eggbowl | [Dohalim/Gepard] I don't know how to feel...

[Dohalim/Gepard] I don't know how to feel...

[Dohalim wouldn't necessarily call it a chaotic disarray currently, but the sudden departure of one of his captains is, understandably, enough to shake the knights. Serval was truly one of his best, and one who upheld his ideals of coexistence to their core. so it was a surprise to receive her resignation letter, and a quick word of appreciation for the opportunity to serve under him; before he could say anything to try to convince her to change her mind, she was off. though, Dohalim is sure that anything he could have said would have been met with decline. the Landaus, for all their loyalty in serving the il Qaras family for generations (despite their own nobility), are a stubborn folk, and once they've made up their mind on anything, there would be no convincing them of otherwise.

honestly, even if the decision was abrupt, Dohalim knows that she'll be fine. that isn't what's on his mind as he heads down the ornate hallway to the barracks. perhaps a visit paid by him will lift the knights' spirits, but really, he has every intention on seeing one person. Gepard... Serval is his sister, after all. he's not sure what the man is thinking, if he knew of her resignation long before she had made it official, or if this came to just as a surprise to him as everyone else. either way, it would be nice to see Gepard and offer whatever words he can to him.

of course, as soon as he enters the barracks, he's bombarded with questions and requests by the other guards, wondering just what will happen, and how Serval's unit will be taken care of. as much as he wants to brush them aside to look for Gepard, he just can't, in good faith, so it seems like he'll be here for a while. oh well, what kind of leader would he be if he didn't listen to his people?]

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[as the blanket and snacks are laid out, Dohalim goes and makes himself comfortable. it's slowly starting to become dusky, but just light enough that he can see what little sandwiches and pastries are laid out in front of them. he definitely should eat considering that they may stay here well after nightfall, and past dinner time. at least, when they do arrive back in the city, Gepard will be with him and there won't be as many raised concerns of him being out so late. and thankfully, the other man is so high up in his rankings that no one should be questioning him, either.

and really, as much as he likes being alone, being up here with Gepard is nice, as well. he couldn't even think of another person he'd rather be up here with. there's the quickest flash of longing on his face as he looks at the captain, before turning his attention onto the food and picking up a sandwich. the food itself is so simple and modest, but even the first bite is flavourful. even the bread itself is as fluffy as it looks]

There are other vantage points I like to go up to, depending on how long of a walk I'd rather go on, and depending on my mood. But this is one of my favourites. And... I'm glad I could share it with you.

[a small admission, and one he's sure the other man won't reciprocate in the way he wants him to. perhaps, with their positions though, it's for the best]

Perhaps... sometime in the future, you can show me more of them.

[in the gentle quiet of this secluded place, Gepard can practically feel some of the rigidity he carries in his work fall away. It's hard not to, in this calm place with Dohalim by his side - close, but not close enough. Maybe, if he was a little younger, if their roles were a little different...]

It's... a little strange, really. [laughing, Gepard picks up his own snacks to nibble on, weight resting just a little closer to Dohalim. Just a little, surely not a problem.] there's so much to see from up here, yet I find myself lost for words. Maybe... it's more that the quiet is enjoyable, and the company.

[It's a lot more... stripped down and raw than his usual self is. A little closer to the young man Dohalim hasn't seen since he was very young, before the awkward, relatively introverted child became a proper guard.]

Feel free to use this spot as you wish, then. If you ever need the company as well, I am always up for a walk.

[Dohalim's voice is soft as his gaze turns to watch Gepard again. even in the dimmed light, he still looks radiant, softer now that he's a little removed from his post. despite wanting to talk about Serval and the man's feelings about her leaving, this is also an acceptable turn of events, even if the conversation pivoted onto him for a moment.

eyes trail along the side of his face, and down, noticing that he's leaning just a little closer, enough that it wouldn't be any effort enough to reach out and touch him. but it must be his imagination, a trick of his eyes in the creeping night sky. maybe it's just more comfortable for him to sit like that, or something. all Dohalim can do is deny anything, and himself, and push away any of those thoughts that there could be something more than their friendship with each other. however, it doesn't stop him as he speaks next, not being able to catch the words as they slip from his lips]

...Would you join me later for wine in my chambers?

I think I would rather prefer it with company, so perhaps I'll take you up on that.

