eggbowl | In my blood...

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]

You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]

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[Zhongli's silence remains for a moment, even after she stops speaking. it makes sense - she's been alone for so long now, after all. the idea of sharing is still one that brings hesitation, but under the circumstances, they do need allies. moreover, he does like the younger god.]

Even back then, I was hardly on my own. Those I contracted with were always there for anything I needed. So you needn't worry. [he can't help but smile a little, reaching out to touch Rukkhadevata's hand.] You'll not be left out of the loop. Not to mention, your knowledge is as indispensable as your company.

[he does pause for thought then, looking down to Dohalim.]

... Hopefully, his people won't have completely lost their minds when they can't find Dohalim right now.

[vibrant eyes widen for a moment as Zhongli reaches over to her hand, before she offers a smile of her own. her hand shifts around to give his as squeeze, before turning her attention back on Dohalim.

"His fever has broken, for the most part, but I would still like him to rest... However, you do bring up a good point. And it's quite a distance back to the palace... Perhaps you should bring him back soon."

Rukkhadevata does wish, at the moment, that she could accompany the both of them, and it's written on her face. she doesn't say anything though, knowing that her place is here, and that she still has a duty to uphold. Zhongli did say that he would converse with her when need be, and that's more than enough for her.

a gentle hand shakes Dohalim's shoulder softly. "Time to wake up, dear."

Dohalim does take his time to rouse himself from sleep, not wanting to pull himself from such a pleasant slumber. but he does eventually come around, slowly pushing himself up-- was he on Rukkhadevata's lap? there's a slight flush on his face as he sits up quickly, bringing a hand up to sort of hide his face. despite the warmth on his cheeks, the fever isn't there anymore.

the goddess laughs softly, reaching up to brush a lock of hair from his face. "I've taken care of your fever. How are you feeling?"]

...Better. Not nearly as sick as before.

["Wonderful. However, once you get back to the palace, I would like for you to rest more. No buts, because I will make sure that Rex Lapis enforces this."]

Yes. I'll have to return with him soon, since we did prevent him from asking his questions.

[sometime, perhaps, she could leave this place temporarily. Even if it's just to come to their aid, it would be something. For now, though... regrettably, they need to get back.

Once Dohalim wakes, he hums softly.]

We'll return once you're feeling better, so you can have your questions answered. [He sounds apologetic, squeezing Dohalim's hand before moving to rise.] We'll need to confer with her on the subject of the corruption, anyway.

["Yes. I will do my research on how to best help. I am sure I will be able to find an answer for you."

as Dohalim stands (him not letting go of Zhongli's hand as he does so), Rukkhadevata follows suit, taking the Renan's other hand. it's a small, comforting gesture as she gently squeezes it, before bringing it up to hold against her chest.

"I may not have the same bond as you and Rex Lapis, but know that I, too, am with you. Let this place, my domain, be a sanctuary to you both if need be."]

Will I be able to find you again?

["Yes, because I've allowed the both of you to."

Dohalim watches Rukkhadevata for a moment, before nodding. he... almost doesn't want to leave, a part of him is drawn to this place, and to this goddess. as if he almost belongs here. but he also should get back to the city and palace, and he also doesn't want to leave Zhongli's side in favour of internal comfort that Rukkhadevata is somehow providing.

it's almost as if she knows what he's thinking; she lets go of Dohalim's hand and nudges him closer to the other deity. "Go with him. He will take care of you." there's a pause there for a moment before she makes an amendment. "You will both take care of each other. You have a bond that no one else can replace. I can feel it, I can see it."]

We shall see you again soon, Rukkhadevata.

[Zhongli is as sure as he sounds in this matter - even if he were less sure, he can't imagine Dohalim could stay away for too long. once he's healed and energetic again...

he says nothing to confirm nor deny her comments about their bond, of course, but it weighs on his mind. telling Dohalim, being clear about it... is it really worthwhile? if he were anyone else, he'd be more sure. he'll think on it, then, as they walk home. until they reach the more populated side of Traslida Highway, he doesn't so much as consider letting go of the redhead's hand. even then, there's a hesitation to it.]

We'll likely want to take a moment to check in with the guards, to ensure your absence hasn't been problematic. I suppose we could lay claim to getting fresh air in one of your gardens, if need be...

[truthfully, he just wants to get the lord back to his room. after his talk with rukkhadevata, the sensation of longing feels that much stronger, and it's hard to keep himself from reaching for the man even once they've reached Viscint.]

