eggbowl | In my blood...

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]

You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]

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Disappoints me? [There's genuine confusion in that repetition.] There isn't anything he could do to disappoint me.

[As it moves though, so does he. It's safer to, when Umbra's attention isn't on him directly. And really it's a relief, since Dohalim is struggling so much...

He's a human, after all. One can only take so much... rest, it says, and perhaps that would be... the best choice overall. Not here, but...]

... baobei, I'm here simply because I want to be. I'm sorry that I've burst in upon something you wanted to hide.

[It's a gentler statement, and this time he offers a hand.]

This space is yours - you needn't rely on others here, if you don't wish to... if you wanted, you could force me to leave, could allow yourself to sink into your feelings. It would likely be terrifying, but this place cannot harm you unless you allow it.

Whatever you choose, I will be there when you wake.

[ultimately, it isn't so simple to just get rid of himself completely. ]

There is no shame in needing or wanting help. Much of what I myself have accomplished has been through the help and sacrifice of others. We are not so different, in truth.

[Dohalim's gaze shifts to Zhongli's outstretched hand, and for a moment, he seems to want to take it. but with how his arms are being held down by silver hands, and with how utterly tired he is, he can't pull one up to grasp at it. Umbra watches, before tilting Dohalim's head back to look at it.

"Don't be foolish and believe in his lies. His words are embellished, with the intent of manipulating you for his own ends. Don't forget, he's keeping you alive because he wants it."

shadowed arms wrap around Dohalim almost protectively, trying to hide Zhongli from his view. "And then he will abandon you like the others, and you will be left alone. Why put yourself through that? Just give in, here, in this space, in this lake and I will make it all stop. Isn't that what you want?"]

Stop...

["That's right. I can make it stop. I can make it all go away. Has he ever made that promise? I don't think so."]

Edited 2023-04-25 09:17 (UTC)

And how, precisely, will you make it stop? I do not make promises I have no ability to keep. If manipulation were my intention, I believe you would have known so by now.

[Zhongli steps forward then, to the edge of the silvery pool. if he's honest, it bothers him not at all; his own choices make something like this almost insignificant. blood... yes, he can understand the feeling of blood on his hands. the lack of understanding of youth, any number of things.]

As I said... this is your space. It isn't my decision to make.

[but it doesn't stop him from stepping into the pool with Dohalim, not so much as flinching as he moves. he can't refute much of what Umbra says, and ultimately, if the Renan gives in to it... will it even matter? he doesn't know. it certainly won't be a nice feeling for him, even in this space, but... well, it's the redhead's choice.]

[there's a ripple around Zhongli's feet as he steps into the lake, as if the liquid itself is almost alive and reacting to the body within it. it swirls thickly around his ankles, but no hands come up, they only seem interested in Dohalim.

Umbra doesn't move to let go of the Renan as Zhongli steps closer to them, but only tries to pull Dohalim closer to it. it may not have a face, but it does take on a defensive stance, as if ready to pull the man away from him if it has to.

"I have my ways, none of which you need to know."

Dohalim himself doesn't speak, but listens between the both of them. it's starting to become too much, flip flopping between the two of them as he himself walks the very thin line between letting himself fall and keeping his head above water, so to speak. it doesn't do anything to the already heavy exhaustion weighing down on him, it's too much, too too much--]

Leave... Both... both leave...

[he can feel it weighing down on him - not the liquid, not Umbra or the corruption itself, but Dohalim's words. spoken from panic as they may be, the reality is as he said.]

Ah. ... I will see you when you wake, baobei.

[there's a wry softness there, and he doesn't fight the sensation further. it will pull him wherever it does, after all, guided by the panic and instinct Dohalim is no doubt feeling. even if he had tried, it wouldn't have mattered much; dreams are Rukkhadevata's realm, not his. what it means for Umbra, he can't know. not yet. maybe it's best, though. if the Renan truly wants to be alone, then no matter where they end up, it has to be for the best.

right?

really, he should have thought this through. it was foolish coming here unaided, a fact he's reminded of as darkness swarms his view again. where will he end up? time will tell. whatever happens here, it will be fine. there isn't enough of him to truly cause himself harm in the real world.

still, as the sensation of weightlessness starts to fade, he has to wonder how this subconscious will handle them both. will Umbra be expelled with him, to the same place? will they be separated? will it even matter?]

