eggbowl | In my blood...

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]

You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]

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["Hm... I would tread carefully, if the boundary between protectiveness and influence is a blurred line. Especially if it becomes easy to mistaken one for the other."

there's an unreadable look in Rukkhadevata's eyes as she assesses the older god in front of her. to slide back into old ways, to settle things not with words but with fists, this worries her.

"You must remember that even the sturdiest of rock whittles down with time." an allusion to Zhongli's impending erosion; it's not to scare him, but to serve exactly as she says: a reminder. "You need not take on everything by yourself."]

[in the end, it's all difficult. the fact that the corruption manages to be this subtle is most likely only because there's so little of it staining him yet - but it's fine. he has no plans to fall to it, no matter what.]

I am, yes. But-- that, I have not forgotten. It still feels like I never will.

[as much as he knows he will eventually erode, eventually lose himself to the chaotic, harsh nature of his origins...]

Now that we have found you, I certainly have more options. I haven't any intention of leaving him so soon in any case.

[quietly, he stares down at Dohalim, watching his sleeping face for a moment. it's painfully obvious, in that moment of "weakness," to see just how deeply he cares for the Renan. he really is becoming sentimental in his old age.]

[she watches the both of them for a moment, piecing together their relationship. it really is clear that this is more than just a human and god bound together because of astral energy. there's something deeper, much deeper than Zhongli wants to admit, or even know.

"Mortal life is fleeting... If the both of you truly are so bound to each other, you mustn't forget that."

Rukkhadevata knows just how much Zhongli's lost in the past that it serves as another warning. but behind it is something else that she hints at, something that even she herself isn't admitting. no matter, it's not all that important, right now.

"Have you told him how you feel about him?"]

Life as a whole is fleeting, after all.

[He doesn't know what he'll do, in the end. It's just been too long, and he's always had a habit of ignoring or outright denying himself the things he wants emotionally.

The followup question pulls his attention back to her, a faint frown pulling at his lips.]

Not in so many words, I suppose... I thought that my words were rather clear recently, but... I also don't wish to influence him somehow.

[does he actually think Dohalim doesn't like him? Even with all the awkward moments of obsessive possession so far?]

["I sincerely doubt he has any worry of being influenced into reciprocating feelings. He was the one who reached out to you moments before, after all."

the goddess' eyes shift down to Dohalim's and Zhongli's hands; the bond between them is something that seems so sweet to her, despite what had brought them together. if only the old god can see that there is a silver lining to all of this, one that he should embrace.

with her free hand, Rukkhadevata brushes her fingers along Zhongli's cheek, before cupping it gently. green peers into golden amber, into eyes that have seen even more than she has, eyes that have lived through countless generations.

"You have been just as alone as he has. When was the last time you've had a companion?"]

Through our contract, I've been able to give him moments of peace, by his own admission. It's natural to reach for the things that bring you such things, isn't it?

[of course, she's hardly going to stop there. A hand cups his cheek and he allows it, the ambient fuzz of everything fading away a little. The reality is... surprising, perhaps.

In those eyes, in this man who has witnessed so much, is fear. Regret. He would never change the things that he's done, but in so doing, the prospect of having something, lasting or not.]

I... [how long has it been? He'd rarely felt the need for it, deliberately chosen not to dwell on it all... it stalls him a moment, before he exhales a soft, wry laugh.] in the way of which you speak... it was well before our first meeting. I have rarely felt the need to pursue such a thing, given my role before.

[but it stings, clearly. To think back on it and know all the compounding reasons he's chosen not to pursue it when the tug did arise... to know that he's still intending to do the same damn thing now...]

[Rukkhadevata had always prided herself on being the most patient out of the seven of them, listening to mad ramblings that lead to nowhere, and bearing witness to even the most frustrating of situations. all times, she had been calm and collected, offering her own thoughts and suggestions when they were welcome, or even just offered an ear in the times where one would get something off their chest.

and like those times, she doesn't show frustration at Zhongli. not when she can see what swirls in those eyes. it's so rare to think of a man who's done so much, who's done things that most would wilt at, would have that hint of fear and regret hidden away, but she does suppose that even those who carry immense strength would be scared of something in their lives.

"You are just as stubborn as you are sturdy like the rock you wield." of course, she can't help but insert that small tease in there. "You do not have the same role and duties imposed on you like before. My suggestion is to follow what is in here, rather than what is in your head."

she drops her hand to press against Zhongli's chest, her touch light and warm.]