[and Dohalim is just as reluctant to let go of Zhongli's hand, grasping at it tightly as they walk away from the grove, and onto the pathway. and when they do part, Dohalim stays rather close to him, his hand brushing the back of the other's, itching to take it again. maybe it's their bond, but he can't help but feel something... deeper. something that's settled, ever since he felt his own astral energy meld together with the deity's. it felt so warm, so loving, that he has to wonder just what Zhongli's feelings are. and there's a matter of his own, what does he really feel about him? and what does Rukkhadevata know about the both of them? she seemed rather knowledgeable, but even then... perhaps, when he sees her next, he'll ask.

as Zhongli speaks, his voice pulls Dohalim out of his thoughts; he hums for a moment]

There are several guards who I'm sure had seen me leave Viscint. Perhaps we can still use the excuse of getting fresh air, just... outside of the city.

[after all, they know of his penchant for sneaking out in the evening, even before all of this had happened, much to his chagrin. some, thankfully, turn a blind eye while some others do fret when he eventually return]

Mm, that is true. In that case, I shall follow your lead on whatever your excuse is.

[brushing his own hair back, Zhongli keeps himself just slightly behind the Renan - deferential, but more importantly just... there, warm and reassuring, as well as able to catch him if he gets too woozy for any reason.

it's a quiet walk, for the most part, and the deity keeps quiet unless he determines that Dohalim needs some confirmation from him. soon enough though, they reach the door to his bedroom, and he gently urges the man inside before closing the door behind them.]

[it's clear that Dohalim does find himself in the same spot time and again as he comes up with some sort of excuse to explain his absence. the guards fret a little more this time, worried because he's sick and that he shouldn't be out so long in case something had happened]

Worry not, I had Zhongli with me. It was only a short walk around the hamlet outside of the city. I haven't had a chance to visit lately.

[this seems to placate the guards as they accept this as an answer, but not before (politely) urging Dohalim to get some rest. while he does look better, it seems, the worry the people have for their lord is still present within the palace.

for all that he does feel better than before, as soon as they reach his bedroom, and the door is closed behind them, Dohalim's shoulders sag a little as he sits down unceremoniously on the edge of his bed. he can feel exhaustion creep up on him; perhaps he isn't fully one hundred percent yet. he has to wonder why Rukkhadevata hadn't completely taken his sickness away yet; was it because she couldn't? or did she not so not to raise suspicion as to why he suddenly looks and feels better? she's a strange goddess, for sure, but for some reason, Dohalim thinks she has her own reasons for her actions]

[Zhongli only bows in response to the comment about his being with Dohalim, quietly murmuring that he'll see to it that their lord takes to rest. beyond that, he's simply glad they're accepting of him, more or less.

a sense of relief kicks in once they're back to the bedroom, and Zhongli takes Dohalim's hand once he's gently settled next to him on the bed.]

I'm sure you'll want to be awake a while, but... if you'd indulge me in a moment of selfishness...

[the tone he has is almost shy, truly. he's made a decision, unable to quite keep the trepidation from affecting him. a silly worry, he hopes, but... Rukkhadevata wasn't wrong. even if there's a chance he'll be rebuked, the idea of being alone because it's how it "should" be is...]

Edited 2023-02-08 14:45 (UTC)

[it's a tone that Dohalim is unfamiliar in hearing in Zhongli's voice; the man always does exude a sort of confidence he's sure a god would have. but this meekness coming from the deity is almost... cute, somehow.

Dohalim looks down at their hands, resting his free one on top of them, before looking back up at the deity's eyes. those golden amber eyes, eyes that have seen so much, eyes that seem to shine brighter than any Renan's. they're eyes that keep drawing Dohalim in, even when he doesn't want to be under that watchful gaze. he can't help but feel that warmth in them, much like the warmth he feels from Zhongli himself; those are eyes he can get lost in for hours, and not regret a moment of it]

Ah... Of course...

[he isn't sure what Zhongli is going to ask of him, but he hasn't given him a reason not to trust him yet. there's a curiosity there, wondering just exactly what the deity wants]

... Thank you.

[he almost apologises for taking so long to do this, to make it clear, but... after a moment, he reaches up to cup Dohalim's cheek, leaning in to press their lips together. it's soft and sweet, but filled with so much more. hesitant, as if waiting to see how the Lord will react to this sort of a confession.

Dohalim's lips are terribly sweet, enough that he could get lost in them, he thinks. actually, he could get lost in all of him, and maybe that's the most dangerous part of it all. or maybe it would be better that way, to make it so plainly clear that he wants little more than this man's time and attention, at least in private.]

