eggbowl | [Dohalim/Gepard] I don't know how to feel...

[Dohalim/Gepard] I don't know how to feel...

[Dohalim wouldn't necessarily call it a chaotic disarray currently, but the sudden departure of one of his captains is, understandably, enough to shake the knights. Serval was truly one of his best, and one who upheld his ideals of coexistence to their core. so it was a surprise to receive her resignation letter, and a quick word of appreciation for the opportunity to serve under him; before he could say anything to try to convince her to change her mind, she was off. though, Dohalim is sure that anything he could have said would have been met with decline. the Landaus, for all their loyalty in serving the il Qaras family for generations (despite their own nobility), are a stubborn folk, and once they've made up their mind on anything, there would be no convincing them of otherwise.

honestly, even if the decision was abrupt, Dohalim knows that she'll be fine. that isn't what's on his mind as he heads down the ornate hallway to the barracks. perhaps a visit paid by him will lift the knights' spirits, but really, he has every intention on seeing one person. Gepard... Serval is his sister, after all. he's not sure what the man is thinking, if he knew of her resignation long before she had made it official, or if this came to just as a surprise to him as everyone else. either way, it would be nice to see Gepard and offer whatever words he can to him.

of course, as soon as he enters the barracks, he's bombarded with questions and requests by the other guards, wondering just what will happen, and how Serval's unit will be taken care of. as much as he wants to brush them aside to look for Gepard, he just can't, in good faith, so it seems like he'll be here for a while. oh well, what kind of leader would he be if he didn't listen to his people?]

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It's... a bit difficult to speak them, if I'm honest.

[anything he can do? the question is almost laughable. if he were to ask, would Dohalim acquiesce? and... if he did, would it just be because he's upset? it's so hard to know how to navigate this. perhaps if he were more like Serval, he could just move forward without a second thought, but...]

If you will... forgive me for speaking frankly, then perhaps that would be enough. I have been wrestling with it for some time, and it may seem a bit strange, coming after the events of the day--

[he's rambling, he realises, and cuts himself off to exhale a soft sigh.]

... I can't seem to stop thinking about kissing you. It... isn't just the drink, lest you wonder. I apologise for bringing it up so abruptly, particularly when it's hardly my place to even be thinking this way. I'm just a guard, and I'm sure you've better choices of interest than someone like myself.

[...well, that's a little surprising. and so straightforward as well, but then again, Gepard isn't much of a liar. he can't help but laugh softly, not because he thinks what Gepard had said was outrageous, but that there's the irony in all of this. and here he thought that if he were to do the same, if he were to act on his own feelings, that Gepard would push him away in favour of his own duties. that this would all be a distraction from what he's supposed to do]

Ah, forgive me for laughing, I can assure you it's not because I think it a ridiculous notion. There's just... I'm not sure how to explain it.

[with his other hand, Dohalim gently takes Gepard's wine glass, and places it down onto the table by his. he can feel his heart thumping in his chest, nervousness suddenly taking over. he shouldn't... they shouldn't. there are so many factors here, so many that the Renan people would look down on, but... honestly, the thought of coexisting with Dahnans would already have him looked down on. so what is doing something like this, then...?

hands reach up to gently cup Gepard's face, palms feeling the flush of his skin. he should stop himself, he should wait until the both of them are completely sober. but Dohalim finds that he doesn't want to]

I hope you can forgive me for being so bold.

[and with that, he leans in, gently pressing his lips to the other's, not moving any more than that, to test the waters in case Gepard changes his mind]

No, it's perfectly reasonable...

[Gepard gives up the wine glass without hesitation, his gaze still anywhere but properly on Dohalim. he's waiting, of course, for the recourse. Serval always said he should be more bold, but... surely, something like this wasn't what she meant, is it? there's all sorts of blasphemy in this, and he just-

soft hands cup his face, and it finally pulls the blonde's gaze to the other man. his cheeks are still warm, flush still deep, but maybe now it's more clear that it's not all drink.]

What do you- mmn...

