eggbowl | In my blood...

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]

You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]

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[nodding, Dohalim moves to lather his hands up before running it along Zhongli's hair to suds it up. he's even more careful in his movements this time, not wanting to catch his fingers in any of the small tangles that may have cropped up in their time in bed together. but even when wet, the deity's hair is so smooth and silky, and Dohalim has to wonder if it's just how his hair is, or if it's something to do with his divinity.

but he doesn't ask any questions, but just silently moves to wash Zhongli's hair. maybe if he doesn't say anything then it won't bring down the calm air between them any more than he probably already has. at least Umbra hasn't come back out...

fingers massage the deity's scalp; the Renan is trying to be as thorough as he possibly can be. perhaps it's a distraction of sorts, but he did say he wanted to take care of Zhongli like this. but the entire time, he's still silent, despite Zhongli's advice of voicing his more distressing thoughts]

[He intends to bring up talking, to at least keep the conversation going, really. It's just that, as Dohalim finishes threading suds through his hair, warm fingers press into his scalp and the deity groans, pressing his cheek into his shoulder.]

Ah... mm... [There's not as much to make it erotic this time, at least; it's just terribly relaxing.] You know... you needn't pretend, with me...

[He could so easily stay like this, ready like this, but their duties abound. Fingers knead against Dohalim's skin, idle and content.]

I will not judge you for your thoughts, even for all I offer suggestions. There is nothing foolish or bad about them.

It's not so much as pretending as it is...

[Dohalim falls silent again, working the lather into Zhongli's hair before even those movements stop. his fingers still dig gently into the strands, but they stay still, as he works through his thoughts. it was always so much better repressing everything; at least that way, he was able to compartmentalise it all. he'd done it since he was young, but...

maybe that's why he's so maladaptive, now]

I put so much unto you. My thoughts... My thoughts weigh so heavily on my shoulders that I worry about letting you bear this weight with me. I worry that it will become too much one day.

[what goes without saying is his worry that Zhongli will leave him if it does become too much, but the tone says it all]

Dohalim... I can help you carry this weight.

[shifting a little, Zhongli reaches to cradle the redhead's face, thumb brushing over one cheek.]

The weight of decisions, of what one must do, has always been a weight I carry without question. It is a part of my role, but with you... with you, it's something I wish for. I want to help you, as your partner. You could never push me away with something as simple as placing trust in me.

[and that, ultimately, is what it is. for all he is, all he does, it does sometimes feel like Dohalim is absolutely afraid to trust him. to simply know that he's here, that he won't be going anywhere... well, it's a work in progress. that's alright, too.]

Is it so simple, though? Is it so simple as that?

[perhaps he really is afraid of trusting Zhongli. that he's afraid that, despite what the deity says, he will leave him in the end. that's what everyone does, is it not? his friends had already left him because of something he tried to explain he didn't want to do, that he didn't mean to do it, and yet--]

--We should finish bathing.

[there's a tremble in his voice as he tries to push down memories of abandonment; before Dohalim looks away, Zhongli may be able to see that fear in his eyes. he really is so poor at dealing with these thoughts and emotions, but he just can't let Zhongli share the weight of them. he should be the one to navigate through them himself; it's too much for anyone else to handle.

he tries to busy himself with finishing off washing Zhongli's hair, wanting to distract himself from everything else. it seems he's ruined the calmness between them... it was nice while it lasted, at least]

I do not believe it isn't. I don't consider you or your troubles burdensome or an obligation.

[He bites back his sigh as Dohalim looks away, quietly considering his options. Ultimately this is best, isn't it? Just reminding him of the truth until it sinks in...]

... we should. [There's a softness there, a hesitation before he speaks again.] Perhaps... perhaps it would be prudent for you to take the day off. Your people already know that you didn't sleep well, and I'm loathe to part with you, even for appearances.

[the look on Dohalim's face clearly says that he doesn't agree with Zhongli's advice as he tries to tell himself that he's fine to work the entire day. if anything, it would provide a much needed distraction from his own thoughts if he pushed through the day and put his focus on something else]

I would prefer not to. I have several things to take care of.

