eggbowl | In my blood...

[while Dohalim does resonate with the earth itself, as is his affinity to wield earth astral artes, he's also been able to extend that to plants as well. alongside being able to control the ground and rock under their feet and manipulate it to his will, so too can he with his vines, summoning them in the heat of battle. but not only that, it's almost like he can feel the plants' as if there's a sentience to them. it's odd to explain, which is why he doesn't. but perhaps the feeling of the plants is what seems to soothe him, sometimes, as he finds himself sitting in the garden often. a meditative experience, he could say. but that was before the corruption. now he's sure that he'd hear nothing but those whispers if he were to sit in silence.

he watches Zhongli while pouring out their tea, perfectly steeped and fragrant. a Menancian offering, of course, of the finest tea leaves in the realm. picking up his teacup and inhaling, Dohalim lets out a soft sigh]

They must have used the leaves from the peaks dividing Menancia and Cyslodia. Aromatic and flavourful...

[Zhongli's eyes close as he takes in the scent of the tea, fingers curling gently around the cup.]

Indeed. Picked recently, I believe. It smells a touch sweeter than normal, with a richer depth.

[he could go on for ages, he knows... but somehow, the idea of prattling on about the things he knows falls flat. instead, his attention wavers between the offerings and Dohalim, mind wandering. how to proceed, how to work through what they need... he knows the people of Viscint won't stay silent, nor are they stupid enough to miss what's going on. perhaps not the depth of the issue, but his sudden closeness to their Lord...]

Mm, yes. Truly a treat for the senses.

[Dohalim blows on it for a moment, before taking a sip. it seems like the tea had pushed away the corruption for the time being; he's pretty sure it's a brief interlude, so he'll take what he can get.

with his free hand, he reaches over to gently place it over Zhongli's arm again, not wanting to go without some sort of contact. he has the same thoughts about Viscint's people, especially those within his court. there is no doubt about his closeness with the deity, and he has to wonder if there would be any contention about it. after all, who he thought to be his most trusted advisor turned out to be a traitor...

if the time comes where he has to explain his closeness to Zhongli... would he be able to? would he want to? it would open up another multitude of problems if he were honest as to why Zhongli is so close, but what could he possibly say in lieu of "he keeps my head stable"? to voice his instability could bring chaos to the realm again, and that's something he desperately wants to avoid.

but to keep this hidden from plain view, is that fair to Zhongli? to shroud their relationship in mystery... does the deity not care? or does he, but doesn't want to say anything so as to not trigger an emotional reaction? what should he do...]

[this time, it's hardly surprising when Dohalim places a hand over his arm. a small smile flits over his lips and he shifts a little, moving to draw his arm up and instead take the Renan's hand in his own.

it's reassurance, and it's a little selfishness, really. he can certainly drink tea just fine with one hand, and so he does. its warmth fills him with a gentle sense of contentment, sweet and persistent. in the wake of it and the garden itself, there's an ephemeral feeling of serenity that hangs in the air, he thinks.

when it comes to their circumstance... in truth, he doesn't mind keeping their relationship shrouded. he's more worried about the effects it'll have when people put the pieces together and stop choosing to stay quiet about them.]

Thank you for coming to me before things got too overwhelming, Dohalim.

[the touch is so simple, yet it floods Dohalim with a sort of warmth he never knew he'd be able to experience; it's enough for the time being to illuminate the darkness in his heart. his fingers squeeze Zhongli's gently, as a sign that he's still with him in mind and body]

I had to. I didn't want another situation where I end up hurting you again. Perhaps this way... This way will be better for the both of us.

[the nightmares that followed the last few days have been nothing short of horrific, causing him to jolt from slumber so violently, and leaving him drenched in sweat as he struggles to catch his breath. nights are the worst, for not being able to keep Zhongli close to him while he slept. sure, their rooms are nearby each other, but... Dohalim can still feel the strain on their bond for being separated for so long.

but... it's not like he can ask Zhongli to sleep in his room with him... no, that would be too forward...]

Ah... I suppose that's true. Still, I can imagine it wasn't easy to do.

[Zhongli is mild in his commentary, smiling warmly and gently between sips of his tea. He can tell there's something more, but how to get Dohalim talking about it? That's a harder question to answer.]

I know I've at least implied it before, but you needn't feel guilt for what you need from me, Dohalim. I rather enjoy being here to assist and offer my presence, as well as whatever comfort I can.

