eggbowl | In my blood...

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]

You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]

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[Zhongli can't hide his smile when Dohalim reaches for him. There had been a small part of him that worried he would become irrelevant once things got going, but for now, there's still this.

His fingers thread between Dohalim's, warm and soft. An arm slips over his side, resting over a thigh.]

... moreover, it's important to remember that we have wills of our own. I know that my own attention was drawn by seeing your way of being over time.

["And I, myself, was drawn to your energy. Not your ability to wield our elemental powers, but your energy itself. It is... One of those things I could try to explain, but I feel it would confuse you more."

and there are certain things she isn't willing to divulge just yet; to her, it's not the right time. there are things she knows she'll have to tell Dohalim and Zhongli, but for now she'll keep it to herself.

"You have questions for me, I'm sure." Rukkhadevata asks the both of them, but it's more directed at Zhongli. "I will answer to the best of my ability, but there are some things I may not be able to answer."

her hand keeps stroking through Dohalim's hair, as if trying to coax him into sleeping. his fever doesn't go unnoticed by the deity, and once he sleeps, she'll be able to help him more. Dohalim, on the other hand, wants to know more about her, but the warmth between Rukkhadevata and Zhongli is making it hard for him to stay awake. eyes flutter closed for a moment, struggling to stay open]

Much of my own questions will likely be echoed by Dohalim. The first, I suppose, would be how long you've been trying to reach out to me.

[there's a soft chuckle as the Renan struggles with wakefulness, and he squeezes the young man's hand reassuringly.]

You can rest safely here, Dohalim. I'm sure Rukkhadevata will still answer your questions after you've slept. She'll be more able to help with your fever than I, as well.

[admittedly, it's something of a selfish comment too. there are things he himself is not prepared to share with Dohalim, things he needs to ask the Goddess in turn.]

["Rest now, my child. I will be able to help once you're asleep."

Dohalim wants to protest, he wants to stay awake, and tell Rukkhadevata that he's not a child, but with the gentle strokes in his hair, it's becoming more and more apparent that he won't be able to. but... if Zhongli says she'll be able to help, and if he trusts her enough to let him sleep, then he supposes he shouldn't argue.

so he lets himself succumb to sleep, his hold on Zhongli's hand laxing ever so slightly. it really is hard to resist it when there's a comfortable energy between the three of them.

Rukkhadevata waits in silence for a few moments, to make sure Dohalim really is asleep; her hand doesn't stop the gentle touches, as if trying to brush away his illness. worry subtly settles into her features as she looks up at Zhongli again.

"Before I answer your question, I would like to ask one of my own. How deep has the corruption settled in?"]

[Zhongli's hand remains where it was, even once he's asleep. the idea of being without him, especially after that last conversation scant days ago, is just... unpleasant. but, with his rest comes the more... difficult conversation, in truth.]

Not terribly, I think. It's... [there's a pause then, as Zhongli goes back through the conversations. the things he now knows.] I believe it's latching on to other underlying feelings, and so its manifestation appears deeper than it is.

[the goddess ponders on that for a moment, before nodding slowly. "I'd been trying to reach you for quite some time now. However, the taint in Dohalim's body and mind have blocked me from reaching out to you until now. As to why now, that is a question even I cannot answer."

her hands glow softly as she places her hand on Dohalim's forehead again; healing energy to cut his fever.

"Now, I will ask again. How are you faring? There is no doubt that you've been touched by corruption as well."

the truth comes out; with the small connection she has to Dohalim, rooted deeply with the past that she's unwilling to talk about just yet, it's hard for her not to notice their bond threading between each other. but with that as well, she can also feel the darkness drawn between the two of them, and just how much Zhongli is trying to tamp down within the mortal.

"And please be honest. I will not be able to help if you hide anything from me."

all of the gods had and has their reasons to hide things from each other, but this, she hopes, will be an instance of Zhongli giving her enough information to go off by, and that he won't be blocked by some form of contract]

[he was careful enough, at least, to avoid any potential breaches of contract. having intended to seek her out in the first place, it would only have made things more difficult.]

I... am faring acceptably. My previous experience with such corruption allows me to avoid its influence, to a degree. It's more difficult in this human form, but as you no doubt surmised, it's not currently an option to change whilst in Menancia.

