eggbowl | In my blood...

[only more questions and curiosities are raised the more that Zhongli speaks; none of what he's said really answers anything. but they all do wonder just how big of a mistake and misunderstanding this must have all been, but they were worried! surely they could explain the situation to their lord. the three of them are prepared to receive censure for what they've done, but Lord Dohalim is kind, is he not?

"Maybe if we explain things, then it'll be fine. He's an understanding man..."

Dohalim inches ever closer to the forest, dodging those along his path, and briskly dismissing anyone who tries to stop him for conversaion. Zhongli is right in that he can hide his tumult well, but perhaps it has something to do with their contract. he won't hurt anyone who's done nothing.

it's almost as if the trees shift as soon as Dohalim enters the forest, branches cracking ominously from sheer astral energy. as the Renan reaches them, he looks at the men with a wild look in his eyes, slightly hidden behind long bangs. they must be the cause of Zhongli's disappearace]

Where is he?

[Zhongli looks among them again, as if considering their resolve. There's a chance it will be alright, after all, as long as they all speak of what happened truthfully.

Waiting is excruciating, especially as the sensation of Dohalim's own astral energy blankets the area. He'd like to soothe him, to pull him close and apologise, but... for now, the dragon shifts to step forward, tail swishing against the blanket as he does.]

I am here, Lord Dohalim. I am uninjured.

[whether he'd make it to Dohalim or if the man would come to him first, Zhongli's attention is fully on the Renan. Part of it is assessing how deep the corruption has dug, but most of it is just... wanting to see him. And to make it clear from the familiar markings to the tuft of his tail, alongside his voice and their bond, that he is who he claims.]

[Zhongli's words almost go unheard; as Dohalim's eyes flick to Zhongli, his eyes widen for a moment. he... definitely did not leave him in this form, so how... that doesn't matter right this instant, though. his attention is back on the men who now look nervous and repentant, not knowing just how angry their lord is. had they pushed him over an edge that they shouldn't have? but they were trying to protect him...]

What were your intentions with him?

[Dohalim's voice is low and steady, almost too steady. nothing like his usual light tone. as if reading each other's minds, the three men kneel down in front of Dohalim, heads bowed low in apology.

"Please," one of them starts, voice trembling. "We had no intention of hurting Mr. Zhongli. We only wanted to know if he was plotting something against you."]

And you thought... That the best course of action was to abduct him?

[his eyes narrow as more of his astral energy fills the space around them. the voice in Dohalim's head tells him in that soft tone that these men are to be punished for their misdeeds, that they don't really care for him if they carelessly ripped Zhongli away from him.

but that voice also tells him that it's his fault as well. if he hadn't left the deity alone, then this could have been avoided. these men are at fault, yes, but so is he.

"We didn't know what to do! We had watched as he transformed from a human to this creature in your own bed. We thought he was going to hurt you! Especially after what Kelzalik--"]

Do you not think I am capable of protecting myself? I have defended every Dahnan's right to live freely in Menancia. I have done away with Kelzalik myself, and you offer protection against someone I've let close to me?

...

[as Zhongli watches, taking in the astral energy still rising within their space, the sensations between their bond. Dohalim isn't truly listening, he thinks, too busy blaming himself and the circumstances and individuals when in reality, the why matters less than what's actually happened.]

Dohalim.

[trotting over to the Renan, Zhongli rises up and puts his paws on one of the man's legs, climbing up to his tallest height and bonking his cheek against him. like this, he only comes up to around knee-height, but he stays there, peering up at the redhead as if pleading to be lifted.]

If they are at fault, I am too. This likely would not have escalated so... poorly had I awakened when they arrived. I am a little more instinctual in this form. I would ask that you listen to their wishes in full.

[read: he may have definitely freaked out and gone running before his brain caught up with what was actually going on.]

If you are at fault as well, then I will deal with you later.

[Dohalim doesn't know where to direct his anger at this point: does he keep it on the men kneeling in front of him, does he direct it at the small dragon at his feet, or does he torment himself with the idea that if the trio had a more ill intention towards Zhongli, what would have happened. he does forget himself for a moment, his voice holding a tone of threat towards the deity, as if it's in his position to punish him as well-- no, he is. Zhongli had pledged to gracefully accept any and all punishment Dohalim deems is deserved, so why would this be any different?

the Dahnans in front of them don't move, as if waiting for their lord's next move. even in his anger, even as his astral energy bears down on them, they know he's not like other lords. if he were, then they would have been punished already. or... is this how he disciplines? let them mull in their chastisement, before he serves them retribution for all they have done? they want to beg for mercy, like they've done in the past, but... is this what their lord truly wants?