[as Zhongli is banished away, Umbra doesn't follow right after him, managing to mutter a few words to Dohalim. it tells him that this was the right choice, to push him out, before telling him that it will never truly part with him, even as it slowly fades away as well. they are, after all, cohabiting the same space. it's just a matter of time before the rest of Dohalim's will crumbles at his feet.

perhaps this is divine retribution from Rena herself. that must be the reason why it's so adamant on keeping Dohalim away from Zhongli. though, the extent isn't there with Rukkhadevata, but... she's not nearly a threat as the other deity is. but the fact remains: these Dahnan gods will go to great lengths to take him away.

but as it fades away, it does nudge Dohalim further down into the reflective pool; hands grasp and pull at him again by any part of him they can reach. they finally pull him down under the surface, and all Dohalim can feel is the thick liquid seep into his him as he panics to swim back up to the surface--

he wakes up with a violent jolt, gasping for air as he bolts up from bed. he's drenched in sweat, but that's a thought that doesn't even cross his mind as he moves to brush his arms in a panic, as if he can still feel those hands pulling at him, and as if to brush off any remnants of Umbra on him]

[the dream is... tiring. exhausting, somehow, and for the moment, he remains there in perfect darkness and silence. it would be oppressive, if he had nothing more oppressive to compare it to. it's too empty to embody Rena, too quiet to embody anything full of rage... perhaps there's simply a disconnect here, something that's delaying his return to his own consciousness. the possibilities are endless, but... well, he doesn't expect Dohalim to suddenly wake. as he sits down in this empty space, eyes closing to just listen, he can sense the shift but doesn't really know what he could do about it, nor is he sure what the change actually is.

back in the physical realm, Zhongli sleeps on. his hand rests on one of Dohalim's legs, fingers curled in the fabric of his clothes, and his expression is peaceful, breathing even. most strangely, formed over his heart is a peculiar symbol: an intricate rook chess piece, etched in the same gold as his other body. it's certainly an important symbol, though what it means is anyone's guess.]

[for a moment, Dohalim's attention turns to Zhongli, needing whatever warmth the deity can provide. but when he realises he's still asleep, trembling hands shake his shoulder in hopes of rousing him from his own sleep]

Wake up... Please... I need you...

[the shaking becomes more fervent as more of the panic sets in; he vaguely remembers the words muttered in his nightmare, of telling him to leave. what if he'd done something? as the anxiety comes crashing down on him with every passing moment that Zhongli stays sleeping, the panic only rises more until it's all Dohalim can feel. it's white hot and ice cold at the same time as it courses through his veins, causing the tremble to travel up his arms and overtake him completely. he did this, he did something to cause this, and now Zhongli won't wake up.

what if he doesn't want to? what if, with everything he'd witnessed, he would rather stay sleeping, and stay away from him--

"Do you see? I was right."

words ring in the back of his mind, no doubt from Umbra itself. pulling his hands back from the deity, Dohalim threads his fingers through his hair as he shakes his head]

Get out, get out...

[his mumblings go unanswered. practically throwing himself out of bed, he stumbles for a moment before moving across his room to step out. maybe he can reach Rukkhadevata somehow...

but as soon as he opens the door and steps out, it seems as if all eyes are on him by anyone who passes by. it only feeds into the tumult, and Dohalim does the only thing he feels he can do in this situation, and summon his vines to create a barrier in between himself and everyone else, to keep them away; they're poised and ready to strike if needed.

in the darkness Zhongli is tucked away in, a familiar voice calls out to him. Rukkhadevata, who doesn't appear in a physical form, does so in a wisp of leaves gently blowing past him.

"You need to wake up. Quickly, before he does something drastic."

it's the most she can offer in a short time, and hopes that her message is enough to wake Zhongli up and contain the brewing storm before she herself can get to the palace]

[he doesn't rise, of course, but there's a flicker of energy across that symbol. it's enough to alert him to something being wrong, but he needs just a little more time. just enough-

he's already searching for it in the darkness, finding the latent energy scattered by his tumultuous exodus from the previous space. getting 'stuck' isn't unusual either, but until there's a whisper of words, a breath rustled on leaves that cannot be, he's unaware of how he'd misjudged the circumstance.

almost ironically, it's rukkhadevata that provides him with the remaining deficit of energy; though their astral energy differs in many ways, it's been so intertwined thanks to Rena for so long that it's usable in an emergency. certainly in an emergency to simply awaken. and when he does...

when he does, it's with as much of a start as he could have in this situation. something still aches throughout his body, but he pushes it aside in his urgency.]

Dohalim-

[it doesn't take him long to find the Renan. having pushed himself upward and onto his feet, he takes long strides forward, reaching out to wrap his arms around him from behind.]