Edited 2022-09-13 20:03 (UTC)

You... Are too kind to me.

[Dohalim looks down at the pale orange-brown of the tea in his teacup, his finger tapping the side of it in thought. Zhongli had so many reasons not to show him this sort of kindness and warmth, and yet here he is, still, even after what he'd done. there's the guilt that weighs him down again, and he has to let out a sigh as he leans back in his seat]

What I need-- want from you is a little too forward, I'm afraid.

[he really does want Zhongli's presence in most times, if he can have it. but it really would be too much. he does respect the deity's privacy away from him, as well. but every time he thinks about being away from him, it only tugs at their bond even more. he can't explain it, he's never been this attached to anyone before...]

I don't believe I am to kind at all.

[He gives just little denials of the most important things, really. Dohalim leans back and speaks again, and Zhongli hums softly. Really, he's making this so hard on himself...]

Too forward? For me? [wry amusement shows on his face as Zhongli watches Dohalim.] that gives me an idea of what you want... but I would rather hear it from you directly than assume, I think.

Of course you would.

[Zhongli did seem like the straightforward type, the exact opposite of Dohalim. he himself knows how he talks in a roundabout way when he's trying to figure his thoughts out, or if he's trying to skirt an issue. it doesn't make it less frustrating though. he lets out another sigh, sharper this time, as he tries to push that frustration aside. he needs to remain calm]

Nights... Are always the worst, it seems. It's possible that nightmares fuel it but... It's the only time I'm ever truly alone, away from your presence. I'm sure you felt me pull at our bond, yes? As a reminder to myself that we really are still bound...

[there's that needling feeling again as he remembers those nightmares, sharp in the back of his mind; Dohalim grips onto Zhongli's hand a little tighter to push it away again]

I could not possibly ask you to spend your nights with me. That is simply too much.

... Dohalim...

[there's the barest hint of a sigh there, as the Renan speaks. of all the things to think is too much... his hand shifts to let him reach and cover Dohalim's with both of them, teacup set aside. warmth radiates from there, calm and content in this space.]

For whom would it be too much, do you think? [after the other day, he'd thought... well, it's hard to believe everything you hear. he understands that much.] I have felt it, and offered reassurance as I can in kind, but... why would I balk at the idea of spending more time with you?

Because I respect that you have your own time I'm sure you would want for yourself.

[he doesn't want to give Zhongli that freedom, he doesn't want to give him an opportunity to leave. those are the terrifying thoughts the corruption twist in his mind, as he grips that proverbial leash to keep the deity with him. but the other side of the coin, he can't... this isn't... this isn't fair to Zhongli.

his hand quivers under Zhongli's hold. he holds off that corruption for now, but how much longer can he last if he keeps thinking about this? setting his own teacup down, he takes both of Zhongli's hands with his, bringing them up to press against his forehead as he tilts his head down]

I can't... Expect you to stay by my side at every waking moment because I want you to. But... I need... I need you...

[his thoughts are jumbled; he can't think straight. perhaps it's the smokey haze in his mind, but he's contradicting himself and he knows it. however, the small tells, the way his hands grip Zhongli's, the way he leans towards him, all indicative of the latter of what he's saying]

[Dohalim rests his head on their hands, and Zhongli smiles softly in turn. he's trying so hard... to be fair, to be understanding. and of course, the deity appreciates it. of course he does. but more still, all he actually wants...]

... You're mistaken, Dohalim.

[softly, he speaks and leans in, pressing his lips to the crown of Dohalim's head. he is, after all. for all his contradictions, all his jumbled and hazy thoughts, he's forgotten one important thing about all this.

that is, Zhongli's own intentions.]

If my presence is what you want, then that is what I'd like to give. Not just because of your worries, but simply because I want to be there. Of course, I understand the circumstances aren't... ideal, given everything, but... you need only ask. If you need me, I will be there. If you want me... I will be there. Don't suffer for no reason.

I need you, Zhongli. I need you. Stay with me.

[he repeats the words, as if to try to convince himself that he deserves the man's presence. does he think he does? no. but here he is. clinging onto him both physically, and to their bond, fearing that it'll all slip from his fingers if he lets go. the whispers still pluck at those anxieties, and he tries his hardest to ignore them, but he just can't.

however... maybe if he...

lifting his head up, he huffs out a soft breath]

Forgive my forwardness.