of course, for Dohalim, there is that driving force, that small voice telling him to do it. the corruption's claws have sunk so deep into him that all he can think about how he could have been left alone again if he hadn't shown up in time. it twists those thoughts in his head, enough that it taints that bond between him and the deity. it pulls apart that rationality and fills the gaps with its darkness, pushing Dohalim deeper into it. perhaps it's because he's still sick, or just the circumstance, but he can feel himself sink into it. he's momentarily lost his grip on sanity and rationality; all he knows is this. all he knows is the cold dark.

the three men flinch as Dohalim summons his rod, the end of it brought down onto the wooden floor with a loud thud. it seems he really will punish them after all...]

[bad. it's bad. Zhongli isn't worried about his punishment - he's been here long enough now to know that was almost inevitable anyway. but for these three men... well, this isn't Dohalim. not truly.

this is something deeper that they cannot afford to have slip past this space, and if he continues... if that rod were to come down in judgment of men only trying to protect their lord...

and of course, he isn't without his own pride. it strikes him almost suddenly, his tail thumping thunderously on the floor this time as he shifts back.]

Then I ask you the same question. Do you think, knowing what I am, that I cannot protect myself, Dohalim? That I would enter into our contract were I so weak as to be thwarted by humans?

[the earth astral energy in the air is thick then, growing almost... still. Dohalim may have access to his master core, may have an abundant understanding of it, but he isn't made of it the way Zhongli is. that the man doesn't shift beyond this form means nothing, not when ripples of gold shimmer over his diminutive form, seeping away almost every bit of errant earth energy.

there's always the risk that Dohalim will just attack, but... well, Zhongli always honours his contracts. if he has to endure everyone's injuries to remind the Renan what that contract means, so be it.]

These people have harmed no one. They are your people, and they care for you. I will not allow action to be taken against them.

Why not?

[there's the hint of derangement in Dohalim's voice as those words are punched out of him, eyes flicking back to the deity. even in this form, he's still imperious, perhaps due to his command of his own element. if it were Dohalim in his right mind, he would step back and relinquish control of astral energy, if only to stop trying to fight against Zhongli. however, this isn't Dohalim in his right mind, or much of Dohalim at all; the corruption using him more as a vessel than guiding him]

They've invaded my personal space, removed you from the palace. They've taken you away from me, and you want me to let them go unpunished?

[...well, it's not like he doesn't have a point. they did enter his chambers without express permission to do so (neither one of them really had the clearance to come into his chambers in the first place), and they did not leave his room in the condition it was when they entered it. and... even if Zhongli is more than meets the eye, they did kidnap a member of their lord's court so really...

"My Lord... We offer you our most sincerest apologies... We only pray that, whatever punishment you deliver unto us, is swift. But we will accept what you believe we deserve."

the other two grumble in agreement; it's not like they are in any position to argue, really. even if their intentions were not of ill will, they did commit a slight against their lord, against their better judgement. there were other ways they could have gone, but instead, they went this way, and it backfired]

Be that as it may, this is not the punishment the Lord of Menancia has meted out for transgressions, is it?

Is this the man you want your people to see you become, after everything you've done?

[it's certainly true that there's an argument for punishment - Zhongli wouldn't argue against that in the least, despite his definitive words. but he won't allow astral energy to seep into it, and if he has a choice... well, there's no need for severe punishment for such an infraction. the circumstances are certainly strange, but as he'd said - no harm had come to himself, and he's certain he'd be released to return later.]

Reacting upon your emotions will do no one any good. Keep them somewhere and take your time to decide what is necessary - that should suffice. I did not mean to say that no action should be taken, only that I will not allow it in this moment.

[not when he knows better than anyone how deeply twisted Dohalim's mind likely is right now.]

But they have seen it, yes? They've seen what I've done, what I am becoming... All of Viscint has seen it... Yes, there is no denying it...

[there's a touch of madness in his voice as his gaze darts from the men still kneeling in front of him to the small dragon that is Zhongli. his hold on his rod is tight, knuckles almost white from the sheer grip of it, as if trying to stave off something. his body's still sick, still a little weak from the night before, but it's that corruption that's keeping him upright when all Dohalim, even as he's buried under the taint, wants is to rest. he doesn't want to hurt these people, he wants to let them go. he wants to understand their intentions, he wants to believe them, but the overpowering voice in his head tells him otherwise. don't believe those who've taken from him. why should he, they betrayed his trust and judgement]

They must see the blood that stains my hands... Do they not fear me? Why not?

