eggbowl | In my blood...

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]

You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]

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[it'll be a more restful sleep than on his hands, at least. Zhongli continues to stroke through his hair, soothing and gentle even when he twitches or flexes. Each one is met with a soft murmur of comfort, a reminder to his subconscious that the deity is still there.

He lets him rest like this for a while, only moving to wake him when he grows too restless or the position starts to plainly cause discomfort.]

... Dohalim. It's time to wake, baobei.

[His voice is still soft, hands gentle in their attempts to rouse him from slumber. With luck, it's been long enough that the Renan can deal with whatever obligations he's decided must be done immediately... well, they'll see.]

[as Zhongli rouses him from sleep, Dohalim wakes with a gasp and jolt, head pulled up as he gathers his bearings]

Wh...

[ah, right... he'd only wanted to close his eyes for a few minutes, but he didn't really intend to fall asleep completely; he should be working and not sleeping, after all. bringing a hand up, he tries to rub the sleep from his eyes, groaning softly, but it seems like he's still drowsy]

How long was I out for?

[he asks, as he sits up, back aching slightly from the awkward position. Dohalim reaches around Zhongli to grab some paperwork to look at, eyes squinting slightly as the words blur together as lethargy still has its hold on him]

Not overlong. Fifteen minutes, perhaps.

[Zhongli intends to move, but pauses when Dohalim just reaches around him. For a moment he watches him squinting, lips curling upward slightly.]

At least give your eyes a moment to adjust. The paperwork will remain while you stretch and test your exhaustion.

[There's an implication that he's probably going to nag if the Renan seems too tired.]

I only needed five minutes.

[Dohalim gives Zhongli a Look before letting out a soft sigh as he rubs at his eyes; he looks over the small print in hopes of focusing his eyes on the script. ah, it really seems like he's still too tired to continue with this, even with the brief rest, and he has to curse his council's neat, but small handwriting.

he rubs at his eyes again with his thumb and forefinger, groaning at the dull ache behind them. he lets out another sigh, this time in concession]

...You win.

Can you blame me, having you resting so comfortably in my lap?

[he doesn't bother to defend himself at all, half-hiding his laugh at the look Dohalim gives him. it's fair enough, after all... and he watches just as quietly as the man try to work. he's not expecting anything, but can't help but be a little glad when he gives in.

sliding off of the desk proper, he offers a hand.]

Walk with me? We can find something to eat and then retire to your room.

I'm not particularly hungry, but I suppose a walk will do me some good.

[he can shake off the rest of his nightmares then. taking Zhongli's hand, Dohalim hoists himself up from his seat, letting out a soft sound at his back cracking. it seems like napping in that position, even for a moment, wasn't the best idea... but he honestly couldn't keep his eyes open.

letting go of Zhongli's hand, he organises the papers on his desk for when he gets to them next. unfortunately, none of these can be delegated to someone else, but it's as Zhongli had said: none of them are particularly time sensitive. he supposes he could leave them for the day...]

Did you want to eat in the dining hall? Or would you rather have food brought to my room?

It needn't be a large meal, but it has been a time since we last ate.

[as Dohalim finishes organising his papers, the deity leans in to press his lips to the Renan's forehead. like before, he knows he'll have to let the distance linger, but it's just a short time.]

Ah... I wouldn't mind it being brought to the room. We could discuss any lingering troubles your work may have kicked up... or anything else that lingers, for that matter.

[Dohalim lets out a content sound at the kiss, eyes slipping closed for a moment to revel in the warmth of the gesture and of Zhongli. honestly, small acts like this make it near impossible to keep away from him, but for appearances, they must. there are times where he'd been tempted to take Zhongli's hand in front of everyone, but he... he supposes he holds too much water when it comes to the opinions of those around him.

perhaps, one day, they could...

as he steps back, Dohalim shakes his head slightly]

As far as I can think, there are no troubles my work has caused. It just happens to be paperwork I'm not too keen on doing and would rather get them out of the way, which is why I'm loathe to part with them.

[it's his way of saying he doesn't want to talk about things at the moment; the lingering memories of his nightmare, though brief, still remain. he's used to them by now, but it's still jarring to see.

as they exit his office and walk down the corridor, the nearest servant Dohalim pulls aside for a moment in a request for lunch to be brought to his room. any councilmen he'll mention that his work will have to be postponed to the next day, and that he apologises immensely for the inconvenience. to Dohalim's surprise, both are met with kind words.

to his delight, as they walk into his room, his sheets have been changed to clean ones, the delicate scent of whatever detergent they use fill his nostrils as he moves to half climb in. his legs hang off the side of his bed, not wanting to dirty it again with his shoes this time. he could kick them off, but with the scent lulling him into drowsiness, doing much more than laying in bed seems to be too much of a task]

As you say. Most people do seem to think paperwork is quite a boring process, after all.