[if he's honest, he doesn't know what to do with that information. not her little tease - gods forbid he doesn't know how stubborn he is. but the idea of following his heart, knowing what it can lead to... no, it's not an easy choice by any means.

for all she knows, and all she doesn't know, that's true. it's terrifying to let himself be earnest about all of it, even with himself.]

Haha... you are wise as ever, Rukkhadevata. [it's a small concession, but it certainly is one.] I shall... take it under consideration. I do wonder if he wouldn't prefer someone better able to understand him, though.

[as if he doesn't really understand, even if he can't offer the words of solace someone like Rukkhadevata could.]

[Rukkhadevata is still as patient as ever; perhaps in her past dealings with Zhongli when he was Rex Lapis had given her the experience of navigating around such stubbornness.

"I think you would find that worry to be unfounded. You understand enough to know what he's going through. You've witnessed this corruption in the past, and will provide support for when Dohalim needs it. In turn, he will provide you with companionship."

trailing her eyes back down on the sleeping Renan on her lap, she hums to herself in thought. "As he and I have reconnected, I can offer my own wisdom and words where you feel you fall short on. Like I've said, you do not have to take on everything by yourself anymore."

it's a particular choice of word in regards to Rukkhadevata's and Dohalim's connection; as if it's been established in the past. she doesn't elaborate, and won't, unless Zhongli questions it]

Perhaps that's so. It's also not... entirely dissimilar to others I have met.

[others who yet live, he knows, shrouded in silence and hidden away from the world. like Xiao, for whom he had once become an escape from his circumstance. but even so...]

I will keep it in mind. But-- reconnected? What do you mean?

[it's a suspicious word choice to be sure, implying that it's nothing new. Zhongli can't help but latch onto it, lips pursing slightly. everything that's happened is just... so strange, more than he could ever have expected.]

[she pauses for a moment to make sure that Dohalim is still asleep, before nodding. there are some things she doesn't wish to reveal to the Renan just yet, especially when not formally discussed.

"Ah, perhaps my phrasing wasn't the best, but surely, you've noticed?" another pause before she continues. "There is more to Dohalim than meets the eye. While... Renans can be rather skilled in using astral energy, there are some that emerge with skill that only some dream about. Even with the Lords--" she huffs out the word stiffly. "--There have been a few who possessed incomprehensable strength and ability."

as she looks down at Dohalim, her face softens, almost endeared by the man in her lap. "He doesn't need to use his master core to display such power. He is aware of it, but yet, he doesn't show it. Perhaps it's not a matter of reconnecting with him personally, but with his lineage. I can feel old magic in him, from the dawn of the mages who walked this land. From the mages who showed devotion to me."]

[Zhongli nods in turn; he's fully aware of how important it is to not tell someone everything, especially when it's a case like this. still... even though he can bear the truth of it, has seen it and felt it himself, the simple idea that this man truly is of that lineage, and so close to his old roots...]

I have noticed, yes. It was... part of why I made my contract with him, only to promptly begin looking for you. His aptitude for both of our halves of the respective energy is unusual even among the old mages.

[his expression softens, warm but a little sad, and for a moment he allows himself to pull Dohalim's hand into his lap, to feel more of his arm against his body. maybe the Renan isn't the only one who's grown addicted to the feeling.]

His lineage... yes, that may be it. Though I saw no reason to manifest before now, I did occasionally feel similar tugs from his predecessors, but they had also grown cynical and greedy. Meanwhile, Dohalim can hardly find it in himself to blame anyone but himself for whatever happens.

[the noise he makes is absolutely exhausted - it's pretty clear that's another spot where he just... can't help Dohalim. no amount of historical evidence will help clear away that anguish.]

["He is... A soft soul. I think, if given the opportunity, he would display much of the curiosity many of those mages have shown. He is, without a doubt, one of their children."

Rukkhadevata can hear the exhaustion in Zhongli's voice; all she can offer him is a sympathetic glance. "There is... So much that lies beneath the surface when it comes to Dohalim. even with them as gods, she's not sure how much they really can help without taking drastic measures. and even with the corruption dispelled, would Dohalim be able to move on from the past? the goddess prides herself in her knowledge of all things, but this is something even she is unsure of. she doesn't voice this worry out loud, not wanting to concern Zhongli. though, she also has hope that the both of them can navigate through this together successfully.

"As for his predecessors, and the Renan people as a whole... It is rather disappointing to see them become so power hungry and greedy. If only they are aware of where they come from, what their history is..."

Rukkhadevata isn't sure if the Renans will ever come to realise their roots. and if they did, how will they fare? will they accept it as truth? or cast it away as lies? how will Dohalim take it?]