[his expression is far too soft, too open, like this. it's something even he doesn't notice, scattered with surprise when Dohalim speaks again. the request isn't that surprising, just... he never expected it. just the idea of joining him for a drink, especially in his chambers? he can't quite help the tinge of pink it brings to his face, hoping the fading light might hide it.]

That... if you don't mind the fact that I don't drink much, I would happily join you.

[doesn't drink, can't drink... well honestly, he doesn't know which it is for sure. before now, he's only had little drinks here and there. something about always working, he supposes.]

[before he could retract the offer, Gepard had gone and accepted it, and all Dohalim can do is tell himself he's being stupid for even offering it. even if it's just to have drinks between friends, having wine in his chambers of all places is a little inappropriate, right? but... Gepard had said yes. is it because he just can't say no to him? is he just being polite?

but he said yes.

there's a warmth in Dohalim's chest that bursts, happy that Gepard had accepted his offer. but he can't help but think he needs to give him some sort of excuse as to why he invited him. or, he could keep his mouth shut, but would that come off as seeking some sort of ulterior motive if he doesn't tell him anything?]

You don't have to drink much... I am aware I can drink quite a bit so you don't have to feel obligated to drink along with me. But I figured you would like to continue this conversation somewhere a little more comfortable.

That would be more than acceptable, though I think I've been lost for much more conversation than the scenery here.

[Gepard can't help but wonder, too. if it wasn't his chambers, perhaps it would be less so, but... is there a possibility it could mean anything? and even if it did, how would they manage to get around to the confirmation of it? really, he shouldn't even be going to the Lord's own room, even for drinks. it doesn't stop him, the sense of yearning too strong.

he'll... he'll figure it out. and he's curious about how much Do really drinks anyway.]

We can go whenever you're ready. I'm quite comfortable just sitting here with you until then.

Mm, we should head back soon. The weather is mild, but the winds from Mahag Saar tends to pick up later in the evening.

[an excuse, perhaps, to get back to the city soon, now that he has something to look forward to. however, it is still early enough in the night that they both have their respective responsibilities to tie up for the day, and being up here definitely had pushed them back a little. oh well, in his eyes, this was worth it. and, at least, he knows not to worry too much over the Landau siblings. if Gepard isn't so concerned for Serval, then he shouldn't be, either. and he knows that the elder sister can handle herself.

now that he's thinking about her departure, Dohalim is sure that's what it is. perhaps he's just seeking the company of a friend. it's the reason why he'd invited Gepard up here after all, right? that has to be it. he knows he can be a bit emotional, and perhaps he's mistaking his feelings of separation as something more. and friends invite each other over for drinks. that has to be what it is.

...right?

it's what he's going to keep telling himself, ignoring all of the other lingering stares and need for the other man's warm touches and presence. a shiver pulls Dohalim out of his thoughts, a breeze passes by them]

Perhaps now would be a good time...

I'll take your word on it.

[as reluctant as he is to step away from Dohalim, there is enough for them to do that reconvening is probably the best choice. by the time a breeze passes over them, rustling his hair and plainly pulling a little shiver from the redhead, Gepard is already moving to pack everything back up.]

Indeed, it seems so.

[climbing to his feet, Gepard offers Dohalim a hand to help him do the same. after that, once he's gotten the blanket folded and put away, they can get on their way... with no particular rush, at least.]

Is there a time I should wait before joining you? I should be done with my remaining duties before too long when we return.

[Dohalim's hold on Gepard's hand lingers for a moment longer than it should, before he pulls away in favour of slipping his shoes back on. the breeze is still rather gentle, but with the thinner linens of his regalia, it does go right through it. he doesn't show just how much the chill gets to him, but he's so used to the mild warmth of Menancia that any sort of bite feels too cold.

he's lost all sense of time, as he usually does when he's walking along the hills surrounding the city, but it shouldn't be too late. he hums softly, and leads the captain down once everything is packed up again]

A couple of hours. That should be sufficient enough time to finish up any of our duties for the day, as well as have a proper dinner. And that will give me enough time to bathe and turn down for the night. Would that be alright with you?

[it's a couple hours too long, but they do have their own things to do. but it's not like it's forever, even if it might seem like it]

[Gepard keeps himself between Dohalim and the breeze as much as he can while they walk; he's not blind to the man's reactions, nor unaware of the comparatively thin fabrics of his regalia. there's only so much he can do, of course, but still.

there's a cursory nod that the other probably can't see, and an affirmative hum in turn before he responds.]