Breathe, Dohalim. It's alright. I'm here, as I promised.

[he doesn't let himself be moved in this moment - even if the redhead flails or attacks him, Zhongli fully intends to pull him in close, to share his warmth and reach for a hand to lace his fingers into. he really did wait too long, it seems... how frustrating that he'd overlooked something as simple as the possibility of being expelled too early.]

[Zhongli's words fall on deaf ears as Dohalim panics at the feeling of arms and hands wrapped around him again. he does indeed flail about, trying to get away from the deity's grip, the vines around them shifting to try to pull him off. everything is so suffocating; he can barely breathe with how tight his chest feels. it's almost like he's been plunged into the lake again, as he gasps for breath, still struggling to get away.

for anyone witnessing this, it's a concerning sight seeing their lord try to free himself from Zhongli. to the point where, as the guards raise their swords, they must somehow protect Dohalim. but as the Renan notices, he panics further, vines wrapping around the weapons to quickly disarm them, tossing the swords away with a clang against the stone flooring. that only gets everyone to hesitate more, not wanting a repeat of the last time they've come across Dohalim like this. what are they to do now...?]

[Zhongli continues his murmurs, low and deep in a way that only Dohalim can hear - and only he's heard before. soothing and gentle, warm and calm. his grasp stays strong even as the vines move to try and pull him away, attempting to turn his head toward him at least.]

Stand down, he'll be alright.

[it's an odd promise to make, perhaps, but there's a sort of plea in his gaze. he just has to get hold of Dohalim, to get him to stop and think, and it will be fine. failing that, Rukkhadevata is on her way... there's a wonder, in that moment, whether or not it's reasonable to do what he suspects will at least give the man pause.

but, if he's honest... he doesn't really care what the humans think, and it feels desperate enough to warrant immediate reassurance. so, if he can turn his head to do so, he'll just... press their mouths together, desperate and reassuring and worried all at once.]

[no one says a word, the apprehension in the air is so thick that it can be cut with a knife. they don't want to watch Dohalim continue to struggle against Zhongli, and they don't want to fear those vines, but what else could they do? and the question among them is what happened to cause this reaction? but what happens next has everyone hushed, if not a little surprised.

the groaning of vines being summoned come to a halt as the deity pulls Dohalim in for a kiss. the struggling, too, stops, as a sense of calm finally starts to settle into the Renan. Dohalim, for the most part, only seems to be following Zhongli's suit, before he pulls away with a soft gasp. he... he's awake. he's here. those hands are his, and not those trying to pull him down into the silver lake, nor are they Umbra's trying to push him into it. they're strong, but gentle, as they hold him close to the deity's body, embraced by familiar warmth, like smooth stone warmed by the sun]

Zhongli...

[his voice is soft, small, a near whisper. he slumps against the other as exhaustion overtakes him. Dohalim is vaguely aware of those watching them, and as eyes flick towards the crowd around them, he turns his head to try to hide himself from them]

I apologise for being a little late, Dohalim. I did make a promise to see you soon.

[Zhongli's voice isn't any louder, meant only for the Renan himself. the crowd doesn't bother him, hushed as it's become, though he still worries how the other will react to it. delicate fingers stroke over his back, even as he slumps in his exhaustion, the other arm holding him steady.

as Dohalim turns his head away from the crowd, Zhongli addresses them with an incline of his head.]

Please accept my apology for this intrusion to your lives; I assure you that your Lordship simply had a nightmare, and that you needn't fear him in any capacity. As I'm certain you know, this situation is delicate, but we are doing our utmost to remedy it, and will contact you immediately if there is anything you can do to aid in his recovery.

[everyone is still silent as they watch both their lord and his... advisor? or is he something else completely? the kiss seemed to be well received on Dohalim's end, as it's enough to snap him out of whatever thoughts were in his head. some who are in the crowd had a sneaking suspicion that their relationship was deeper than what they'd displayed in the public eye but no one could have really guessed that this is how deep it really went.

for Dohalim, there's a nervousness there at the thought of everyone in his court knowing about them. what if they thought he was being frivolous when the wounds of what had happened only weeks ago was still fresh within the palace and city? it's an old thought and worry he has, but now that it's out in the open... but he doesn't address it directly. in fact, he doesn't really want to address anything at all, right now. all he really wants to do is hide from everyone, and the dawning realisation that he may not be fit to rule Menancia anymore. what lord who's plagued by horrific nightmares and corrupted... whatever Umbra is be fit to rule a realm with the ideals set in place? he doesn't want his people to have to live in fear that he'll go off the rails at any given moment again. it's not fair to them.

so, for now, he wants to hide. to run away from these thoughts, like he usually does. it's all he really knows how to do, honestly...]