[ever has he known the truth of her - perhaps more than the other gods had, even. very, very little is beyond the scope of her understanding, and she's a keeper of history in many ways beyond his own ability.]

Corruption isn't something worth being dishonest about. Its ability to find the smallest of weaknesses is profound, after all. I... have found myself more irritable than I'm used to, more prone to the violence I displayed in my... younger years. It's difficult to tell how much of that is protectiveness and how much is influenced.

[he does fail to mention the feelings of guilt in Dohalim's lowest moments, partly because he finds them embarrassing and partly because they feel so much like his own thoughts that he doesn't think about it.]

["Hm... I would tread carefully, if the boundary between protectiveness and influence is a blurred line. Especially if it becomes easy to mistaken one for the other."

there's an unreadable look in Rukkhadevata's eyes as she assesses the older god in front of her. to slide back into old ways, to settle things not with words but with fists, this worries her.

"You must remember that even the sturdiest of rock whittles down with time." an allusion to Zhongli's impending erosion; it's not to scare him, but to serve exactly as she says: a reminder. "You need not take on everything by yourself."]

[in the end, it's all difficult. the fact that the corruption manages to be this subtle is most likely only because there's so little of it staining him yet - but it's fine. he has no plans to fall to it, no matter what.]

I am, yes. But-- that, I have not forgotten. It still feels like I never will.

[as much as he knows he will eventually erode, eventually lose himself to the chaotic, harsh nature of his origins...]

Now that we have found you, I certainly have more options. I haven't any intention of leaving him so soon in any case.

[quietly, he stares down at Dohalim, watching his sleeping face for a moment. it's painfully obvious, in that moment of "weakness," to see just how deeply he cares for the Renan. he really is becoming sentimental in his old age.]

[she watches the both of them for a moment, piecing together their relationship. it really is clear that this is more than just a human and god bound together because of astral energy. there's something deeper, much deeper than Zhongli wants to admit, or even know.

"Mortal life is fleeting... If the both of you truly are so bound to each other, you mustn't forget that."

Rukkhadevata knows just how much Zhongli's lost in the past that it serves as another warning. but behind it is something else that she hints at, something that even she herself isn't admitting. no matter, it's not all that important, right now.

"Have you told him how you feel about him?"]

Life as a whole is fleeting, after all.

[He doesn't know what he'll do, in the end. It's just been too long, and he's always had a habit of ignoring or outright denying himself the things he wants emotionally.

The followup question pulls his attention back to her, a faint frown pulling at his lips.]

Not in so many words, I suppose... I thought that my words were rather clear recently, but... I also don't wish to influence him somehow.

[does he actually think Dohalim doesn't like him? Even with all the awkward moments of obsessive possession so far?]

["I sincerely doubt he has any worry of being influenced into reciprocating feelings. He was the one who reached out to you moments before, after all."

the goddess' eyes shift down to Dohalim's and Zhongli's hands; the bond between them is something that seems so sweet to her, despite what had brought them together. if only the old god can see that there is a silver lining to all of this, one that he should embrace.

with her free hand, Rukkhadevata brushes her fingers along Zhongli's cheek, before cupping it gently. green peers into golden amber, into eyes that have seen even more than she has, eyes that have lived through countless generations.

"You have been just as alone as he has. When was the last time you've had a companion?"]

Through our contract, I've been able to give him moments of peace, by his own admission. It's natural to reach for the things that bring you such things, isn't it?

[of course, she's hardly going to stop there. A hand cups his cheek and he allows it, the ambient fuzz of everything fading away a little. The reality is... surprising, perhaps.

In those eyes, in this man who has witnessed so much, is fear. Regret. He would never change the things that he's done, but in so doing, the prospect of having something, lasting or not.]

I... [how long has it been? He'd rarely felt the need for it, deliberately chosen not to dwell on it all... it stalls him a moment, before he exhales a soft, wry laugh.] in the way of which you speak... it was well before our first meeting. I have rarely felt the need to pursue such a thing, given my role before.

[but it stings, clearly. To think back on it and know all the compounding reasons he's chosen not to pursue it when the tug did arise... to know that he's still intending to do the same damn thing now...]