[it's so... gentle. soft. Gepard's eyelids lilt down as he leans forward, one hand drawing forward to rest on Dohalim's thigh. for him, he knows he'll be... clumsy. awkward. he just has to hope that won't bother the other.]

[it's so different from his other... liaisons, kissing Gepard like this. kisses he shared with the courtesans were fervent and heated, while hands tugged and grasped at anything they could. kisses were a means to an end, to lead to satisfaction and relief.

but this... this is different. kissing Gepard... warmth spreads throughout him, and he can feel his chest bursting with emotion. Dohalim isn't sure how long he'd wanted to kiss the man, but all he does know is that he's been holding it for quite some time. though, he doesn't move to deepen it, content with just keeping his lips pressed against the other man's for several moments more. he doesn't make a move to shift that hand on his thigh, content to let it rest there.

when he does finally pull away, there's only a hair's breadth between them; Dohalim lets out another soft laugh and offers a sheepish smile. his hands keep their gentle hold of Gepard's face, thumbs gently brushing against reddened cheeks]

It seems our feelings on the matter are muutal.

... so it seems.

[It's... indescribable, in some ways. The kiss had been so light, so soft, and he still felt almost like he was submerged in it. That had to do with Dohalim, he supposes. In either case, his own voice is soft and a little shy, closer to the young man he once was - could once safely be.]

If I may... ah...

[He doesn't ask forgiveness this time, but there's still a little hesitation in leaning forward to meet his lips again. It's not much deeper, but with him more aware, he thinks he can taste the sweet note of wine on the redhead's lips, the flavor muted between them. What do they do after this? He... really doesn't know. For now, he'll just make himself comfortable with this much.]

[it's... almost so sweet, with Gepard's hesitation and shyness. he really doesn't seem like he has any experience, then... that's alright by Dohalim. it's different than what he's used to, but he likes it. or maybe it's because he likes the man himself.

so he'll gently guide and coax him, one hand sliding down to the back of the other man's neck, and the other sliding down further to rest on his shoulder. he doesn't do much more in his movements, not wanting to pressure Gepard into feeling like he needs to do more. this is... this is almost perfect, if Dohalim is honest. perhaps he'd been pining for the other Renan for much longer than he originally thought.

after a moment, however, his tongue does run along Gepard's bottom one in a silent request for entrance, but Dohalim won't be offended if he thinks it too much so soon. but the offer is there, in case he wants to take it]

[He's hyper-aware of the movement of Dohalim's hands, drawing out a little shiver as one slides over his neck and prickles soft hair. It does make him wonder if he's doing enough, if he's missing something. Honestly, it's not like he'd never seen it before, but actually doing it?

His weight shifts when the redhead's tongue brushes across his lower lip, so... gentle in requesting entrance. That's not surprising, except that somehow it is. Is... that something that's also normal? Admittedly, Gepard doesn't really know, but he's more than happy to follow that lead.

If he's honest, he'd follow Dohalim in most anything.

Regardless, the blonde's lips part to let his tongue in, and the sensation prompts another movement. Fingers shift over his thigh to curl around a hip, closing the distance between them a little at a time.]

[Dohalim knows of Gepard's loyalty, and the fact that he really would do almost anything he asked of him. but it's also dangerous to know that, when there are so many things he wants to do to and for him. but he mustn't move so fast. not when all he wants is to pull the man flush against him to just feel every part of him.

but when Gepard does part his lips, Dohalim doesn't hesitate to slip his tongue in, tasting the faint note of wine on him. maybe it's just his imagination, but it seems that Gepard makes it taste all the more sweeter, and it makes Dohalim want to indulge more of it and him. but he can't... he can't move so fast. he shouldn't...

before he can stop himself, Dohalim's hand presses against the back of Gepard's neck, pulling him even closer as he moves to deepen the kiss, his tongue running along his. he's worried he's moving too fast, pushing Gepard into doing something he might not want but can't say it, but... but he can't help himself now. not when he's finally kissing him. but eventually, Dohalim does pull away for air, panting short puffs of air against Gepard's lips]

...Was that too much?

