eggbowl | In my blood...

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]

You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]

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[and as soon as Dohalim finds that comfortable position, he curls up against Zhongli's side, arm slinging around his waist as he presses his face into his side. at this point, he doesn't care about who comes in to see him like this; he's too tired to.

as a maid comes in with their meals, she doesn't hang about too long, making a soft, apologetic sound when she realises Dohalim is asleep. luckily, their trays are wheeled in on a cart that she leaves by the bed, in case Zhongli wants to eat. not many words are exchanged before she bows, and makes her way back out. if the deity were to take a peek at their lunch, he'll see that various finger foods and sandwiches were made, meant for a quick, but filling lunch.

of course, as all this happens, Dohalim doesn't wake. it seems he's deep in his sleep, muttering to himself as he usually does. but the concerning thing is how rushed the words are, and how, in no particular order, the words "no", "don't", and "stop" are repeated. his arm subconsciously tighten around Zhongli's waist as he curls up even more]

[Zhongli expressed his thanks easily, promising it's fine; Dohalim will rest well, he's sure. He isn't, but there's no sense in bringing it up with anyone else. So once she's gone, he spends a short time eating his fill, then carefully sees that it's all covered for later.

... which brings him to the young man's rest, the concern of his evident dreams. Zhongli returns to stroking his hair, murmuring soothing nothings mostly.]

... Dohalim, you're alright. Focus on my warmth...

[He doesn't know if it will help, but as arms tighten and limbs curl, Zhongli moves to cradle the Renan in his own. "I'm right here," and "I'm not going anywhere." are common murmurs, and if things seem to get too much worse he'll move to gently wake Dohalim.]

[while Zhongli's murmurs are usually enough to quell whatever tumult plagues Dohalim in his dreams, this time, they don't. his hushed mutterings only pick up, sounding more and more panicked as time goes on as he tries to burrow more into the deity's side. words dissolve into repeats of "no, no, no" before fading off into soft whimpers. whatever it is in his nightmares seems to have its hold on him, and with the recent discovery of Umbra, is it all that surprising?

all that's apparent right now, however, is the fact that Zhongli isn't even a thought in those horrible nightmares, that his presence isn't even acknowledged, and that Dohalim seems to think that he's on his own to deal with them]

[it's not surprising, but it does highlight some... not so subtle inefficiencies with Zhongli himself, he thinks. That's not the point though. The point in this moment is trying to find some way to break through this, to give Dohalim any amount of reassurance.

Without going to rukkhadevata, what are his options? First he does move to shake the Renan awake, letting some of his energy travel along their bond in the hopes that it breaks through or something. He has no dream brew made to help him enter and manipulate them, so this is about the limit of his ability...]

Dohalim, wake up. You need to wake, baobei.

[of course, there's always a risk to connecting the two of them so plainly, especially given how little he really knows about Umbra itself. That doesn't matter at all, the risk is more than worth it.]

[through their bond, his energy is met with something dark, amplified by Dohalim's worries, anxieties, fears. it's cold and unwelcoming, both grasping desperately for him, and pushing him away. Dohalim's own will tied to their bond is subtle, as if drowning in all of this oppressive energy, struggling to keep his hold on the deity.

but with the reach through their bond and the shaking, it still doesn't wake the Renan up, nor does it quell the nightmares. his muttering had died down, but the whimpering has not, and paired with laboured breathing, it's clear he's still trapped in his dreams. drastic measures may have to be taken, it seems, but Dohalim doesn't know that. as far as he's concerned, the only reality is whatever nightmare is playing in his head]

[desperate times, as they say, call for desperate measures. when Dohalim doesn't wake in the face of their bond or the shaking, Zhongli runs through his options quickly. as before, Rukkhadevata is just too far; he needs to handle this quickly. he doesn't have time to make a tincture to seamlessly blend into the Renan's dream. her tea won't likely help someone like him.