[Rukkhadevata had always prided herself on being the most patient out of the seven of them, listening to mad ramblings that lead to nowhere, and bearing witness to even the most frustrating of situations. all times, she had been calm and collected, offering her own thoughts and suggestions when they were welcome, or even just offered an ear in the times where one would get something off their chest.

and like those times, she doesn't show frustration at Zhongli. not when she can see what swirls in those eyes. it's so rare to think of a man who's done so much, who's done things that most would wilt at, would have that hint of fear and regret hidden away, but she does suppose that even those who carry immense strength would be scared of something in their lives.

"You are just as stubborn as you are sturdy like the rock you wield." of course, she can't help but insert that small tease in there. "You do not have the same role and duties imposed on you like before. My suggestion is to follow what is in here, rather than what is in your head."

she drops her hand to press against Zhongli's chest, her touch light and warm.]

[if he's honest, he doesn't know what to do with that information. not her little tease - gods forbid he doesn't know how stubborn he is. but the idea of following his heart, knowing what it can lead to... no, it's not an easy choice by any means.

for all she knows, and all she doesn't know, that's true. it's terrifying to let himself be earnest about all of it, even with himself.]

Haha... you are wise as ever, Rukkhadevata. [it's a small concession, but it certainly is one.] I shall... take it under consideration. I do wonder if he wouldn't prefer someone better able to understand him, though.

[as if he doesn't really understand, even if he can't offer the words of solace someone like Rukkhadevata could.]

[Rukkhadevata is still as patient as ever; perhaps in her past dealings with Zhongli when he was Rex Lapis had given her the experience of navigating around such stubbornness.

"I think you would find that worry to be unfounded. You understand enough to know what he's going through. You've witnessed this corruption in the past, and will provide support for when Dohalim needs it. In turn, he will provide you with companionship."

trailing her eyes back down on the sleeping Renan on her lap, she hums to herself in thought. "As he and I have reconnected, I can offer my own wisdom and words where you feel you fall short on. Like I've said, you do not have to take on everything by yourself anymore."

it's a particular choice of word in regards to Rukkhadevata's and Dohalim's connection; as if it's been established in the past. she doesn't elaborate, and won't, unless Zhongli questions it]

Perhaps that's so. It's also not... entirely dissimilar to others I have met.

[others who yet live, he knows, shrouded in silence and hidden away from the world. like Xiao, for whom he had once become an escape from his circumstance. but even so...]

I will keep it in mind. But-- reconnected? What do you mean?

[it's a suspicious word choice to be sure, implying that it's nothing new. Zhongli can't help but latch onto it, lips pursing slightly. everything that's happened is just... so strange, more than he could ever have expected.]

[she pauses for a moment to make sure that Dohalim is still asleep, before nodding. there are some things she doesn't wish to reveal to the Renan just yet, especially when not formally discussed.

"Ah, perhaps my phrasing wasn't the best, but surely, you've noticed?" another pause before she continues. "There is more to Dohalim than meets the eye. While... Renans can be rather skilled in using astral energy, there are some that emerge with skill that only some dream about. Even with the Lords--" she huffs out the word stiffly. "--There have been a few who possessed incomprehensable strength and ability."

as she looks down at Dohalim, her face softens, almost endeared by the man in her lap. "He doesn't need to use his master core to display such power. He is aware of it, but yet, he doesn't show it. Perhaps it's not a matter of reconnecting with him personally, but with his lineage. I can feel old magic in him, from the dawn of the mages who walked this land. From the mages who showed devotion to me."]

[Zhongli nods in turn; he's fully aware of how important it is to not tell someone everything, especially when it's a case like this. still... even though he can bear the truth of it, has seen it and felt it himself, the simple idea that this man truly is of that lineage, and so close to his old roots...]

I have noticed, yes. It was... part of why I made my contract with him, only to promptly begin looking for you. His aptitude for both of our halves of the respective energy is unusual even among the old mages.

[his expression softens, warm but a little sad, and for a moment he allows himself to pull Dohalim's hand into his lap, to feel more of his arm against his body. maybe the Renan isn't the only one who's grown addicted to the feeling.]

