eggbowl | In my blood...

[in many ways, it seems such a... small thing, to Zhongli. He always has to remember what ephemeral things they are, mortals. Their lifespans are like fog upon a clear lake, substantial for a time but gone in a blink.

Still, he does sympathize. Of course he does...]

... if it was a case of them or you, then I can hardly begrudge you wanting to live, even if it meant a position you never wanted. [His gaze slips aside to watch the flowers as the shift in the breeze, the warmth of the day bringing a juxtaposition of cheer against the conversation.] life is precious... but I believe I have said before that my bias makes me something of a poor judge.

Sometimes, the only way to move forward is by taking the steps we fear the most. Your friend... I doubt they would want to see you like this. Of course, I can't speak for Renans or your circumstances, but my experience has always been that the... memory is enough, alongside promises kept.

[It's not a subject he wants to linger on for too long personally, though he does wonder if speaking of his own past would help Dohalim in some way. Well... later, perhaps.]

I wish... I could believe the sentimentality behind your words.

[in all honesty, Dohalim has to wonder if Tarnigen would remember him, if the tables were turned in his favour, if the circumstances were switched. he'd wanted this position so badly, but Dohalim knew that they would be competing with each other... Tarnigen excelled in the aptitude tests, but when it came to combat... they had been fierce competitors against each other that Dohalim is sure their duel had been one of the more intense ones, if not entertaining for the Renans who did watch.

his hand lifts from his shoulder to his eyes, rubbing at them with a finger and thumb as he sighs heavily. the past is the past, he supposes, even though he clings to it as penance for the crime he'd committed.

he looks at the cart with the tea and snacks, before reaching over to pick up one of the small sweets and taking a bite out of it]

I do hate to waste all of this...

It's simply how I've seen it.

[he wants to offer him more reassurance, but doesn't know what will help, really. so it's all he can do to just watch him from his place, biting back a sigh at the heavy atmosphere. when had that gotten so exhausting for him?]

... You could always have the servants wrap the treats up for you for later. Were you more amenable to rest, I would suggest bringing them with us now.

[Dohalim gives Zhongli a Look at that anvil sized hint for him to rest, but he chooses not to say anything on it. instead, he finishes his treat as he turns his gaze back down on the plate, contemplating on something. if he's going to be in his office for the rest of the day, then perhaps...]

I don't plan on moving around too much from the office. I think I'll opt to bring them with us. If you want to wheel the cart inside, a servant will take care of it.

[taking the small plate, he moves to walk back inside, trusting Zhongli to take care of the cart. as for the rest of the day, he does indeed spend it in the office, going over his work, hyperfocused in the moment. but every so often, he'll glance up at the other, just to remind himself that he's there. that he hasn't left yet.

Dohalim manages to get through a couple hours before he rests his elbows on his desk as he brings his hands up, rubbing at his eyes with the heels. his eyes are starting to ache, and he can't seem to focus much anymore, as that exhaustion sets in. he should push himself to finish just a bit more work, but he's just so tired even he can't ignore it anymore]

[Zhongli doesn't so much as blink under that Look, letting him make his decisions without further quip. at the comment about bringing the cart back inside, he exhales an affirmative hum. that's easy enough.

and it doesn't take him long at all to settle the cart inside, then return to Dohalim's side. their time at the office is an easy choice as well; he spends much of it just sticking near the young Renan. with his log, it's easy to pass the time while keeping an eye on his charge.

when he's pausing for his exhaustion, Zhongli gives a soft, wry smile. really...]

You look absolutely exhausted... shall we retire for now? [rising to his feet, he steps toward the desk to really look him over.] You've done more than enough, I believe...

[the voiced suggestion almost makes Dohalim decline it, to consider wanting to look over one more document. has he done enough? by his own standards, he's sure he hasn't. the last few hours felt like he hadn't done anything at all, but with his eyes blurring, there's not much he can do. he's pretty sure that the last document he'd read, he had repeated reading the same line.

perhaps, yes, it is time to retire for the evening.

pulling his hands away, he glances up at Zhongli, eyes slightly red from rubbing at them and from reading the small handwriting]

I don't think... I'll ever do enough. But I suppose it's time to...

[Dohalim's voice mirrors his outward exhaustion as he stands. he reaches out to the other, bracing himself as he steadies himself. he hadn't felt that exhaustion when he was sitting, but now that he's on his feet... maybe he did push himself a little too much this time. he supposes dinner will have to wait in lieu of lying down for a bit]

Will you... [there's a small flush on his face at the realisation of what he's about to ask. not that they'd spent a moment in his garden lip locked with each other, with him straddling the deity] Will you lay down with me for a little bit?

That is because you're too demanding of yourself, as I said.

