eggbowl | In my blood...

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]

You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]

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[luckily for Dohalim, it seems that someone had taken care of the plants that they don't need a watering until probably later; with the particular plants in the bath room, they thrive better in a humid environment and don't need water as often as others. but he always likes to take care of them when he gets the chance to, and Dohalim also feels like he's doing right by Rukkhadevata for doing so.

and really, they make the room look rather pretty.

but as soon as Zhongli calls out to him, he's quick to take his hand as he lets himself be pulled in for another kiss. Dohalim smiles softly into it, his free hand pressed against the deity's chest gently, thumb rubbing small circles against smooth skin and scale. it's a kiss he doesn't want to be over so soon, so there's more reluctance as they part. but he does nod at the question, leaning in to nuzzle Zhongli gently]

When you are. Do you want to go in first, or do you want me to?

Mm... I suppose it makes more sense for me to, since we'll have to maneuver my tail around you.

[Zhongli leans in to bunt his cheek against Dohalim's, gentle as ever. they can do more, he knows, once they've settled in. which, reluctantly, he does pull away from the Renan to do, fingers lingering as long as possible. it'll be good to judge the water by his tail's weight, too... and in the end, it is nice to feel. heat seeps into his bones and Zhongli can't help but sigh, sinking into the water and glancing to the redhead. his brow arches in plain beckoning, even if he doesn't reach for the other man.]

[Dohalim wastes no time following Zhongli; as soon as he gets the okay to jump in, he's carefully stepping into the water. there's instant relief as he settles in against the deity, mirroring his sigh as he relaxes into the comforting heat. there, he takes Zhongli's hand again, threading their fingers together and brings it up to press a kiss to the back of his hand. gods, he really has fallen for this man, hasn't he... there's a fear of the corruption ruining it, taking it away from him but... for now, he can ignore it. for now, he can live in the bliss of Zhongli's company]

Mm... This is much better.

[his eyes slip closed as he sinks a little more into the water, letting more of the heat soothe him. if he's not careful, he could probably fall asleep in here...]

[Dohalim is so... sweetly domestic, he thinks. It's a tragedy that such a man has been placed in this position, forced to adhere to a legacy so twisted and tarnished. This, of course, is largely what drew him to the Renan in the first place - the soft glances when no one else was watching, the gentleness he conducts himself with that is so far beyond etiquette. He can feel the faintest tinge of pink when Dohalim's lips press to the back of his hand, uncertain exactly what causes that feeling. He certainly has no reason to be embarrassed, does he?]

I'm glad to hear it. [There's a chuckle, and Zhongli's other hand slides around Dohalim's waist, pulling him closer.] It's too bad we can't simply stay here for too long...

[for a time, he just sits there, basking in the warmth of his partner and the water. For once, everything seems calm and positive, and he... almost regrets how much he relishes that feeling. It doesn't affect how he feels at all in the long run, but it's at least nice to feel competent again. Will it last? Will he be able to provide Dohalim with everything he needs, no matter the circumstance? Of the two of them, he is the one lacking in experience being truly around people - the way that society is now, at least. He can't even claim not to hold some bitterness at the Renans, a history of exhausting abuse of his power that had only so recently run dry...

But, here and now, he just leans in to pull Dohalim closer, wrapping himself around the man to soothe his errant thoughts. His cheek presses to the other's, hand finally starting to move to help him wash. After all, that's what they're here for, ultimately.]

[domesticity is honestly what Dohalim would prefer rather than the forced duties of nobility he'd been born into and lordship he'd been indicted to. all he truly ever wanted was to live out his life doing what he wanted to do; he would have gladly become a minstrel if his life and family allowed it. the unfortunate truth is that even he knew he would never be able to live that life. maybe that's another reason why he's locked up his violin. but even if he still went the way of living a more humble life, then he would have been content with that. sure, he would still have to learn to do most things by himself (an unfortunate side effect of growing up noble), but he thinks he would be able to do it. perhaps he shouldn't dwell on it too much as it's a life he will never have.

he smiles softly when Zhongli pulls him closer, lamenting on a lazy day lost due to his work. if only he had mind to take the day off and delegate his work to those who are capable of doing it (something he's still trying to wrap his head around). and he knows his people would gladly let him have the personal day, but in good faith, Dohalim just can't do that. oh well...]

If only... Perhaps I would let you covet me completely like the greedy dragon you are.

[there's a lightheartedness in Dohalim's voice that's rare to hear these days, but he can't help but joke around. he's entirely too content at the moment, and maybe the false sense of security may backfire in the end, but he can't help it.

as Zhongli starts to clean him, he shakes his head a little and takes his hand to stop it]

You take care of me so much. Allow me to do the same.

