eggbowl | In my blood...

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]

You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]

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[Dohalim hums softly, gently nuzzling at Zhongli's neck. in the back of his mind, he knows they should get cleaned up lest someone come knocking at the door, but honestly, he couldn't give a damn at this moment. at least it's not as much of a mess like before (Dohalim has to wonder if Zhongli has a way of controlling that). everything is so warm and wonderful, and for a beat, it's as if none of his worries exist. there's a comfortable silence that settles over them as his breathing starts to level]

Mm... Was it good...

[in the back of his mind, Dohalim is sure it was. but, he supposes, there's a part of him that seeks that validation, to know what exactly Zhongli thought about it. or maybe he just wants to hear the praise, to be told he did good...

the Renan shifts his arm a little, sliding it back enough so he can brush his hand through the silky tresses of Zhongli's hair. it's incredible how soft it is, even after sleep and a romp, and it's just one more thing he adores about this god]

Good... might be a significant understatement.

[Zhongli chuckles again, shifting slightly now that they've come down a little bit. when he considers, he does feel almost "tired," a sensation he likens to contentment really.]

It's good to feel what you wanted, too. [instead of just Umbra, or even himself. sighing softly as fingers brush through his hair, the deity shifts to slowly free his arms, at least enough to rest his head on them comfortably.] I hope it wasn't... too exhausting.

[Dohalim shakes his head slightly, before resting his chin on Zhongli's shoulder. sure, he's a little tired, but it comes with the territory of doing something... strenuous. and it's a good sort of tired, mixed in with contentment and warmth. honestly, mess and responsibilities aside, if Dohalim were allowed it, he would lay like this with the deity for as long as the other is comfortable.

but now that his head is clearer and not in a lusty haze, he does think back on the thoughts that were put on the backburner. mainly, how did they get in this position in the first place? he certainly doesn't remember instigating it at all, nor does he remember waking up in the middle of the night. so how...]

A question... How did I... How did we...

[Dohalim realises now that asking such a question is a little embarrassing. how can he eloquently ask Zhongli "how did my cock end up in your ass"?]

Ah. I'm not... entirely sure what caused it, but after you finished your tea and we settled into bed, you were... quite insistent on being as close as possible.

[now, he does shift to see Dohalim a little better, his other hand reaching to brush the backs of his fingers along his jaw.]

Apparently, I am... ah... very weak to having my tail tugged. [he doesn't elaborate to just how badly it works him up when he's not already being fucked, so that's up to Dohalim's imagination.] At some point, you did, and I found myself following your lead to whatever you wanted. I didn't want to wake you, and well... I can hardly claim to have minded, particularly after you pinned me to the bed and settled.

It was interesting to see you so mobile in your sleep, considering our norm.

[if Zhongli can see it, he'll notice in the dim light just how red Dohalim's cheeks are, as he hides his face in his shoulder. ah, he had noticed how sensitive Zhongli's tail is at times, but he must have been pulling particularly hard if it lead to other things.

but for him to have been moving around that much in his sleep, to the point where he was basically performing indecent acts fully unconscious, Dohalim has to wonder what exactly was in that tea. sure, it worked incredibly at giving him a decent night's rest (he hadn't had a single nightmare or distressing dream all night from what he can remember), and he'd managed to sleep the rest of the night, which is practically unheard of. however, if the side effect is... this...

and what would he say to Rukkhadevata about it? she's the one who provided the tea, after all; did she know this would happen? he's sure she wouldn't give him something akin to an aphrodisiac, but still... should they even mention it to her?

Dohalim sighs against Zhongli's shoulder]

I feel like apologies should be in order. I can't imagine you've gotten any sleep last night, what with everything that happened...

[the thing with Umbra is a whole other side of the coin, something he definitely doesn't want to think about among the afterglow. but that's a pressing issue that should be addressed as well at some point... ah, this is all so complicated...]

Ah- no, I slept quite well, actually. It took some time to calm down enough, but once there, I was quite content.

[he doesn't even hesitate to admit it, perhaps to assuage any concerns Dohalim has over what really happened. all of it was enjoyable despite the oddity of it, after all... but it does beg the question: how do they bring this up to Rukkhadevata?]

That said... she did say you should have the tea each day. I suppose we will have to monitor what happens tonight, and perhaps the next few nights beyond it. She did intend for you to rest, so I doubt that was precisely the reaction she expected.

I was also talking about... Ah, never mind.