His lineage... yes, that may be it. Though I saw no reason to manifest before now, I did occasionally feel similar tugs from his predecessors, but they had also grown cynical and greedy. Meanwhile, Dohalim can hardly find it in himself to blame anyone but himself for whatever happens.

[the noise he makes is absolutely exhausted - it's pretty clear that's another spot where he just... can't help Dohalim. no amount of historical evidence will help clear away that anguish.]

["He is... A soft soul. I think, if given the opportunity, he would display much of the curiosity many of those mages have shown. He is, without a doubt, one of their children."

Rukkhadevata can hear the exhaustion in Zhongli's voice; all she can offer him is a sympathetic glance. "There is... So much that lies beneath the surface when it comes to Dohalim. even with them as gods, she's not sure how much they really can help without taking drastic measures. and even with the corruption dispelled, would Dohalim be able to move on from the past? the goddess prides herself in her knowledge of all things, but this is something even she is unsure of. she doesn't voice this worry out loud, not wanting to concern Zhongli. though, she also has hope that the both of them can navigate through this together successfully.

"As for his predecessors, and the Renan people as a whole... It is rather disappointing to see them become so power hungry and greedy. If only they are aware of where they come from, what their history is..."

Rukkhadevata isn't sure if the Renans will ever come to realise their roots. and if they did, how will they fare? will they accept it as truth? or cast it away as lies? how will Dohalim take it?]

He is. None of us would dispute that, I think, even the most temperamental.

[As she speaks of the Renans as a whole, his expression hardens again, slowly but surely. He cannot blame the people, wrapped so tightly in Rena's lies as they are, but it's definitely not a pleasant thought.]

... he will have to learn the truth one day, if he intends to do what he's said he intends. [There is the chance she knows this already, but given she's asked how they're faring, it's worth a mention.] Dohalim has spoken about wanting to dismantle it. Renan society, that is.

[a noble goal, but not for the reasons the redhead thinks it is.]

I intend to support him where I can, of course... and if he is as strong as we feel in him, I think he'll manage in time. Assuming he doesn't fall from his path, of course.

["Ambitious, for someone who was admonished by those who were supposed to be some of his most trusted when he didn't show much ambition as a Renan ruler. I suppose the real obstacle would be how Dohalim takes to the truth."

Rukkhadevata brushes her free hand along the grass beside her, a small patch of flowers sprouting from the ground. she plucks a few to thread in Dohalim's hair, delicately tucking the stems into his curls.

"As for him falling, I do not think I would be wrong in assuming that you would do everything in your power to stop him from doing so."

You're correct, of course. There is little of my power I would spare if it meant a chance at freeing him from this fate. It doesn't matter to me how badly he's underestimated.

[that said, Zhongli lapses into silence after his comment. There's so much to figure out, and his habit of planning everything is displeased with his inability to do so.]

I still believe he will be alright, so long as he realises he's not alone. It will be difficult, of course.

["The sad reality, I'm afraid. It seems he really is tied down to his past traumas. It's a shame that the corruption had found him."

Rukkhadevata continues to thread flowers into the redhead's hair, pausing for a moment when she feels him stir. there's a silence between her and Zhongli, to make sure that Dohalim is still asleep, before continuing.

"I do, however, think that this is something the both of you could resonate with. Even with us gods at our peak, you did take it upon yourself to do things on your own. Now that you've found me, I would like you to at least confide in me while we still have the chance."

she'll admit that she felt rather lonely herself in her solitude, but this is not about her, right now. she only hopes that Zhongli, and by extension, Dohalim, would come to her when need be]

Edited 2023-02-06 08:30 (UTC)

[Zhongli's silence remains for a moment, even after she stops speaking. it makes sense - she's been alone for so long now, after all. the idea of sharing is still one that brings hesitation, but under the circumstances, they do need allies. moreover, he does like the younger god.]

Even back then, I was hardly on my own. Those I contracted with were always there for anything I needed. So you needn't worry. [he can't help but smile a little, reaching out to touch Rukkhadevata's hand.] You'll not be left out of the loop. Not to mention, your knowledge is as indispensable as your company.

[he does pause for thought then, looking down to Dohalim.]

... Hopefully, his people won't have completely lost their minds when they can't find Dohalim right now.

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