Zhongli... I... Can we...

[his voice is still soft, but dripping with desperation to be taken out of the spotlight. the tremble that's usually accompanied with his anxiety is present as it wracks through him; the hand Zhongli's is holding grips it tightly, matching the desperation in his words]

[no one brooks an argument, it seems, and that's honestly all Zhongli can ask for. He'll have to apologise once they're alone; Dohalim's reputation has always been on his mind, and his worries of how people will judge him for his wants are no secret to the deity. Even knowing nothing is likely to come of this, save the spread of rumors, he doesn't think his embarrassment is surprising.]

Of course we can. [He doesn't need the clarity of the question. It's there in every inch of his muscles and tendons, tight and tense with fear. Zhongli's attention turns to the crowd then.] We will discuss things soon... for now, please go about your days as usual. If you need anything specific, I will personally see the tasks assigned and completed to the satisfaction of all parties.

[There's that tone of authority and certainty, guiding without really undermining Dohalim's own agency. It's plain to anyone that he should be resting, and that requisite work should be handled without stressing the man more than absolutely necessary.

He'll give them a moment to answer and respond in earnest kind to any questions about how this is going to go. There's no installment of himself as anything more than an accessory to the Renan's will.]

[there are so many questions that everyone has a burning need to ask, and while there are individual concerns, most of them have the same thoughts of if Dohalim is going to be alright. but seeing as their lord is in extreme duress, their own needs can be put on the backburner. there may be a bit of wariness of letting Zhongli handle this, but it seems as if he's got the situation mostly under control, especially now that Dohalim's calmed down, for the most part.

but there are questions of what work will be delegated and to who, but Zhongli may choose to put aside those requests for later. but the rest of the crowd slowly starts to disperse, and the guards who'd been disarmed earlier come back with their weapons hilted at their sides and an offer to stand by the door to Dohalim's room to deter anyone from coming in so he can get some much needed rest.

all the while, Dohalim himself stays quiet, gaze averted from everyone. an arm had managed to snake its way around Zhongli's waist, hand grasping weakly at his back as he grows more and more desperate to be away from the attention. he's feeling so overwhelmed at the moment, and wants to tell everyone to leave, but he can't muster the strength to say even that. hopefully the deity can shoo them away soon...]

[he's quick to delegate the necessary tasks, perhaps quicker than normal in order to get Dohalim a little freedom from the stress of everything. much of it is honestly simple, and whatever isn't immediately answerable he'll answer later. he does accept the offer the guards give, and mentions that they should come get him immediately if someone arrives at his behest. that is given no further explanation; Zhongli just says it like it's perfectly normal. it'll be enough for now.

the redhead's anxiety is plain in the way he holds onto his waist, hand grasping as it does, and so he pushes off anything more complex to turn and lead him into his room. there's a relieved, grateful glance to the guards, before he closes the door behind them and sees it locked, then just... moves to lift Dohalim into his arms. he'll deal with the princess carry, it's fine.]

... I'm sorry for the display. I... know it wasn't your intention to bring even the insinuation of our relationship to your people, but I was unsure how best to reach you otherwise.

[so said, he shifts to sit down with the Renan, pulling him in close to his chest. perhaps it's as deliberate as letting him hear his heartbeat, feel the warmth of him against his skin. maybe it's even for himself a little.]

...'s fine.

[is it really fine? Dohalim isn't so sure. there's so much fear of the unknown in regards to what his people really think of them, and their thoughts on him seeking out such companionship so soon after being betrayed by someone close to him. perhaps, on top of his unhinged displays, there's the fear that his people think that he can't make decisions that are best for the whole of Menancia.

as Zhongli moves to lift him into his arms, Dohalim's own come up to wrap around his shoulders as he buries his face into the crook of the deity's neck. this is all such a wild mess... and only further drives the point of him maybe relinquishing all duties and responsibilities of his lordship to those who can better lead the realm. how could his people trust him to continue when he's gone off like this on more than one occasion?

Dohalim lets out a deep sigh as he curls up into Zhongli's lap, trying to make himself as small as possible]

...Perhaps... I should step down as Menancia's lord.