[for some reason, Dohalim isn't all that surprised as Zhongli leans in to kiss him, as gentle as it is. no, it's almost... welcomed, with how he reacts by kissing him back. it's terribly selfish, to allow himself to reciprocate these feelings, when there are pressing matters that need his attention first. would his people think the same way? that, after all of what has happened, he's allowed himself such an indulgence? he had this thought previously; the first time he'd kissed Zhongli, but he'd thought that it was just his mess of emotions driving him to do so, wanting some sort of solace, a connection to tie him to reality, and not the constant nightmare in his head. the idea of being with someone romantically, to allow himself it...

the hand resting on top of their intertwined ones reaches up to slide to the back of Zhongli's neck as Dohalim pulls him closer. he can feel soft strands of the deity's ponytail tickle the back of his hand; he lets his fingers thread through them. there is so much about this being that Dohalim adores, even down to his stubbornness. but, he supposes that comes with the territory of the god of earth and stone.

he doesn't part from Zhongli, not yet; he doesn't dare to. almost as if to tell himself that this is real and it's happening, and it's not just a figment of his imagination. it's not a dream he's going to wake up from, he won't find himself in the grove in Rukkhadevata's lap, but instead, when he opens his eyes again, he'll see that warm amber looking at him. this, Dohalim, tells himself]

[he doesn't intend to pull away, not quickly. so long as Dohalim's reactive to it, selfish in his own right, this is... okay, isn't it? it's something natural, overall. something the renan deserves, at the very least.

a hand slides to the back of his neck to pull him closer, and Zhongli's first reaction is to press gently at a shoulder to urge him back onto the bed. this is a little more forceful, more needy. it speaks of so many things the deity cannot or would not say, a soft noise rumbling against his lips as those fingers tangle and thread into his ponytail.

his tongue feels impatient in his mouth, wanting to press forward, but he's still telling himself he should be a little patient.]

[Dohalim doesn't break the kiss even as he's pushed down onto his bed, though Zhongli may find it an opportunity as Dohalim's lips part as he gasps into the kiss. arms now wrap around Zhongli's shoulders just to pull him down more and keep him there, the Renan almost not allowing him to pull away.

though, it should be noted that he... doesn't have much experience in the way of romantic intimacy; sure he's had his share of concubines, and... well, there was that time with the deity that he would prefer not to think about. this, however, is different. there's more to it than simple physical pleasure, but more of an emotional need to be close. it's so precious that Dohalim wants to cradle it, to hold it gently in the palm of his hands and hide it from anything that could taint it. it's the purest thing he has, whatever this feeling is, and while he does think he doesn't deserve it, a part of him... wants to be selfish. he wants this. he just has to wonder if Zhongli feels just as strongly]

[He can't resist the temptation, in the end. After a gasp or two, the deity's tongue slips between Dohalim's lips, tangling with the Renan's own and exploring with slow, deliberate motions. His free hand slips round Dohalim's waist to choose the distance between them, clearly as unwilling to move away as the man.

Neither is terribly experienced with this; Zhongli's own moments of intimacy were so long ago that he can hardly think on them. It's not a bother, though. Just feeling everything between them, knowing that he's not only being allowed this selfishness but shown it in kind... well, it isn't that he doubted Rukkhadevata, but...

He's breathless when he pulls back, just enough to give them space to catch their breaths. Eyes stare into deep brown before he leans forward, pressing their foreheads together.]

... this is why I don't want to let you go.

[It's soft, barely a whisper really.]

Edited (Clown emoji ) 2023-02-09 08:20 (UTC)

[there is the temptation to wrap his legs around Zhongli's waist to lock him in place, but he resists it. it may be too much too soon. but tongues meet, and Dohalim could swear that Zhongli tastes like the tea he enjoys so much, with a touch of sweetness he just can't put his finger on. it's a taste he doesn't want to forget so soon.

as Zhongli finally pulls away, Dohalim wants to chase after him to close that small gap between them again, but he too does need to catch his own breath. small breaths puff against the other's lips, eyes lock together as Dohalim is once again pulled into amber. he searches in them for something, to see if he can catch a lie, but all he sees is sincerity]

...How long have you felt this way...

[Dohalim would be lying to himself if he said he had no lingering feelings of wanting to die; a simple kiss would not push that away. but he wants to know just how deep this has gone, and how long it's been]

How long...

[Zhongli exhales a sigh, letting himself settle on one side while still holding Dohalim close. How long indeed...]

It began, I suppose, not long after I met you in court and watched you interacting with your people.

[long before their bond and contract, that. His gaze doesn't leave Dohalim's, even with the change of angle.]

I'm aware that it is... unhelpful in the measure of what you've dealt with, but I... I could not continue keeping it to myself.

That long ago...

