as a person? who should he be as a person?]

You're still young; it's natural to struggle with knowing exactly what you want and who you are.

[as usual, he doesn't have a proper answer, only a vague platitude of his own understanding. still, he continues his gentle motions, humming softly.]

It can be difficult to decide what it is you want to do; even your intentions with uprooting Rena may not align with your eventual wishes. That's alright, in the end. We can work through that together.

[Dohalim falls silent, letting the fingers in his hair soothe him. maybe Zhongli is right, maybe he's on a path of self discovery for himself. maybe there are things he's yet to know about himself, outside of his duties and expectations. but when he'll learn of them, if he ever will, that's a different story.

glancing at the window, the sun shining brightly through the stained glass panes, Dohalim huffs out a sigh]

...I suppose we should get cleaned up.

[now that he's mentioned it, Dohalim is suddenly very aware of the mess they've made, and on his sheets, too. oh, that'll be something to explain to his servants... maybe a different position would have been a better move, but... he'll admit that he did enjoy seeing Zhongli's hips pulled up by his tail as he took him from behind--

perhaps he should leave that train of thought for another time lest he gets himself going again]

Unfortunately, yes.

[Zhongli hums softly and shifts a little, pushing himself up and away from the sticky mess beneath him. It's... definitely not the most pleasant feeling, cooled as it is.]

Would that I could claim the day for myself, but I wouldn't keep you from your work too long. Ah... perhaps I will wash the sheets when I bathe, so that there is... less to explain.

[granted, most of those who take care of Dohalim regularly have probably already guessed at how close they are, but still. It's a lot to ask of someone.]

Would you like to wash up together, or separately? I will likely take a bit of extra time to soak, if I'm honest... I don't wish to keep you, though. I can catch up when I'm properly clean.

[It may not have been their most intense time together, but definitely one of the more messy ones.]

[if it were any other time, Dohalim would have given Zhongli a Look for even suggesting they bathe separately. as it stands, all he does is shake his head as he moves to finally pull himself out of the deity. it's a swift motion, so as to not stimulate the both of them again, but he does let out a soft sound as the cool air settles over his cock. ah, it did feel better inside of Zhongli...]

Mm, no, I want to bathe with you. I need to be close to you right now.

[maybe he's a little needy at the moment, but until duty calls and he needs to work, he'd rather not be separated from the other. he just hopes that his clinginess doesn't get to be too much for the deity.

there's a reluctance there, but Dohalim finally pushes himself up onto his knees as he sits back on his heels, eyes wandering along the deity's back, before letting them follow his tail. the temptation to take it again is too strong as he reaches over, careful not to tug on it (now that he knows how sensitive it can be), but gently guides the end of it to him so he can bury his fingers in the tuft of fur]

If you wish to bathe longer, I won't stop you, but I want to be there with you while I clean up.

[Ah... Zhongli can't help the soft gasp and faint groan as Dohalim pulls free, shivering a little. and he's just worried about them getting a little too lost in the bath, ok.]

Alright. I have no complaints about it, of course.

[once the Renan pushes himself up, Zhongli stretches faintly, exhaling a contented sigh. he pauses when a hand reaches to glide over his tail, but lets it lift easily so that the other can bury his fingers in the tuft at its tip. careful not to pull his own tail (not that the effects would be the same, he thinks) or jostle Dohalim, he reaches up to pull him into a kiss, soft and warm.]

If I'm honest, I'm just enjoying this form... and I would like to give my scales a proper wash before changing back. [even if it doesn't really matter, there is... something uncomfortable about the idea of just dismissing them with whatever mess may have gotten on him.] I promise it won't be too much longer than we bathe together, though. The idea of being somewhere other than your side isn't particularly pleasant for me, either.

[is that now or altogether? hard to say.]

[Dohalim easily follows as Zhongli pulls him in for a kiss, his free hand coming up to rest on the back of his neck to pull him in just a little more. in his opinion, that kiss breaks a lot sooner than he wants, but he leans in to rest his forehead against the other's as he sighs softly, needing that closeness]

At least we're on the same page in regards to being separated. And... I suppose I could start my day a little later today.

[Dohalim smiles softly before he pulls away to stand and whatever sleep clothing he still has on, he does away with quickly, tossing them onto the bed to be taken care of later. he offers Zhongli a hand to take before making his way to the bath room, making sure to keep the deity close.

he lets Zhongli take care of whatever mess he needs to before they draw up the bath; he busies himself with the plants lined up along the walls, checking to see if any of them are in dire need of water. there's a sort of peace that settles over him, a peace that he's needed especially after the events from earlier in the night]

Mmm. Quite so...

[Zhongli stows any sense of reluctance in pulling away from Dohalim taking his hand to squeeze gently. It's warm and comfortable, and he follows the redhead's lead as they walk, practically still pressed together. The feeling is... satisfying, even with the trickle of seed starting down his thigh.