That sounds just fine. We'll reconvene in a couple of hours then... ah. Is there anything I should bring? Admittedly I... don't know anything of the protocol on this subject.

All you need is to bring yourself. And the nightguard will be on shift so you can relax for the night.

[honestly, Gepard works himself so hard sometimes that a night off would do him some good, much like this little break.

as soon as they get back into the city, and to the palace, he (reluctantly) parts ways with the man, off to finish up whatever it is that needs finishing up. and while it isn't a full scolding from Kelzalik, he could feel a little bit of the man's ire for his sudden disappearance, when he should be overlooking Serval's former unit and choosing a suitable replacement for her. of course, Dohalim had made up some excuse, saying that he was with Gepard to discuss the very same topic, and that a decision will be made soon. that seems to get the advisor off his back, and Dohalim makes a mental note to thank the captain later.

with everything signed off for the night, dinner quickly eaten and after a short bath, Dohalim is dressed down to his sleepwear, still modest enough that he could still host and entertain the blond when he arrives. and when Gepard does and is let in, Dohalim will be on the couch, lounging against the armrest, a glass of wine in one hand and a book in the other]

I- will do my best to relax.

[clearing his throat, Gepard glances away from Dohalim as he says it. it's not that he intends not to, but he's... very bad at relaxing. they both know that, at least.

there's nothing to it when they get back to the city, and even Gepard has to admit his disappointment when they split ways. no one really questions him - perhaps because he's just always been a workaholic, so they assume he was just, well... doing that. it's easy to talk with his men and guide them on the coming issues, the possibility of new members with Serval's unit being changed, and how to handle any questions the others might have. there's a lot they don't know, and it brings his mind back to everything that happened, but he just has to believe it'll all work out.

dinner and dressing down is easy, and the blonde has to quell the antsiness pitted somewhere in his stomach. it's not just because it's his Lord, nor that it's in his personal room... really, it's just that it's Dohalim, but he can hardly admit that. at least he's not wringing his hands when he's let in, brushing a hand through his hair when the servant closes the door behind them.

it's... ah. seeing Dohalim there, he has to make sure he's not blushing or anything - the man just looks so... elegant, even like this. god, this was probably a terrible idea, wasn't it?]

Sorry to keep you waiting.

[he's dressed down out of his normal uniform too, shirt well-fitted but light. it's pretty rare that he gets to dress like this anyway, outside of actually sleeping. with as... little knowledge as he has of how his drinking limits are, it just seemed smarter. without letting himself question any further, he does step over to the couch to join his Lord, trying not to seem nervous.]

[as soon as Gepard speaks, Dohalim looks up from his book, already reaching up to slip his reading glasses off. there's a small smile on his face, glad that the other man had taken up his offer for wine, and company; not that he expected Gepard to go back on his word. tucking his glasses in between the pages of the book, he moves it to the table with his wine glass as he stands in an act of courtesy. he's already reaching for the wine bottle as Gepard sits down]

Worry not, I was just catching up on some leisurely reading.

[Dohalim doesn't fill the glass up nearly as much as he would for himself, just enough that Gepard would be able to finish it. it's true that he's never seen the man drink, even during dinner events in the palace, but then again, he was always working. and perhaps that's one of the reasons why he invited him to his room. or, so he keeps telling himself, at least. there are no emotionally driven reasons at all.

he hands Gepard the glass before sitting back down and reaching for his own, fingers wrapped delicately around the stem as he swirls the deep red contents of it]

How was the rest of your evening? Have the other guardsmen calmed down?

Mm. Thank you.

[Gepard takes the glass without hesitation, not quite as delicate but at least with an understanding of etiquette. The longer he's here, the more he struggling to remove himself that this is just... a friendly request. There's nothing more to it, and he should want nothing out of it.

What would he even want? It's a ridiculous train of thought, even for a moment, but it doesn't keep his expression from softening in Dohalim's presence.]

My men tend to be more understanding than most, I think. The others relaxed when I assured them that we're already drawing up ideas, and that no one will be unheard in any concerns.

[As daunting a task as it is, Gepard is rather used to it. He's practically always on duty anyway... so it feels a little strange, taking the first sip of wine. Even following Dohalim's movements somewhat, he feels clumsy.

