eggbowl | In my blood...

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]

You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]

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[he can feel a slight resonance between Zhongli and the core, as if the planet's pulse itself is reflected in the small orb. it seems so small and insignificant, but it holds so much... it holds three hundred years of oppression, of livelihoods stolen from a race that had no chance of defending themselves, of resources stolen from lands that have warped with time because of them.

Dohalim suddenly pushes himself away, before twisting around to look at Zhongli properly. he presses the Master Core into his hands, as if trying to offer it to him. there's an unreadable look on Dohalim's face, though his slightly widened eyes reflect something akin to panic or anxiety]

Take it. I do not... No Renan deserves this. Not when it's stolen energy from the gods and the Dahnan people. It does not belong to us, and I am certainly not one who should be able to access its raw energy. This is yours, this is Rukkhadevata's, this is the Dahnans'... So please, take it.

[he's not sure he has it in him to destroy it, especially if he's not sure what will happen if he does. so this is the next best thing, and probably the best course of action. at least, if Zhongli or Rukkhadevata were to take it, they would have a better idea of what to do with it, maybe]

Dohalim-

[Zhongli's brows furrow, and for a moment, he holds the Master Core for him. for now... well, it isn't hurting him to set it aside. no one can come here, after all.]

It isn't so simple. The Master Core is the culmination of our energy, yes, but... ah. Perhaps Rukkhadevata could explain better than I... [sighing, the deity sets the sphere aside, then pulls him close, running fingers through his hair.] It is honestly best in your hands, I think. It is your people's energy, but it also represents their hopes for you. The things you intend. My hopes for you, and that it may come to your aid in a time of need.

For us, it's nothing more than a danger, something we don't truly understand how to use.

[cradling his cheek, Zhongli leans down to press his lips to Dohalim's, soft and sweet.]

I will bear it for a time, if it brings you relief. Just know that I cannot keep it at length.

It represents death and the lives lost because of what the Renans have taken away from the Dahnans.

[Dohalim's gaze is on the Master Core set aside before relaxing ever so slightly against Zhongli again. what hopes could be held in such a thing that had brought them so much pain? he's felt the astral energy that's contained within, he's felt it course through his veins. he's felt the corruption try to tap into it, try to gain control of it, but only coming up short of succeeding. save for one instance, the one moment that Dohalim fears could happen again if he were to let all of this fester, and if he were to keep it in his possession, he's scared of what he could do if he lets himself slip completely. and with his contract with Zhongli...]

I used it, once. I felt it... I felt this unimaginable power... But I don't want it. I don't want to use it again. I don't want to use this power to hurt anyone again. To hurt you.

[he's already done that enough]

Ah- that's alright. It isn't that you need to use it yourself, Dohalim.

[his fingers return to their gentle stroking down the Renan's back, keeping himself in most of his view. that way, he can't think too much on other things... maybe.]

Nothing of this journey you've embarked on is easy. Having to carry something like a Master Core and knowing the weight of it is a part of your burden... so trust me to help you carry it. The use for its power should arise in time, without you having to harm anyone with it.

[even if he has no reason to believe in his own confidence, he has his suspicions. there must be a reason the Helganquil created five master cores, a reason they continue to perpetuate the Crown Contest. all they have to do is find that reason... and, of course, work through the inevitable crises Dohalim will be learning in the process.

it's... a work in progress. it'll be fine.]

I... Am not sure when such a time will arise that I do need to use it. I don't want to...

[and yet, even though he's willing to relinquish it to Zhongli's possession for the time being, Dohalim still wants to keep a close eye on it. not for his own personal gain (no, if it were up to him, he'd find a way to get rid of it), but so it doesn't fall into the wrong hands. but then again, would he consider himself the wrong hands, when he's so tainted with corruption? who's to say that it can't tap into that power and unleash its rage unto those who don't deserve it. what if he goes on another rampage, unable to stop himself this time? what if he severely hurts Zhongli because of it?

it's a double edged sword. he wants to part from it, but... he also can't]

You say these things, but... There is that fear. What if the corruption...