[It's not really a scolding comment, though. The reality is that this is likely how it will always be for him... in turn, it's the least he can do to hold him steady and sturdy. As Dohalim braces himself, Zhongli's hand comes to slip subtly around his waist, a firm support.]

Of course. Should we have them bring dinner to your room, or would you prefer to decide when you wake? [brushing a lock of hair behind Dohalim's ear, he gives another small concerned look. Getting him to bed isn't a big deal, at least, even if he ended up losing balance completely.]

I think... I'll play it by ear. If I end up sleeping the night away, then I'd hate for more food to go to waste.

[not that Dohalim concerned about sleeping the entire night. the last several years, he'd gotten used to interrupted sleep, so if it ends up the same way tonight... maybe he can sneak into the kitchen for something, if he's really that hungry.

for now, he leans against Zhongli for a moment, the arm around his waist and hand brushing his hair back providing small comforts he didn't realise he needed. if someone were to walk in on them... but honestly, Dohalim is so tired that he can't even bring himself to care, at the moment. but he does eventually nudge himself up off Zhongli in favour of straightening out whatever work he didn't finish. the least he could do is organise his desk that he can jump into it tomorrow.

noticing Zhongli's concerned look on his face, Dohalim shakes his head slightly, offering a small smile]

Don't be too concerned. I'm only tired, not ill.

That's fair enough, yes.

[if he managed to sleep through the night... that would be best, wouldn't it? and if he does get hungry, Zhongli is sure he can get something for him no matter the hour.

it would be better if he would stop worrying about the frivolous little things like organisation on something he's going to make a mess of tomorrow anyway, but... well, such is life. Zhongli is there for comfort, and to keep him steady besides. he's not really convinced by the placation either - tired or ill, the resulting danger is the same.]

If you say so. I'm sure it will be fine, since I have no intention of disappearing on you again like before.

[so he can take care of him completely, he doesn't say. it's implied enough,if Dohalim wants the reassurance.]

[it's a small reassurance, but a reassurance all the same. the small smile is still on Dohalim's face as he nods this time, as he straightens up to finally step away from his desk. if he continues to linger, he may never leave]

Come, then. I-- [Dohalim brings a hand up to stifle a yawn] --Think I'm more tired than I realised.

[trusting Zhongli to follow him, he rounds the desk and walks towards and through the door. there's only small tellings of how tired he really is; the slight shuffle of his feet almost betray his usual saunter whenever he walks. still graceful, but it seems like he's clinging onto it, so not to worry anyone who bypasses the both of them. but as soon as he gets back to his room, Dohalim lets out a heavy sigh, reaching up to rub at his eyes again]

Yes... I think I may skip out on dinner tonight.

[Zhongli brooks no complaint, even if Dohalim's words don't settle his concerns. They're only bolstered by the yawning, the slow creep of exhaustion the Renan puts endless effort into hiding. If he were feeling just a little more annoyed, he'd just scoop him up and carry him away.

For now though, he spares the indignity. So long as Dohalim is steady enough in his steps that he only needs a little support, that's fine. It isn't like he doesn't understand, either. Perception is much of a leader's strength, and weakness has no place there. Still, as the door closes behind them, Zhongli exhales a hum.]

That is probably advisable right now. Come, I will remove your regalia and we'll get you to bed.

[it's not like Dohalim can even decline, right now. he's so tired that he's sure that Zhongli could say anything, and he'd agree to it. the thought stirs something in him, reminding him that the deity is his to command; it's a thought he weakly tries to push away. it's in no condition to fight the whispers right now; he's sure that they would take over quickly if he let himself slip further than before.

he waits for the other to start undressing him, eyes half lidded in exhaustion as he struggles to stay standing. he just has to last a few more minutes... but he also has to wonder why he's suddenly so tired. he's overtaxed himself before, but he's never felt this drained... unless... could it have something to do with attempting to keep the corruption at bay? had that, along with everything else, overexerted him to the point where he can barely keep himself up anymore? a terrifying notion, if that's the case, and just one more reason why he should just take his own life. to have to live like this... he almost resents Zhongli for keeping him alive.

but he doesn't say anything on the matter; he stays silent, in fact, as he leans into the soft touches as Zhongli continues to undress him]

[for his part, Zhongli is fairly certain the young Renan is getting a touch of illness. Maybe nothing major, but... he'd like to keep an eye on him nonetheless. So he's swift but careful, setting aside jewelry and fabric after folding.]

... Dohalim... [He pauses, considering his words for a moment before shaking his head.] ... never mind. Obviously, I'll stay with you at least until you sleep, but... if there's anything you desire, anything that will help you relax...

[even as he gives the offer, he's gently settling the redhead in bed, reaching up and brushing fingers over his cheek. He really is so beautiful, so kind and tragic...]