[leaning close, and holding their hands to his chest, Dohalim presses his lips against Zhongli's in a hope that he'll silence those whispers. in hopes that he can convince himself that this is okay, in hopes that he can believe Zhongli's words. he's selfish, he knows he is, for wanting this, for wanting all of the deity, but... he needs him]

Of course I'll stay.

[the words are a murmur that picks up just moments after Dohalim finishes his first statement, that smile shifting just a little to hear them. how he clings doesn't bother Zhongli at all, and then... and then he lifts his head and speaks again.

the kiss may be a little clumsy, but that's fine. the deity is hardly used to them either, though he leans into it easily. his hands are held and so he can't pull him closer, but he can press himself in more, tongue brushing the Renan's lips in some soft encouragement. forward... maybe it is, but he's been waiting for it since Dohalim started talking.]

[it's so wrong... it's so wrong to want Zhongli like this after what he'd done, but as he feels that tongue against his lips, Dohalim can't help but part them slightly to let his own meet with the other's. it's wrong, but... it's okay, too. it has to be. he hadn't forced himself onto Zhongli, this time... right? the deity's reaction is different, this time; he's willing to show this affection back, so it it's alright...

it has to be.

he can taste the tea on his tongue, slightly sweet, but robust in its flavour. or is that how Zhongli tastes? Dohalim isn't sure. but he leans in more to deepen that kiss, to want to taste more of him, to see if he truly does taste like that tea, or if he tastes differently. his hands let go of Zhongli's, sliding up to rest on his shoulders. when he does pull away for a breath, it's brief before he leans in again, half open amber watching him for any sign that the man doesn't want this]

[Zhongli exhales a soft, pleasant sigh as Dohalim's lips part, tongue tangling with the redhead's easily. it's wrong, true... this is something they should have gradually realised, slowly drawn into. still, it's fine. he's glad, too. more than he thought he should be.

as Dohalim leans in and lets go of his hands, the deity's hands move to slide around his waist. he looks... pretty, Zhongli thinks. soft and warm and happy in some measure. the sweetness of tea and the faint sweet and saltiness of his saliva. interesting, he thinks, one feeding into the other until he can't tell what's what anymore. that's alright too, though.

a hand slides down to curl around his hips then, urging him forward and up, into his lap. this is nice, just giving themselves short breaths between each kiss. at least it's hard to think he's anything but perfectly enthusiastic in this.]

[there's a small sound that escapes Dohalim when Zhongli moves him, but he goes easily, even though he lands unceremoniously in his lap. his thighs straddle the other's; the movement doesn't get him to break the kiss, but in fact, gets him to deepen it as much as he can. Dohalim's hands are on his shoulders for a brief moment, before they continue their path, sliding back to bury into Zhongli's hair. unlike before, however, his fingers are more gentle, lightly grasping at the ends of soft locks not tucked into his ponytail.

it's another breath that he needs to catch when he breaks the kiss again, lightly panting against Zhongli's lips. he takes a longer pause this time, trying to get his head on straight and remind himself to slow down.

at least the whispers had quieted down, for the time being]

We should finish our tea...

[though, not really on his list of priorities at the moment, as he leans in for more kisses. perhaps tea can wait. he'd rather taste it on Zhongli's tongue, anyway. while he's content with doing just this, Dohalim does have to wonder if the deity plans on doing anything else... one doesn't simply pull someone onto their lap and leave it at that, from his understanding, at least]

[he looks good like this, too. panting lightly and cheeks a little flushed, eyes warm with interest, so he thinks.

as Dohalim speaks, then leans right in for more, Zhongli can't help but laugh.]

You don't seem that interested...

[not that he minds. his kisses are still sweet, hungry but restrained. as to more... well, he hasn't thought through that either. he just wanted to make it clear that he's interested, that this isn't just one-sided or obligatory. pulling away enough to nip at the man's lower lip, he exhales a breathy sigh.]

Are you satisfied for now, my Lord? Shall we pick this up later?

[it might be a little cheeky, almost cruel... but really, he does it to give Dohalim something to look forward to. to remind him that this is something he wants to continue.]

[tea does seem less interesting than what they're doing at the moment, and really, he'd only asked if the deity wanted to partake in it as a means to have him close. is he satisfied? that's a question... he's satisfied with this outcome, yes, but... there's a need for more that grows. perhaps he really is selfish...]

Perhaps we should...

