eggbowl | [Dohalim/Gepard] I don't know how to feel...

[Dohalim/Gepard] I don't know how to feel...

[Dohalim wouldn't necessarily call it a chaotic disarray currently, but the sudden departure of one of his captains is, understandably, enough to shake the knights. Serval was truly one of his best, and one who upheld his ideals of coexistence to their core. so it was a surprise to receive her resignation letter, and a quick word of appreciation for the opportunity to serve under him; before he could say anything to try to convince her to change her mind, she was off. though, Dohalim is sure that anything he could have said would have been met with decline. the Landaus, for all their loyalty in serving the il Qaras family for generations (despite their own nobility), are a stubborn folk, and once they've made up their mind on anything, there would be no convincing them of otherwise.

honestly, even if the decision was abrupt, Dohalim knows that she'll be fine. that isn't what's on his mind as he heads down the ornate hallway to the barracks. perhaps a visit paid by him will lift the knights' spirits, but really, he has every intention on seeing one person. Gepard... Serval is his sister, after all. he's not sure what the man is thinking, if he knew of her resignation long before she had made it official, or if this came to just as a surprise to him as everyone else. either way, it would be nice to see Gepard and offer whatever words he can to him.

of course, as soon as he enters the barracks, he's bombarded with questions and requests by the other guards, wondering just what will happen, and how Serval's unit will be taken care of. as much as he wants to brush them aside to look for Gepard, he just can't, in good faith, so it seems like he'll be here for a while. oh well, what kind of leader would he be if he didn't listen to his people?]

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Would you rather I called you an old man, Dohalim? I do still like to think of myself as relatively young, you know.

[amusement colors his words, and warm fingers draw up to knead the back of his head. He's gone through so much, even with others handling much of the physical... and more still weighs on him from before. It's no wonder that Dohalim is so hard on himself, he thinks.]

It's alright. You're not letting anyone down by taking respite. Well... not anyone viewing you in good faith. Your duties are different from ours, but your need to escape from time to time is the same.

[His other arm squeezes gently, holding Do to him as he is.]

... and, I suppose... I'm selfish. I want to lie with you, not the Lord of Menancia. I will carry the secret of this respite to the grave, if you so wish... I cannot overstate how much I would do for you, as yourself.

[hearing his troubles, Gepard truly does wish he could alleviate them, could find a way to covertly lift Do's burdens such that he can help carry them. His own traumas are many, but he's always been able to handle them within the solidarity of his unit...]

What do you think my little escapades outside of the city are? You know as well as I that the guards are not particularly fond of me leaving.

[sure, sometimes he straight up just sneaks out, but there are times he'd made his way out in broad daylight. he and the guards know fully well that they are, ultimately, powerless to stop Dohalim, but the fact remains that there is a certain chagrin every time he leaves Viscint. there are the very few that are willing to turn a blind eye, but it's even rarer for him not to hear even a few words from the guardsmen.

both arms come up now to wrap around Gepard as Dohalim settles in to get more comfortable in his lap. they should get out of the bath soon; the water is considerably colder than when they first slipped in, but this is comfortable. perhaps he's just a little needy and clingy himself, and that he desperately needs Gepard's company]

...I want to reiterate my earlier question. When everything is done, and when my reign as Menancia's lord is over... Will you stay with me?

Having now been on one with you, I sincerely doubt you succeed in managing to take a proper break. And of course we worry when you disappear without warning.

[Do's got a point though, to Gepard's chagrin. He won't scold him now, but the implication is there... the guards worry, and he worries more than most.

Right now, his hands give in to the impulse to trace over Do's skin, head shifting to press his mouth to the soft curve of a shoulder, slowly trailing up to his neck. He barely stops when he's asked a question, at least until the words are all out. Pulling back then, the blond holds his gaze, smile soft and gentle.]

I will do everything in my power to stay by your side, when all this is over. I want to be nowhere else.

It's as much a break as I can afford. There is too much to do and so little time to do it.