The drink itself is exquisite though, he has to admit. That's hardly a surprise with a connoisseur like the Lord, but it's still pleasant to learn.]

... ah. I think I understand now why you enjoy this so, just a little. [He laughs then, soft and warm.]

Mm, that's good to hear.

[at least Dohalim can relax a little in regards to that, then. not that the other captains weren't equipped to deal with something like this in the first place. but Gepard is such a smooth talker and so highly regarded that he's not surprised he was able to calm down the guards from the different regimen.

he takes a sip of his wine before holding the glass up to peer into the contents in the dim light. the wine itself is a nearly opaque burgundy hue, the light barely seen through it. honestly, it's one of his favourite vintages, and while he doesn't agree with his predecessors, the one thing they can all agree on is that Menancia is fertile enough to grow several vineyards, and that the wine produced is the best]

This particular wine is one I keep stocked in my personal stores. While different regions produce different flavour profiles, and while they are rather delicious, the soil around Viscint gives the grape a certain flavour profile that cannot be unmatched. Not to mention, it's full bodied without the presence of too much tannin, and delicately semisweet, and very easy to drink. Its bouquet--

[Dohalim brings the glass down, inhaling the inside of the glass and letting out a soft, happy sigh]

Oaky, and bearing scents of dark berries. Fruity, yet earthy at the same time-- Ah...

[Dohalim looks up at Gepard sheepishly, a slight flush in his cheeks. he hadn't meant to go off on a tangent about the wine, and unless he doesn't stop himself, or if Gepard doesn't stop him, he could go on all night about it]

I'm sure you don't want to listen to me prattle on about wine. My apologies.

[As Dohalim launches into explaining the wine, Gepard either can't or doesn't bother to hide his smile. This side of him, sophisticated and knowledgeable, is always a treat to see. It's always been so clear when he's interested in something... even if the blonde doesn't really understand half of what he says. When he pauses, the guard captain chuckles softly.]

It's quite alright. I enjoy listening to you talk about things you love, though you'll have to forgive me if I don't seem to understand the depth of the conversation. Wine has... never been my forte.

[The only thing that really is has always been martial arts, so maybe it's no wonder that he ended up in the guard. Even if Serval's songs get stuck in his head sometimes... he'd never call himself a musical person. Not really.]

Sort of like keeping your plants alive?

[there's a ghost of mischief hidden in Dohalim's smile, despite how nonchalant he delivers the tease. perhaps it's low hanging fruit to mention something like that, but Gepard is... notorious for his dead plants within the palace, especially when the realm Dohalim governs is that of earth astral energy. it does pain a little part of him knowing that the captain absolutely does not have a green thumb, and that every plant dies if he so much as looks at them, but he does have to admire Gepard's tenacity.

but really, they're not here to talk about Gepard's lack of floristry]

In any case, I don't expect many people to appreciate wine down to the very core of what makes it so exquisite. I find myself appreciating even the process, and how it goes from grape to drink. It's fascinating.

I— that is... complicated.

[The tease alone is enough to make him flush deeply pink, head shaking. He can't deny it - honestly it's been an issue since his first deployment here. Things weren't so actively busy then, but it was still enough that he often forgot. He still feels a bit guilty over it, but he just... can't stop trying.

Taking another drink of the wine he's been given, Gepard listens as the other explains more. Perhaps it's a little pretentious, but that's just indicative of their status, ultimately. The blonde barely thinks anything of it personally.]

I think that's a wonderful thing to have. It sounds fascinating... though I think an explanation would be a little more than a night's visit, for me to retain much.

[sitting up a little, he brushes his hair back. Now that he's sitting, now that he's taken a couple drinks, there's a little warmth that's starting to flicker through him. It's pleasant, really.]

Mm, you're right. I would hate to keep you up all night explaining the intricate art of winemaking.

[Gepard brushing his hair back does something to Dohalim, something he can't quite explain. there's a warmth that spreads through him that isn't the wine itself (it'll take more than a couple of glasses to get to that point), but... something else.

he tries to ignore the feeling for now as he downs his glass, before refilling it again. Gepard might notice that Dohalim has filled his up a lot more than he did his, which may or may not be so concerning. but it's clear that the lord's tolerance for the drink is much higher that he can act normally, which, at the end of the day, it isn't so bad, right?

but those are thoughts for a different day. Dohalim leans closer to Gepard, amber eyes watching him closely. he does want to make sure that the guardsman doesn't overdo it, considering that he really doesn't drink very much]

Are you feeling alright?