[he'll bring it up later, as it is a worry of his. for the corruption to have a name attached to it, that concerns him. perhaps that's what drew the gaze of the gods, despite both Zhongli and Rukkhadevata saying different. he squeezes Zhongli's hand for a moment, before letting his hold relax again]

If this were to happen again, I would hate for you to lose any sleep over it because I apparently can't keep my hands off you while I sleep.

[lifting his head up again, Dohalim wills the redness in his cheeks to go away, as he lets out a soft sigh]

At least the tea worked... I don't remember waking up and moving at all, and I didn't have any nightmares. Though, I can't say it will continue as it's only been one night, but... It was nice not waking up so suddenly in a panic.

[his hips shift a little; Dohalim takes in a sharp breath. ah, still sensitive...]

I suppose we should clean ourselves up, but... I quite like it here, like this...

You needn't worry. I am lucky enough to need a bit less rest than you; the commotion did little to affect me.

[he does know what Dohalim is worried about, it's just... well, it doesn't bother him at all. Umbra is just... something to deal with as they go. the squeeze is met with another in kind, and his lips curl up slightly at the comment.]

I'm glad that it worked, at least this time. But - I'll be fine. When it comes to you, I'm quite content to follow your lead; it doesn't tax me. And if this position helps you rest comfortably? Well, far be it from me to complain.

[his breath hitches slightly when Dohalim shifts; they're both still pretty sensitive. not enough to stop them from moving if they did it quickly, but...]

We can stay here a little longer. The ah... mess I made will likely start bothering me soon, but for now it's fine. Admittedly, I'm... not in a hurry to not have you inside me anymore. It's... comforting. Pleasant.

Hm... Just as long as you're comfortable... It's still early enough that we can lay here...

[Dohalim relaxes fully on top of Zhongli, tilting his head to rest his cheek on the other's shoulder. there really is something comforting about being nestled inside of the deity, it's a different kind of intimacy Dohalim hadn't realised existed, or that he would be partial to.

but with the warmth comes the drowsiness again; Dohalim's eyes struggle to stay open the longer he's with Zhongli like this. maybe if he closed his eyes for a little bit, it wouldn't be so terrible. but there are other things he wants to talk about with the deity before he fades off into sleep again, words that were said in the midst of passion that he would for sure be thinking about all day if he doesn't get it out in the open.

he huffs out a soft breath as his eyes slip half closed]

About... About what I said earlier...

Mm. It's pleasant to have this extra time, isn't it?

[and he quite likes it, he finds, just having Dohalim like this. either way would be good, really. as such, Zhongli is quite happy to lie here for a while... especially with the other actively wanting to.

but when he speaks again, Zhongli glances back over his shoulder, hoping the pause he gives isn't too obvious. there isn't much he said, after all, that could need talking about...]

... do you... regret saying it?

[his voice is a little overly soft, even though he's trying to sound somewhat unconcerned. after all, just because he'd been somewhat clear about his feelings before...]

[there's the smallest of pauses as Dohalim thinks on that. does he regret expressing his love? he doesn't think so. maybe it's just in the moment of when he said it that he's giving it a thought. but regret... no, there's no regret. not when he's so emotionally attached to the deity, and would give almost, if not everything to stay with him. admittedly, he's never actually fallen in love before, but he imagines this is how it feels.

so he shakes his head, inching his face just a little closer to Zhongli's]

No... I don't. I just... Perhaps I could have said it in a more eloquent way, and not when my physical needs were guiding me.

[Dohalim forces his eyes open to look into that lovely amber, letting himself be drawn in like so many times before]

I will admit... I do find myself wondering if I can allow myself to... What with Umbra... With everything. Do I deserve to feel like this... I want it. I want it so much, to be with you, to love you, but... There is a fear there. A fear of being selfish, a fear of falling so fast and so hard, a fear of it being ripped away from me.

But I do love you, Zhongli. At least... I think that's what it is.

[the angle is awkward, but at least Zhongli is pretty flexible. and quiet as he listens, letting Dohalim get through all of his thoughts before responding. he does think it a little silly, perhaps, to worry about what guided him to the words, but... well, mortal thoughts are simply a little different, he supposes.]

... of course you deserve it, Dohalim. [he can't reach to cradle his face properly, but one hand draws fondly over his jaw and cheek again.] Circumstances be damned, there are few people as deserving of kindness and love than you, I think. If anything, it is perhaps a little selfish of me, having spent this time with you enough that you could feel this way.

[the pause there is brief, his expression quietly uncertain for a moment.]