[it's a shame Dohalim's voice betrays him, with the soft tremble in it comes the subtle exhaustion hidden in his tone as well. perhaps he really only did get a handful of hours worth of sleep, but he really does have a busy day. he's already lamenting not being able to sleep the day away with Zhongli, but... he's worried that, with all of these days off and breaks he's been taking the last few weeks, his people will start to think him as lazy. he can't keep pushing his duties onto other people, can he? temporarily, maybe, but it seems to be reoccurring...]

[again he listens, though now that he's clean and his hair is washed, he can reach to brush fingers through Dohalim's. he'd like to return the favour, but... it seems the redhead is quite insistent on working. maybe he's right, maybe it is best.]

... I can hardly decide for you what to do, and of course I will support you either way. We shall endeavour to rest early, I think, for the sake of your health... if you'll allow my impudence on the subject.

[if not today, then at least he can suggest the rest of the night and make it worthwhile. he knows better than to push too much, especially with such a hardworking young man. he simply can't be lax either, lest Dohalim exhaust himself again.]

...If that's the compromise, then so be it.

[that's all Dohalim says on the subject before moving to start washing himself. he's sure it's late enough in the morning that someone will be around to get him ready for the day. now that it's been brought to light just how tired he is, he does stifle a yawn or two, but he really can't afford to lose a day of work. he knows pushing himself will only result in him getting sick again, so he must tread carefully.

as if almost like clockwork, there's a gentle knock on the door, before a soft voice calls out to him. "My Lord, do you require any assistance?"

Dohalim looks back at the door, subtly pushing Zhongli's tail down into the water in case the servant comes in]

No, I am alright, I have Zhongli assisting me already. I will be out shortly.

[that answer seems to satisfy the servant as they answer back in affirmation; Dohalim sighs softly and lets go of Zhongli's tail to continue bathing himself]

I suppose we should finish up in here.

[it would be just as difficult to hide the patches of scales, but then again... humans aren't always terribly observant, are they? he does make a soft noise as Dohalim pushes his tail down, keeping it still as he can.

as to the compromise... well, he'll take it. he can subtly guide the Renan, after all, in ways that aren't obtrusive or too manipulative. all he wants is to see him safe and healthy.]

Yes, I suppose so. Here... allow me to have at least this much.

[while Dohalim washes his body, Zhongli lifts his tail to let the water drain from it - particularly the tuft - before he goes and dismisses it. then he reaches for the shampoo to help wash his hair. just a little bit of pampering, and really it's for both of them. the deity definitely wasn't kidding when he said he isn't in a rush to put any distance between them.]

[and while Dohalim needs to get ready for the day, he isn't exactly itching to be away from Zhongli, either. the hands in his hair are almost enough to lull him to drowsiness, but by some miracle, he keeps himself awake. he has to wonder if the tea will still have its effects if he were to nap hours after drinking it, but he doesn't want to test that at the moment in case he does have another nightmare.

but it really is hard to stay awake, as Dohalim's eyes flutter closed and he leans forward just a little bit, closer to the deity. and with the soft scent of soap and shampoo, it's becoming harder and harder to keep himself up. he knows Zhongli will try to keep him in bed, especially with the subtle tells of sleepiness, but... duty calls]

If you find yourself nodding off, Dohalim, it may be prudent to take a recess. I'm sure you won't be the only one relieved for a break.

[He's... behaving, for now, not trying to push Dohalim to agree to rest. As much as he'd like to, he knows better. So instead, he just pulls the Renan closer, working through his hair and washing over the harder parts to reach, gently rising the soap away. Then when they rise, he can help the man out of the tub and dry him off, some of his own fatigue still there from the morning's activities.

It's too bad he has to stow his tail, and he glances back just once as it shimmers and crumbles out of existence, as usual. Beyond that, there's just a long day of work ahead of them.]

