eggbowl | In my blood...

[Dohalim frowns slightly, pressing his face in even more and practically huffing out a sigh. of all the things to say... and things that he didn't expect was for Zhongli to call him that, much less double down on it. but his laugh... it's just as soothing, just as warm. like a small light in this darkness... maybe he can get used to this. maybe he can allow himself soft, intimate moments like this.

however, should someone walk in on them, that would be another story. Dohalim is surprised that rumours about the both of them haven't spread like wildfire in the palace, yet, but it's only a matter of time. Dohalim should try to mitigate some of them, honestly. and yet, all he can do is slide his arms around Zhongli's shoulders, clinging onto him just a little more, just a little tighter. it's strange, just how mere moments ago, he'd craved this sort of warmth and attention to, first and foremost, push the corruption away for a beat. now...]

Will you stay with me for the rest of the day?

[he has work to do, still, and he's sure that the other does as well, but. a big part of him just wants to tuck away in his chambers. it's irresponsible, sure, but perhaps it may be a good idea to take a break. just to reset, and banish those dark thoughts nipping at him]

[Zhongli moves on instinct, really, pressing his lips to the side of Dohalim's face when he shifts his arms, clings a little more. it's all in the name of reassurance and comfort - for both of them, really.

his question earns a soft hum of affirmation, and a hand reaches up to brush fluffy red hair out of Dohalim's face.]

Of course. You could probably use the rest, and I'm happy to be here.

[what happens later... that's for later, really. for now, he just wants to be there. wants to let the man rest, without pain or fear.]

Rest... It's the middle of the day.

[and yet, the idea of just... turning off for a moment sounds appealing. Dohalim is never usually one for a nap, or an extended break, not when he has so much to do. perhaps, he could put some of the less prioritised things on his list aside to tackle at a later date and time, but at the same time, like the workaholic that he is, the idea of doing so makes him nervous. the quietness between them only serves to remind Dohalim just how exhausted he is. rest, in the middle of the day, is a true luxury that he's not sure he can afford.

but rest, especially in Zhongli's embrace... it's too comfortable to move, right now. it's warm, it's soothing, and moving is a prospect he isn't looking forward to when he finally has to face it]

But would it really be alright...

[a gentle inquiry, in all honesty. he doesn't stop himself from settling in the deity's arms further, sighing softly at the gentle touches, at the sound of Zhongli's even breathing]

Indeed, it is.

[there's no attempt at moving, even as he confirms Dohalim's thoughts. after all, it really doesn't matter, does it?]

You're Elde Menancia's precious Lord, Dohalim. Of course it would be alright. I doubt any of them would be happy if you worked yourself sick... let alone my own disappointment at the very idea of such.

[his fingers knead at weary muscles just where they're settled, not entirely intending to change his mind but just because he's comfortable enough that it feels right to do. getting him back to his room sooner than later would be best, too.]

[Dohalim huffs out a soft laugh, shifting as he makes himself even more comfortable in Zhongli's lap. the fingers kneading at him really don't help his argument any as he relaxes under them. not that said argument held much water to begin with]

Menancia's precious lord... It's too high a pedestal for someone like me.

[if the realm knew what was happening behind closed doors, what was happening to him, would their opinions change? would the citizens who stand on his side revolt against him? would they fear him like he was a tyrant, view him like any other Renan?

he has so much pride for this realm, and for the people who uphold the ideals of coexistence. though, those ideals born from a selfish desire to silence thoughts and memories... what would they say to that?]

There is still so much to do before I can turn in for the day. There is always so much to do.

[that reminder alone gets Dohalim to lift his head, and push himself up slightly. the weariness in his bones and muscles are still so prominent, but he can probably ignore it. it was foolish of him to think he could rest so early in the day. even if he desperately wants it]

Rest is an indulgence reserved for those who deserve it, or those who selfishly take it.

You may think so, but rift now, you're what they want... and what they need.

[He continues his motions as long as it's viable, watching quietly as Dohalim begins to talk himself out of it. It's easy, he supposes, when you think you're some kind of monster...]

There is always much to do, and that will remain true of tomorrow as it is today.

[Zhongli doesn't give Dohalim's movements, but neither does he encourage him to get up. Weariness shows so plain to him, and it's a miracle he Renan hasn't gotten sick by now.]

You wouldn't allow your workers to continue working under your current exhaustion, would you? Do you think they deserve for you to overwork yourself for something they never asked for? Your ability to make judgments will only become more impaired if you ignore your body. Even your connection to the healing artes and the earth's energy will avail you nothing, then. You would leave them without a decision-making body for far longer than a scant few hours.