[there's an almost bittersweetness to it, thinking that if Dohalim had let Zhongli closer to him, then so much could have been avoided, perhaps. but maybe that was Kelzalik's plan all along, to avoid anyone getting close to the lord and ruining his plans of insurrection. Dohalim has to sigh softly as he curls up into Zhongli a little, admonishing himself for his own stupidity. Zhongli had shown kindness to him as he entered into his court, but because Dohalim had put his trust in the wrong person, he kept the deity at a distance.

he can feel the corruption pluck away at that thought, threatening to burrow itself into that seed and plant itself into him, but he resists, for once. he doesn't want it to mar this moment between himself and Zhongli, not when there's a comforting warmth between them]

So... What now? What does this mean for the both of us now?

That... is ultimately up to you, I would say.

[Zhongli doesn't think that Dohalim feels differently now, not after all that just happened. even so, it's not his decision to make as to how they move forward - he isn't the one with anything to really lose.]

If you want to return to the way things were, then I will be content with that. What I do won't change, after all. I will be content with only watching over you, if I must be. [finally he shifts, nuzzling in against Dohalim's jaw. he should pull away, he thinks, but... soon. for now, he just wants this connection. just for a little while.] Nothing you could possibly do could change that, for me. I will accept every part of you.

I don't--!

[Dohalim's words come out rushed as he burrows into Zhongli more, hiding his face in the crook of his neck. the fact that the deity can say that after what had just transpired between them... an arm flings out across Zhongli's waist to pull him closer, to show him just how close he wants him to be]

...I don't want things to be as they were before. I... I like this.

[whatever "this" is called. is it a romance, or is it something more? what would he consider Zhongli? a companion? or something else? there's no doubt just how close he wants to keep the other, but he's never felt this way about someone else before. the thought is almost terrifying, letting someone else in like this, opening himself up emotionally for another person. Dohalim supposes he already has, but this just goes deeper than trust at this point. it even goes deeper than the feelings he had for his friends. there's a certain word for it, but is it really that?]

Ah-

[it's a soft noise he makes, somehow sweet in the moment, as Dohalim pulls him closer, face buried in the crook of his neck. a sudden show of gentle force, enough to bring a touch of heat to his face if he's not careful.

his own arms slide around Dohalim then, eyes closing as he takes in the warmth of him - natural now, thanks to Rukkhadevata.]

Then... we shall take it one day at a time. [his breath shifts the redhead's hair a little, a little thread of amusement in his voice.] Admittedly, I am not... much more experienced in this than you are. Forgive me.

We can navigate through this together. I just want...

[what does he want? there are so many things, but Dohalim isn't sure he has the words to express what he wants from Zhongli. but it seems that, whatever it is, the deity is willing to give it to him. maybe a bit too willing, but Dohalim will accept it, as selfish as the thought is.

he pulls his head back a bit to look up at Zhongli again, silent for a moment as he just watches him. he hadn't noticed just how... soft he looks, in his contentedness. Dohalim's free hand sneaks up between them, brushing his fingers along Zhongli's lip gently, before leaning in for a chaste kiss]

I just want you by my side... Don't leave me.

[The deity watches quietly as Dohalim works through his wishes, his thoughts. Silently he waits for the answer, whatever it will be to see them boxing forward.

He certainly looks soft in that moment, watching past his lashes until fingers draw over his skin, his lips, and molten gold is covered for a moment in response to the chaste kiss.]

... not for anything. [His voice remains soft, fingers cradling his face.] You will never be rid of me unless you demand it.

[He seals this thought with a chaste kiss in turn, thumb brushing the side of the Renan's face.]

We should rest for now, if you can...

I don't want to.

[while it's childish of him to say so, and in those words, Dohalim feels like he's rested enough. he already missed out on a full conversation between Rukkhadevata and Zhongli, and he feels heaps better than he did before. the logical part of him does tell him that he's still sick (he can feel a little bit of that sickness still lingering), but he doesn't feel like he's going to pass out if he so much as moves around in bed.

no, he wants to spend his waking moments with the deity, now that there's this unspoken, mutual thing between them. perhaps he's getting a little too attached to Zhongli, but still. he can't expect to accept such a confession, only to be told to go sleep]

If I sleep, I'm not sure I will see you in my dreams.

[Zhongli murmurs something at the responses, unable to keep the faint dusting of pink from his cheeks at the absolutely cheesy, sweet line. really, how dare he be like this? the deity doesn't have the excuse of ignoring his own feelings, after all...]

I did tell you to rest, not to sleep. [drawing a thumb across Dohalim's lower lip, he leans in to give him another kiss.] Provided it isn't too rigorous, I'm not unwilling to consider doing something else, if you've an idea.

But... I also like to think you will see me in your dreams.

[he can't promise it, of course, but there's also a world where, if they fall asleep together, they might share the dreamscape again even without the incense.]

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