[Dohalim mutters softly in agreeance as Zhongli finishes up cleaning him; he just lets the deity take over for the time being. at least he can lightly doze for a moment, leaning onto him as he continues washing him. and as they get out, he leans into the warmth as he's dried off, and does the same for Zhongli. there's disappointment written on his face when he sees the tail crumble away, but it has to be done, to keep up appearances.

there's still the matter of the mess they've made in bed, but Dohalim trusts that Zhongli will have that taken care of. and when he's dressed, he does pull the deity in for a gentle kiss, resting his forehead against the other's when they part]

Please join me once you're done with whatever needs to be done.

[Dohalim figures the other has things to do throughout the day, and he's reluctant to part with Zhongli and his comforting warmth, but he must. he steps away, letting his hand linger on the deity's shoulder for a moment longer, before even pulling that away to step out of his room.

breakfast is a quick affair and nothing grandiose, just something to fuel up for the day. he doesn't spend too long in the dining hall, noticing just how far back he's pushed his day after that bath with the deity. ah, it was a choice he made, sure, but now he's a little behind. oh well...

it's when he finally sits down to get his work done that Dohalim starts to really feel drowsy. even the strong tea he's requested to have while working isn't doing its job as well as he'd hoped. he manages a couple of hours before he sets the current paperwork he'd been working on down. he lets out a soft sigh, folding his arms across his desk, before resting his head in them. maybe a small rest... and if Zhongli is with him, he'll mutter "five minutes" to him, only intending to close his eyes for a moment]

It won't be long, worry not.

[Zhongli takes a moment longer to pull away from Dohalim, pressing their lips together one last time. it'll be hard not nagging him, of course... but being by his side will be worth it. that means his other tasks are handle swiftly - an act made easier by his history of handling a country himself.

in the end, it's no longer than maybe an hour before he joins Dohalim, providing his usual thoughts or conversation. it's not hard to see that the man is exhausted today, and he can't help but smile a little as he sinks onto the desk.]

Just five...? Perhaps it would be best for you to rest until you awake. We have no meetings today, do we?

[long fingers reach to thread through soft hair, gently brushing it back behind an ear.]

[the hand in his hair definitely makes it harder for Dohalim to answer Zhongli, taking in the small comfort of being close to his lover. but he manages to crack an eye open enough to glance at the deity, huffing out a breath]

No... But I have other things to do...

[his voice is slightly slurred from exhaustion, and he can already feel himself fall into slumber as his eyes slip closed again. really, all he needs is five minutes. a small cat nap to give him a boost for the rest of the day. at least, this time, he's taking a moment to close his eyes rather than power through the day like he used to do, but he doesn't want to get sick again, and he certainly doesn't want to disappoint Zhongli with doing so]

Nothing critical to be done today, however. Just rest. I won't leave you asleep for too long.

[more than five minutes? maybe. but not much more - partly because he'd really rather not have his lover's back aching for the next several days. ensuring nothing will get knocked over, he settles himself on the desk, just to one side; Dohalim could probably put his head in his lap, if he so chose. it's not why he did it, of course, but it's true.]

[as Zhongli moves to sit on his desk, Dohalim absolutely moves around to rest his head in his lap, arms coming around to loosely wrap around his hips. he might be a bit disappointed that there's no tail for him to rest his hand on, but he understands why. but soon, he's out, face burrowed slightly into the deity's thighs.

the muttering is soft, almost inaudible against Zhongli's lap, but with the way his shoulders twitch every so often, and the way his arms flex and unflex as if trying to unconsciously hold onto him, it seems that Dohalim's sleep isn't nearly as restful as it was when he drank the tea Rukkhadevata had provided. yet, he doesn't wake]

[it'll be a more restful sleep than on his hands, at least. Zhongli continues to stroke through his hair, soothing and gentle even when he twitches or flexes. Each one is met with a soft murmur of comfort, a reminder to his subconscious that the deity is still there.

He lets him rest like this for a while, only moving to wake him when he grows too restless or the position starts to plainly cause discomfort.]

... Dohalim. It's time to wake, baobei.

[His voice is still soft, hands gentle in their attempts to rouse him from slumber. With luck, it's been long enough that the Renan can deal with whatever obligations he's decided must be done immediately... well, they'll see.]