[this time, he just reaches out and takes Dohalim's hands, holding them gently in his own.]

It's natural to feel fear. Relying on yourself can be difficult, but... you are not alone. The corruption will try what it will, but it is not as strong as you are.

[his hands squeeze softly, a small smile drawing across his lips.]

And you needn't ask me if it's true - the fact that you're here now says as much.

I'm not sure where you can see this strength.

[not when he feels so weak at the face of corruption; it seems like it has such a hold on Dohalim that in a moment's notice, everything can tip and he loses himself in the darkness of his mind and soul. he's not sure that Zhongli really does know the grip it has on him, and that every moment, it seems to remind him of such.

twisting around slightly again, Dohalim hides his face in the crook of Zhongli's neck, letting out a trembling sigh]

I'm still scared I will lose myself to it. That it will take over completely.

Admittedly, it is something of a hunch. I'm not infallible, of course... but still.

[moving to settle Dohalim in his arms, he shifts to rise up enough to drain the water. It's getting cold now, after all.]

I think it needs you more than it realises, and I know you're stronger than you think you are. As convincing as it might seem, the sheer number of people who care for you can attest to some of its fallacies. And myself, of course. As much as it may want to do, I don't think it can do most of it without your permission. Rukkhadevata could perhaps confirm it.

Do you want me to draw another bath? Or shall we settle to rest a while?

[as the water drains, Dohalim lets out a small shiver as he presses himself against Zhongli for warmth. there's a consideration there for another bath, but exhaustion suddenly sets in, both from their earlier activities and the heavy turn in conversation. a rest would probably be the best course of action, especially considering that he's still technically recovering]

I think I would like to rest.

[but the idea of corruption needing him is laughable; he scoffs softly at the thought of it. the idea of it needing permission to do most things... it's not like Dohalim's given it permission to hurt Zhongli, so what does he mean...]

The thought of it needing me... I'm curious as how you've come to that conclusion.

It's a hunch, mostly.

[with a soft grunt of effort for the angle, Zhongli scoops Dohalim up to bring him to a towel, first. it'll only help so much with the cold, but it's best to be dry for lying down, isn't it?]

If it didn't need you, why would it struggle so much to take control? Why bother to latch onto your own uncertainties? It isn't our bond - not completely. What I've done so far has mostly been to remind you, in some way, that you're not alone. That you're stronger than you think you are. [as he speaks, he gently dries the Renan off, inclining his head.] It will latch on to what it can, because it isn't strong enough to get very far on its own, I think. I could be wrong, but... I doubt that I am.

[listening to Zhongli speak, Dohalim can feel something stir in him uncomfortably; is it the corruption reacting to his words? he lets out a shuddering sigh as he tries to push it back again, trying to exercise whatever strength Zhongli says that he has. how could he say that he's strong when he can feel the taint creep up on him and threaten to take over so easily... Dohalim doesn't admit it out loud, but he does have to wonder how quickly it would overtake him if he let it.

the temptation certainly is there, sometimes]

A terrifying thought... To think of it as a parasite.

[because that's what it seems like it is, if Zhongli's insinuations are anything to go by. it only serves to make Dohalim feel even worse about himself, that he's this tainted person who's beyond help, and that the deity shouldn't spend his time trying to save him. but by now, the Renan knows where that conversation will end up, and the last thing Dohalim needs is to set himself off and for the corruption to take it as an opportunity to take over again]

I suppose I have to wonder, why me...

I wouldn't call it a parasite, precisely. It's more... complex than that, if my hunch is right.

[after all, it's something unrelated to him and all he is - which implies that it's from elsewhere. it means something, and eventually, he knows... it will be instrumental in understanding what truly happened.]

... Probably because you lack the typical ego of your other peers. You have compassion and you have self-doubt, and you are by and large more human than most Lords I have seen or heard of. I can't begin to speak for it, of course... but, if I were to look into history, there are circumstances not dissimilar.