[Dohalim hums softly as warm lips trail along his shoulder and neck, his head tilting to give Gepard more room. the simple gesture sends a shiver down his spine; it isn't like he's had the act performed on him, but with the blond it's... different, somehow. for all his inexperience, he really does pick up quickly.

but Gepard's answer soothes his anxiety, just a little. enough that he can relax for just a moment more, to forget who they are in duty alone. there's still the worry that the next lord will demand Gepard to stay with the guard. that Gepard will be out of reach of him, that they won't have moments like this ever again. of course, this is him overthinking things, as usual; as much as he would like to stay in the present, Dohalim can't help but think of the uncertainties of the future]

...Alright. I will spare no less effort. For now, however, we should get out of the bath, if you are ready to.

[of course, Dohalim doesn't make any move to actually get out of the bath, but he'll move once the other man does]

[The blond will simply have to bring Dohalim back to the present, and he'll do so without hesitation. In all honesty, the likelihood that his request would do unfulfilled seems low, especially having served Rena so faithfully for the better part of his life... but the risk is still there.

As Dohalim mentions the water, Gepard exhales a little hum of acknowledgement before leaning in to capture his lips once more. It's soft and sweet, but no less passionate than previous.]

Alright... I think I'm ready now. At least until we get back to the bed.

[Dohalim won't get all that much time to move, if he doesn't notice the way Gepard's hands shift; he has every intention of carrying Dohalim to the towels now that his body is more relaxed.]

[while the chances of not being able to fulfil his request is on the low side, and if they are able to be together after his reign, the other worry Dohalim has is the fact that their relationship would be so unconventional, even in a civilian standpoint. no one would dare question his tastes as a lord, but after that... he can handle scrutiny of others, but Gepard doesn't deserve that.

before Dohalim could say anything or move, Gepard is already lifting him out of the tub. he did intend to get out by himself, if not help the blond out as well, but Gepard was quicker in that regard. at least the bath and his healing artes did the trick, it seems. and honestly, even with his own worries present, he is loathe to part from the man, and is hesitant to let go of him once they get to the towels to dry off.

Gepard's going to quickly realise just how clingy Dohalim can be, especially when he slips into one of his moods. but it's not terribly surprising, considering just how lonely he's been in the better part of the decade, and now that Gepard has given Dohalim an inch, he's taking a mile. it might take some coaxing to get him to let go for just a moment, for long enough that they can dry up]

[It's sweet, really, if you ignore the parts borne of loneliness or desperation. Gepard can't help but laugh in spite of the awkward clinging, just lying Dohalim back against a towel at first and peppering kisses to his lips, his jaw, his neck. Too soon, he has to pull back, cradling the younger man's cheek as he does.]

You haven't forgotten that my night is yours, have you...? I don't mind air drying, but I think we'd both find the bed more comfortable.

[It seems almost funny, how their roles have reversed so easily and comfortably. There's little surprise in it given how plainly sweet and nurturing Gepard has always been, but it seems this experience has also been just what he needed to allow himself to be more confident in his affection. It certainly helps that Do has made it so clear just how much he means to him.]

I... Have not. I'm just particularly clingy, at the moment. My apologies.

[Dohalim finally lets go of Gepard and pushes himself up to sit so he can dry himself off. he busies himself by shifting around, pulling the towel from under him to wrap around himself, clearly embarrassed at the display of desperation of being close to someone so intimately and emotionally. it's not lost on him how bad he can be when showing his emotions, and that he's worried that when he does, it ends up being a lot. he has no other avenue in which to release them, but he also can't just unload all of them onto Gepard so unexpectedly. it wouldn't be fair to the man.

so he just sits there in silence, drying himself off despite wanting more of that affection from the blond. there's a small voice in his head telling him not to be so selfish and not to take so much so quickly. even when all he wants is to wrap himself around Gepard again]

Dohalim...

[Gepard exhales a soft breath, letting the redhead get his towel situated as he does the same. He's not planning on letting the younger man mope anyway, especially as the one who was worried he'd be left alone in the room earlier...]

I didn't mean it like that. [The other will have to deal with Gepard just tugging him in closer, arms slipping around his waist.] I was attempting to be light-hearted so we could dry off, I'm not upset.

[Maybe he's just... too serious, he thinks. It must be something like that, if he's so easily misunderstood in cases like this. The last thing he wants is for Dohalim to feel guilty just for caring for him, wanting him near.]