If you're worried, you could always assemble the people and survey their thoughts.

If I were to do so, I feel like I would get nothing but biased answers. I cannot shirk my duties. I have already put too much aside due to all that has happened recently.

[it's reluctance that gets Dohalim to move slowly, but he does eventually does stand. A soft sigh slips from his lips as he brushes a lock of hair from Zhongli's face, before gently cupping the side of his face]

I appreciate this brief pause in our busy schedules. But I must...

[his shoulders slump slightly, his usually perfect posture reflects that weariness. It seems like he's noticed as he straightens his back, pulling his hand away to reach up, crossing his arm over his chest and resting his hand on his shoulder. A habit of his, when he tries to close himself off]

I would still like you to stay by me, but... I cannot afford rest.

[Zhongli gives a faintly discontented noise, even as he leans into the brush of a hand against his face, cupping it gently. He doesn't need the comfort like Dohalim does, but it's... reassuring.]

... can you afford to collapse? [Exhaling a sigh, he shifts to rise in turn. Hands move to deftly return their tea cups to the tray they arrived on, each clinking softly.] I will have to stay close to your side then, lest your exhaustion settle too deep.

[He clearly doesn't mind that, reaching to place a hand over Dohalim's arm.]

You hold yourself to standards far too unreasonable, I hope you know.

[Dohalim nods as he glances at the teacups and pot on the tray. on one hand, what a waste of a fine tea, but on the other hand... he glances back up at Zhongli, letting out a sigh at his observation]

Perhaps I do. But what I do, the work I put in... It is not for me or the Dahnans alone. It...

[Dohalim falls silent for a moment, considering his words. should he tell Zhongli... well, it wouldn't be a surprise, at this point. not after the deaths he's caused. looking down at Zhongli's hand on his arm, he closes his eyes for a brief moment, letting out another sigh. even the touch alone is warm...]

I've killed a dear friend for this position. For something I didn't even want. To shirk my duties would be an insult to him, and to our other friends. My former friends.

[while there was an unamicable parting of ways, Dohalim still cares for them. he still thinks about them. perhaps that may be another fault of his, something he just can't let go of]

[in many ways, it seems such a... small thing, to Zhongli. He always has to remember what ephemeral things they are, mortals. Their lifespans are like fog upon a clear lake, substantial for a time but gone in a blink.

Still, he does sympathize. Of course he does...]

... if it was a case of them or you, then I can hardly begrudge you wanting to live, even if it meant a position you never wanted. [His gaze slips aside to watch the flowers as the shift in the breeze, the warmth of the day bringing a juxtaposition of cheer against the conversation.] life is precious... but I believe I have said before that my bias makes me something of a poor judge.

Sometimes, the only way to move forward is by taking the steps we fear the most. Your friend... I doubt they would want to see you like this. Of course, I can't speak for Renans or your circumstances, but my experience has always been that the... memory is enough, alongside promises kept.

[It's not a subject he wants to linger on for too long personally, though he does wonder if speaking of his own past would help Dohalim in some way. Well... later, perhaps.]

I wish... I could believe the sentimentality behind your words.

[in all honesty, Dohalim has to wonder if Tarnigen would remember him, if the tables were turned in his favour, if the circumstances were switched. he'd wanted this position so badly, but Dohalim knew that they would be competing with each other... Tarnigen excelled in the aptitude tests, but when it came to combat... they had been fierce competitors against each other that Dohalim is sure their duel had been one of the more intense ones, if not entertaining for the Renans who did watch.

his hand lifts from his shoulder to his eyes, rubbing at them with a finger and thumb as he sighs heavily. the past is the past, he supposes, even though he clings to it as penance for the crime he'd committed.

he looks at the cart with the tea and snacks, before reaching over to pick up one of the small sweets and taking a bite out of it]

I do hate to waste all of this...

It's simply how I've seen it.

[he wants to offer him more reassurance, but doesn't know what will help, really. so it's all he can do to just watch him from his place, biting back a sigh at the heavy atmosphere. when had that gotten so exhausting for him?]

... You could always have the servants wrap the treats up for you for later. Were you more amenable to rest, I would suggest bringing them with us now.

[Dohalim gives Zhongli a Look at that anvil sized hint for him to rest, but he chooses not to say anything on it. instead, he finishes his treat as he turns his gaze back down on the plate, contemplating on something. if he's going to be in his office for the rest of the day, then perhaps...]

I don't plan on moving around too much from the office. I think I'll opt to bring them with us. If you want to wheel the cart inside, a servant will take care of it.