[He doesn't mind all that much, himself; it's not important to say such now thigh. If he could help handle the papers, he would be happy to - perhaps sometime in the future. Either way, Zhongli stays as always, bowing his head toward the servants or councilmen in greeting while Dohalim does the talking. They're as receptive to the idea as he would have hoped, and before long they've reached the room again.

The warm, clean scent is comforting upon entry, and as the Renan half-flopson the bed, Zhongli can't help but laugh softly. His hands are gentle when he's approached, pulling off the younger man's shoes and pressing carefully into the base of his feet; it's a gentle massage that he adjusts to avoid any ticklish or sensitive spots.]

Don't feel you need to stay awake to await your food if you're too tired; I'm certain whatever they bring is easily heated or eaten cold.

[It's just an idle reminder as Zhongli rises up, ignoring the instinct to run his hands all over the redhead and instead just begin the process of removing jewelry.]

[Dohalim lets out a soft groan at the fingers pressed against the soles of his feet, toes flexing slightly at the relief of tension. maybe he could ask the deity for more of those massages in the future...

as hands let go of his feet and Zhongli rises up, Dohalim does help a little bit with the removal of his jewelry by holding his arms up to make it just a little easier for the other man to slip them off. there are times such as this where he finds the embellishments a little over the top, but he can't not wear them, not when they are relics passed down from generation to generation, or gifts from other nobles. but he does appreciate how delicate Zhongli handles them, as ridiculous as they can be.

the gentle touches lull him further into sleepiness, eyes struggling to stay open even when he wants to watch Zhongli, but with his hands and his voice, it makes it hard. maybe another short nap... then he'll see how he is when he wakes up]

[As the other dozes, Zhongli gently pulls him properly into bed and under the covers. Long fingers drift to stroke through soft hair, and eventually he settles himself to sit and wait for their meals. Better one of them is awake to receive them, and if he is honest, he's feeling a bit peckish after all the.... exercise earlier.

Quietly, he does wonder if Dohalim will be able to sleep comfortably, but all he can do in the pursuit of it is ensure he's positioned comfortably and kept warm. At least it soothes him too to just gently fuss, fingers brushing through hair or gently along any crease marks or frowns that might surface during the Renan's sleep.]

[and as soon as Dohalim finds that comfortable position, he curls up against Zhongli's side, arm slinging around his waist as he presses his face into his side. at this point, he doesn't care about who comes in to see him like this; he's too tired to.

as a maid comes in with their meals, she doesn't hang about too long, making a soft, apologetic sound when she realises Dohalim is asleep. luckily, their trays are wheeled in on a cart that she leaves by the bed, in case Zhongli wants to eat. not many words are exchanged before she bows, and makes her way back out. if the deity were to take a peek at their lunch, he'll see that various finger foods and sandwiches were made, meant for a quick, but filling lunch.

of course, as all this happens, Dohalim doesn't wake. it seems he's deep in his sleep, muttering to himself as he usually does. but the concerning thing is how rushed the words are, and how, in no particular order, the words "no", "don't", and "stop" are repeated. his arm subconsciously tighten around Zhongli's waist as he curls up even more]

[Zhongli expressed his thanks easily, promising it's fine; Dohalim will rest well, he's sure. He isn't, but there's no sense in bringing it up with anyone else. So once she's gone, he spends a short time eating his fill, then carefully sees that it's all covered for later.

... which brings him to the young man's rest, the concern of his evident dreams. Zhongli returns to stroking his hair, murmuring soothing nothings mostly.]

... Dohalim, you're alright. Focus on my warmth...

[He doesn't know if it will help, but as arms tighten and limbs curl, Zhongli moves to cradle the Renan in his own. "I'm right here," and "I'm not going anywhere." are common murmurs, and if things seem to get too much worse he'll move to gently wake Dohalim.]

[while Zhongli's murmurs are usually enough to quell whatever tumult plagues Dohalim in his dreams, this time, they don't. his hushed mutterings only pick up, sounding more and more panicked as time goes on as he tries to burrow more into the deity's side. words dissolve into repeats of "no, no, no" before fading off into soft whimpers. whatever it is in his nightmares seems to have its hold on him, and with the recent discovery of Umbra, is it all that surprising?

all that's apparent right now, however, is the fact that Zhongli isn't even a thought in those horrible nightmares, that his presence isn't even acknowledged, and that Dohalim seems to think that he's on his own to deal with them]

[it's not surprising, but it does highlight some... not so subtle inefficiencies with Zhongli himself, he thinks. That's not the point though. The point in this moment is trying to find some way to break through this, to give Dohalim any amount of reassurance.