[it's almost as if floodgates have opened; now that Gepard's seen just a small bit of real emotion from Dohalim, it seems he can't hold back on them anymore. in a way, it scares him a little, just letting the older man see him in such a way, without any walls put up to protect him from scrutiny and judgement. he would never admit this to Gepard, not at all; he's already unloaded more than enough of his own issues onto him so unexpectedly.

but as he's pulled close, Dohalim makes a soft sound, before leaning against him and wrapping his own arms around Gepard as well. like before, Dohalim buries his face in Gepard's shoulder, taking in the warmth, despite how damp the both of them are]

Forgive me... I fear I'm a little... Sensitive, right now.

[it's one of the reasons why he's put up those walls, after all. if anyone else were to see him so... emotionally vulnerable...]

[in turn, Gepard has always been touch and go with his emotions. when it comes to his physical and general wellbeing, he's always been quick to advocate for himself... it's just in cases like this that it slips, it seems. but as Dohalim speaks, the blond smiles and lets his hands draw soothing circles along his skin.]

It's alright. This will no doubt take some time, but I'm here with you every step of the way. Thank you for trusting me with all of you.

[he wouldn't want to put Dohalim in a position to be vulnerable with anyone else, either. he's already so close to it sometimes, in ways he doubts the redhead sees... but like this, it's just them. he can shield the other from everyone, everything else, here in this quiet space that's just for the two of them.]

I will admit... Showing this vulnerability is terrifying. Even to you.

[it isn't to say he doesn't appreciate Gepard's presence and his support, but when was the last time he was able to be this vulnerable? when was the last time he had someone to lean on, to talk about what he was feeling deep down? he... even when he did have his small circle of friends, he never really confided in them, worried about what they would really think of him if they found out about his true thoughts and feelings.

reluctantly, Dohalim pulls away from the blond, wrapping the towel around him a little more securely]

Perhaps we should make ourselves comfortable in bed. Do you need something to wear, or would sleeping in your undergarments be sufficient?

That's alright. It's terrifying because you aren't used to it, so any small steps should help to alleviate that one at a time. I'm not going anywhere, so don't rush.

[in truth, they're not so different in that way. Gepard is a little more open about the things that affect him personally, but anything that crosses the threshold into occupational...

Both of them could surely use someone to talk to about all the things they'll never say otherwise. As Dohalim sits up again, the blond follows suit in securing his own towel, lips quirking at how... silly it feels. They've been naked for so long now that, outside of the need to dry off, it feels pointless.]

Ah... I normally sleep naked or in my undergarments, truthfully, so I'll be fine. I find the nights particularly warm here.

[If he were to think on it, it might be related to his affinity for water and ice... but whatever the case, it's true enough. Convenient, even. Climbing to his feet, he offers a hand to Dohalim.]

Shall we return, then?

I may have gotten used to the milder climate here that nights are a little chilly for me, now. Perhaps it's the air from the mountains bordering Cyslodia.

[it's a wonder how Gepard had found himself in Menancia instead of the colder realm, considering the difference in temperatures and climates, but Dohalim's glad Gepard is here instead. and honestly, the towel is more to keep Dohalim a little warm until they get to his bed again. he isn't sure why, considering the fact that they just had sex and bathed together, but the idea of Gepard sleeping in the nude pulls a soft flush to his cheeks.

taking Gepard's hand, Dohalim hoists himself up, but doesn't let go as he stands. hand clasped around the other's he quickly leads him back to bed; he only lets go to pull the covers back for them to climb in. at least they didn't make a mess everywhere on the covers, and that the only thing they should be concerned about are their clothes strewn across the bed and the floor. and even then, Dohalim turns a blind eye to them for now, unless Gepard busies himself with setting them aside neatly; if he does, then Dohalim will just drape his towel over a chair and settles himself into bed]

I just run hotter than most, I think, so the cool is... appreciated.

[exhaling a soft, amused laugh, Gepard shakes his head. it doesn't bother him at all really, though on the warmer nights in Menancia it can be troublesome. he'd probably find it amusing if he realised Dohalim's blush was simply because of that, though he wouldn't likely say anything about it.

and there's no attempt at freeing himself from Dohalim's grasp anyway, following him back to bed without hesitation. the lack of mess is... good, maybe a little surprising considering everything. even so, he does move to pick up the clothes and set them aside; there's no reason to let them get wrinkled, let alone add more to question from anyone who might come in later.

once it's done, the blond slides into bed in turn, slipping his arms around the redhead's sides to hold him close.]