This was more prominent in the time when there were more Gods and Dahnans were still in their relative infancy, but- some of the Gods would use their abilities to possess those they believed could progress their agendas, to try and become more powerful. In almost no cases were the possessions fatal.

[granted, he personally took action against most of them, but... it's still true enough.]

So you mean to say it's more of a possession than parasitic. I'm not sure if this is better or worse at this point.

[an assumption of Zhongli's words, of course, but is it inaccurate? Dohalim doesn't think so. not when it has taken over him, pulled him into the recesses of his mind. not fully in control, now that he thinks on it, but enough that he can barely pull himself back out without the deity's help.

what he doesn't like about this insinuation is the idea of what the corruption's plan would be, then. if it's like those other gods, what is it planning to do? and how will it use him?

there are, as usual, only more questions than answers at this point; Dohalim brings a hand up to press against his face. he does feel the slightest bit warm again, a reminder that he was supposed to rest, and while Rukkhadevata had mostly cured his illness, there were still some lingering effects of his fever]

If it were true, then what is it's plan? What does it want from me?

It was simply meant as an example.

[There's a soft sigh then; he's somewhat tired of himself and his inability to find the right words. Perhaps feigning more ignorance would have been smarter, but...

It doesn't really matter, he supposes. Setting Dohalim on the bed, he reaches to brush the Renan's hair back.]

I wish I knew. The truth is that I'm only guessing, based upon the things I've seen. Which is why [He leans in to press his lips over top of Dohalim's hand, then back again] you should rest and recover, so you can ask someone more knowledgeable.

To that end, I should unlock the door. I can remain like this for a time, at least until you can fall asleep, if you'd like.

[He'd mentioned being pleased with the weight of his tail, after all...]

[Dohalim sighs softly at the small signs of affection; the gentle brush of lips against his skin, and the welcomed warmth of being pressed against Zhongli. there's a reluctance of letting go of the deity, his arms that had wrapped around the other's shoulders as he was taken to bed tighten ever so slightly. ah, it really does seem that he's so attached to the god that this could become a problem if the corruption were to twist it, but... he wants Zhongli by his side. especially with the loss of someone he thought he could trust, Dohalim feels he needs that sort of security. and he likes having him close.

but rest is also something he should do, and that means actually settling into bed]

If you don't mind... Your tail...

[he's a little apprehensive about asking for Zhongli's tail (something he's still getting accustomed to seeing), but it does provide some sort of comfort for him. perhaps it really is the weight of it, or maybe it's something else, but the fact remains: he wants it wrapped around him for when he fades into sleep]

Of course I don't mind.

[there's no hesitation in it, as he turns the lock on the door - there's always a risk someone will arrive too early, but many things can be explained away without too much issue if need be. with that done, the deity slips into the bed beside Dohalim, settling in on his side.]

Position it as you like, just... try not to pull too much, lest you make me a bit antsy.

[that's a word for it. still, pulling the blankets up, he lets his tail flump over Dohalim's side, curling down against his leg on its own. his hands move to pull his torso closer, stroking gently over his skin.]

[Dohalim is rather careful in the way he handles Zhongli's tail, moving it along his side to make it a little more comfortable for the both of them. now knowing just what kind of touches against the appendage could rile the deity up, Dohalim refrains from stimulating him too much with his touch, though he can't help but gently trace some of the scales along with his finger. he's still amazed at how smooth they feel.

he doesn't say anything as he settles into the warmth, exhaustion finally claiming him. eyes flutter closed, and soon, the warmth and weight lull him to sleep.

a week goes by and Dohalim feels better physically; no fever is present and he's back to his usual work. though, this time, the people of his court and the staff in the palace do make sure he gets his rest more now, lest he fall ill again. from time to time, it does take some convincing for Dohalim to delegate certain tasks to others, but in the end, he does end up doing it. if not to avoid raising concern from his people, but so he doesn't have to hear it from Zhongli. all in all, he's not as tired as he usually is, anymore.

but it seems that moment of unguardedness is the perfect opportunity for the corruption to pick at Dohalim again, telling him that the gods are hiding things from him. that, if it had anything to do with him, they're choosing to withhold that information. and that sparks something in the Renan, his own mind being taken back to Kelzalik, and how he'd hidden growing discourse from him.