Without going to rukkhadevata, what are his options? First he does move to shake the Renan awake, letting some of his energy travel along their bond in the hopes that it breaks through or something. He has no dream brew made to help him enter and manipulate them, so this is about the limit of his ability...]

Dohalim, wake up. You need to wake, baobei.

[of course, there's always a risk to connecting the two of them so plainly, especially given how little he really knows about Umbra itself. That doesn't matter at all, the risk is more than worth it.]

[through their bond, his energy is met with something dark, amplified by Dohalim's worries, anxieties, fears. it's cold and unwelcoming, both grasping desperately for him, and pushing him away. Dohalim's own will tied to their bond is subtle, as if drowning in all of this oppressive energy, struggling to keep his hold on the deity.

but with the reach through their bond and the shaking, it still doesn't wake the Renan up, nor does it quell the nightmares. his muttering had died down, but the whimpering has not, and paired with laboured breathing, it's clear he's still trapped in his dreams. drastic measures may have to be taken, it seems, but Dohalim doesn't know that. as far as he's concerned, the only reality is whatever nightmare is playing in his head]

[desperate times, as they say, call for desperate measures. when Dohalim doesn't wake in the face of their bond or the shaking, Zhongli runs through his options quickly. as before, Rukkhadevata is just too far; he needs to handle this quickly. he doesn't have time to make a tincture to seamlessly blend into the Renan's dream. her tea won't likely help someone like him.

... so, then, he'll have to rely on his Self. it won't be as gentle as his usual reach through their bond, but the strength will hopefully not be actively painful. it isn't the same gentle, warm and smooth stone that reaches for Dohalim's will; instead it's hard and strong, oppressively powerful without being actively terrifying... probably. it's not the most pleasant feeling for him either, separating his body from his consciousness, but he's had enough exuvia in his life that it's something he can handle.

on the other side, it will force him into a more natural form - one with longer, clawed fingers and more draconic features; he's taller than usual too, pale skin interspersed with gleaming gold and coal black. his usual clothing is replaced with a simple hooded robe, belted at the waist and pure white with more of those golden embellishments.]

[upon entering Dohalim's dreamscape, Zhongli will find himself in the same grotto as the last time he was in it. the difference this time, is the lack of vibrancy in the plant life around them; everything is now dulled, browned and wilted with decay. the air itself is oppressive with dark astral energy, dripping with corruption as it tries to claw its way to the deity.

and Dohalim himself is in the same place as last time, stepped into the silver lake, but this time, it seems that he's in deeper, the silver substance now up to his waist. but that's not the peculiar thing. what's a more terrifying sight are the hands that seem to be made of the silvery liquid, grasping at any part of the Renan, threatening to pull him under the surface. who knows how long he's been desperately resisting their violent pulls...

in front of him is a figure, shadowy and undiscernible, hovering over Dohalim. what seems to be a hand is placed on the crown of Dohalim's head as it tries to push him down into the lake, allowing more of the hands to grasp and tug at him. all the while, Zhongli goes unnoticed for the time being]

N... no, please, I don't...

[his words are desperate as he continues to fight, but he seems to be losing steam. how much longer can he do this before he ultimately gives up...?]

[it's sickeningly cloying, the feeling in the air. though Zhongli can certainly manage to keep going, any attempt at clawing into him met with some sort of shield, it's not comfortable. without a body like his... is it any wonder Dohalim is so taken by it all?

his steps make little noise as he draws forward, gaze darting about the space. the first problem, of course, is the silvery lake - the sum of the Renan's guilt, at least in its most recent form. as he approaches the shadowy figure, the deity wonders, honestly, just how much power he'll have in this corroded landscape. the earth cries out beneath his feet, but it feels weak and tired, almost tremulous.]

Cease this at once.

[for now, he bears no weapon - it's easy enough to summon one at his will, after all. even if he can't manipulate the land around him to his every whim, that much remains true.]

[Zhongli's voice catches the attention of both Dohalim and the shadow; Dohalim's eyes flick towards him, eyes widened in fear of the deity witnessing the scene in front of him. the shadow, even with no face, seems to turn to "look" at Zhongli as well.

"A guest..."

it floats towards Zhongli, wisps of dark energy seeming to reach for him; it stops only when there's a hair's breath between them. there's no doubt that the shadow is trying to reach for Zhongli, to break down whatever defenses he has up, to corrode and taint him with corruption.

"Or should I say intruder. You're not welcome here."]

[he stands, statuesque, peering into this creature. it speaks - Umbra, then? or perhaps that's simply a manifestation from Dohalim himself. well, he'll figure that out as he goes. he's not welcome, it says, and yet...]

Then you are welcome to expel me, if you are able.