Edited 2022-09-22 07:11 (UTC)

[anything he desires... there are a few things, but he doesn't want to ask of them. he doesn't want to seem needy. but as Zhongli gently pushes him into bed, Dohalim can't help but reach up to gently wrap his fingers around Zhongli's wrist. his grip is loose, but he tugs on it nonetheless. resentful he may be in both his and the other's choice over his own life, he still wants Zhongli in bed with him]

Lie down with me...

[he doesn't like how soft his voice sounds right now, how weak it sounds. to show such a thing to someone else, even if Zhongli has seen sides of him other people aren't privy to... but he gives his wrist another gentle tug. the thought of getting sick doesn't even pass his mind, all he can feel is tired. he really does hope his mind is kind enough to let him have some sleep without any nightmares. perhaps if Zhongli were to...]

...Stay with me...

Of course.

[Honestly, Zhongli had no intention of doing less than that. It's early, yes, and there's much to do later, but it's all things he has no interest in right now.]

I won't go anywhere.

[first, he leans forward to press his forehead to Dohalim's, just a brief touch before climbing in with him. It's nothing the man asked for, but once they're covered, his hands will slide around the Renan, pulling him closer.]

Rest, bǎoshí. [The word slips from his lips unbidden, as he tucks the redhead in under his chin.] anything else you need, you may tell me at any time.

[the pet name almost goes over Dohalim's head; it's a language he's not familiar with. is it perhaps one that was lost to Renan rule? a shame... he would have to ask Zhongli about it when he's of sound mind to do so.

being pulled close and tucked into the deity provides a comfort that Dohalim hadn't realised he truly craved. it's warm, it's... safe. it feels safe, even with the constant threat of corruption nipping at him, threatening to pull him into the darkness again. maybe he really can let himself rest... even though the thought of doing so worries him. his mental constitutions are not the best right now, he'll admit this, so who's to say when he wakes, it'll be him who does so? what if he gets lost in that abyss, and he can't claw his way back out of it? thinking about it only makes Dohalim want to stay up even longer, as fear grips him. if it's not the nightmares, then it's these thoughts...

but no, Zhongli is here. he lifts an arm up to wrap around the other, his hand loosely clinging to the back of his shirt. he burrows into Zhongli's chest, forehead pressing against him as he breathes deeply]

Need nothing else... Just you. Only you.

[It's such a bad idea, really. Getting so... attached. Zhongli has always been so careful to keep a modicum of distance between himself and his charges... himself and everyone, really... but even before their contract, he had struggled with Dohalim. Without knowing why - he certainly didn't find an interest in previous Lords - he'd found himself returning to Elde Menancia time and again. Found himself keeping an eye on the young Lord, watching him grow. There's so much he should explain, but for his lofty vocabulary, he has no words.

But this... guiltily, he clings to this. Selfishly, he takes comfort in Dohalim's need for his presence, the way he clings to Zhongli and burrows in close.]

... then you shall have me. I won't leave you of my own will, Dohalim.

[closing his eyes, he nuzzles the top of Dohalim's head, stroking his hair in soothing motions. There really is so much he should say. Things he should make clear. But if he does... if he's wrong...]

[nodding, Dohalim only burrows in deeper, until he's curled up into as much of a ball as he can. warm and safe... even with the corruption in him, this is still safe. he wonders for a moment just how long that sense of safety will last, but it's quickly pushed aside, not wanting to taint this. so much is already tarnished, but that... he wants to keep that pure.

eyes flutter closed as loses the struggle to keep them open; the tension in his body starting to relax as he slowly slips into slumber. warm and safe, he just has to keep reminding himself of that. hopefully it'll be enough to keep the worst of the nightmares at bay.

though, his subconscious has a different idea; as soon as he falls asleep, he's plagued with them, this time of the silver lake under Viscint, with whispers reminding him that he's done this. he finds himself waist deep in the substance, hands emerging from under the surface, violently grabbing at him to pull him under. he fights, it, but they still cling to him; he begs and pleads for it to stop as he frantically apologies. but even then, as those hands reach higher, to grab his shoulders, to pull him down, does Dohalim succumb to it and plunges into the lake--

with a gasp, he wakes again, disoriented and confused, breathing heavy. he can feel a light sheen of sweat on his brow. the daze has him trying to gather himself again, to remind himself that he's here and not the corruption; though even that still clings to him and the nightmare.

as all of that weighs in his mind, there's one thing that Dohalim focuses on the most: is Zhongli still here...? he needs him. he needs him so desperately, right now]

[There's no resistance in that movement, Zhongli adjusting himself to envelop as much of Dohalim as he can. He rarely needs rest, so it's easy to stay here and watch over him too. Perhaps there's a short exchange with a servant, but nothing that should bring him away from Dohalim himself.