[he may need a bit of guidance, but... he wants to take care of the deity, for once]

Ah, don't make offers like that... you may just find out just how greedy I can be.

[Zhongli laughs in turn, but there's an edge of honesty there too. Gods, if he had the time to covet Dohalim... but that's a thought for another time. Work is important, and the redhead only got so much good rest as it is. He can be disciplined.

He pauses when the other takes his hand, humming softly.]

You know, we could both do so... but as you wish. I thin I can keep my hands to myself for a little while.

[His fingers squeeze gently, fondly. It feels like a first, being this free with him. Even before, they'd had only rare occasions where things seemed calm and comfortable - partly thanks to Kelzalik, of course - and then... well, then there was Umbra. This... this feels nice. Relieving, even.]

I just want to be able to do something for you for once.

[letting go of Zhongli's hand and shifting around in the bath so he's looking at him, Dohalim reaches over to pick up a washcloth, before lathering it with one of his favourite soaps; one with a gentle floral scent.

Dohalim is a little clumsy when it comes down to actually lathering Zhongli up, but he's careful not to irritate his skin, especially around his scales. but there's a certain reverence in his movements as his fingers appreciate every dip and curve of the deity's body, bordering on actual worship, as if there's an instinct to do so. but not that Dohalim would complain; if it came down to it, and Zhongli did want him to worship him, he absolutely would]

Would you mind turning around so I can get your back?

[Dohalim tilts back enough for Zhongli to shift around, busying himself with lathering the cloth up with more soap]

You do more for me than you know, baobei... but I do understand.

[It's a whole different thing, being able to provide another person with the warmth and comfort of care. And for all his years of worship in the past, this is... something else. Zhongli watches quietly as Dohalim moves, reaching up only once to brush a lock of hair behind his ear when he's turned fully to face the deity.

The process is fascinating to watch (though he acknowledges that it might have more to do with who is doing it), and seeing the simple reverence in every step only makes it harder to not reach out. He's quite reactive in response to the washing, especially the care Dohalim puts into cleaning around his scales. Each pass frequently draws up contented noises and hums from the dark haired man, his hands finding rest around the redhead's waist to just rub his sides.

Though he doesn't doze, his mind wanders considerably until Dohalim speaks again, at which moment he blinks himself back to the present, a little embarrassed.]

... ah. Yes, of course.

[reluctantly lifting his hands, Zhongli leans in for a soft kiss before starting to shift, displacing the water a fair bit when moving his tail. Not being able to see him isn't all bad, though, since said tail can curl comfortably around the Renan's side. It really is as if he can't stand to be apart from him right now.]

[Dohalim smiles into the kiss, holding it for a moment before Zhongli moves around to face his back to him. there's a small laugh at the swish of water as his tail moves, before his lips settle on a gentle smile as it curls around him. he'll have to move said tail at some point to wash it as well, but for now, he's more than content with the weight of it pressed against him.

he's just as gentle with Zhongli's back, soaped cloth lathering up skin and scale, making sure that every spot is clean. even as he trails down to the base of the deity's tail, he's careful not to brush up against it the wrong way (especially now that he knows how sensitive it really is), but still cleaning it thoroughly. as Dohalim moves to the back of the other's thighs, he hums softly as he places a hand on the tail]

...Would you like me to clean your fur, too?

[His back is a little more sensitive than his front overall, both at the base of the tail and in general. Dohalim will earn the occasional squirm, settling down quickly enough. He's quite content to sit and enjoy himself, even if it's also a little hard when warm hands glide over his thighs, careful as he is.

When Dohalim places a hand on his tail, he glances back at the Renan, smile equally soft.]

If you'd like. The water will take care of most of it, but... it would be nice to have it detangled.

[not that the tuft tends to tangle, but he definitely wants the redhead's hands in its fur, okay.]

[Dohalim does take note of the squirming, mostly to avoid making Zhongli feel uncomfortable, but a part of him does put that information away for more... nefarious purposes. that small stint of teasing him earlier sparked something in him; he did enjoy watching the deity squirm like that. and there's something to be said about being the one of the only mortals, if not the only mortal to get a reaction out of a god with such simple touches.

but he'll put those thoughts aside for another time as he nods, setting the cloth aside to reach for a shampoo. he's not even sure if this will work for the fur, but with how soft it is, it's almost hair like. so, after he lathers his hands, he runs it along the top of Zhongli's tail, careful not to stimulate too much, though as he focuses on cleaning the fur, his fingers do occasionally massage his tail. just to make this a more pleasant experience for the other]

[it's as pleasant as he would have expected - perhaps less because of the shampoo and more because Dohalim's hands are soft and careful, warm against his scales. after a moment, he can't help but lean into the renan a little, humming softly as he tilts his head just enough to nuzzle into his shoulder, or whatever's closest, really.]