[taking the small plate, he moves to walk back inside, trusting Zhongli to take care of the cart. as for the rest of the day, he does indeed spend it in the office, going over his work, hyperfocused in the moment. but every so often, he'll glance up at the other, just to remind himself that he's there. that he hasn't left yet.

Dohalim manages to get through a couple hours before he rests his elbows on his desk as he brings his hands up, rubbing at his eyes with the heels. his eyes are starting to ache, and he can't seem to focus much anymore, as that exhaustion sets in. he should push himself to finish just a bit more work, but he's just so tired even he can't ignore it anymore]

[Zhongli doesn't so much as blink under that Look, letting him make his decisions without further quip. at the comment about bringing the cart back inside, he exhales an affirmative hum. that's easy enough.

and it doesn't take him long at all to settle the cart inside, then return to Dohalim's side. their time at the office is an easy choice as well; he spends much of it just sticking near the young Renan. with his log, it's easy to pass the time while keeping an eye on his charge.

when he's pausing for his exhaustion, Zhongli gives a soft, wry smile. really...]

You look absolutely exhausted... shall we retire for now? [rising to his feet, he steps toward the desk to really look him over.] You've done more than enough, I believe...

[the voiced suggestion almost makes Dohalim decline it, to consider wanting to look over one more document. has he done enough? by his own standards, he's sure he hasn't. the last few hours felt like he hadn't done anything at all, but with his eyes blurring, there's not much he can do. he's pretty sure that the last document he'd read, he had repeated reading the same line.

perhaps, yes, it is time to retire for the evening.

pulling his hands away, he glances up at Zhongli, eyes slightly red from rubbing at them and from reading the small handwriting]

I don't think... I'll ever do enough. But I suppose it's time to...

[Dohalim's voice mirrors his outward exhaustion as he stands. he reaches out to the other, bracing himself as he steadies himself. he hadn't felt that exhaustion when he was sitting, but now that he's on his feet... maybe he did push himself a little too much this time. he supposes dinner will have to wait in lieu of lying down for a bit]

Will you... [there's a small flush on his face at the realisation of what he's about to ask. not that they'd spent a moment in his garden lip locked with each other, with him straddling the deity] Will you lay down with me for a little bit?

That is because you're too demanding of yourself, as I said.

[It's not really a scolding comment, though. The reality is that this is likely how it will always be for him... in turn, it's the least he can do to hold him steady and sturdy. As Dohalim braces himself, Zhongli's hand comes to slip subtly around his waist, a firm support.]

Of course. Should we have them bring dinner to your room, or would you prefer to decide when you wake? [brushing a lock of hair behind Dohalim's ear, he gives another small concerned look. Getting him to bed isn't a big deal, at least, even if he ended up losing balance completely.]

I think... I'll play it by ear. If I end up sleeping the night away, then I'd hate for more food to go to waste.

[not that Dohalim concerned about sleeping the entire night. the last several years, he'd gotten used to interrupted sleep, so if it ends up the same way tonight... maybe he can sneak into the kitchen for something, if he's really that hungry.

for now, he leans against Zhongli for a moment, the arm around his waist and hand brushing his hair back providing small comforts he didn't realise he needed. if someone were to walk in on them... but honestly, Dohalim is so tired that he can't even bring himself to care, at the moment. but he does eventually nudge himself up off Zhongli in favour of straightening out whatever work he didn't finish. the least he could do is organise his desk that he can jump into it tomorrow.

noticing Zhongli's concerned look on his face, Dohalim shakes his head slightly, offering a small smile]

Don't be too concerned. I'm only tired, not ill.

That's fair enough, yes.

[if he managed to sleep through the night... that would be best, wouldn't it? and if he does get hungry, Zhongli is sure he can get something for him no matter the hour.

it would be better if he would stop worrying about the frivolous little things like organisation on something he's going to make a mess of tomorrow anyway, but... well, such is life. Zhongli is there for comfort, and to keep him steady besides. he's not really convinced by the placation either - tired or ill, the resulting danger is the same.]

If you say so. I'm sure it will be fine, since I have no intention of disappearing on you again like before.

[so he can take care of him completely, he doesn't say. it's implied enough,if Dohalim wants the reassurance.]

[it's a small reassurance, but a reassurance all the same. the small smile is still on Dohalim's face as he nods this time, as he straightens up to finally step away from his desk. if he continues to linger, he may never leave]

Come, then. I-- [Dohalim brings a hand up to stifle a yawn] --Think I'm more tired than I realised.

[trusting Zhongli to follow him, he rounds the desk and walks towards and through the door. there's only small tellings of how tired he really is; the slight shuffle of his feet almost betray his usual saunter whenever he walks. still graceful, but it seems like he's clinging onto it, so not to worry anyone who bypasses the both of them. but as soon as he gets back to his room, Dohalim lets out a heavy sigh, reaching up to rub at his eyes again]

Yes... I think I may skip out on dinner tonight.