A conversation for a less busy time, indeed.

[There's a sense of fascination in watching Dohalim drink - he knows many of the guards who drink heavily, so it's not that Gepard is a stranger to high tolerances, but still... maybe it's just in being able to watch him, having an excuse.

Dohalim captures his attention with every movement, and Gepard wonders when that even began. He wonders what it would feel like to touch those lips, to—]

A-ah.

[He's startled out of his thoughts by the way the redhead leans forward, close enough that if he leaned forward, they could touch. His cheeks are already red from the drink, and he can feel heat rushing to his ears with the added closeness.]

I'm— I'm fine. Just a little warm. Why do you ask?

I've never seen someone flush almost immediately after taking a couple sips of wine.

[perhaps it's genuine concern that only gets Dohalim to lean a little closer and lift a hand up to Gepard's face, pressing the back of his hand to the other man's cheek. completely innocuous, or so Dohalim tells himself. maybe it's also a reason for him to touch Gepard without making it seem like there's a different motive to doing so.

but... they're so close. he could just lean in and-- no, he shouldn't. this is already too much. and with Gepard steadily hurtling towards drunkenness, it seems, Dohalim doesn't want to take advantage of him when he can't exactly say no. this, their company together so late in the evening is taboo enough. but even so...]

I... did mention I don't... ah...

[Dohalim draws a little closer, even touching his face, and Gepard's breath catches. his skin feels cool against the blonde's, almost intoxicating in its own right. oh, oh no, this was a terrible idea. he's so close, and he could just lean forward to...

clearing his throat, he shifts to face the redhead a little more. he's fine. honestly, despite the soft warmth coursing through him from the drink, he feels just fine.]

I'm not used to drinking... but I don't think I'm too affected. [he certainly has the wherewithal to keep his gaze just slightly away from Dohalim's, a little afraid of being this close. what if he did something? it's not... it's not worth it, is it? to potentially offend Dohalim, just for the sake of his own feelings... no, certainly not.] You needn't worry about me.

Gepard, I always worry about you.

[Dohalim's voice is soft at the admission. it's a little silly to be worried about one of his guardsmen, much less a captain, in a relatively peaceful realm, but on those missions where he has to set out away from the safety of Viscint's walls and his watchful gaze, Dohalim can't help but worry. he knows Gepard is more than capable of handling himself, and his men, but the fact remains.

this, however, is another bag altogether. he could swear he could see a little bit of a fluster with that redness, but what would Gepard be flustered about? is he downplaying his inebriation? it only worries Dohalim more]

Perhaps we should get you some water. It'll help with the flush.

[there's a reluctance in his movements as he leans away to place his glass on the low table, his hand slipping from Gepard's face onto his arm. it's strange that he doesn't want to lose that contact, nor does he want to actually part from the man. oh, this is dangerous indeed. he shouldn't have these sorts of feelings, especially for someone under his employ]

Nonetheless...

[Gepard knows he should just let this be. he should drink the water obediently, get over this fluster, finish his drink and not have more. there's a danger in the realisation that drinking could make it so easy to move the way he wants, to give in to what he wants...]

I'm alright, Dohalim. I...

[his gaze wanders to the table, to the glass there. what can he say? what should he say? it's just...]

... forgive me. I fear my head is just somewhere... less than advised. If you'll allow me a moment to compose myself, I'm sure I'll be fine.

[the answer to the unasked question, of how long he can stay with Dohalim and say nothing, is... evidently, not much longer than this. at the very least, he supposes it can't hurt too much to be a little more honest here. at worst, Dohalim sends him away in offense. right?]

A gald for your thoughts?

[ah yes, there's more of that worry now. he hadn't taken into consideration just how much wine could affect Gepard. and perhaps there's a little bit of guilt there, too. maybe it's because of his own coping mechanisms that Dohalim thought that a libation or two would help. but it seems it's had an adverse effect instead]

Or, perhaps, is there anything I can do?

[he has to do something for Gepard, for getting him to this point. water should absolutely be the first step, but he doesn't want to move. he wants to stay close to the man, for reasons he's refusing to admit to. his hand doesn't pull back, either, still gently holding onto the other man's arm. for... comfort, probably. yes, that's what Dohalim will tell himself]

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