eggbowl | In my blood...

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]

You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]

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[a hand moves to rest on Dohalim's chest, over his heart. It's difficult to know what to say, to decide what would help settle him better. Still he suspects even being able to voice these doubts will ultimately be for the better.]

You're thinking too far ahead, I think. One can never think up all the obstacles one might face in a life, and working yourself up over the possibilities of something will do you no good. If you look at what you've accomplished thus far, you may begin to see.

The future isn't written in stone, but your actions have garnered respect and appreciation. You're not alone in what you want or what you do, and even if it should all go so poorly... you're under no real obligation to stay there.

[Zhongli's eyes close then, just briefly.]

I understand your fears, but you needn't fear being alone as long as I am here. The rest, I will do my best to support you through.

[a hand comes up to clutch at Zhongli's, touch trembling from both anxiety and exhaustion. what the deity says is so easy, but to actually put it in action, to think of his own accomplishments, to remind himself that he isn't alone, to step back and stop himself from looking far into the future and coming up with hypotheticals... it's just who he is, constantly worrying about everything, despite outward appearances]

I am... Under more obligation than what one might assume.

[running away from his past is one thing; at least he had the excuse of winning his seat and being sent down to Dahna. upon his inevitable return to Lenegis, however...]

Familial obligations, even if I don't win the Crown Contest, are what await me upon my return. I come from a prolific noble family, and as such, my position holds so many responsibilities that I cannot push them aside in lieu of my own selfishness.

As for being alone... Once I am called back home, would you be able to come with me? I trust that you wouldn't be able to, all things considered, but even then... If you were able to... I fear that it may not go over very well.

Dohalim... [Zhongli exhales a laugh.] I hope that I, of all people, understand the probable obligations of a person. Little is simple, I realise.

[There are so many secrets and lies about the worlds, and it does pain him to know he can't offer Dohalim the information he needs to properly assess the situation. Under those circumstances...]

There... are many things that you still need to learn, about Dahna and about Rena. [He speaks it quietly, mildly.] How would your thoughts change, I wonder, if you learned something that turned all you know upside down? I know not what history remains between your societies, but it has been many a year.

But- as to me leaving Dahna... I think I could do so temporarily, at least. I am a part of her, of course, but in that, I am still connected with the world even while I am not on it.

Although... it would be an adjustment, not having the power I am used to. But you... no, I don't believe you could ever truly disappoint your family.

[His hands stop their gentle movements to pull him in closer, nuzzling the side of his head.]

They may be concerned, but it would be nothing that you can't overcome. I truly believe that.

[he really does wonder how Zhongli would take to being on Lenegis and what he would think of it; the cold steel and concrete structures that make the buildings and homes, the lack of plant life (while there are a few trees and planters littered across the satellite, they're few in between), and just... artificial everything... it's nothing like the greenery and warmth of Menancia, it's nothing like feeling the planet's pulse under his feet, the warmth of the sun against his skin, the freshness of the air. Dohalim feels a greater connection to Dahna rather than Rena, for some reason, and he has to wonder if it's because he's made contact with two of Dahna's gods.

he doesn't make a comment about disappointing his family; deep down, Dohalim's always felt like he has. even just forming friendships with people they would consider "lower" than him, the fact that he doesn't exude the ruthlessness that some with the same status as his family would show, the fact that he would choose his music above all else that the Renans favour, he really does feel like a disappointment, and that he's dysfunctional.

however, what catches his attention is what Zhongli says about learning of something that would turn everything upside down. what does he know? the deity has seen so much, after all, but... the tone he takes is concerning]

What do you mean? What information is out there that would drastically change my view of everything?

[The question isn't a surprise, really. To even suggest it gives rise to the idea that Zhongli is privy to some unknown factor, after all. Still... that brings him to the questing of how to explain and how much to offer.]

The worlds are broad and wild things, after all. [He begins quietly, humming softly.] Some things, you must understand, I cannot say - to do so would be betraying the contract I made so long ago. Moreover, these are things one should learn for oneself, if you wish to know the truth. You've already seen this now, having met myself and Rukkhadevata.

What I remember, too, may have changed in my slumber. It isn't my intention to worry you overmuch, of course... I only want you to be prepared in the event that you do learn something that gives you pause.

You are planning on reforming Rena, after all, through all the inevitable obstacles of that path... Your ideals must be flexible, in a way that is... almost antithetical to the certainty of Renan society. Rukkhadevata will be an invaluable asset to questions you have that I may not be able to answer.

That... Sounds like a roundabout way of saying nothing.