Which is a good thing, as it turns out. As the nightmares take hold, the deity remains there to give soothing gestures or hum a soft, relaxing song. He has no idea of any of it will help, but he tries. And by the time the Renan wakes, there's a soft furrow to his brow, hand coming to rest on his cheek.]

... I'm right here, Dohalim. Breathe slowly, it was just a nightmare.

[... it hurts, he's surprised to realise, not being able to really help. To just be here in a reactive sense. Still, with the sheen of sweat and the panic in Dohalim's body, Zhongli raises a hand to rest the back of it over his forehead, both to check his temperature and to offer a reminder that he is still here.]

[Dohalim wants to retort, say something about how this was not just a nightmare, that it felt real, that he could feel himself choking on the Hollowed people in that lake--

But he doesn't say anything of the sort, only making a soft sound at the unnatural coolness of Zhongli's hand on his forehead. Or, perhaps, is it him who feels warm? The dizzy exhaustion is still persistent; had he not slept long enough for it to dissipate? He usually doesn't get much sleep on the nights where his nightmares are the worst, and he's usually fine, but... maybe all of this is finally catching up with him.

The panic is still present, his heart thumping heavily in his chest. He tries to even out his breathing, but being pressed so close to Zhongli isn't helping much. Pushing himself away, he moves himself up onto his elbows. Eyes squeeze shut as he tries to calm himself down]

Dohalim.

[Zhongli doesn't stop the Renan from moving, simply shifting to sit up and place a hand on his thigh. he doesn't have the proclivity for healing artes that Dohalim does, but he offers some of his astral energy nonetheless, a soothing presence to hopefully help him relax even a little.]

Take your time. Focus on my voice. I'm right here, I won't go anywhere, and you are not alone.

[he'll need to catch one of the servants to bring him water and some hot broth, but that can wait.]

[focus... what little he already has trying to even out his breathing and pull himself away from the dregs of his nightmare is quickly waning, only making the situation worse. the hand on his thigh almost goes unnoticed, and Zhongli's voice amidst the rushing of blood in his ears nearly unheard. but as that astral energy seeps into him, it wraps around him like a comforting blanket. not nearly enough to completely push the panic away, but it does help in prying the claws of corruption away from him for the moment.

pushing himself up to sit, Dohalim hunches over, pressing his hands to his face as he tries to take a few deep breaths in. it's a struggle, to calm himself, and the dizziness really doesn't help. he's more aware of how warm he feels, now, how... sickly he feels. weak, hot, but cold at the same time. he detests the feeling, irritated with himself that he'd succumbed to this illness. he casts a small healing arte to try to alleviate the symptoms, but to no avail. a small sound slips from his lips as he tries again; it doesn't do much except make him feel even weaker for using what little energy he has at the moment]

Zhongli...

[it's all he can muster out before he tips, leaning heavily against the other. perhaps trying to use his artes while he's sick may not be the best idea... it seems he'll have to try to get over this the old fashioned way]

Don't risk further exhaustion, Dohalim...

[he's right there, at least, shifting to give the redhead a better place to lean. fingers brush his hair back, and he exhales a soft sigh.]

Of all the times to be reminded that plants were never my forte... you've a considerable fever, and you're obviously not feeling well. Rest on me for a time, and when you've managed to doze off, I will call a servant to bring something for this.

[maybe it would be less painful, honestly, if he just went with I told you so. instead, he's blatantly concerned, wiping away sweat without a second thought.]

[Dohalim shakes his head slightly, making another small sound. the idea of sleeping again only sends another pang of panic through him, but as he's too tired and weak,, Dohalim doesn't move to push himself up again, or deny that he's sick]

No sleep... I...

[he knows the nightmares will come back, he knows there's no escaping them. ever since those events, his nightmares have truly gotten so bad, that he finds himself waking up like this in the middle of the night. but it's not that he doesn't realise this is sustainable, either. he knows he should sleep, but... it's the anxiety of living out the same nightmare over and over again that compels him to want to stay up]

If you... Have something I can use to write...

[even talking is exhausting. but if he can manage to write, he can jot down some medicinal herbs found outside of the city]

[for a long moment, Zhongli is quiet, considering. there's a lot to do, more still to take care of, but until Dohalim can get some actual rest, he doesn't dare part for long.]

Alright. I won't push you toward it. But in turn... can you be a little patient for me?

[he doesn't explain immediately, stepping off to find the pen and pad he keeps with his clothes, settling down next to the Renan once more.]

If you think you can give me a little time, there is an herbal blend that I can concoct to help you rest. It will ensure, at least, that your dreams aren't nightmares.

[in actuality, it has more to do with Zhongli's presence affecting the dreamscape, but that's a lot of explaining he doesn't want to waste Dohalim's limited energy on. it'll still do effectively what he'd said, anyway.]

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