He is. None of us would dispute that, I think, even the most temperamental.

[As she speaks of the Renans as a whole, his expression hardens again, slowly but surely. He cannot blame the people, wrapped so tightly in Rena's lies as they are, but it's definitely not a pleasant thought.]

... he will have to learn the truth one day, if he intends to do what he's said he intends. [There is the chance she knows this already, but given she's asked how they're faring, it's worth a mention.] Dohalim has spoken about wanting to dismantle it. Renan society, that is.

[a noble goal, but not for the reasons the redhead thinks it is.]

I intend to support him where I can, of course... and if he is as strong as we feel in him, I think he'll manage in time. Assuming he doesn't fall from his path, of course.

["Ambitious, for someone who was admonished by those who were supposed to be some of his most trusted when he didn't show much ambition as a Renan ruler. I suppose the real obstacle would be how Dohalim takes to the truth."

Rukkhadevata brushes her free hand along the grass beside her, a small patch of flowers sprouting from the ground. she plucks a few to thread in Dohalim's hair, delicately tucking the stems into his curls.

"As for him falling, I do not think I would be wrong in assuming that you would do everything in your power to stop him from doing so."

You're correct, of course. There is little of my power I would spare if it meant a chance at freeing him from this fate. It doesn't matter to me how badly he's underestimated.

[that said, Zhongli lapses into silence after his comment. There's so much to figure out, and his habit of planning everything is displeased with his inability to do so.]

I still believe he will be alright, so long as he realises he's not alone. It will be difficult, of course.

["The sad reality, I'm afraid. It seems he really is tied down to his past traumas. It's a shame that the corruption had found him."

Rukkhadevata continues to thread flowers into the redhead's hair, pausing for a moment when she feels him stir. there's a silence between her and Zhongli, to make sure that Dohalim is still asleep, before continuing.

"I do, however, think that this is something the both of you could resonate with. Even with us gods at our peak, you did take it upon yourself to do things on your own. Now that you've found me, I would like you to at least confide in me while we still have the chance."

she'll admit that she felt rather lonely herself in her solitude, but this is not about her, right now. she only hopes that Zhongli, and by extension, Dohalim, would come to her when need be]

Edited 2023-02-06 08:30 (UTC)

[Zhongli's silence remains for a moment, even after she stops speaking. it makes sense - she's been alone for so long now, after all. the idea of sharing is still one that brings hesitation, but under the circumstances, they do need allies. moreover, he does like the younger god.]

Even back then, I was hardly on my own. Those I contracted with were always there for anything I needed. So you needn't worry. [he can't help but smile a little, reaching out to touch Rukkhadevata's hand.] You'll not be left out of the loop. Not to mention, your knowledge is as indispensable as your company.

[he does pause for thought then, looking down to Dohalim.]

... Hopefully, his people won't have completely lost their minds when they can't find Dohalim right now.

[vibrant eyes widen for a moment as Zhongli reaches over to her hand, before she offers a smile of her own. her hand shifts around to give his as squeeze, before turning her attention back on Dohalim.

"His fever has broken, for the most part, but I would still like him to rest... However, you do bring up a good point. And it's quite a distance back to the palace... Perhaps you should bring him back soon."

Rukkhadevata does wish, at the moment, that she could accompany the both of them, and it's written on her face. she doesn't say anything though, knowing that her place is here, and that she still has a duty to uphold. Zhongli did say that he would converse with her when need be, and that's more than enough for her.

a gentle hand shakes Dohalim's shoulder softly. "Time to wake up, dear."

Dohalim does take his time to rouse himself from sleep, not wanting to pull himself from such a pleasant slumber. but he does eventually come around, slowly pushing himself up-- was he on Rukkhadevata's lap? there's a slight flush on his face as he sits up quickly, bringing a hand up to sort of hide his face. despite the warmth on his cheeks, the fever isn't there anymore.

the goddess laughs softly, reaching up to brush a lock of hair from his face. "I've taken care of your fever. How are you feeling?"]

...Better. Not nearly as sick as before.

["Wonderful. However, once you get back to the palace, I would like for you to rest more. No buts, because I will make sure that Rex Lapis enforces this."]

Yes. I'll have to return with him soon, since we did prevent him from asking his questions.

[sometime, perhaps, she could leave this place temporarily. Even if it's just to come to their aid, it would be something. For now, though... regrettably, they need to get back.

Once Dohalim wakes, he hums softly.]

We'll return once you're feeling better, so you can have your questions answered. [He sounds apologetic, squeezing Dohalim's hand before moving to rise.] We'll need to confer with her on the subject of the corruption, anyway.