... so, then, he'll have to rely on his Self. it won't be as gentle as his usual reach through their bond, but the strength will hopefully not be actively painful. it isn't the same gentle, warm and smooth stone that reaches for Dohalim's will; instead it's hard and strong, oppressively powerful without being actively terrifying... probably. it's not the most pleasant feeling for him either, separating his body from his consciousness, but he's had enough exuvia in his life that it's something he can handle.

on the other side, it will force him into a more natural form - one with longer, clawed fingers and more draconic features; he's taller than usual too, pale skin interspersed with gleaming gold and coal black. his usual clothing is replaced with a simple hooded robe, belted at the waist and pure white with more of those golden embellishments.]

[upon entering Dohalim's dreamscape, Zhongli will find himself in the same grotto as the last time he was in it. the difference this time, is the lack of vibrancy in the plant life around them; everything is now dulled, browned and wilted with decay. the air itself is oppressive with dark astral energy, dripping with corruption as it tries to claw its way to the deity.

and Dohalim himself is in the same place as last time, stepped into the silver lake, but this time, it seems that he's in deeper, the silver substance now up to his waist. but that's not the peculiar thing. what's a more terrifying sight are the hands that seem to be made of the silvery liquid, grasping at any part of the Renan, threatening to pull him under the surface. who knows how long he's been desperately resisting their violent pulls...

in front of him is a figure, shadowy and undiscernible, hovering over Dohalim. what seems to be a hand is placed on the crown of Dohalim's head as it tries to push him down into the lake, allowing more of the hands to grasp and tug at him. all the while, Zhongli goes unnoticed for the time being]

N... no, please, I don't...

[his words are desperate as he continues to fight, but he seems to be losing steam. how much longer can he do this before he ultimately gives up...?]

[it's sickeningly cloying, the feeling in the air. though Zhongli can certainly manage to keep going, any attempt at clawing into him met with some sort of shield, it's not comfortable. without a body like his... is it any wonder Dohalim is so taken by it all?

his steps make little noise as he draws forward, gaze darting about the space. the first problem, of course, is the silvery lake - the sum of the Renan's guilt, at least in its most recent form. as he approaches the shadowy figure, the deity wonders, honestly, just how much power he'll have in this corroded landscape. the earth cries out beneath his feet, but it feels weak and tired, almost tremulous.]

Cease this at once.

[for now, he bears no weapon - it's easy enough to summon one at his will, after all. even if he can't manipulate the land around him to his every whim, that much remains true.]

[Zhongli's voice catches the attention of both Dohalim and the shadow; Dohalim's eyes flick towards him, eyes widened in fear of the deity witnessing the scene in front of him. the shadow, even with no face, seems to turn to "look" at Zhongli as well.

"A guest..."

it floats towards Zhongli, wisps of dark energy seeming to reach for him; it stops only when there's a hair's breath between them. there's no doubt that the shadow is trying to reach for Zhongli, to break down whatever defenses he has up, to corrode and taint him with corruption.

"Or should I say intruder. You're not welcome here."]

[he stands, statuesque, peering into this creature. it speaks - Umbra, then? or perhaps that's simply a manifestation from Dohalim himself. well, he'll figure that out as he goes. he's not welcome, it says, and yet...]

Then you are welcome to expel me, if you are able.

[whatever it is doesn't seem to be too foolish, doesn't immediately start into an attack. whether that's good or bad, with the tendrils of darkness trying to worm their way in and corrode his defenses, is yet to be seen. for his part, Zhongli keeps his eye on the creature, all while testing the limits of his space here. if he can lift Dohalim up, can create a way out of that silvery pool, then it's a start. after all, if he only has to consider this creature, that would be best of all...]

