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[Dohalim/Zhongli] You're standing next to me...
[it started out as vague dreams of what seemed to be a lifetime ago. something so foreign and yet familiar. even in his dreams, he can almost feel it, taste it, smell it. like warm stone on a summer’s day, like a strong embrace holding him steady. and in every dream, he sees the same person with golden eyes and a soft smile and all he can feel is a warm fondness for them.
who is he, Dohalim would ask himself, as he would reach out to him.
and that point is when his dream would turn into a nightmare; in a flash, all he can see is carnage, and that person who he’d felt that fondness for would look at him with a frenzied fire in those golden pools, his face contorted into what seems to be pure, unadulterated rage. why… he can feel the fear piercing his heart, along with a certain pain he can’t quite put his finger on, that he has to watch this man fall into his wrath and despair.
”My apologies…” he remembers saying, before he would wake up with a start, brow damp with sweat as he would sit up in his bed. at first, that dream wasn’t nearly as frequent, but now, it seems like it’s occurring every night. what does it mean? who is that man in his dreams?
what happened?
come morning, however, that dream becomes a passing thought, as it usually does, as he starts his day. it’s only a dream; he doesn’t need to dwell on it.
there had been reports of a sudden spike of astral energy in Traslida Highway, one that Dohalim had taken upon himself to investigate (much to the chagrin of his guardsmen). if it has anything to do with earth astral energy, who better than the lord whose affinity of that very element? if anything goes wrong, he would be the most capable of containing it, at least. what mattered most is that the citizens of his realm are safe.
but it’s strange, as he walks out of Viscint, that he doesn’t need to be told where the anomaly is. he can… almost hear a quiet whisper, indiscernible in its words, but pulling him towards where he needs to go. it’s as if he’s lost all autonomy of his body, falling into a sort of trance, but the pull doesn’t feel malicious in its intent. in fact, it feels almost as familiar as the feeling in his dreams; he has to wonder why that is.
as he approaches the new rock formation in the Tietal Plains, Dohalim strains to listen to guardsman speaking to him; something about how it had appeared overnight, and that they had deployed a small platoon to stop anyone from entering it. but the whispers nearly drown him out, beckoning Dohalim to walk through the portal. it’s reckless, he knows, to walk into something without even an inkling of what awaits on the other side, but nothing in him tells him to stop as he steps forward towards the barrier. he holds a hand up, as if to feel the energy radiating off it, and before anyone could pull him back, Dohalim steps forward. he hears one of the guards call out his name, only for it to be muted once he’s on the other side.
just where is he…?]
who is he, Dohalim would ask himself, as he would reach out to him.
and that point is when his dream would turn into a nightmare; in a flash, all he can see is carnage, and that person who he’d felt that fondness for would look at him with a frenzied fire in those golden pools, his face contorted into what seems to be pure, unadulterated rage. why… he can feel the fear piercing his heart, along with a certain pain he can’t quite put his finger on, that he has to watch this man fall into his wrath and despair.
”My apologies…” he remembers saying, before he would wake up with a start, brow damp with sweat as he would sit up in his bed. at first, that dream wasn’t nearly as frequent, but now, it seems like it’s occurring every night. what does it mean? who is that man in his dreams?
what happened?
come morning, however, that dream becomes a passing thought, as it usually does, as he starts his day. it’s only a dream; he doesn’t need to dwell on it.
there had been reports of a sudden spike of astral energy in Traslida Highway, one that Dohalim had taken upon himself to investigate (much to the chagrin of his guardsmen). if it has anything to do with earth astral energy, who better than the lord whose affinity of that very element? if anything goes wrong, he would be the most capable of containing it, at least. what mattered most is that the citizens of his realm are safe.
but it’s strange, as he walks out of Viscint, that he doesn’t need to be told where the anomaly is. he can… almost hear a quiet whisper, indiscernible in its words, but pulling him towards where he needs to go. it’s as if he’s lost all autonomy of his body, falling into a sort of trance, but the pull doesn’t feel malicious in its intent. in fact, it feels almost as familiar as the feeling in his dreams; he has to wonder why that is.
as he approaches the new rock formation in the Tietal Plains, Dohalim strains to listen to guardsman speaking to him; something about how it had appeared overnight, and that they had deployed a small platoon to stop anyone from entering it. but the whispers nearly drown him out, beckoning Dohalim to walk through the portal. it’s reckless, he knows, to walk into something without even an inkling of what awaits on the other side, but nothing in him tells him to stop as he steps forward towards the barrier. he holds a hand up, as if to feel the energy radiating off it, and before anyone could pull him back, Dohalim steps forward. he hears one of the guards call out his name, only for it to be muted once he’s on the other side.
just where is he…?]