After all, you are a mortal, and by choosing me, there are... many wonderful things you will miss out on. I have no intention of leaving, and I... selfishly, I am relieved to hear it. I do not... [a pause, before he squeezes Dohalim's hand.] ... I have never had the chance to fall in love, before now. We will both be navigating this together. Perhaps that's a good thing.

In any case, it won't be so easy to rip us apart, no matter what happens.

Can you truly make that promise?

[Dohalim's eyes fall closed, the fingers grazing his face lulling him to drowsiness. there's that small fear again, stirring in the back of his mind, but he refuses to let the corruption, to let Umbra touch it and spiral it into something more. he can't, not when they're like this right now, not when he'd just confessed his feelings. this is supposed to be a happy, peaceful moment, and questioning it is already marring it enough.

but even still, what if something drives a wedge between them? what if they are ripped apart...]

Can you truly promise we'll stay together? Even with... Even with Umbra, with the corruption... Would you stay with me, if it gets to be unbearable?

[he knows Zhongli and Rukkhadevata are doing whatever they can to keep it from getting to a point of no return in regards to the corruption, but if it does... it might be selfish of him to ask Zhongli to stay with him even through the worst of it]

As far as Umbra and the corruption are concerned, I can promise that without a doubt.

[his smile is soft and warm, for him. still small, but definitely there.]

As painful as it is to be unable to help you sometimes, I don't think anything could become unbearable. If it did... I don't have any reason to believe I would leave.

[he also knows that there's a definitive guarantee, of sorts, in dealing with Umbra... but it's better not to bring that up, especially since he himself doesn't know the circumstances.

that said, there is... one thing he supposes he should mention.]

There is... one thing that could potentially affect our time, but it should be nothing that happens in a single mortal lifetime.

[Dohalim cracks his eyes open again to look at Zhongli, concern swirling in his gaze. he's aware of their dynamic, right now, that the confines of mortal life in the eyes of an immortal god would shorten their life together, but what else could it be?]

What is it...?

[he can feel the nervousness creep up on him, heart starting to pound in his chest as he waits for Zhongli to explain. the hand still holding onto the other's tightens slightly, perhaps as a way to desperately calm himself down. Zhongli said it himself, whatever it is shouldn't happen within his lifetime, but it's not a guarantee that it won't. what if, by some act of fate, it does? he doesn't even know what it is yet, and he can feel himself getting worked up about it already, but if it weren't so serious, would Zhongli have brought it up in the first place?]

Mm... it is... something of the nature of Gods. I said before that we are immortal - but that we are not unkillable, and that most of us have gone that way by now. Normally, it becomes a... necessity, of sorts.

[he squeezes Dohalim's hand in reassurance, taking a moment to consider how to explain.]

Although we immortals cannot "die" in the sense of old age, we are subject to something we call "erosion." Over time, we will eventually begin to... well, forget. What we've experienced, our morals, eventually even who we are. We stagnate, and revert to our primal natures.

[it isn't exactly an adequate explanation, but it'll start to illuminate the potential problems. especially with someone like Zhongli, who was self-admittedly a war god and whose violence spanned so long.]

... I do not know if I mentioned it, but I am... to my knowledge, the oldest God who remains conscious here.

[Dohalim is silent as he listens to Zhongli's explanation, trying not to take it to heart more than he should. but how could he not, when the very idea of losing oneself to something inevitable strikes such a chord with him, when he himself fears that very thing as well? Dohalim would be terrified if something like that was looming over his head, but the deity seems to be taking it in stride. possibly because it is inevitable?

but if, and when it does happen, for Zhongli to forget who he himself is, much less who Dohalim is... to go back to his instincts as a war god... what would that mean for Dahna? or does he have a contingency plan for when he starts going down that path?]

I... Assume the older you get, the more you're susceptible to erosion.

[he tries to keep his voice as steady as he can; Dohalim swallows thickly, as if to keep down the worry bubbling in him]

Does that mean that Rukkhadevata is also in danger of this erosion, as well?

Naturally; as wind and rain slowly erode mountains, so to does time erode a being's sensibilities.

[he does speak as if it's just... natural, the way humans think of death as a whole. to him, they're effectively one and the same.]

It isn't something so sudden as to be an intense worry. In my experience, it is a slow and plain change. The difficulty comes in choosing the right time to send a God to rest once it's begun. That... much of that has been a part of my contracts with my fellows.

[which also implies quite a few things about his history with his fellow gods.]

As to Rukkhadevata, she is... considerably younger than I, so it is not a worry for the near future, I think.

But it is still a worry for her, as well as you.