... Mmm. Are you enjoying yourself...?

[he certainly is, trying his damnedest not to just get distracted by the feeling of closeness and the want to just... nestle into him all day. truly, it's too bad.]

A little bit.

[there's a huff of laughter in Dohalim's voice as he tilts his head to rest against Zhongli's, still working a lather through the fur and gently combing his fingers through the fine strands. oh, if only everyone else was able to look at such a beauty (but not touch-- no, only he's privy to that, he thinks).

he does have to wonder if the Renans and Dahnans in Menancia would be open to knowing the deep secrets of the world, and would they be as open to sharing the land with the gods that created it as much as they are willing to share the land with each other. there's an uncertainty there at how everyone will react (save for those who already know of Zhongli's... differences), but he supposes, if they ever get there, that will be a bridge they'll just have to cross.

Dohalim distracts himself from the thoughts with Zhongli's tail, reaching the end of it and, as gentle as before, lathering it up with suds. even when wet, it still feels so impossibly soft...]

Has... Anyone else ever done this for you?

Good, good.

[he could easily just... stay here like this, basking in the gentle warmth of the other man and the water (though that, of course, will dissipate with time). little else seems to matter as long as they're together, and it's... honestly a strange feeling.]

... Mm? Not like this, no. [shifting his weight, he exhales a little rumbled purr as Dohalim lathers up the end of his tail.] There were times, long ago, when some measure of physical worship was given by Dahnans, but... nothing like this. I believe it would have been too intimate for the average person, and besides, I had little interest in it.

So no one has ever taken care of you like this, then?

[there's a small frown on Dohalim's face at that thought, and perhaps it's because he's so used to having several people fuss over him for as long as he could remember that the thought of a deity not having the same attention on him is a strange notion. he himself is lucky to have been born into nobility that he's so used to being tended to (even though he always did try to shoo away attendants when he was young), but he would have thought that Zhongli would have had someone, at least, to tend to him, even if it wasn't as intimate as they are right now]

Was it really because you had little interest, or was it because you had other things to take care of that you didn't want to indulge?

[perhaps it's the pot calling the kettle black, but it doesn't go unnoticed that Zhongli just does so much. and with the eventual looming threat of erosion, even if it's not supposed to affect him for a while, it does worry Dohalim that the deity takes on more than he should.

it seems like they really are two peas in a pod...]

No, they have not.

[there's a small bit of amusement there, his head tilting forward just so. Dohalim seems particularly concerned over it, but after all, that's how he was raised, isn't it?]

I'm sure there was a part of it that was all that I had to do, but you must recall - I was not always the calm creature I am now. To a God of War, and eventually a God of Commerce, the indulgence of attendance is hardly a fleeting thought, at most.

Are you concerned at how I conducted myself, Dohalim?

[there's even more amusement there, as he reaches to run one finger along the Renan's jaw. his concern is... adorable, really.]

I...

[he's concerned about a lot of things when it comes down to Zhongli. now that he knows about the deity's impending future, that concern is now tenfold. how could it not be? maybe he's ignorant about its effects, and what it will do to Zhongli in the long run, but what he does know of it, it does rattle him somewhat.

there's a small frown tugging on Dohalim's lips, looking down at the soapy fur in his hands]

I just worry about you, is all. Is that so strange?

[Zhongli is just another worry to add to the long list of them; maybe he's scared of losing him so soon. or maybe it's something else he can't pinpoint at the moment. but whatever it is causes a pang of anxiety as his heart pounds in his chest, beating heavily for a moment before he takes a deep breath to calm himself down again.

he continues to busy himself as much as he can by rinsing off Zhongli's tail, running his fingers through the tuft to get rid of the suds]

Perhaps I'm being ignorant, and my worry is misplaced.

It... is a bit unusual, at least for someone like myself.

[as the other frowns, Zhongli lets his finger graze over his lower lip, turning so that he can cup the other side of his jaw. it's mostly reassurance, and his own comfort really.]

No, it is... ultimately understandable. You have an expectation of how life progresses, after all, and comforts you consider natural. The world was... a very different place, some six thousand years ago. I didn't spend overmuch time with the people of the country, though I descended often when trouble arose.

Worry not, I am more than pleased to let you pamper me at your leisure. [he shifts his tail, sort of flicking the furry tuft against his fingers as they work the suds out of its bulk.] Or is something else on your mind?