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[there's a soft smile on his face when he says that, as he takes a sip of his wine. he's not sure how much of the land has changed over the hundreds of years since Morax and Melqal had seen it, but his restoration efforts to bring it to some modicum of glory it had possessed before the last ruler had been arduous. but, like the peace among the people, it had been worth it.
their appetizers show up, a fresh salad with edible flowers; it seems like there's a theme to this dinner. perhaps it really had been Dohalim's plan to try to impress Morax, or maybe he truly does appreciate the land's offerings. either way, he waits for the other to start eating before he digs in himself]
Do you have any questions about the realm and how it is now? I can try to answer anything to the best of my ability.
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[It's a compliment, not an ounce of dismissiveness to the words. A reminder, too, that he fully intends to continue them as separate people - both with worthwhile pursuits and lives.
He speaks plainly, often between bites of food and praise for the same; if Dohalim had been intending to impress, he can consider himself successful.]
Mm. I fear I would keep you talking until morning with all of my questions... though I'm curious as to how countries interact, as current. I don't recall much about it from my time with Melqal, but the land seems... out of sorts, in many ways, at what I recall to be the edges of the country.
My other curiosities are more closely related to you, if I am honest - but I don't wish to aggravate any... discomforts.
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In short, we don't. It seems the topography between realms have changed over the years, and with it, the borders as well. I am only vaguely aware that the other lords are in cohorts with each other, but I try to... Distance myself from them.
[he pokes at his salad with his fork for a moment, thinking. his way of thinking is certainly different than the others, and not wanting to raise many questions of his own rule, Dohalim had figured that he'd keep away from them. he's also not a fan of them trying to climb social ladders by trying to get in on his own social circle, being a noble in Lenegis, and whatnot (Almeidrea specifically). honestly, if they found out that he isn't nearly as ambitious as they are, he'd loathe to think of the ways they may come to conquer his land as well. and he can't have that]
From the few encounters I have had with them, some seem to be brutish in nature, and the others are just conniving. One is shrouded in mystery, but aside from that, I have no desire to be in their company.
As for the land itself, we have open boarders compared to them. Though, we don't see many visitors, to the point that when we do, some of the guards can be wary.
[he takes a sip of his wine again]
As for questions about me personally, if you would like to ask them, by all means. Whether or not I choose to answer... Do not be offended if I choose to remain tight lipped.
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In short, they've changed little, if at all. [He only sounds slightly disappointed, really.] It seems the most logical choice, considering your decision to deviate from their norm. And I have certainly noticed the guards' wariness.
[Not just those he would expect to be so, meeting someone who was literally sealed in a portal, but even here...]
It is your choice whether or not to answer questions. I promise I will do my very best not to pout too much-- the habit is rather... ingrained.
[because Melqal is a monster, really. Clearing his throat, Morax looks to Dohalim, considering his words.]
Aside from your vast knowledge of your country, what else do you enjoy, Dohalim? I'm curious how you spend what free time you may have.
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as for the question on his free time... he's thankful for the short distraction as the next course of their meal is served. a cut up roast rappig, a delicacy he enjoys quite a bit. but it truly is short as they're soon left to their own devices again; he takes one more sip of his wine]
I... Do not have much free time on my hands.
[it's the short answer, of course. if he were to get into detail as to why, it would delve into topics he'd rather not talk about at the moment]
It is... Rather hard to allow myself when there is so much I must do to improve Menancia and the quality of life for all. But... For those rare times, I enjoy divulging in the arts. Poetry, specifically, and...
[he trails off, mind wandering to the violin encased in his room, untouched for years. every so often, he thinks about pulling it out, but... it is something he doesn't deserve to enjoy, anymore]
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He's almost ready to dismiss the question entirely when Dohalim finally speaks. It's not... much of an answer, but it is there. And his words prompt a weak smile, Morax's gaze not quite piercing in its curiosity.]
No, but surely there must be some time.
[even an Astral spirit like himself knows the value of rest, perhaps more keenly even than a human. Energy is finite, and the toll of it on a mortal's body...]
One cannot burn endlessly, though. Surely, you've someone who can see when you're struggling...? [It's almost too quiet to hear, words murmured half to himself. The idea of Dohalim continuing on and on, as though the whole world is at once upon his shoulders and also keen to leave him behind... it's too sad, isn't it? Even for someone so determined to die.] Ah? Poetry and...?
[that, he prods on gently, curiosity plain and warm. There are many arts, after all, and he can't decide which would be Dohalim's preference. Better to ask.]
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there's another short pause, before Dohalim shakes his head]
Just poetry.
[there's a desperate part of him that wants to yell out "music", to tell the other how he adores it more than anything in his life. it pains him every day, not playing his violin, as his fingers yearn to dance along the frets of his violin's neck, to drag that bow along the strings to create that perfect, quivering tone.
but he just can't. so he throws himself in his work instead. because, if he does so, then he doesn't have to think about wanting to play his music again]
Though, I do have an appreciation for other arts, too. Painting is one. To be able to capture life's splendor with splashes of colour on a canvas... It's fascinating. The culinary arts are another. For the rare time I was allowed in the kitchen, I've learned to cook some of the finer delicacies the chefs offer.