[he's mostly talking to himself at this point, words muttered. the three look up at him, deep concern in their eyes for their lord; had this entire thing with Kelzalik affected him this deeply? is he beyond their help? but they want to, still, as much as they can. their beloved lord had done so much for them, it's only fair they try to return the favour...

"My Lord... We don't fear you. You haven't given us a reason to..."]

Listen to the words of your people, Dohalim.

[really, this was why he wanted them to leave. if they weren't here, Dohalim would have had no choice but to deal with Zhongli and he could have soothed him first... ah well. it's too late for that now, his position shifting to something a little more relaxed, but no less alert.]

One is hardly defined by single actions, no matter how devastating those actions may seem. I'm certain you are not the only one guilty of willfully turning away from the truth, nor overreacting.

[he doesn't look back, but the implication is there - the simple fact that these three kidnapped him out of sheer panic speaks to the fact, doesn't it? assuming, of course, their words are true... but given the lack of injury, isn't that likely? on top of that, he's been fairly candid about how deplorable some might find some of his own actions in the past.]

[there's something there, something that either Zhongli says, or one of the men says that Dohalim latches onto. the fact that, even after what he's done, even after what he's threatened to do, his own people show him respect, show him that they care. their own transgressions won't go unpunished, of course, but the fact that they understand this and are willing to accept it still, even when he's in this state...

there's a sharp tug on his and Zhongli's bond, as if Dohalim's trying to pull himself out from the depths. he's becoming more self aware of how tired and ill he feels, as a slight tremble starts from his feet and quickly thrum through the rest of his body. he leans heavily on his staff, his free hand coming up to press against the too warm skin of his face. one of the trio, the one who'd been more forthcoming than the other two, slowly pushes himself up to stand, before cautiously approaching the Renan.

"Lord Dohalim... Are you alright?" a gentle hand is placed on his shoulder, but before he could lean into the touch, Dohalim feels himself jerk back]

Don't--

[the wild look in his eyes are still present as he looks up at the man; it's only there for a moment before his own gaze wavers. his eyes slip closed as the metal rod slips from his grip; he can feel the ground tilt from under his feet-- or is that him?

before he can hit the ground, arms wrap around him frantically as he's slowly lowered down. as his awareness comes back to him, so too does the warmth from the fever that had seemingly come back. no surprise, considering the immense stress he'd just been under, but he can feel that grip on their bond slip from his grasp.

above him hover the two other men now scrambling to take the blanket and shove it under Dohalim's head, panicked words muttered between them about how they've driven their lord to this point]

[as the men move, Zhongli watches - this is something he can't personally assist with, even as exhaustion starts to visibly affect Dohalim. now, more than ever, he's utterly frustrated by his circumstance. he has enough astral energy to shift now, but without any clothes...]

... he'll be alright. He's still feverish, and it probably caught up with him.

[shaking off the remaining threatening aura, the dragon draws closer again. this is his fault, too, after all. one paw shifts to reach up, resting on his forehead; it's cool as stone in that moment, even if Dohalim himself can't really register it.]

Take him back to his room, if you would, and retrieve a simple meal. And I know that he doesn't wish for others to realise how difficult this is, but... it would be best if his burdens can be shared among qualified staff.

[there's a hint of nervousness between the three of them, not for how Dohalim may react to being carried back to the palace and his room, but doing so in broad daylight, through the hustle and bustle of Viscint. sure, it's a short walk from the forest, and they aren't too deep into it, but...

"What about you? Are you coming with us or are you hanging back?"

it's a simple question, but it does feed into their nervousness for a moment. this whole thing happened because they'd taken Zhongli away from the palace, so they don't want a repeat of this whole thing again. the three of them, while they can't read each other's minds, all come to the same conclusion: what they've witnessed here was probably something they never should have. Dohalim is a private man when it comes to concerns regarding himself, so for... most of this to be out in the open seems a bit taboo. of course, this secret will be kept between them, but how will they convince their lord of that?

Dohalim, on the other hand, picks up on the question; eyes crack open with slight panic in them, not wanting to be separated from the deity. he desperately grasps onto their bond again, weakly, but it's there]

No... He needs to stay...

Hush now. I wouldn't leave you again, my Lord.

[Zhongli's words are quiet, and he leans in to bump his cheek against the redhead's. it's not something he should be doing, really; not where others can see. still, he doesn't even hesitate.]

I will be following nearby. Worry not, I will remain nearby. There are enough of you, I think, that I can easily stay out of easy sight.

[people don't tend to look at others' feet too much, after all, and he's pretty small. adding to that the astral energy, and he could make himself practically invisible if he needed to...]