I think the simpler question to ask would be if there isn't anything on my mind.

[Dohalim's hands stop, and for a moment, he just holds Zhonlgi's tail as he leans in to rest his forehead against the deity. what is wrong with him... they were having such a pleasant bath and his mind just had to twist it around. and Zhongli is trying to hard to lift his spirits, lift him up, and he always finds a way to be dragged back down.

he has to wonder if there will be a moment when Zhongli won't lift him back up anymore.

he lets out a heavy sigh, lifting his head back up. he finishes off rinsing the rest of the deity off, desperately trying to distract himself from swirling thoughts]

...Do you want me to wash your hair, as well?

[while he doesn't say it outright, there's an apologetic tone in his voice. he wanted to do something for Zhongli, and it seems like the deity will have to take care of him again]

Mm, perhaps. But giving voice to some of them, particularly those that are the most distressing, may give way to letting them rest as well.

[Zhongli hums as they rest together, eyes closing for a moment. it's enough, he reminds himself; this path may be difficult, especially for Dohalim, but... he has to believe it's worth it.

the question pulls a smile to his face, and he reaches for a moment to take the Renan's hand.]

I'm certain I would enjoy it, so long as you do as well. You'll not have to twist my arm to make me agree to behold you a while longer.

[nodding, Dohalim moves to lather his hands up before running it along Zhongli's hair to suds it up. he's even more careful in his movements this time, not wanting to catch his fingers in any of the small tangles that may have cropped up in their time in bed together. but even when wet, the deity's hair is so smooth and silky, and Dohalim has to wonder if it's just how his hair is, or if it's something to do with his divinity.

but he doesn't ask any questions, but just silently moves to wash Zhongli's hair. maybe if he doesn't say anything then it won't bring down the calm air between them any more than he probably already has. at least Umbra hasn't come back out...

fingers massage the deity's scalp; the Renan is trying to be as thorough as he possibly can be. perhaps it's a distraction of sorts, but he did say he wanted to take care of Zhongli like this. but the entire time, he's still silent, despite Zhongli's advice of voicing his more distressing thoughts]

[He intends to bring up talking, to at least keep the conversation going, really. It's just that, as Dohalim finishes threading suds through his hair, warm fingers press into his scalp and the deity groans, pressing his cheek into his shoulder.]

Ah... mm... [There's not as much to make it erotic this time, at least; it's just terribly relaxing.] You know... you needn't pretend, with me...

[He could so easily stay like this, ready like this, but their duties abound. Fingers knead against Dohalim's skin, idle and content.]

I will not judge you for your thoughts, even for all I offer suggestions. There is nothing foolish or bad about them.

It's not so much as pretending as it is...

[Dohalim falls silent again, working the lather into Zhongli's hair before even those movements stop. his fingers still dig gently into the strands, but they stay still, as he works through his thoughts. it was always so much better repressing everything; at least that way, he was able to compartmentalise it all. he'd done it since he was young, but...

maybe that's why he's so maladaptive, now]

I put so much unto you. My thoughts... My thoughts weigh so heavily on my shoulders that I worry about letting you bear this weight with me. I worry that it will become too much one day.

[what goes without saying is his worry that Zhongli will leave him if it does become too much, but the tone says it all]

Dohalim... I can help you carry this weight.

[shifting a little, Zhongli reaches to cradle the redhead's face, thumb brushing over one cheek.]

The weight of decisions, of what one must do, has always been a weight I carry without question. It is a part of my role, but with you... with you, it's something I wish for. I want to help you, as your partner. You could never push me away with something as simple as placing trust in me.

[and that, ultimately, is what it is. for all he is, all he does, it does sometimes feel like Dohalim is absolutely afraid to trust him. to simply know that he's here, that he won't be going anywhere... well, it's a work in progress. that's alright, too.]

Is it so simple, though? Is it so simple as that?

[perhaps he really is afraid of trusting Zhongli. that he's afraid that, despite what the deity says, he will leave him in the end. that's what everyone does, is it not? his friends had already left him because of something he tried to explain he didn't want to do, that he didn't mean to do it, and yet--]

--We should finish bathing.

[there's a tremble in his voice as he tries to push down memories of abandonment; before Dohalim looks away, Zhongli may be able to see that fear in his eyes. he really is so poor at dealing with these thoughts and emotions, but he just can't let Zhongli share the weight of them. he should be the one to navigate through them himself; it's too much for anyone else to handle.

he tries to busy himself with finishing off washing Zhongli's hair, wanting to distract himself from everything else. it seems he's ruined the calmness between them... it was nice while it lasted, at least]

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