[it's an offer that Dohalim would love to take up on. but the uncertainty of later, of if he'll slip back into that abyss where the whispers can easily take over again, does he want to wait until later? or is he just overthinking it?

...later. he should wait until later. for now he leans the side of his head onto Zhongli's shoulder, gently pressing his face into the crook of his neck]

Would I be able to stay here like this for a moment? I don't want to move.

[warm hands trace idle patterns along the base of Dohalim's spine, a soft smile crossing his lips as the younger man settles in to press his face into the crook of his neck. it feels good, he thinks...]

Of course. As long as you like... I have to admit you're rather cute like this.

[his tone is ever resonant, and it's easy to shift his head a little to press his cheek gently against the top of the Renan's head. if he slips back into that abyss... that's alright. Zhongli can weather it, he knows. there'll be less anger, he suspects, even if there's no end of doubts for it to latch onto.]

Cute...

[there are a lot of things he thinks he is, and there are a lot of things he's heard his court say about him, but cute, he hasn't heard. it's almost... too innocent, for someone like him, to be called cute in such a way.

but it doesn't get him to move off the deity. no, instead, it only gets Dohalim to tuck his face in more, feeling the Zhongli's pulse against him. like the earth's pulse... but it's to be expected, coming from the earth deity. it's soothing, to feel it, and Dohalim is sure that if he were to focus on it, he can feel the resonance of the ground under their feet, with the resonance of their bond, to that very same pulse. he's sure he can even feel it in his master core... it's so simple, this... heartbeat, but it does incredible things to keep him calm, for the moment.

though, he should move, in case someone were to walk in on them. of course, Dohalim doesn't do anything about it]

I... Sincerely doubt I am cute.

[his laugh, in this moment, is warm and rich. true in the most simple way, as he relaxes into the warm weight of someone else so close. how long has it been? maybe he's needed this more than he realised.]

I do believe that's not your choice to make. [his voice is a soft purr, just a touch mischievous.] In any case, I like it.

[he doesn't honestly care if someone walks in on them. if they have a problem with it, they can take it up with him or Dohalim... but he does understand the reality of the decorum in it all. hopefully no one does.]

[Dohalim frowns slightly, pressing his face in even more and practically huffing out a sigh. of all the things to say... and things that he didn't expect was for Zhongli to call him that, much less double down on it. but his laugh... it's just as soothing, just as warm. like a small light in this darkness... maybe he can get used to this. maybe he can allow himself soft, intimate moments like this.

however, should someone walk in on them, that would be another story. Dohalim is surprised that rumours about the both of them haven't spread like wildfire in the palace, yet, but it's only a matter of time. Dohalim should try to mitigate some of them, honestly. and yet, all he can do is slide his arms around Zhongli's shoulders, clinging onto him just a little more, just a little tighter. it's strange, just how mere moments ago, he'd craved this sort of warmth and attention to, first and foremost, push the corruption away for a beat. now...]

Will you stay with me for the rest of the day?

[he has work to do, still, and he's sure that the other does as well, but. a big part of him just wants to tuck away in his chambers. it's irresponsible, sure, but perhaps it may be a good idea to take a break. just to reset, and banish those dark thoughts nipping at him]

[Zhongli moves on instinct, really, pressing his lips to the side of Dohalim's face when he shifts his arms, clings a little more. it's all in the name of reassurance and comfort - for both of them, really.

his question earns a soft hum of affirmation, and a hand reaches up to brush fluffy red hair out of Dohalim's face.]

Of course. You could probably use the rest, and I'm happy to be here.

[what happens later... that's for later, really. for now, he just wants to be there. wants to let the man rest, without pain or fear.]

Rest... It's the middle of the day.

[and yet, the idea of just... turning off for a moment sounds appealing. Dohalim is never usually one for a nap, or an extended break, not when he has so much to do. perhaps, he could put some of the less prioritised things on his list aside to tackle at a later date and time, but at the same time, like the workaholic that he is, the idea of doing so makes him nervous. the quietness between them only serves to remind Dohalim just how exhausted he is. rest, in the middle of the day, is a true luxury that he's not sure he can afford.

but rest, especially in Zhongli's embrace... it's too comfortable to move, right now. it's warm, it's soothing, and moving is a prospect he isn't looking forward to when he finally has to face it]

But would it really be alright...

[a gentle inquiry, in all honesty. he doesn't stop himself from settling in the deity's arms further, sighing softly at the gentle touches, at the sound of Zhongli's even breathing]

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