[It's not fine, really. Even were the situation more stable, at least as far as Zhongli sees it that was a breach of trust; the Renan's want to keep their relationship quiet was neither surprising nor unreasonable. The last mishap had been both smaller and less devastating, involving fewer people to begin with... and there was that. Since their time in the dream, Zhongli had to wonder: was there some truth to anything Umbra had said? Surely, he has his own motivations, his own reasons for acting as he does, but... had he simply been dismissing Dohalim's true wishes in favor of believing in his strength?

Perhaps now, with the man curled up small and vulnerable, it was almost providence giving him a chance to acknowledge those worries. As he speaks, Zhongli shifts his hold to let his hands wander, soothing over the other's back and up through his hair.]

... is that what you would prefer?

[There's no judgment to it. The deity asks it quietly and without emphasis, and if Dohalim looks up to see his face he'll be met with quiet, warm concern. Even if he doesn't think the man wants this path, the least he can do is hear him out, and gently guide him through anything that's eating at him. Would it bother Zhongli if he did give up? Not at all, he thinks... though the reality that he would probably return to Lenegis is certainly not pleasant, after all his own admissions.]

It's not a preference, per se... But I cannot, in good faith, allow myself to continue to make decisions for the realm with the way that I am.

[Dohalim doesn't look up at Zhongli as he tries to hide his face even more, ashamed by his admission. sure, he's already shown his weaknesses to the deity in more ways than one, but it still doesn't ease the burning sensation in the pit of his stomach. but this time... this decision... it'd been eating at him for a while now, and earlier events have only driven the point home. he's not in his right mind, this he knows, and he'd be surprised if there was a single person in the palace (at least) who wouldn't think that. why should they trust him to make choices on their behalf? how could they trust him to better their quality of life? how could they trust him not to lose himself completely and turn into an insane tyrant, and reverse everything everyone had worked for in this realm?]

I am not fit for this position. I never was.

[a hand comes up to cradle Dohalim's cheek, keeping him from burying his face completely but not forcing him to look up, either. he is... such a good man, truly. caring and warm and wise, wider than he thinks. it makes sense that he's struggling with this, that it's been what's eating at him for so long.]

Then... perhaps we should work through what your options are. [gentle and calm, he leans down to press his lips to the crown of the man's head.] If you were to step down as Lord, what would the next steps be? You would need a suitable replacement, certainly, someone you believe you could trust to see this through. A Renan, to be sure that all of the gears turn smoothly.

[Dohalim had almost expected Zhongli to say something different, say something to try to convince him to hold onto his position. but to hear the deity say different, to actually agree with him on this... there's a near sense of relief amidst the anxiety. almost like a lifeline when he's drowning in an ocean]

I've... Thought about this for a while. The last thing I would want is for Lenegis to get involved and replace me themselves. I have my council that I can delegate my responsibilities to. The title, however, I would hold for the time being. Unless the situation truly calls for it and I need to make a decision, I will only be Menancia's lord by title, so as to not raise suspicion from the empire or the other lords.

[it's a clumsy approach, and there is still a way for it to backfire, but it's the only way he feels he can do this. he'll be able to step away from the work that stresses him out the most, and he won't be directly leading the people. but no one outside of the realm would be able to sense any shifts in leadership]

Naturally so. [he doesn't need to add the fact that he's glad not to worry about Dohalim being forced to return to Lenegis, to leave him...] In the coming days, we can have a meeting with your closest council and begin those delegations; they are a valuable resource for us as well, being able to see more of the citizenship than you could while attending your duties.

[Zhongli exhales a hum as he speaks, nodding. it isn't ideal, precisely, but it's a start.]

We needn't get stuck on the details, since it's more ideal to handle this slowly and with care. That will help to pivot resources and plans in the event that something goes wrong. Keeping the reality as quiet as possible will also increase our chances of success.

I will need to write a proposal, then...

[but that can wait for a little bit. Dohalim's sure that, with what had just happened, everyone will be focused on their own thing for the time being, which he's grateful for, as it'll give him some time. he lets out a soft sigh, and a nod, relaxing ever so slightly in Zhongli's arms now that that particular worry is off his shoulders, and met with acceptance.

but just before he speaks again, there's a soft knock on the door. there's a familiar sense of astral energy in the air, and Dohalim doesn't even have to look up to realise that it's Rukkhadevata. now that's a surprise...]

Later, yes.

[they're in agreement there, and for the time being, Zhongli is more than happy to just hold his lover as he finally gets a chance to relax. at least... for a moment.

his gaze flits to the door at the knock, a small smile drawing across his face. she really did rush, and he does hope it didn't take too much out of her...]

Allow her in.

[his voice certainly carries enough for them to hear it outside, just over Dohalim enough that it's not overloud to the redhead.]

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