Once they've finally reached the bath, he's quick to slip his nightshirt off (perhaps it's lucky that the shirt caught a fair amount of his mess... it's hard to say) and prepare the water, unhurried and deliberate. He does take some of the warming water to rinse himself off somewhat, but the rest will wait until they're both together in the water.]

Are you ready, Dohalim? [He reaches out a hand again, fully intending to pull the redhead over to him for one last kiss before they get in.]

[luckily for Dohalim, it seems that someone had taken care of the plants that they don't need a watering until probably later; with the particular plants in the bath room, they thrive better in a humid environment and don't need water as often as others. but he always likes to take care of them when he gets the chance to, and Dohalim also feels like he's doing right by Rukkhadevata for doing so.

and really, they make the room look rather pretty.

but as soon as Zhongli calls out to him, he's quick to take his hand as he lets himself be pulled in for another kiss. Dohalim smiles softly into it, his free hand pressed against the deity's chest gently, thumb rubbing small circles against smooth skin and scale. it's a kiss he doesn't want to be over so soon, so there's more reluctance as they part. but he does nod at the question, leaning in to nuzzle Zhongli gently]

When you are. Do you want to go in first, or do you want me to?

Mm... I suppose it makes more sense for me to, since we'll have to maneuver my tail around you.

[Zhongli leans in to bunt his cheek against Dohalim's, gentle as ever. they can do more, he knows, once they've settled in. which, reluctantly, he does pull away from the Renan to do, fingers lingering as long as possible. it'll be good to judge the water by his tail's weight, too... and in the end, it is nice to feel. heat seeps into his bones and Zhongli can't help but sigh, sinking into the water and glancing to the redhead. his brow arches in plain beckoning, even if he doesn't reach for the other man.]

[Dohalim wastes no time following Zhongli; as soon as he gets the okay to jump in, he's carefully stepping into the water. there's instant relief as he settles in against the deity, mirroring his sigh as he relaxes into the comforting heat. there, he takes Zhongli's hand again, threading their fingers together and brings it up to press a kiss to the back of his hand. gods, he really has fallen for this man, hasn't he... there's a fear of the corruption ruining it, taking it away from him but... for now, he can ignore it. for now, he can live in the bliss of Zhongli's company]

Mm... This is much better.

[his eyes slip closed as he sinks a little more into the water, letting more of the heat soothe him. if he's not careful, he could probably fall asleep in here...]

[Dohalim is so... sweetly domestic, he thinks. It's a tragedy that such a man has been placed in this position, forced to adhere to a legacy so twisted and tarnished. This, of course, is largely what drew him to the Renan in the first place - the soft glances when no one else was watching, the gentleness he conducts himself with that is so far beyond etiquette. He can feel the faintest tinge of pink when Dohalim's lips press to the back of his hand, uncertain exactly what causes that feeling. He certainly has no reason to be embarrassed, does he?]

I'm glad to hear it. [There's a chuckle, and Zhongli's other hand slides around Dohalim's waist, pulling him closer.] It's too bad we can't simply stay here for too long...

[for a time, he just sits there, basking in the warmth of his partner and the water. For once, everything seems calm and positive, and he... almost regrets how much he relishes that feeling. It doesn't affect how he feels at all in the long run, but it's at least nice to feel competent again. Will it last? Will he be able to provide Dohalim with everything he needs, no matter the circumstance? Of the two of them, he is the one lacking in experience being truly around people - the way that society is now, at least. He can't even claim not to hold some bitterness at the Renans, a history of exhausting abuse of his power that had only so recently run dry...

But, here and now, he just leans in to pull Dohalim closer, wrapping himself around the man to soothe his errant thoughts. His cheek presses to the other's, hand finally starting to move to help him wash. After all, that's what they're here for, ultimately.]

[domesticity is honestly what Dohalim would prefer rather than the forced duties of nobility he'd been born into and lordship he'd been indicted to. all he truly ever wanted was to live out his life doing what he wanted to do; he would have gladly become a minstrel if his life and family allowed it. the unfortunate truth is that even he knew he would never be able to live that life. maybe that's another reason why he's locked up his violin. but even if he still went the way of living a more humble life, then he would have been content with that. sure, he would still have to learn to do most things by himself (an unfortunate side effect of growing up noble), but he thinks he would be able to do it. perhaps he shouldn't dwell on it too much as it's a life he will never have.

he smiles softly when Zhongli pulls him closer, lamenting on a lazy day lost due to his work. if only he had mind to take the day off and delegate his work to those who are capable of doing it (something he's still trying to wrap his head around). and he knows his people would gladly let him have the personal day, but in good faith, Dohalim just can't do that. oh well...]

If only... Perhaps I would let you covet me completely like the greedy dragon you are.

[there's a lightheartedness in Dohalim's voice that's rare to hear these days, but he can't help but joke around. he's entirely too content at the moment, and maybe the false sense of security may backfire in the end, but he can't help it.

as Zhongli starts to clean him, he shakes his head a little and takes his hand to stop it]

You take care of me so much. Allow me to do the same.

[he may need a bit of guidance, but... he wants to take care of the deity, for once]

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