[Dohalim buries his face in Zhongli's shoulder again, his arm slowly moving to wrap around the deity as to hold him once more. the implications aren't lost on Dohalim, pairing Zhongli's age with his contractual obligations of laying eroding gods to rest. he just has to wonder how many he's watched go through such a thing, and he has to wonder how its affected him.

for every answer, more questions come up. at least this is something that can be addressed here and now, and not have to wait until the next time they see the goddess. though, that thought alone, Dohalim isn't sure if it's a good or bad thing]

If you were the one to put the gods to rest... Who would be the one to lay you to rest when your time comes?

It is, yes.

[at the question of himself, of what happens when he erodes so far that he forgets his role, Zhongli exhales a soft sigh. he's thought about it for some time, really, but...]

When it comes to me... I suppose it will depend upon the way of the world at that time. Ideally, I will pass on much of my ability as a god to a worthy successor. That way, it won't cause any problems when I'm laid to rest; otherwise, I will have to be sealed away until such a person or creature is found. At that time, as I am... ah... what one might consider one of the "creator" gods, the process will happen naturally. At least as far as I understand it.

[there haven't been many cases where something else happened with them.]

It sounds like there are some uncertainties... I'm not sure I like that.

[the biggest one being when exactly this process would start. it could happen years, decades and centuries down the line, when he himself has ceased to exist (which... only makes him more upset that his own death might contribute to the erosion), or it could happen even as soon as tomorrow. Zhongli did say that there is a potential of it happening in their time together, but what is the likelihood of it happening? should he be this worried about it? he'd only just confessed his feelings for the deity, and told him he didn't want to part with him, so this...

Dohalim huffs out a shaky sigh against warm, pale skin, before lifting his head back up. his hair is covering his face, but Zhongli could guess the concern etched on it]

And there's no way to stop it once it begins, yes? And you don't know exactly when it will start?

There are bound to be uncertainties when dealing with a circumstance that has no precedence, you know.

[but his worries, as it turns out, are a little more... mundane than that. the when of it... and of course, how to handle it...]

Yes, it isn't something you can reverse. There are some methods to slow it - keeping one's routine is known to be helpful, as is continuing to learn about the world as it changes. As to when it starts... no, but the question is more how long it will take to manifest in any way that is problematic. It's something I've spoken briefly with Rukkhadevata about - after six thousand years, it would be stranger if there was no stain of erosion on me at all.

That said... with very little to shake up my memories, I likely have several centuries, perhaps another millennium, to maintain my self. If I can find someone worthy of taking over my duties sooner, then... I can also safely live out my life as I wish. My successor, or another God or their successor, could provide my final rites when absolutely necessary.

Is there anything I can do to assist with this?

[Dohalim doubts there is; there's no way he can be the successor to a god, much less Zhongli. while he has control of both plants and rock, it's only because he was so lucky to be born from a line of powerful Renans. but for someone not born of Dahnan descent, even if there was a chance of a mortal ascending to godhood, there's no way he could take up the mantle.

right?

so there has to be something else he can do. something to ease the erosion if it does come within his lifetime. if he has to navigate this, while fighting his own battle with Umbra, then... then so be it]

If there's a chance of this starting sooner than you had anticipated, tell me what I can do...

[Dohalim drops his head back down onto the deity's shoulder, pressing gentle kisses along smooth skin in an attempt to comfort himself somehow]

...

[Zhongli closes his eyes briefly at the question, keeping himself relaxed and calm under the redhead's weight. he can understand the worry, the want to help, but... ultimately, assisting isn't so... simple. even so...]

All you need to do is be yourself, Dohalim. [he doesn't move, not wanting to stop Dohalim's soft kisses over his skin, not wanting to be parted with him. if he could, he would keep them here all day, but...] Erosion has a tendency to set in when one lacks anything to look forward to. When day blends into obligation, and one slowly grows tired. As the world stands, there is nothing that should be able to hasten it.

If it became an absolute necessity, I... imagine you could use your Master Core to store my energy. It would be better if I could be sealed in the earth itself, of course, but in an emergency...

[he can hardly lay claim to Dohalim as his successor, in any case. even if he were to be, the man is far more suited to Rukkhadevata's power than his, and beyond that... they would have to reveal that devastating truth to explain it fully.]

But that would mean I have to...

[he would have to allow himself to use the Master Core to store Zhongli's power, as well as learn how to do it. he supposes it wouldn't be much more different than storing the harvested astral energy from the Dahnans, but... would he be able to do it? would he be strong enough to?

and to be himself as a way to help... that's almost laughable. he isn't sure he's felt like himself in so long]

And I don't even feel like myself, so I'm not sure how that will help.

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