[It's definitely... different, when Dohalim's tongue slips between his lips, sweet and warm and so much better than the guard could have imagined. The faint note of bitterness from the wine melds with the taste of him too. Something about it is dizzying, almost, dragging him under and into it all.

Fingers pull him just a little closer and he follows willingly, tongue far more clumsy than his partner's. It brings the return of heat to his cheeks, but it's a good feeling. He's sure of that much. Every little noise he makes echoes that pleasure, until finally the other pulls away, just barely again.]

... ah?

[It takes him a moment to register the question, and he can't help but laugh somewhere amid short, slightly ragged breaths.]

No... not at all. It's... I liked it. I hope it didn't... seem otherwise. [He's a little worried. Dohalim clearly has more experience than him, after all...]

You didn't. I just don't want to push you into doing something you're not comfortable with.

[with reciprocated feelings, there really are so many things he wants to do. but Gepard's comfort comes first, of course; he cares too much for the man to just lead him into doing whatever it is he wants to do. Dohalim leans in again, this time brushing his lips against a flushed cheek, smiling gently]

I'll ask you to trust me, for a moment. If it's too much, you can step away, and I won't be offended. But just let me...

[shifting around on the couch, Dohalim gently guides Gepard to straddle his lap, to hold him close. he has to will himself to calm down some, not wanting to show any obvious sign of arousal. this might be pushing his comfort zone, which is why his hold is loose, in case the blond wants to push himself up and off him]

Is this alright?

Dohalim... I am old enough, I think, to be honest if I am uncomfortable.

[Gepard exhales a little laugh as he speaks, a faint shiver slipping down his back as lips brush a cheek. he only nods to the redhead's request, hands shifting and drawing back so they can move. it's... different, yes.

maybe it's just because he always assumed he would be in the opposite place, should be the one leading others. there's a sense of awkwardness in that... but once he pushes past it, being like this is nice. Dohalim is warm beneath him, and lifted like this he has to tilt his head down just slightly to keep looking at him. his hands move to rest on Dohalim's forearms, light and contented.]

... This is fine. I'm... ah. It's just new. If it isn't... too forward, I think I will continue following your lead.

[new, yes. embarrassing, yes. unwelcome? no, he can't say it's unwelcome. not when he can just let his fingers move absently, feeling along soft fabric and softer skin.]

Yes, this is true, but I still want to make sure. And I want you to be sure. You can stop me at any time.

[although, a part of him doesn't want Gepard to stop him. not when he's finally gotten him this close, not when he's finally gotten to kiss him. it's a little taste of heaven, as far as he's concerned, but if the man wants to stop, then of course Dohalim will. Gepard's considerations come first before his own pleasure.

but when he does settle in, Dohalim looks up at him with a soft, adoring smile, leaning in to kiss his chin]

Then do whatever it is you feel is comfortable. There are no wrong actions here.

[not when he just wants to feel Gepard's hands on him. his own hands slide up the man's back, fingers trailing along his spine, wanting to see what other reactions he can get out of him. when Dohalim leans in again, it's not to kiss Gepard, but to press his lips against the spot where his jaw and neck meet, before trailing kisses and very gentle nips along his neck. even if they stay like this, Dohalim is perfectly content with it]

Whatever I feel is comfortable...

[Really, he's asking a lot of him. Gepard has practically no idea where to go... but at least his nervousness and lack of experience is accepted. It's a little strange, too. Despite the fact that Dohalim is his Lord, that their positions make this an outright terrible choice, he's not even thinking of that. This isn't something that arose after their deployment, after all.

His thoughts are derailed when warm lips press to his neck, drawing out a soft gasp as they work their way toward his ear. It's a lot more sensitive than he expected - and rather it of instinct, a hand reaches up to thread into soft red hair, head tilting to offer access. As his eyelids flutter closed again, Gepard exhales a shivery sigh, his other hand finally moving to just... feel. Fingers slip beneath delicate fabric to glide along muscle and curves, finally taking in the form he's seen so often.