[the shadow doesn't move to try to force Zhongli out, but only stands in front of him, as if contemplating its next move for a moment. the shield the deity has up is strong, it won't deny, but there's always a weak point. to every strong, solid rock, there's always a small fissure waiting to split. all it has to do is find it, exploit it, and plant that seed of doubt in him. then it'll be able to drive him out.

the shadow steps to the side, letting Zhongli see Dohalim, who's still managing to struggle against the hands still trying to pull him down below the surface.

"Do you really think you can save him? Look at him, he's beyond help... Why waste your energy on someone so broken?"]

A predictable, if disappointing, oversight on your part.

[Zhongli refuses to flinch as it continues to search, to try and find the miniscule fissures of erosion long testing his body and soul. they're not large enough yet, he thinks, to be of true use to it. he could be wrong, it could get lucky, but to some degree... his confidence will be enough. the subject of Dohalim is more of a concern anyway, and though he doesn't follow the movements of the shadow it can be sure he's quite aware of it.]

Humans, you see, share a remarkable number of similarities with gemstones. I suppose you don't know much about the process by which gemstones are formed, so allow me to elaborate.

[as he speaks, he continues to extend his astral energy toward the earth itself, whether to just give the Renan something to hold onto and use for his own. after all, there's not a single thought of abandoning the man in him.]

When placed under immense pressure and subjected to the ravages of time and nature, oftentimes a particular gemstone will begin to form beneath the surface of the earth. These gemstones are, of course, nearly impossible to judge by what one sees on the outside; many are covered in layers of sedimentation, which form a protective layer over the beauty within. Only an artisan can see these stones to their greatest heights, and only a fool would discard one before it has been allowed to shine.

Tell me - do you truly believe this is all there is for him? [he gestures with his free hand then, gaze turning briefly to that shade.] Do not confuse his kindheartedness for your own lack of judgment. If he wills it so, I have no doubt that anything he could want is well within his grasp, and that he will shine brighter than anyone who has doubted him could ever understand.

["Pretty words... It's a shame they're spent on someone who wants nothing but to be buried in the mud."

the shadow trails around Zhongli, before lifting itself up to drape over his shoulders. its form is almost corporeal here, an arm wrapped around the deity's clavicle, a hand gently placed under his chin to keep his gaze on Dohalim.

"Look at him... He's so weary. So tired. I wonder how much longer he can fight... You talk about his will, but what will does one have when they are ready to give up? Why let him continue with this torment when I can provide peace within his tumult?"

the corruption still tries to seek the tiniest crevice it can nestle into, as Umbra continues to speak.

"You allow this to continue. How many times has he asked you for release, only for you to cling to him? I do have to wonder how you can watch this continue when you can stop it."

its hand wraps around Zhongli's neck, clasping around it. "This is why you are not welcome here. You are the cause of this tumult, not me. You need to leave."]

[There's something disturbing about the corporeality of it, a tension that seeps into his body as it wraps around him, so remarkably gently holding his head in place. It's not unreasonable - this place is within his subconscious, wherein everything is more real and substantial than normal. Still...

The seed of doubt isn't so easily planted though, not with the way it makes its efforts. Even beyond the corruption, Umbra has no obvious intent of coexistence. It's so... single-minded and selfish that it's almost laughable.]

I have been clear on the subject; by the terms of my contract, if Dohalim were to give in completely, it would be my duty to release him. My interest in him is selfish, yes... but it would not change the terms of my contract. He is under no obligation to continue to fight, and there is nothing I could do to stop him. It would not be the first difficult agreement I've had to keep.

So, does he want this? [a hand reaches up then, to curl around the wrist of the hand at his neck.] could you not provide peace within this tumult without seeing him buried beneath the weight of sins that are not his alone?

[It tells him to leave, and that almost brings a smile to his face.]

I told you already: if I am unwanted, then you are welcome to expel me. If Dohalim wishes to be free of my presence so badly, it should be easy for you; this is his subconscious, after all, and I am here without inherent invitation. Disregarding that: living beings are complex, and they experience such great pain and joy in such short lives - rarely can one creature claim to be the cause of uncertainty in one's life. I have seen a number of the hardships he's faced, heard of ever more, and I suspect that there is still more that plagues him that he's still not able to speak of.