[something that he himself is familiar with as he has his own habits of doing the same, sometimes. however, this frustrates him a little, as he sits up to look at Zhongli properly, brows furrowed together. Zhongli really can't expect to say all of that and not explain even a little bit of it and leave Dohalim to guess as to what he means? but it seems like the deity really does want him to accept it as that and figure it out later. does he not realise now that it's in his head, Dohalim will overthink it?]

You must be able to tell me something.

[Dohalim can feel his frustration mount slowly, suddenly impatient with this, and unwilling to put up with these games of subtlety]

Hm.

[Zhongli exhales it softly, considering his words. there's so much that would completely change how Dohalim views the world, not to mention Dahnans and Renans and... that whole mess. that isn't his to speak of, but...

his weight shifts, tail swishing the water somewhat.]

It... may be easier if you ask questions as to what you think it means. Much of it was simply a hypothetical, a reminder that one cannot plan for every possible variable, as there are simply too many to know.

But - as an example, there's the thought of how Dahna has changed over the years, for Renans and Dahnans both. Myself and Rukkhadevata are a good example; our elements have, for whatever reason, become a combined entity. Similarly, there are no doubt many records lost to time, buried in unknown ruins. Buildings that may speak of a different history than the one now known, signs of oppression or freedom across the lands; from the time before the Crown Contest, even before the first Renan's arrival.

[there's a mull of silence that falls between them as Dohalim considers what to say next. he could scold the god for keeping his mouth shut, and damn his contract. he's not a complete idiot; if it were information that wasn't so important, Zhongli wouldn't have entered a contract in the first place. what is it that could be so groundbreaking that he needs it to be kept in secrecy? and what if he himself never finds out?]

Can you speak of what it was like before the Renan invasion?

[perhaps he could cast his line out that way. even if there wasn't a deep history being gatekept, the chance to delve into a little bit of Dahnan history without having to try to decipher it through old antiques and artifacts is hard to pass up. that is, if Zhongli is willing to talk about it. Dohalim tries to tamp down some of that irritation from moments before in favour of listening to old stories]

[If he thought about it long enough, he might connect the idea of changing Renan society to the mix. After all, what happened certainly set a lot into motion, so it's not unreasonable to expect to learn it when trying to unravel that.

But Zhongli nods to the question, letting himself shift and cradle Dohalim a little more comfortably. They're not properly cleaned, but at least most of the mess is... well. In the water.

... he'll drain and draw the bath again amid the stories, perhaps.]

How long before it would you like to know about? Before Dahnan society, the world was a wild and truly dangerous place, but I doubt you're looking to hear about that lawless time right now. Let me think...

[He'll wait for a moment to let the Renan ask whatever he wants before launching into some sort or another. History is just that, after all, and understanding it is unequivocally a good thing for the man. What came before Rena... well, it's an easier ask than he knows.]

[Dohalim hums softly to himself as he ponders his own questions and what he wants to ask. there are so many things he does want to know, but it's a matter of if Zhongli will tell him any of it or not. still, he does seem like he's willing to talk about what he can reveal, so it's just a matter of navigating to that point]

The Dahnans themselves... How was society for them? Was it much like ours, where there's a hierarchy to follow? Or was it more an equal society, where everyone did their part for everyone as a whole?

[of course his line of questioning would lead to that; it seems he can't get away from thinking about equality between the people]

Mmm... that depends largely upon where you were within the world.

[Zhongli considers it for a moment, drumming his fingers on Dohalim's side. it really does feel nice to be able to keep him close this way, to think that perhaps, at least for a little while, he'll be... maybe able to want something for once.]

In places like what is now Menancia, which were under the jurisdiction of myself and Rukkhadevata, the Dahnans tended to focus on commerce and trade, as well as knowledge and its pursuit. We were each their protectors, in many ways.

In others, places like what is now Mahag Saar, society was much more divided. Humans... do have a natural tendency to create something of a ranking system, for better or for worse. Much of it depended upon the whims of the God or individual that presided over the area, as well.

So there were others that presided over the lands alongside the gods, as well?

[had the idea of lords or other such positions been an idea in some realms even before the Renan invasion? or was that an entirely new concept built on top of an already existing system, by what Zhongli had said? Dohalim wants to know more; there's so much history lost to the sands of time, and the hands of the first Renan settlers who had disposed of most Dahnan relics that could have preserved their history. after all, why would they want to give the inferior race something to look back on? Dohalim had been able to find some pieces hidden away around the realm, but... just how many more are there? it's a thought that digresses him from the current conversation, and it's something that he'll come back to when he's alone to ponder it]

And were there other gods aside from... You mentioned there were seven, I believe?

As de facto leaders, yes. Not... all of us were so predisposed to being an available resource for our people.

[His expression speaks to a touch of annoyance and distaste, gone momentarily thereafter. Whatever God he speaks of isn't one he seems to have liked overmuch.]