["Yes. I will do my research on how to best help. I am sure I will be able to find an answer for you."

as Dohalim stands (him not letting go of Zhongli's hand as he does so), Rukkhadevata follows suit, taking the Renan's other hand. it's a small, comforting gesture as she gently squeezes it, before bringing it up to hold against her chest.

"I may not have the same bond as you and Rex Lapis, but know that I, too, am with you. Let this place, my domain, be a sanctuary to you both if need be."]

Will I be able to find you again?

["Yes, because I've allowed the both of you to."

Dohalim watches Rukkhadevata for a moment, before nodding. he... almost doesn't want to leave, a part of him is drawn to this place, and to this goddess. as if he almost belongs here. but he also should get back to the city and palace, and he also doesn't want to leave Zhongli's side in favour of internal comfort that Rukkhadevata is somehow providing.

it's almost as if she knows what he's thinking; she lets go of Dohalim's hand and nudges him closer to the other deity. "Go with him. He will take care of you." there's a pause there for a moment before she makes an amendment. "You will both take care of each other. You have a bond that no one else can replace. I can feel it, I can see it."]

We shall see you again soon, Rukkhadevata.

[Zhongli is as sure as he sounds in this matter - even if he were less sure, he can't imagine Dohalim could stay away for too long. once he's healed and energetic again...

he says nothing to confirm nor deny her comments about their bond, of course, but it weighs on his mind. telling Dohalim, being clear about it... is it really worthwhile? if he were anyone else, he'd be more sure. he'll think on it, then, as they walk home. until they reach the more populated side of Traslida Highway, he doesn't so much as consider letting go of the redhead's hand. even then, there's a hesitation to it.]

We'll likely want to take a moment to check in with the guards, to ensure your absence hasn't been problematic. I suppose we could lay claim to getting fresh air in one of your gardens, if need be...

[truthfully, he just wants to get the lord back to his room. after his talk with rukkhadevata, the sensation of longing feels that much stronger, and it's hard to keep himself from reaching for the man even once they've reached Viscint.]

[and Dohalim is just as reluctant to let go of Zhongli's hand, grasping at it tightly as they walk away from the grove, and onto the pathway. and when they do part, Dohalim stays rather close to him, his hand brushing the back of the other's, itching to take it again. maybe it's their bond, but he can't help but feel something... deeper. something that's settled, ever since he felt his own astral energy meld together with the deity's. it felt so warm, so loving, that he has to wonder just what Zhongli's feelings are. and there's a matter of his own, what does he really feel about him? and what does Rukkhadevata know about the both of them? she seemed rather knowledgeable, but even then... perhaps, when he sees her next, he'll ask.

as Zhongli speaks, his voice pulls Dohalim out of his thoughts; he hums for a moment]

There are several guards who I'm sure had seen me leave Viscint. Perhaps we can still use the excuse of getting fresh air, just... outside of the city.

[after all, they know of his penchant for sneaking out in the evening, even before all of this had happened, much to his chagrin. some, thankfully, turn a blind eye while some others do fret when he eventually return]

Mm, that is true. In that case, I shall follow your lead on whatever your excuse is.

[brushing his own hair back, Zhongli keeps himself just slightly behind the Renan - deferential, but more importantly just... there, warm and reassuring, as well as able to catch him if he gets too woozy for any reason.

it's a quiet walk, for the most part, and the deity keeps quiet unless he determines that Dohalim needs some confirmation from him. soon enough though, they reach the door to his bedroom, and he gently urges the man inside before closing the door behind them.]

[it's clear that Dohalim does find himself in the same spot time and again as he comes up with some sort of excuse to explain his absence. the guards fret a little more this time, worried because he's sick and that he shouldn't be out so long in case something had happened]

Worry not, I had Zhongli with me. It was only a short walk around the hamlet outside of the city. I haven't had a chance to visit lately.

[this seems to placate the guards as they accept this as an answer, but not before (politely) urging Dohalim to get some rest. while he does look better, it seems, the worry the people have for their lord is still present within the palace.

for all that he does feel better than before, as soon as they reach his bedroom, and the door is closed behind them, Dohalim's shoulders sag a little as he sits down unceremoniously on the edge of his bed. he can feel exhaustion creep up on him; perhaps he isn't fully one hundred percent yet. he has to wonder why Rukkhadevata hadn't completely taken his sickness away yet; was it because she couldn't? or did she not so not to raise suspicion as to why he suddenly looks and feels better? she's a strange goddess, for sure, but for some reason, Dohalim thinks she has her own reasons for her actions]

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