[They aren't so dissimilar, perhaps. Part of why Zhongli is so vigilant about showing the wear on his soul is to keep from worrying Dohalim, to ensure he doesn't take the blame for wounds inflicted millenia before his existence. A little more erosion means nothing to him in the moment.]

["He seeks retribution unto himself for the death he's caused, and is why he's still holding onto this silver lake. Who am I to convince him otherwise when it's so much easier just to let him give into it?"

it's clear that Umbra has no remorse for its words as it moves away from Zhongli. and it's also clear that its tactics aren't working, and that the deity isn't so easily swayed, even in Dohalim's mind. how annoying...

"He only is enduring it because he doesn't want more guilt placed upon him when he inevitably disappoints you. Though, your words and selfishness already make him feel guilty enough."

it makes its way back to Dohalim, who now has sunk just a little further into the lake. silver hands still have their hold on him, and Dohalim looks even more worse for wear than moments before. he's tired, he's so tired... and Umbra notices it, and latches onto it.

"Are you exhausted?"

Dohalim doesn't speak, but just nods. he is, he really is, and he knows he can't keep fighting this anymore. but for Zhongli to see this nightmare play out in front of him, Dohalim, somewhere in his thoughts, only feels more guilt and shame. shame that he needs the deity, even here, in his subconscious.

"You should take rest. Take rest here."

rest here...? in this lake... he shouldn't. it's absurd a thought to. but...]

Disappoints me? [There's genuine confusion in that repetition.] There isn't anything he could do to disappoint me.

[As it moves though, so does he. It's safer to, when Umbra's attention isn't on him directly. And really it's a relief, since Dohalim is struggling so much...

He's a human, after all. One can only take so much... rest, it says, and perhaps that would be... the best choice overall. Not here, but...]

... baobei, I'm here simply because I want to be. I'm sorry that I've burst in upon something you wanted to hide.

[It's a gentler statement, and this time he offers a hand.]

This space is yours - you needn't rely on others here, if you don't wish to... if you wanted, you could force me to leave, could allow yourself to sink into your feelings. It would likely be terrifying, but this place cannot harm you unless you allow it.

Whatever you choose, I will be there when you wake.

[ultimately, it isn't so simple to just get rid of himself completely. ]

There is no shame in needing or wanting help. Much of what I myself have accomplished has been through the help and sacrifice of others. We are not so different, in truth.

[Dohalim's gaze shifts to Zhongli's outstretched hand, and for a moment, he seems to want to take it. but with how his arms are being held down by silver hands, and with how utterly tired he is, he can't pull one up to grasp at it. Umbra watches, before tilting Dohalim's head back to look at it.

"Don't be foolish and believe in his lies. His words are embellished, with the intent of manipulating you for his own ends. Don't forget, he's keeping you alive because he wants it."

shadowed arms wrap around Dohalim almost protectively, trying to hide Zhongli from his view. "And then he will abandon you like the others, and you will be left alone. Why put yourself through that? Just give in, here, in this space, in this lake and I will make it all stop. Isn't that what you want?"]

Stop...

["That's right. I can make it stop. I can make it all go away. Has he ever made that promise? I don't think so."]

Edited 2023-04-25 09:17 (UTC)

And how, precisely, will you make it stop? I do not make promises I have no ability to keep. If manipulation were my intention, I believe you would have known so by now.

[Zhongli steps forward then, to the edge of the silvery pool. if he's honest, it bothers him not at all; his own choices make something like this almost insignificant. blood... yes, he can understand the feeling of blood on his hands. the lack of understanding of youth, any number of things.]

As I said... this is your space. It isn't my decision to make.