There were a great many of us, once. Scattered across the land, we once all vied for our own little space, building our power with the intent of creating our own society - or creating chaos and destruction, in some cases. This was before Dahnan society, though; a time of war and devastation beyond measure, as Gods and immortals whittled away their competition.

I can't speak to how many existed outside of my own jurisdiction, but when I founded my first city in these lands and created a form of commerce, there were only a handful of us left. Principally, I spent a fair amount of time with the Gods of Dust and Salt. [there's absolutely a joke to be made there. don't do it, Dohalim.] Eventually... there became a reason for us to whittle down our numbers again.

[There's something akin to guilt there, in talking about it. He's being blatantly obtuse about the information therein, which does at least suggest he cannot or will not talk about it.]

The Seven were the penultimate elemental deities, we who survived and came to embody astral energy as you know it today.

[it's a nearly unfathomable idea, with gods roaming the planet so long ago, and to live in tandem with humans. Dohalim has to wonder if most of them were still around before the invasion... but if they were, then would they have allowed an entire race to take over Dahna, especially if they were entrusted to protect their people?

well, here goes nothing; the worst Zhongli would do is say something along the lines of his contract stopping him from speaking on the subject (as irritating as it is)]

When the Renans descended onto Dahna, were the gods still protecting the land? Or had your numbers diminished once more that you couldn't have protected your people?

At that time, we had diminished significantly. Several of the Seven had come and gone, entrusting the world to the Dahnans. Had we realised then what their plan was, things may still have been different.

Moreover, the Renans came bearing a... different method of living. At the time, even we Gods saw nothing wrong with their arrival, many of our remaining number being... interested in knowledge as we were. We made contracts, and exchanges. Then came the Master Cores.

[now, his gaze drifts away from Dohalim, brooding on it. It's one of the greater mistakes he's made, alongside not realising what Kelzalik was doing at the time. In so many ways, the current fate of both Dahnans and "Renans" is at least partly his fault, he knows.]

[Dohalim rests against Zhongli, a hand taking his to idly play with his fingers as he takes in all that he's been told. he supposes if the Renans had descended without first making their intentions known, of course Zhongli and the others would have seen nothing wrong. he said it himself, they're not exactly omnipresent.

but something doesn't quite add up just yet. if the Renans knew about the gods, there would have some sort of record of them on Dahna. but even in his own library, in the most restricted of sections, there's nothing]

Did the Renans know about the gods? Or were you all just normal people in their eyes? And were the Master Cores a sign of your contracts?

[glancing down at his hand, Zhongli smiles faintly at the touch. it's easy to get lost in the memory of it, in the reality of all he's had to do. but... the questions are becoming harder to answer, for more than one reason.]

They seemed to show us the reverence one would expect of a deity, yes. I suspect they had been observing us for some time before making the decision to descend. But... no, not of our contracts. Were that the case, then there would probably only be one, perhaps two - I am the purveyor of contracts, after all. Others do not place such value upon these agreements.

[brows furrowing, he shakes his head.]

As to what the Master Cores are... I have no answer for you. Rukkhadevata may, but while I have knowledge of the works of mechanical genius brought about by some of our own kind, I have only a passing understanding of Renan technology in its full breadth. Were I to guess, I think they were a way to surreptitiously begin to siphon our astral energy for their own purposes - the reason for which I can only guess wildly at.

Nevertheless, it is something that is attuned to Dahna's astral signature. With each one being tuned to the direct elements, were someone to find a way to tap into its full power, it's not impossible that it could even deny a deity like myself access to the wellspring of our astral energy.

I wonder why there are no records of the gods existing then, especially if the first Renans knew who and what you were.

[as for the Master Cores, Dohalim had always wondered what the accumulation of astral energy was for. there had to be another reason other than a show of a Renan lord's power over the Dahnans. just what happens to the energy after? he doubts it goes back to the planet or its people, only to be siphoned again, especially with those whose energy have been depleted completely. it's a mystery that no one's ever questioned, not even himself until this moment. every ceremony he's witnessed with the lords presenting the gathered astral energy, he's never seen it be stored anywhere or taken anywhere. so then... if it's all stored in the Master Core itself, then it's hundreds of years of torment, and thousands of lives...

with his other hand, he summons the orb out, holding it out to look at it forlornly. if he were to destroy it, would it release all of the astral energy back into the world? but... it's a tie to himself and Zhongli, so he can't...]

Have any of the lords tapped into it's true power completely?

Edited (i do grammar good) 2023-03-08 08:53 (UTC)

Hm. Perhaps they chose to keep them on Rena herself, for some reason. Or they presumed we would simply die out over time as they implemented their plans.