[as Zhongli rouses him from sleep, Dohalim wakes with a gasp and jolt, head pulled up as he gathers his bearings]

Wh...

[ah, right... he'd only wanted to close his eyes for a few minutes, but he didn't really intend to fall asleep completely; he should be working and not sleeping, after all. bringing a hand up, he tries to rub the sleep from his eyes, groaning softly, but it seems like he's still drowsy]

How long was I out for?

[he asks, as he sits up, back aching slightly from the awkward position. Dohalim reaches around Zhongli to grab some paperwork to look at, eyes squinting slightly as the words blur together as lethargy still has its hold on him]

Not overlong. Fifteen minutes, perhaps.

[Zhongli intends to move, but pauses when Dohalim just reaches around him. For a moment he watches him squinting, lips curling upward slightly.]

At least give your eyes a moment to adjust. The paperwork will remain while you stretch and test your exhaustion.

[There's an implication that he's probably going to nag if the Renan seems too tired.]

I only needed five minutes.

[Dohalim gives Zhongli a Look before letting out a soft sigh as he rubs at his eyes; he looks over the small print in hopes of focusing his eyes on the script. ah, it really seems like he's still too tired to continue with this, even with the brief rest, and he has to curse his council's neat, but small handwriting.

he rubs at his eyes again with his thumb and forefinger, groaning at the dull ache behind them. he lets out another sigh, this time in concession]

...You win.

Can you blame me, having you resting so comfortably in my lap?

[he doesn't bother to defend himself at all, half-hiding his laugh at the look Dohalim gives him. it's fair enough, after all... and he watches just as quietly as the man try to work. he's not expecting anything, but can't help but be a little glad when he gives in.

sliding off of the desk proper, he offers a hand.]

Walk with me? We can find something to eat and then retire to your room.

I'm not particularly hungry, but I suppose a walk will do me some good.

[he can shake off the rest of his nightmares then. taking Zhongli's hand, Dohalim hoists himself up from his seat, letting out a soft sound at his back cracking. it seems like napping in that position, even for a moment, wasn't the best idea... but he honestly couldn't keep his eyes open.

letting go of Zhongli's hand, he organises the papers on his desk for when he gets to them next. unfortunately, none of these can be delegated to someone else, but it's as Zhongli had said: none of them are particularly time sensitive. he supposes he could leave them for the day...]

Did you want to eat in the dining hall? Or would you rather have food brought to my room?

It needn't be a large meal, but it has been a time since we last ate.

[as Dohalim finishes organising his papers, the deity leans in to press his lips to the Renan's forehead. like before, he knows he'll have to let the distance linger, but it's just a short time.]

Ah... I wouldn't mind it being brought to the room. We could discuss any lingering troubles your work may have kicked up... or anything else that lingers, for that matter.

[Dohalim lets out a content sound at the kiss, eyes slipping closed for a moment to revel in the warmth of the gesture and of Zhongli. honestly, small acts like this make it near impossible to keep away from him, but for appearances, they must. there are times where he'd been tempted to take Zhongli's hand in front of everyone, but he... he supposes he holds too much water when it comes to the opinions of those around him.

perhaps, one day, they could...

as he steps back, Dohalim shakes his head slightly]

As far as I can think, there are no troubles my work has caused. It just happens to be paperwork I'm not too keen on doing and would rather get them out of the way, which is why I'm loathe to part with them.

[it's his way of saying he doesn't want to talk about things at the moment; the lingering memories of his nightmare, though brief, still remain. he's used to them by now, but it's still jarring to see.

as they exit his office and walk down the corridor, the nearest servant Dohalim pulls aside for a moment in a request for lunch to be brought to his room. any councilmen he'll mention that his work will have to be postponed to the next day, and that he apologises immensely for the inconvenience. to Dohalim's surprise, both are met with kind words.

to his delight, as they walk into his room, his sheets have been changed to clean ones, the delicate scent of whatever detergent they use fill his nostrils as he moves to half climb in. his legs hang off the side of his bed, not wanting to dirty it again with his shoes this time. he could kick them off, but with the scent lulling him into drowsiness, doing much more than laying in bed seems to be too much of a task]

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