[the men nod as they carefully move Dohalim up. there are soft apologies said to him as two of them help him onto the burlier of the three, making sure he's as comfortable as they can get him. they're slow to lift him up, and there's an afterthought to throw the blanket over Dohalim to at least keep him mostly hidden, before they make their way back up to Autelina Palace. they do get strange looks from passersby, but all eyes are on the men and not the small creature hanging by their feet.

some questions are raised as soon as they get to the palace doors; one lifts the blanket from Dohalim's head enough to show the guard who they're transporting. there's a quick explanation ("We found him mulling about in the forest, and he collapsed-- he's fine, he just needs rest--") before they're let through to take him to his chambers. they're just as careful at lowering Dohalim down onto the bed and tucking the thicker duvet over him; there are more muttered apologies towards the Renan before they leave to go find him something to eat. with everything that's happened, they trust that Zhongli will take care of the rest.

Dohalim had been in and out of it the entire way back up to his room; the next time he opens his eyes, he's surprised to find himself tucked in his bed. somehow, he feels even sicker than the day before, and with a soft groan, he shifts around and curls up into the fetal position. as much as he wants to push himself up to see if Zhongli is still with him, he just can't, too tired to do anything. so, instead, he calls out to the deity softly]

[Zhongli is nearby throughout the transport, pushing down any worry that threatens to bubble up during the trip. getting through isn't an issue, but he has no idea what state Dohalim will be in once he settles into bed. even with food... he shouldn't have let the man get up, he supposes.

not being sick often himself, he's woefully unequipped to handle or understand what to expect, and that's something of a shame here and now. but as the men take their leave, Zhongli inclines his head toward them and sighs when they close the door. now that they're gone, he can shift back into a human form, finding his overnight clothes and managing to pull his pants on before Dohalim calls for him.]

I am here, Dohalim.

[there's the shift of weight on the bed as the deity sits down, reaching forward to brush his hair back. his expression is unusually melancholic, full of concern and guilt.]

I'm sorry.

[as soon as he feels that hand pushing against his hair, Dohalim reaches up to grasp at Zhongli's wrist weakly, as if trying to convince himself that he's tangibly there. eyes slowly trail up to look at the deity, before letting them slip closed again, as he curls up even more. yes, he definitely feels sicker than before, his weakened mental constitution adding fuel to that fire]

It... It's sunk in too deep this time...

[there's no way he can fight off the corruption on his own like this; it's like he's teetering on a tightrope, threatening to fall, just desperately trying to hold onto his own sense of self. but the darkness is just so inviting, with whispers of promises of calm silence to give in to. he could just slip and that would be the end of it. he wouldn't have to fight anymore. he wouldn't feel like he's being torn apart if someone were to take Zhongli away from him again--]

I can't...

Just focus on me, for now.

[Zhongli shifts his hand to lace their fingers together, warm and strong as always. there's so painfully little he can do, unequipped for such deeply rooted fears - the corruption he can bat at, but the rest...

his other hand moves to at least remove the metal pieces of Dohalim's regalia, to ensure that at least those won't bite into his skin. once he's done that, the deity moves to pull the other closer, unbothered by his lack of shirt.]

I will do whatever I can to assist you, Dohalim; whatever will help cement the fact that I am here, that I will not leave. You need only ask. We will be alright. If you need to give in for a time... I can take it.

[it's the easiest way to quell the corruption when it's bitten down deep, after all, and Zhongli is sturdy. he'll be fine. no one will even know, most likely.]

I don't...

[he doesn't want to. he doesn't want to sink into that darkness, as inviting as it is. he's afraid that, with how deep it's burrowed into his subconscious, that if he were to give into it, he wouldn't come out of it. he's afraid that it'll overtake him completely, and he'll be lost to it. death would be preferable than that. at least, there won't be a chance that he could hurt Zhongli.

his hand holds onto the deity's as tightly as he can, but it doesn't completely stop him from slipping just a little deeper into the abyss in his mind, feeling the grasp of corruption pull him down. the fear of losing Zhongli, the fear of being left alone again. but there's also a murmur, whispers that he won't ever really be alone, that the corruption will always be with him. that the corruption owns him. and that... that, somehow, is more terrifying than solitude. that this unknown, invisible force has buried itself so deep into him that it's both a separate entity and part of himself.

Dohalim can't think straight, in part because of the intrusive thoughts swirling in his head, and the high fever that had come back in full force, fogging his brain. when he does speak next, his words are soft and weak, a near whisper, eyes cracking open once more to look at the other man]

I don't want to give in... I don't want to lose myself.

You won't lose yourself. This I can promise.