[whatever it is doesn't seem to be too foolish, doesn't immediately start into an attack. whether that's good or bad, with the tendrils of darkness trying to worm their way in and corrode his defenses, is yet to be seen. for his part, Zhongli keeps his eye on the creature, all while testing the limits of his space here. if he can lift Dohalim up, can create a way out of that silvery pool, then it's a start. after all, if he only has to consider this creature, that would be best of all...]

[the shadow doesn't move to try to force Zhongli out, but only stands in front of him, as if contemplating its next move for a moment. the shield the deity has up is strong, it won't deny, but there's always a weak point. to every strong, solid rock, there's always a small fissure waiting to split. all it has to do is find it, exploit it, and plant that seed of doubt in him. then it'll be able to drive him out.

the shadow steps to the side, letting Zhongli see Dohalim, who's still managing to struggle against the hands still trying to pull him down below the surface.

"Do you really think you can save him? Look at him, he's beyond help... Why waste your energy on someone so broken?"]

A predictable, if disappointing, oversight on your part.

[Zhongli refuses to flinch as it continues to search, to try and find the miniscule fissures of erosion long testing his body and soul. they're not large enough yet, he thinks, to be of true use to it. he could be wrong, it could get lucky, but to some degree... his confidence will be enough. the subject of Dohalim is more of a concern anyway, and though he doesn't follow the movements of the shadow it can be sure he's quite aware of it.]

Humans, you see, share a remarkable number of similarities with gemstones. I suppose you don't know much about the process by which gemstones are formed, so allow me to elaborate.

[as he speaks, he continues to extend his astral energy toward the earth itself, whether to just give the Renan something to hold onto and use for his own. after all, there's not a single thought of abandoning the man in him.]

When placed under immense pressure and subjected to the ravages of time and nature, oftentimes a particular gemstone will begin to form beneath the surface of the earth. These gemstones are, of course, nearly impossible to judge by what one sees on the outside; many are covered in layers of sedimentation, which form a protective layer over the beauty within. Only an artisan can see these stones to their greatest heights, and only a fool would discard one before it has been allowed to shine.

Tell me - do you truly believe this is all there is for him? [he gestures with his free hand then, gaze turning briefly to that shade.] Do not confuse his kindheartedness for your own lack of judgment. If he wills it so, I have no doubt that anything he could want is well within his grasp, and that he will shine brighter than anyone who has doubted him could ever understand.

["Pretty words... It's a shame they're spent on someone who wants nothing but to be buried in the mud."

the shadow trails around Zhongli, before lifting itself up to drape over his shoulders. its form is almost corporeal here, an arm wrapped around the deity's clavicle, a hand gently placed under his chin to keep his gaze on Dohalim.

"Look at him... He's so weary. So tired. I wonder how much longer he can fight... You talk about his will, but what will does one have when they are ready to give up? Why let him continue with this torment when I can provide peace within his tumult?"

the corruption still tries to seek the tiniest crevice it can nestle into, as Umbra continues to speak.

"You allow this to continue. How many times has he asked you for release, only for you to cling to him? I do have to wonder how you can watch this continue when you can stop it."

its hand wraps around Zhongli's neck, clasping around it. "This is why you are not welcome here. You are the cause of this tumult, not me. You need to leave."]

[There's something disturbing about the corporeality of it, a tension that seeps into his body as it wraps around him, so remarkably gently holding his head in place. It's not unreasonable - this place is within his subconscious, wherein everything is more real and substantial than normal. Still...

The seed of doubt isn't so easily planted though, not with the way it makes its efforts. Even beyond the corruption, Umbra has no obvious intent of coexistence. It's so... single-minded and selfish that it's almost laughable.]

I have been clear on the subject; by the terms of my contract, if Dohalim were to give in completely, it would be my duty to release him. My interest in him is selfish, yes... but it would not change the terms of my contract. He is under no obligation to continue to fight, and there is nothing I could do to stop him. It would not be the first difficult agreement I've had to keep.

So, does he want this? [a hand reaches up then, to curl around the wrist of the hand at his neck.] could you not provide peace within this tumult without seeing him buried beneath the weight of sins that are not his alone?

[It tells him to leave, and that almost brings a smile to his face.]

I told you already: if I am unwanted, then you are welcome to expel me. If Dohalim wishes to be free of my presence so badly, it should be easy for you; this is his subconscious, after all, and I am here without inherent invitation. Disregarding that: living beings are complex, and they experience such great pain and joy in such short lives - rarely can one creature claim to be the cause of uncertainty in one's life. I have seen a number of the hardships he's faced, heard of ever more, and I suspect that there is still more that plagues him that he's still not able to speak of.

[They aren't so dissimilar, perhaps. Part of why Zhongli is so vigilant about showing the wear on his soul is to keep from worrying Dohalim, to ensure he doesn't take the blame for wounds inflicted millenia before his existence. A little more erosion means nothing to him in the moment.]

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