It would be a lie to say he doesn't admire it, the smooth, lean muscle of another close combat fighter. They're quite different in their personal styles, but... it's nice nonetheless. Even so, he does have... one little question that comes to mind among all this.]

How do you— mmh— focus on anything else when it feels— this nice?

[because he's doing his best, but his whole mind keeps wandering off elsewhere...]

[at the sound of that gasp, Dohalim smiles ever so mischievously, wondering just how many more of those gasps and other sounds he can pull from Gepard. he should really real himself back, though, and maybe not overwhelm him so quickly, but he can't help but think that the man's reactions are just so damn cute. especially when Gepard is so stoic on the battlefield, and in his work, so for him to be like this...]

Mm... I don't have much of an answer for you. For me... My main focus is on you, and making you feel good. [Dohalim pulls his head back to look up at the knight as his hands slide down his back again] For example...

[hands slide down to Gepard's ass, palms cupping him gently as he's pulled more flush against Dohalim. he lets out a soft gasp at the pressure against him, eyes still watching the other man, waiting for more of those sounds. he really might be moving too quickly here, but gods does he feel nice against him]

I feel like that should be a mutual—

[hands cup his ass and pull him in closer, and Gepard can't help the groan it pulls from him. Ah, it feels quite nice... of course it would be impossible to hide his reaction with so little distance between them.]

Dohalim... I want to— give you something more too... [this time, it's his turn to cup the redhead's cheeks, his hesitation slowly melting away. He has no reason to question his words, after all, and he just... he needs to taste him again.

It's a lot less tentative than the last, his tongue brushing Dohalim's lips.]

You here is eno--

[Dohalim doesn't get the chance to finish what he's saying before Gepard pulls him in for another kiss. he can't say that he's irritated by being interrupted; no, it's the exact opposite, in fact. and for Gepard to be bolder in his actions as well... no, he's more than pleased. what more can he do but allow entrance, to let their tongues dance with each other?

they should quit while they're ahead, though. Dohalim had no intention of keeping the man in his room for too long; he was expecting a conversation and a couple glasses of wine, just to satisfy his need to be close to Gepard. he never expected their feelings to be mutual, and only in his wildest dreams did he imagine he'd be in this exact position. well, this, and so much more. however, that would be even more taboo than what they're doing right now, but he can't help but wonder what Gepard would look like under him, blissed out in the throes of passion--

before he can stop that train of thought, he can feel his pants getting a little tighter. he lets out a soft sound, muffled against Gepard's lips. they should stop before they get way too far, but Dohalim can't help himself. he's thinking with everything else but his brain, letting his emotions and body do all the talking, so to speak. without another thought, Dohalim pulls Gepard down as he rolls his hips up, only once. once... should be enough]

[it all feels better than it has any right to; Dohalim's mouth is so warm, and the taste of him is more intoxicating than the wine could ever be. more than he could ever hope for. maybe that's wrong, but he just... he can't find it in him to care.

there's certainly no care to stop when the redhead makes that sound, muffled against his lips. firm hands pull his hips down and into the unmistakable bulge of his pants... and the sound Gepard makes is almost sinful really. to think, just his presence, just these small actions, could affect him this much... though he should have guessed, shouldn't he? it's not like the blonde is much less affected.

pulling away for breath, he gasps Dohalim's name, clumsy lips shifting to find his jaw, to follow the actions he's now seen. the guard captain may be innocent, but he's not a fool, and he does catch on quickly. too quickly, maybe; as his lips pick up the taste of his skin, hips roll down in turn, the heat of them both just... absolutely too intense. how is he supposed to stop now?]

[it certainly is a surprise how quick Gepard's picked up on everything, and how quick his hesitation had gone away. a part of Dohalim does worry about that, but it's such a small part that's overtaken by pleasure as the other man rolls his hips back down against him, pulling another groan from him. oh, that has no right feeling that good.