"Do you want to be left in the dark again?" it asks him.

no. he doesn't.

and that's the moment the corruption takes over, in the middle of the night. he'd woken from his sleep with a jolt, staring up at the ceiling. it's taken over again, it seems, by how foggy his mind is, and how cold he feels. this time, Dohalim doesn't fight it as he feels himself push up to sit in bed.

if no one will give him any answers, he'll just gave to get them by force]

[it's easier than he expected, really, to fall asleep like this. Dohalim's fingers tracing over his scales are unobtrusive and comforting, and perhaps he'd worn himself out a little with all they'd done. nothing a little rest won't fix, of course.

and just like that, a week passes by. life goes relatively back to normal, with Dohalim slowly allowing his people to help him with tasks they can help with. it's a good push forward, all told, but it can't last forever.

Zhongli knows that, though there is a small part of him that wishes it would simply just... relax. be what it is.

it's more sudden than usual, this shift. a little pick at all the things he doesn't know, eating at Dohalim's insecurities in ways he's not capable of fixing. but... ultimately, with Rukkhadevata around, they're in a better position than not. more than he knows, as it turns out.

this night, Dohalim sits up and Zhongli exhales a muffled noise, his eyes not quite opening as he stirs just enough to slur out a question.]

Dohalim? 's something wrong?

[maybe he's taken to this being a comfortable sort of routine, somehow. not long ago, he would have been awakened immediately, but now? now, he's not as worried. not truly.]

[Dohalim doesn't say anything as his gaze shifts down at Zhongli for a moment. it would be so easy to strike at him and try to force out answers, but why waste energy on a god who doesn't have the world's information in the palm of their hands? why try to dig answers out of a god who refuses to answer certain things because of his cursed contract, one he would rather uphold than reveal hidden truths? does Zhongli want him to remain ignorant? does Zhongli want a repeat of what happened?

perhaps it's the corruption fueling it, but he refuses to be kept from all of this. so, still with no word, Dohalim swings his legs over the edge of his bed before standing. there's a quick shuffle for shoes and a cloak in his closet, not paying attention if Zhongli had truly woken up yet. by the looks of it, he still seemed half asleep; maybe if he were to sneak out quickly, then he could make his escape.

so it's an attempt. he doesn't check on the deity to see if he's still in bed, as he slips out from his room]

[of course, he wants none of those things. Zhongli wants only for Dohalim to have the confidence he deserves, to know that he's so much more than whence he came.

Maybe it's that thought that stays him when the Renan doesn't answer. He doesn't seem to be in distress, and so there's just a slow resonance that trails over their bond, a reminder that he's here. That all of this matters. In that moment it's about all he can do, drifting as he is. Dohalim is lucky, really.

He'll remain in bed for a time, indeed, before the sensation of cold draws him into wakefulness. That will probably bring an uptick of panic... but it isn't yet of note.]

[every guard Dohalim passes by, he gives the same reasoning for his wakefulness at the moment: that he couldn't sleep, and that he needs some air, no he'll be fine, don't worry. there does seem to be some voiced concern for Zhongli not accompanying him, as it seems like they've been attached at the hip, especially with this past week (not to mention the rumours going around concerning the both of them), but Dohalim is quick to brush them off.

there's a swift escape through the gates and into the hamlet; Dohalim takes a moment to gather his bearings as much as he can considering his current mental state, and the fogginess in his head through the corruption's control. he glances behind him to see if Zhongli had realised just what had happened before he continues on. the eventual panic strung along their bond doesn't stop the Renan, as he makes his way through the highway, into the plains, and into the concealed path leading to Rukkhadevata.