If this is uncomfortable, just tell me how to lie down. I can sleep most any way.

[as Gepard finally settles in and pulls Dohalim closer, it's easy to tuck himself into the other man, seeking as much warmth from him as possible. he... hadn't realised that even being held like this just feels so good, so comforting... it'll be hard to let this go, if it ever came down to it. had he really been so starved for this sort of touch? it seems like it]

This is fine. More than fine, if I may be honest.

[the warmth between their bodies and the duvet draped over them is almost enough to put Dohalim in a drowsy state, eyes slipping closed as he nuzzles into Gepard's neck. if he stays like this, sleep might come to him easily, for once. but that does remind him of something--]

...Also, forgive me if I wake you in the middle of the night. I... Tend to have a fitful sleep.

I'll be alright, Dohalim. Even if you wake me briefly, I'm sure I'll settle again once you do.

[Gepard's voice reverberates softly in his chest as he speaks, and he nuzzles into the crown of his head without hesitation. Though sleeping with someone else is a new feeling, he thinks he can get used to it.

Perhaps it will be a little awkward later, or in warmer months... but for now at least, the warmth between them and from the blanket pulls at his own tiredness. They'd done quite a lot for the hour of night, after all. The blond is sure he'll remain awake until Dohalim dozes, but not much longer than that.]

If you're sure...

[because Dohalim isn't. what he's sure about, however, is especially after talking about his own issues, that his dreams will be more intense because of them. his own nightmares are usually rather manageable now that he's gotten used to them, but he still wakes up from them. and the particularly bad ones, unsurprisingly, have the worst effects on him; he'll find himself drenched in sweat and staring in confusion in the dark until he comes to his senses.

would it be fair for Gepard to have to deal with that? Dohalim is sure that the other Renan would help, but at the cost of his own rest... he huffs a soft sigh as he buries himself more into Gepard, seeking more of his warmth]

I'm sure. I've handled nightmares before, Dohalim. And if there's anything that would help you relax, you need only ask.

[pressing a kiss to the crown of his head, Gepard watches quietly as the redhead seems to make his decision and finally settle in against him. It feels so... sweet, just holding him this way. Personal and intimate, almost more than the time they'd spent entwined earlier.

Ah, but thinking about it again finally pulls a little flush to the blond's cheeks, buried unnecessarily in the soft tufts of his hair when Gepard nuzzles into it.]

... I'm glad. That you gave me this chance, and that we did all this. It may seem silly to you, but it's... you could call it a dream come true, for me.

[He's a bit of a silly romantic at heart. Eyes closing, he squeezes Dohalim's waist fondly.]

May your rest be even a little sweet, Dohalim.

[Dohalim almost says something, almost tells Gepard about how bad his nightmares can get. he doesn't like being this open and vulnerable, despite putting so much of his trust in the man; it's a side of him that he doesn't want anyone to see. and with the chance that he could wake the other man up...

but with the warmth and Gepard's words, they only get Dohalim to settle in even more. maybe it won't be so bad]

...Good night, Gepard.

[and with sleep nipping at him, Dohalim falls into it easily, for once, nestled against warm skin and a faint heartbeat. he manages to sleep through most of the night, only waking up a couple of times with sharp breaths, momentarily confused as to who's in bed with him. it doesn't take long for him to remember that it's Gepard with him, and that's enough for him to relax into sleep again. the next time he wakes in the morning is to rouse the other man from sleep so he can sneak out without raising too much suspicion.

however, with their short rendezvous together every so often, when the both of them don't think anyone is watching, spread like wildfire within the palace walls. though, no one dares to speak up; honestly, Gepard's already climbed the ranks to Captain well before Dohalim had ascended the lordship (which rules out the rumour of nepotism), and really, Dohalim is free to do what he wants without consequence. this is his realm, after all...

Kelzalik, on the other hand, does speak up eventually, as he requests a private meeting with the lord, behind what they think is a closed door. it's not a heated conversation, per say, but the stern tone does reflect the older man's disapproval.

"My Lord, I am your advisor. And it is within my duty to advise you. This... Partnership with Captain Landau is risky."]