Dohalim's head tilts back, eyes half closed as Gepard drags his lips along his jaw. more thoughts come to him, of their bodies pressed against each other, tangled in one another as they drown in their lust for each other. thoughts wander to him inside Gepard and the other way around, and how good that must feel, to feel his warmth whether he's giving or receiving, how divine he must taste--]

Nn... G... Gepard, can I be so bold... As to ask if I can take you to bed?

[he simply can't hold back on his desires any longer. he wants to indulge in everything the man can offer him, he wants to hear more of him, he wants to see how he reacts to every single touch. he wants to get lost in passion with him, until all they can both think of is each other]

[he'll still stumble, he's sure, but... this is something he's wanted. maybe not this specifically, but every touch Dohalim has given him has spurred an equally good one in turn when Gepard tries it himself. that's enough. it's telling, too - thoughts of intimacy are not a commonality in the captain. he's not had enough to be out of his mind enough that they're completely uninhibited, either.

none of that stops the flush of his cheeks when Dohalim asks, truly asks, to take him to bed. there's no mistaking it, not even a little.]

Haah... ah... I would be... beyond pleased if you would. I only hope my inexperience isn't an issue...

[they've been educated enough, at least, that he isn't going to be completely floundering. besides, Dohalim will be leading, right? it'll be fine. just fine... especially since he wants nothing more than to feel those hands on him right now, unhindered by fabric.]

[Dohalim chuckles softly as he tilts his head back forward, nuzzling Gepard's warm cheek softly]

You are quite alright. Let me take care of you for the night.

[it's all the warning Gepard will get before Dohalim slides his arms under his thighs and hoists him up easily to carry him to bed. he could have easily let the man walk, but that would require the both of them to part, and honestly, Dohalim isn't so keen on doing so just yet.

it's a short distance to walk to his bed; he carefully tilts the other man back onto it and making sure he's comfortable before he pulls away. there's quick work with doing away with Gepard's shoes (thankfully he doesn't have to worry about the intricacies of the guardsman's armor when it comes to his footwear), tossing them to the foot of the bed before he joins him. he climbs into bed, nudging Gepard's thighs apart slightly so he can nestle in between them.

he looks down at the man, eyes lit with anticipation; he shouldn't be so excited, but Gepard just looks so enticing. leaning forward, Dohalim drags his hands up his thighs, to his hips, sliding his fingers under his shirt to push the hem up. he's seen Gepard's body, but not this closely, only from a distance when he's visited the training grounds. he would always sneak glances over at the man, watch the way his muscles would move and flex. so to see him up close...]

...I feel I should remind you that you can stop me at any time if it gets to be too much. Only because... I'm not sure I'll be able to stop myself at this point.

[he has to be honest with him. Dohalim is beyond trying to tell himself that this is a bad idea, that they shouldn't cross this line. they've already crossed that the moment he'd brought him here, after all. but if Gepard does want to stop, even if it's in the middle of everything, Dohalim would respect his wishes]

If you insist...

[Oh, but being lifted so easily does things to him. It's never been a question of whether the man was strong enough - they've seen each other train enough times to know they're both plenty strong - but actually being picked up—

As he's laid in bed (a strange thought, still), he ignores the urge to reach out, to help in some way. What would he do, anyway? Help remove his shoes? The other seems fine right now, and he did agree to let him take care of him.

Dohalim looks... radiant above him, positioned between his knees. It's a little embarrassing, but only in the briefest moments of vulnerability. Hands drag over his thighs and they elicit a shivery gasp, a noise that's echoed inv the way his belt moves when his shirt pushes above it. He's hardly self-conscious about his looks, but being observed like this...

He's a soldier, after all. And as one who also fights with his hands, there's no surprise he's covered in scars. Many are remarkably small, all well healed - a testament both to his skill and the skill of their healers.]

Haah... I'll... keep it in mind... and if there's anything I can do to help, just... tell me.

[If he's honest, he doesn't know if he could tell him to stop. The idea of being treated this way is entirely too pleasant - at least with Dohalim. They've most certainly crossed a line, but... it's too late to worry about it now.]