rod in hand as he makes his way into her grove, Dohalim approaches with caution. as benevolent as she seems, she's still a goddess, and if he is to force answers out of her, he needs to be careful]

[that eventual panic spurs him forward, at least at first. He shows none of it to the guards he asks, ensuring them that their lord was no doubt being honest, but that it makes him feel more comfortable to go check on him. That no, he doesn't need anyone with him, Dohalim is probably just enjoying the scenery and Zhongli can take care of himself. No need to interrupt his peace, he probably won't even approach...

As cool night air brushes over his face, the deity considers the circumstances at hand. It isn't hard to guess where Dohalim went, even before searching for the traces of familiar energy. If he's gone to see Rukkhadevata, even without him... perhaps there's something going on, but there's also the chance she herself summoned him.

Either way, he's less worried about the deity; she may never have enjoyed battle, but something like Dohalim's corruption won't be able to overcome her, he thinks. So he takes his time, taking care of any zeugles or other creatures along the way. It might, he surmises, even be best to let him talk with her alone. That way he can't stumble on some statement that upsets the Renan.]

[it really does bear the question of how much time had passed since Dohalim had found Rukkhadevata again, and what had transpired between the both of them before Zhongli finds him. if the Renan were here for a simple conversation, he probably would not currently be restrained by vines, with an unimpressed goddess looking at him. clearly, there was an altercation (or an attempted one, at least), if Dohalim's rod abandoned on the ground is anything to go by]

Release me!

[Rukkhadevata crosses her arms over her chest loosely, shaking her head. "You enter my realm, disturb the peace here, and you demand that I release you... Umbra, you are more foolish than I had originally anticipated."]

I came to you seeking knowledge--

["You came here in an attempt to force it from me if I do not give into your demands. Now I make mine. Release Dohalim back to me and perhaps I will acquiesce."]

[the sight of what should be an altercation raises his anxiety for a moment, though he knows it shouldn't. not here, not with Rukkhadevata. but still, he steps forward toward the rod, pausing at the sound of Dohalim's voice. it's followed soon after by Rukkhadevata's, and some things fall into place.

the corruption, then; it's no wonder he said nothing when he woke. his first surprise is to hear her call it by name, something he hadn't realised that it... well, had. and it isn't a name like one of the Helganquil - but that's not really an important thought for now. instead, he turns to listening to their argument, moving slowly into view to the God herself. he trusts her, even with Dohalim, and hey - there's always a small chance he'll manage to pick up better ways to converse with the Renan, to help him more. he can interject when it feels right between them.]

You deny the core of your existence, then? You deny knowledge to those who seek it? You choose to leave Dohalim in ignorance like Zhongli--

["Rex Lapis is under contractual obligations. And while I am as well, to a certain degree, the avenues of which you've chosen to seek this knowledge, I do not agree with."]

The Dahnan Gods, powerless under something as insignificant as a contract from centuries past. If this is your answer then, I will make you regret ever crossing me. [there's a certain smugness in Dohalim's-- no, Umbra's voice] You forget who's body I inhabit and what powers I have access to. Your vines are ineffective against me.

["Is that so?"

Rukkhadevata notices Zhongli hidden from plain view, her eyes on him for just a moment before bringing them back to Umbra, who looks to be struggling to control the vines wrapped around it. they shift for a moment, but don't budge much after that. Umbra tries again, and again, but to no avail, a frustrated sound rumbling in the back of its throat]

What is--

["Dohalim has control of my vines. You, yourself, do not. Not when you've fully taken control of his consciousness. Tell me, how far back have you pulled him into his mind? Is he even present? Or have you taken over completely?"

Umbra says nothing this time, eyes narrowed as it glares at Rukkhadevata. she hums softly as she steps forward, raising a hand up to gently tilt its chin up between her thumb and forefinger.

"I ask you again. Release him back to me."]

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