[Zhongli brooks no complaint, even if Dohalim's words don't settle his concerns. They're only bolstered by the yawning, the slow creep of exhaustion the Renan puts endless effort into hiding. If he were feeling just a little more annoyed, he'd just scoop him up and carry him away.

For now though, he spares the indignity. So long as Dohalim is steady enough in his steps that he only needs a little support, that's fine. It isn't like he doesn't understand, either. Perception is much of a leader's strength, and weakness has no place there. Still, as the door closes behind them, Zhongli exhales a hum.]

That is probably advisable right now. Come, I will remove your regalia and we'll get you to bed.

[it's not like Dohalim can even decline, right now. he's so tired that he's sure that Zhongli could say anything, and he'd agree to it. the thought stirs something in him, reminding him that the deity is his to command; it's a thought he weakly tries to push away. it's in no condition to fight the whispers right now; he's sure that they would take over quickly if he let himself slip further than before.

he waits for the other to start undressing him, eyes half lidded in exhaustion as he struggles to stay standing. he just has to last a few more minutes... but he also has to wonder why he's suddenly so tired. he's overtaxed himself before, but he's never felt this drained... unless... could it have something to do with attempting to keep the corruption at bay? had that, along with everything else, overexerted him to the point where he can barely keep himself up anymore? a terrifying notion, if that's the case, and just one more reason why he should just take his own life. to have to live like this... he almost resents Zhongli for keeping him alive.

but he doesn't say anything on the matter; he stays silent, in fact, as he leans into the soft touches as Zhongli continues to undress him]

[for his part, Zhongli is fairly certain the young Renan is getting a touch of illness. Maybe nothing major, but... he'd like to keep an eye on him nonetheless. So he's swift but careful, setting aside jewelry and fabric after folding.]

... Dohalim... [He pauses, considering his words for a moment before shaking his head.] ... never mind. Obviously, I'll stay with you at least until you sleep, but... if there's anything you desire, anything that will help you relax...

[even as he gives the offer, he's gently settling the redhead in bed, reaching up and brushing fingers over his cheek. He really is so beautiful, so kind and tragic...]

Edited 2022-09-22 07:11 (UTC)

[anything he desires... there are a few things, but he doesn't want to ask of them. he doesn't want to seem needy. but as Zhongli gently pushes him into bed, Dohalim can't help but reach up to gently wrap his fingers around Zhongli's wrist. his grip is loose, but he tugs on it nonetheless. resentful he may be in both his and the other's choice over his own life, he still wants Zhongli in bed with him]

Lie down with me...

[he doesn't like how soft his voice sounds right now, how weak it sounds. to show such a thing to someone else, even if Zhongli has seen sides of him other people aren't privy to... but he gives his wrist another gentle tug. the thought of getting sick doesn't even pass his mind, all he can feel is tired. he really does hope his mind is kind enough to let him have some sleep without any nightmares. perhaps if Zhongli were to...]

...Stay with me...

Of course.

[Honestly, Zhongli had no intention of doing less than that. It's early, yes, and there's much to do later, but it's all things he has no interest in right now.]

I won't go anywhere.

[first, he leans forward to press his forehead to Dohalim's, just a brief touch before climbing in with him. It's nothing the man asked for, but once they're covered, his hands will slide around the Renan, pulling him closer.]

Rest, bǎoshí. [The word slips from his lips unbidden, as he tucks the redhead in under his chin.] anything else you need, you may tell me at any time.

[the pet name almost goes over Dohalim's head; it's a language he's not familiar with. is it perhaps one that was lost to Renan rule? a shame... he would have to ask Zhongli about it when he's of sound mind to do so.

being pulled close and tucked into the deity provides a comfort that Dohalim hadn't realised he truly craved. it's warm, it's... safe. it feels safe, even with the constant threat of corruption nipping at him, threatening to pull him into the darkness again. maybe he really can let himself rest... even though the thought of doing so worries him. his mental constitutions are not the best right now, he'll admit this, so who's to say when he wakes, it'll be him who does so? what if he gets lost in that abyss, and he can't claw his way back out of it? thinking about it only makes Dohalim want to stay up even longer, as fear grips him. if it's not the nightmares, then it's these thoughts...

but no, Zhongli is here. he lifts an arm up to wrap around the other, his hand loosely clinging to the back of his shirt. he burrows into Zhongli's chest, forehead pressing against him as he breathes deeply]

Need nothing else... Just you. Only you.

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