[no matter what choices Dohalim makes, he won't just let that go unchanged. his grip is less fierce than the redhead's, but it doesn't change how firm it is. his free hand continues to stroke through his hair, breathing slow and even. this isn't an easy task by any means, but he's still here to do it.]

I want you to be able to rest. However that comes to you, I will take care of the rest. So long as you don't give up on me, I will never give up on you.

[no matter what happens, he's come to care too much. he still has plenty to give and he's quite willing to test his own limits, especially if they can search for more answers. if they could just get the corruption out of the way and let these experiences be all Dohalim's, that would be much, much more ideal.]

[Dohalim mutters something under his breath, incoherent but hurried, tinged with anxious energy. there's the slow, loosening grip he has on reality, melting into the darkness. does Zhongli not realise his fear? does he not acknowledge it? these are the questions whispered to him now; it almost feels like something is prying his hand loose from Zhongli's, dragging him further and further down. it's like he's being plunged into a cold ocean, weighed down, unable to scramble up to the surface. and just like that, everything is muted around him as he's tucked himself into the silent recesses of his mind, surrounded by that taint; it's all he knows, now.

outward appearances seem like Dohalim's calmed down; he's still, breathing a little too evenly for the panic that was present moments ago. he makes a move to untangle himself from Zhongli's hold, slowly sitting up. there's a slight tremble as he struggles to keep himself upright]

You should give up.

[Dohalim's voice is even and soft, and he doesn't look over his shoulder at Zhongli]

[Zhongli lets him go, though a thread of concern is there at the sudden change. of course he understands why Dohalim is afraid... but he also knows himself and his abilities. he knows how much of a pull it can have, and ways to restrain it when it threatens to become too much. it's only that it's a risk to move too early, and even then... would the Renan accept it? would he understand?

the words, as Zhongli sits up, bring him further pause. his gaze turns in his direction, and he exhales a soft hum.]

... and why do you think that, Dohalim?

[there's something raw about the words, calm as they are. it pits uncomfortably in his stomach, clawing at his senses. does the redhead want him to go? is he himself really so bad at what he's trying that... no, surely not. he'll not entertain those thoughts, not until he's forced to. he wants to be around Dohalim. that's what matters. right?]

[there's silence again, as if Dohalim tries to consider his words carefully. a soft hum in response at first, his gaze trailed down at his own hands folded neatly in his lap]

Because... Isn't it exhausting to keep fighting a losing battle?

[his shoulders hunch over as he continues to struggle to keep himself up, but he ignores it for now. there are points he must make, after all. but is it he who's making those points, or is it something else? it's almost as if the corruption itself is speaking through him, but that's impossible. right?]

But then again, you said it yourself. A warrior god... You must have fought countless battles. Am I another battle you must win? Is that all I am?

[he huffs out a derisive laugh, tilting his head back just enough to look at Zhongli. there's that madness in his eyes again, widened amber peering through red locks]

...

[it's strange. such a claim wouldn't sting normally, he thinks. to think that Dohalim really sees him in that way...]

You are neither battle nor destined to lose. If there is a battle, then it is yours to fight - I would never claim to be able to do so for you. I... [he doesn't quite sag, but there's definitely something that changes in his posture.] My being a warrior god is unrelated to you at all. Were you in need of protection, certainly, I would step in, but...

[another sigh, heavy in the air, follows as Zhongli's eyes threaten to lower.]

If you have mistaken my intent, then it is my fault. You are a man I've come to care for, to want to see flourish. It's a selfish wish, I know; one that I'm beginning to think you may not share. [after all, he's implied it before. begged to have his life taken. Zhongli never found himself hesitating before now, and yet...]

[the admission doesn't go unnoticed by the Renan; he shifts around, body twisting so he can look at Zhongli with those crazed eyes. there's a flush under his skin from the fever; with how close he is to the deity's face he is all of a sudden, Zhongli might feel the heat radiate off him]

"Beginning to think"? Were my words not enough for you?

[a hand slides up to gently wrap around Zhongli's throat, but it doesn't squeeze like it usually does whenever the corruption's gotten its hold on Dohalim. no, instead, he gently pushes the other back down onto the bed, before moving to straddle him]

I've wished for death so many times. I've begged in the silence, I've begged to you, and yet... the fates are not so kind. Why preserve the life of someone who does not want it? Why fight to keep someone alive when they feel they don't deserve it? When the bloodstains on their hands will only be washed away once their light is snuffed out?

Your efforts are placed on the wrong person. If you are the god of this land, then protect those who truly belong on it. You are wasting your time and energy on me.

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