[but it doesn't stop him from stepping into the pool with Dohalim, not so much as flinching as he moves. he can't refute much of what Umbra says, and ultimately, if the Renan gives in to it... will it even matter? he doesn't know. it certainly won't be a nice feeling for him, even in this space, but... well, it's the redhead's choice.]

[there's a ripple around Zhongli's feet as he steps into the lake, as if the liquid itself is almost alive and reacting to the body within it. it swirls thickly around his ankles, but no hands come up, they only seem interested in Dohalim.

Umbra doesn't move to let go of the Renan as Zhongli steps closer to them, but only tries to pull Dohalim closer to it. it may not have a face, but it does take on a defensive stance, as if ready to pull the man away from him if it has to.

"I have my ways, none of which you need to know."

Dohalim himself doesn't speak, but listens between the both of them. it's starting to become too much, flip flopping between the two of them as he himself walks the very thin line between letting himself fall and keeping his head above water, so to speak. it doesn't do anything to the already heavy exhaustion weighing down on him, it's too much, too too much--]

Leave... Both... both leave...

[he can feel it weighing down on him - not the liquid, not Umbra or the corruption itself, but Dohalim's words. spoken from panic as they may be, the reality is as he said.]

Ah. ... I will see you when you wake, baobei.

[there's a wry softness there, and he doesn't fight the sensation further. it will pull him wherever it does, after all, guided by the panic and instinct Dohalim is no doubt feeling. even if he had tried, it wouldn't have mattered much; dreams are Rukkhadevata's realm, not his. what it means for Umbra, he can't know. not yet. maybe it's best, though. if the Renan truly wants to be alone, then no matter where they end up, it has to be for the best.

right?

really, he should have thought this through. it was foolish coming here unaided, a fact he's reminded of as darkness swarms his view again. where will he end up? time will tell. whatever happens here, it will be fine. there isn't enough of him to truly cause himself harm in the real world.

still, as the sensation of weightlessness starts to fade, he has to wonder how this subconscious will handle them both. will Umbra be expelled with him, to the same place? will they be separated? will it even matter?]

[as Zhongli is banished away, Umbra doesn't follow right after him, managing to mutter a few words to Dohalim. it tells him that this was the right choice, to push him out, before telling him that it will never truly part with him, even as it slowly fades away as well. they are, after all, cohabiting the same space. it's just a matter of time before the rest of Dohalim's will crumbles at his feet.

perhaps this is divine retribution from Rena herself. that must be the reason why it's so adamant on keeping Dohalim away from Zhongli. though, the extent isn't there with Rukkhadevata, but... she's not nearly a threat as the other deity is. but the fact remains: these Dahnan gods will go to great lengths to take him away.

but as it fades away, it does nudge Dohalim further down into the reflective pool; hands grasp and pull at him again by any part of him they can reach. they finally pull him down under the surface, and all Dohalim can feel is the thick liquid seep into his him as he panics to swim back up to the surface--

he wakes up with a violent jolt, gasping for air as he bolts up from bed. he's drenched in sweat, but that's a thought that doesn't even cross his mind as he moves to brush his arms in a panic, as if he can still feel those hands pulling at him, and as if to brush off any remnants of Umbra on him]

[the dream is... tiring. exhausting, somehow, and for the moment, he remains there in perfect darkness and silence. it would be oppressive, if he had nothing more oppressive to compare it to. it's too empty to embody Rena, too quiet to embody anything full of rage... perhaps there's simply a disconnect here, something that's delaying his return to his own consciousness. the possibilities are endless, but... well, he doesn't expect Dohalim to suddenly wake. as he sits down in this empty space, eyes closing to just listen, he can sense the shift but doesn't really know what he could do about it, nor is he sure what the change actually is.

back in the physical realm, Zhongli sleeps on. his hand rests on one of Dohalim's legs, fingers curled in the fabric of his clothes, and his expression is peaceful, breathing even. most strangely, formed over his heart is a peculiar symbol: an intricate rook chess piece, etched in the same gold as his other body. it's certainly an important symbol, though what it means is anyone's guess.]