I am not sure what you mean by this.

["Please do not play dumb with me. We both know you are smarter than this."]

[as time continues on, Gepard finds himself both worried and a little excited about the reality coming forward - there's no way it'll stay secret forever, after all. rumours fly about them both, but it changes nothing for the captain.

in fact, it's pure happenstance that he's in the same hall as that very meeting, the muffled statements hardly catching his ear until he's brought into the conversation. that's... Kelzalik? and Dohalim, clearly. rude though it is, and inappropriate besides, he can't help but pause to listen - maybe he'll explain it away as concern for anyone else finding out the Lord's business.

on the other hand, he himself is curious. Kelzalik has had his hands in everything, as an advisor and seemingly more, and it's... a little concerning, perhaps. the man is nothing if not the very model of a Renan, prejudices and all, and he struggles to hide it even slightly.]

You are being rather forward, Kelzalik. A little too forward, I think.

["I am only looking out for the wellbeing of my Lord and Elde Menancia. I have respected your choice not to compete for the sovereignty, but I cannot sit idly by while you are manipulated--"]

Manipulated? By Ge-- Captain Landau? That's a bold and out of pocket claim.

[Dohalim's voice is clipped and short, as if his patience is wearing thin. and for someone who seemingly has an abundance of patience, that's no small feat.

"Perhaps you are right." Kelzalik's voice is slow, thoughtful. "I just worry, considering his sister's plot against you."

there's a stretch of silence between them before Dohalim speaks up again, voice just as curt as before]

I would suggest what you say next about Serval is careful and thought out.

["You still hold her in high regards even after she plotted to betray you?"]

[The accusation is... absolutely ludicrous, truly. No matter what happened, the idea that Serval could be plotting against Dohalim... no. It's not even feasible. If she'd wanted something like that, it would be foolish to leave the guard and thereby be ever more noticeable.

So why, then, is this the path Kelzalik has chosen? Should he interrupt this?

The anger that burns in response to this conversation is white-hot, but he curtails it to the best of his ability. Dohalim probably doesn't need his input to make his own decisions... but he also can't sit idly by and listen to Serval being slandered.

Knocking firmly on the door before he enters, slipping through the door.]

... forgive the intrusion, my Lord, but I was on my way to the training hall when I overheard Serval's name. [His face is surprisingly stoic, gaze turned to Kelzalik as he speaks, and his arms cross idly as he speaks.] Any claim of wrongdoing, as you know, is a serious claim - even if it involves my own sister. I presume you have concrete evidence of her plot?

[Kelzalik scoffs as Gepard enters and admits to his eavesdropping, his own gaze just as stoic as he stands by Dohalim.

"Though it is of no concern to you, of course I do. She had confessed to me when I had confronted her. I then gave her a choice: be persecuted by the laws of the land and bring shame to your family name, or step down quietly to save face.

"Had you really not been part of her scheme? Or is this a contingency plan of yours in case something like this were to happen? Get closer to Lord Dohalim so you can carry out whatever plot the both of you had concocted--"]

Kelzalik, that is enough.

[at some point during the older man's rant, Dohalim had stood up, amber eyes simmering with quiet anger. he doesn't lash out, but instead speaks with a low tone]

This meeting is over. I will take whatever you had told me into consideration.

[if Kelzalik is taken aback, he doesn't show it. "My Lord--"]

Leave.

[the other Renan doesn't say anything else, but pauses for a moment before turning on his heels and silently walking out. he doesn't however spare Gepard the near death glare as he walks past him; soon he's gone with the door shut behind him]

Edited 2023-10-12 11:04 (UTC)

[it's a difficult thing, keeping his stoic face in the face of such claims. there's no chance in hell that Serval confessed anything of the sort; she's many things, but a dissident? to Dohalim, of all people?

he's about to respond to the accusations against himself, in turn, when Dohalim speaks up instead. so he quiets, letting the Lord say his peace and Kelzalik slink out with his oh so mature glare.

left alone with the redhead, Gepard isn't... entirely sure what to do or say, now that the faint frustration of those false accusations is bleeding out of the air.]

... apologies, my Lord. I realise it's none of my business what conversations you have in private, but... I couldn't keep quiet when I heard what he was saying about Serval.

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