[as Dohalim pushes Gepard's shirt up higher, his eyes and fingers trace over those faint scars, barely noticeable in the dim light. a testament to his loyalty, that he'll do anything to protect him, his people, his realm and his ideals. Dohalim isn't sure he deserves that loyalty, be it from a soldier, or a friend, but that's a thought that he won't entertain at the moment]

Lift your arms up for me.

[he doesn't ask for much more help as he slides the shirt off once Gepard heeds his request. tossing the shirt to the corner of his bed, Dohalim pushes himself back up to his knees, to trail his gaze along Gepard's toned body, to commit to memory every single curve of defined muscle. oh, seeing the man up closer like this, laid out under him, with this perfect physique...]

Truly beautiful.

[there isn't much room left for conversation as Dohalim leans in again, lips trailing more kisses and nips along Gepard's neck, before slowly moving down. his hands follow along, tracing along those faint scars. he's trying not to overwhelm Gepard, but he wants to see him squirm, wants to hear him call out his name]

[warmth travels over him, partly from Dohalim's hands and partly just... from the pleasant sensation of being touched. Gepard's breathing picks up just a little, and his response to the words is as simple as a nod and then following them. Really, it's the only testament to his distraction, focus fully on the man above him.

Again, his cheeks flush deeply at Dohalim's compliment, at the way the younger man looks him over, fully in appreciation.]

I'm glad you— approve... mmnh...

[He really is sensitive, especially around the neck, and it's not long at all before his breath gasps and hitches with each little movement. Overwhelmed... no, he doesn't think so. It's different, but pleasantly so.]

Doha—lim—

[Oh, his voice is breathier than he expected. The other will get his wish almost immediately, attention paid to a body unfamiliar with it serving to get him trembling. Lips blaze a searing path over him, and Gepard can't help the way his fingers thread through red locks, kneading and twitching, occasionally tugging faintly in something like yearning.

And before long, there's a little whine that joins every gasp and groan. Does he know what he wants? Not precisely, but it doesn't stop him.]

Do— [another gasping groan, and he's pretty sure he can't manage the man's full name anymore. Is that too quick...?] Do, please... I want... I...

[He's not so overwhelmed as to be concerning, more than he's just... running aground against his own inexperience here. It's not unreasonable that he doesn't have the words to ask for what he wants.]

[the hands in his hair only encourage Dohalim more, wanting to pull more of those soft sounds from Gepard, wanting to hear his name spoken in such a tone. every move he makes, every kiss planted on pale skin is of reverence and admiration, as if he's silently worshiping him. oh, but a well defined body does so many things to him...

Dohalim lifts his head up slightly, eyes almost glowing with desire. he'd almost made it to Gepard's navel before letting out his needy plea; Dohalim is sure that he wouldn't really be able to say what he wants, but he can sure guide him along]

What do you want me to do, Gepard? Would you like me here-- [he runs his tongue along a nipple, once] --Or would you like me here?

[he palms the growing bulge in Gepard's pants, cupping him firmly. amber eyes watch for every reaction, relishing in the fact that he's done so little for such a response. honestly, he can ignore his own neglected need right now, if it meant he could watch Gepard like this. though, it isn't to say he's not teasing him a little, either. maybe he just wants to see him squirm a little more]

What are-

[his voice rises significantly when that tongue lathes over his nipple, just once - he can feel the way his dick twitches in his pants in response, and it is... terribly embarrassing somehow. it's only made worse by the heat of a hand over that bulge, breath exhaled in a shudder.]

I don't- [know, he doesn't finish, a whine escaping his lips. where? he wants him everywhere, he just-- just wants him, more deeply than he's wanted almost anything in his life. cheeks practically beet red again, he covers his face with one hand, hips squirming against the firm pressure.] Just- I want it all, I don't know.

[he feels totally out of sorts, but it's really a pleasant thing. he can't say he normally likes being teased, but even that's just... oh, it's quite nice, if he's honest.]

There-- if I... if I have to choose.

[at least if he's there, his pants will be out of the way soon, right? he's aching too much to think beyond to what that may mean.]

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