[for a moment, Dohalim's attention turns to Zhongli, needing whatever warmth the deity can provide. but when he realises he's still asleep, trembling hands shake his shoulder in hopes of rousing him from his own sleep]

Wake up... Please... I need you...

[the shaking becomes more fervent as more of the panic sets in; he vaguely remembers the words muttered in his nightmare, of telling him to leave. what if he'd done something? as the anxiety comes crashing down on him with every passing moment that Zhongli stays sleeping, the panic only rises more until it's all Dohalim can feel. it's white hot and ice cold at the same time as it courses through his veins, causing the tremble to travel up his arms and overtake him completely. he did this, he did something to cause this, and now Zhongli won't wake up.

what if he doesn't want to? what if, with everything he'd witnessed, he would rather stay sleeping, and stay away from him--

"Do you see? I was right."

words ring in the back of his mind, no doubt from Umbra itself. pulling his hands back from the deity, Dohalim threads his fingers through his hair as he shakes his head]

Get out, get out...

[his mumblings go unanswered. practically throwing himself out of bed, he stumbles for a moment before moving across his room to step out. maybe he can reach Rukkhadevata somehow...

but as soon as he opens the door and steps out, it seems as if all eyes are on him by anyone who passes by. it only feeds into the tumult, and Dohalim does the only thing he feels he can do in this situation, and summon his vines to create a barrier in between himself and everyone else, to keep them away; they're poised and ready to strike if needed.

in the darkness Zhongli is tucked away in, a familiar voice calls out to him. Rukkhadevata, who doesn't appear in a physical form, does so in a wisp of leaves gently blowing past him.

"You need to wake up. Quickly, before he does something drastic."

it's the most she can offer in a short time, and hopes that her message is enough to wake Zhongli up and contain the brewing storm before she herself can get to the palace]

[he doesn't rise, of course, but there's a flicker of energy across that symbol. it's enough to alert him to something being wrong, but he needs just a little more time. just enough-

he's already searching for it in the darkness, finding the latent energy scattered by his tumultuous exodus from the previous space. getting 'stuck' isn't unusual either, but until there's a whisper of words, a breath rustled on leaves that cannot be, he's unaware of how he'd misjudged the circumstance.

almost ironically, it's rukkhadevata that provides him with the remaining deficit of energy; though their astral energy differs in many ways, it's been so intertwined thanks to Rena for so long that it's usable in an emergency. certainly in an emergency to simply awaken. and when he does...

when he does, it's with as much of a start as he could have in this situation. something still aches throughout his body, but he pushes it aside in his urgency.]

Dohalim-

[it doesn't take him long to find the Renan. having pushed himself upward and onto his feet, he takes long strides forward, reaching out to wrap his arms around him from behind.]

Breathe, Dohalim. It's alright. I'm here, as I promised.

[he doesn't let himself be moved in this moment - even if the redhead flails or attacks him, Zhongli fully intends to pull him in close, to share his warmth and reach for a hand to lace his fingers into. he really did wait too long, it seems... how frustrating that he'd overlooked something as simple as the possibility of being expelled too early.]

[Zhongli's words fall on deaf ears as Dohalim panics at the feeling of arms and hands wrapped around him again. he does indeed flail about, trying to get away from the deity's grip, the vines around them shifting to try to pull him off. everything is so suffocating; he can barely breathe with how tight his chest feels. it's almost like he's been plunged into the lake again, as he gasps for breath, still struggling to get away.

for anyone witnessing this, it's a concerning sight seeing their lord try to free himself from Zhongli. to the point where, as the guards raise their swords, they must somehow protect Dohalim. but as the Renan notices, he panics further, vines wrapping around the weapons to quickly disarm them, tossing the swords away with a clang against the stone flooring. that only gets everyone to hesitate more, not wanting a repeat of the last time they've come across Dohalim like this. what are they to do now...?]

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