[when Dohalim summons the core, Zhongli reaches out gently to place a hand on it. it still thrums with so much energy, all attuned to the earth... the idea of a Lord being able to fully tap into it, given that they're all "Renans"...]

I don't believe so. For a time, I had to remain incorporeal, as I didn't have enough energy of my own to manifest. Beyond that, as things began to change, I took on more of an observer's view of the world... but there is plenty that I didn't see, across the realms.

[he can feel a slight resonance between Zhongli and the core, as if the planet's pulse itself is reflected in the small orb. it seems so small and insignificant, but it holds so much... it holds three hundred years of oppression, of livelihoods stolen from a race that had no chance of defending themselves, of resources stolen from lands that have warped with time because of them.

Dohalim suddenly pushes himself away, before twisting around to look at Zhongli properly. he presses the Master Core into his hands, as if trying to offer it to him. there's an unreadable look on Dohalim's face, though his slightly widened eyes reflect something akin to panic or anxiety]

Take it. I do not... No Renan deserves this. Not when it's stolen energy from the gods and the Dahnan people. It does not belong to us, and I am certainly not one who should be able to access its raw energy. This is yours, this is Rukkhadevata's, this is the Dahnans'... So please, take it.

[he's not sure he has it in him to destroy it, especially if he's not sure what will happen if he does. so this is the next best thing, and probably the best course of action. at least, if Zhongli or Rukkhadevata were to take it, they would have a better idea of what to do with it, maybe]

Dohalim-

[Zhongli's brows furrow, and for a moment, he holds the Master Core for him. for now... well, it isn't hurting him to set it aside. no one can come here, after all.]

It isn't so simple. The Master Core is the culmination of our energy, yes, but... ah. Perhaps Rukkhadevata could explain better than I... [sighing, the deity sets the sphere aside, then pulls him close, running fingers through his hair.] It is honestly best in your hands, I think. It is your people's energy, but it also represents their hopes for you. The things you intend. My hopes for you, and that it may come to your aid in a time of need.

For us, it's nothing more than a danger, something we don't truly understand how to use.

[cradling his cheek, Zhongli leans down to press his lips to Dohalim's, soft and sweet.]

I will bear it for a time, if it brings you relief. Just know that I cannot keep it at length.

It represents death and the lives lost because of what the Renans have taken away from the Dahnans.

[Dohalim's gaze is on the Master Core set aside before relaxing ever so slightly against Zhongli again. what hopes could be held in such a thing that had brought them so much pain? he's felt the astral energy that's contained within, he's felt it course through his veins. he's felt the corruption try to tap into it, try to gain control of it, but only coming up short of succeeding. save for one instance, the one moment that Dohalim fears could happen again if he were to let all of this fester, and if he were to keep it in his possession, he's scared of what he could do if he lets himself slip completely. and with his contract with Zhongli...]

I used it, once. I felt it... I felt this unimaginable power... But I don't want it. I don't want to use it again. I don't want to use this power to hurt anyone again. To hurt you.

[he's already done that enough]

Ah- that's alright. It isn't that you need to use it yourself, Dohalim.

[his fingers return to their gentle stroking down the Renan's back, keeping himself in most of his view. that way, he can't think too much on other things... maybe.]

Nothing of this journey you've embarked on is easy. Having to carry something like a Master Core and knowing the weight of it is a part of your burden... so trust me to help you carry it. The use for its power should arise in time, without you having to harm anyone with it.

[even if he has no reason to believe in his own confidence, he has his suspicions. there must be a reason the Helganquil created five master cores, a reason they continue to perpetuate the Crown Contest. all they have to do is find that reason... and, of course, work through the inevitable crises Dohalim will be learning in the process.

it's... a work in progress. it'll be fine.]

I... Am not sure when such a time will arise that I do need to use it. I don't want to...

[and yet, even though he's willing to relinquish it to Zhongli's possession for the time being, Dohalim still wants to keep a close eye on it. not for his own personal gain (no, if it were up to him, he'd find a way to get rid of it), but so it doesn't fall into the wrong hands. but then again, would he consider himself the wrong hands, when he's so tainted with corruption? who's to say that it can't tap into that power and unleash its rage unto those who don't deserve it. what if he goes on another rampage, unable to stop himself this time? what if he severely hurts Zhongli because of it?

it's a double edged sword. he wants to part from it, but... he also can't]

You say these things, but... There is that fear. What if the corruption...

[this time, he just reaches out and takes Dohalim's hands, holding them gently in his own.]

It's natural to feel fear. Relying on yourself can be difficult, but... you are not alone. The corruption will try what it will, but it is not as strong as you are.

[his hands squeeze softly, a small smile drawing across his lips.]

And you needn't ask me if it's true - the fact that you're here now says as much.

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