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He can narrow down those two additions, though. It shears off a surprising amount of the arts, though he'd still be guessing blindly which Dohalim is pretending he doesn't care for.]
... they are worthy and intriguing pursuits. Perhaps you will indulge me in your personal cooking, someday. It would be a fair apology for lying about your pursuits rather than telling me you don't want to tell me.
[... definitely only do much patience. But at least he's able to keep his voice mild; his intent is only to infirm Dohalim that he's not gotten away with that lie.
And it's notable, too - he could probably ask Melqal about it and at least get the answer, but that wouldn't be satisfying. Especially now, when it's obvious there's something specific that keeps him from being honest. Morax can't help but find his mind wandering onto why he'd hide something like that, though.
There are things he himself would rather not talk about, but things that brought him warmth and comfort?]
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...My apologies.
[he's suddenly not so hungry, as anxiety bubbles up inside him; as mild as Morax had sounded, he knows he must have irritated the elemental for him to make such a comment. perhaps he should have... but he can't. the memories of everything surrounded by his most loved hobby are too painful to think about.
reaching over to the wine bottle on the table, he fills up his glass, before taking a swig of it. at least, if he were to get a little inebriated, it'll soften the blow of the soon coming onslaught of memories]
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It's fine. I only meant-- you already forewarned me that you may not want to speak on any subject. If it makes you uncomfortable, you're free to say so.
[Exhaling a sigh, he gently lifts the wine bottle to follow suit; he doesn't know if it'll have much of an effect on him, but that's not why he wants it anyway.]
I do not... like... being left ignorant. Particularly when someone isn't trying very hard to convince me that something else is... going on. [As he stares into the wine in his glass, he considers his words for a moment.] Something like this -- I don't wish to make you uncomfortable, so I'm more than willing to accept that you don't want to talk about it. I suppose I still struggle with the act of dismissing information, even if it isn't related to myself. There is too much regret to be had in that space.
[How many lives had his ignorance cost? Before he grew bitter at his treatment, and before Melqal had brought forth all the horrible realities of what he'd done over so many lifetimes? People and creatures he'd cared for, many of whom had quietly, willingly, just--
and he's a hypocrite in that, he knows. It isn't as though he's really spoken to anyone about the depth of it. Melqal knows some, but some things were just too deep to burden him with.]
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he drains his glass quickly, not even allowing himself the moment to enjoy the rich flavour washing over his tongue before he pushes the plate away from him. as he stands, he bows his head]
Pardon me. I will be right back.
[without waiting for Morax's response, Dohalim turns on his heel and briskly walks out. his vision tunnels as he rushes to the nearest room he knows is empty, though, like in the dining room, no cracks in his veneer could possibly show the panic attack that's currently rising in him until he gently closes the door behind him.
he thought he'd be able to get through a simple questions about him, but he hadn't expected to touch on a subject that would remind him of his past. all he can remember of those days is when he...
pressing a hand to his chest, Dohalim tries to calm his ragged breathing, head spinning from the wine and the panic induced anxiety. he needs to pull himself together before he rejoins Morax. Melqal seems to be quiet as well... but it may possibly be because he can't focus on anything else other than not reeling himself into a full blown attack]
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... ah.
[There's not even time to reply, as the Renan steps away. The sound of soles on the perfectly polished floor recedes, and the elemental is left alone in the dining room, considering what he should do.
He's not so impulsive as to try to follow, at least. Dohalim doesn't likely trust in him enough to appreciate that, whatever is going on. Did he use the wrong words? Apologise wrong? He doesn't think so, but perhaps. Humans are... complex, and he must remember to be more careful.
Exhaling a sigh, Morax pushes himself out of his seat and rounds the table, trying to work it all out with only fragments of the story. The resulting jumble suggests that he is in some way the catalyst, clumsily asking questions. And perhaps he should just... not call out the lies, for a little while? His feet take him across the room and back, preoccupation taking his thoughts enough that the faint shimmer of astral energy coalesces into the mirage of his tail, trailing behind him in some attempt at self-soothing.
Dohalim said he would be back and Morax intends to believe him... though if he's gone much longer than it takes for the man to stumble through his own thoughts, he'll leave to find him. After all, there are still questions about the change in ruling, concerns about how many are actually against the idea of coexistence. Even if Dohalim doesn't see it... well, Morax is paranoid enough for the both of them.]
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he really wishes that Melqal would take over for the time being, so he could push this panic attack down but... nothing. not even a gentle pull, not even a whisper. so he really does have to deal wit this on his own... not that it's any different from any other time, of course. it's not even one of the worse attacks he's had recently, but it's still not something he's so keen on suffering through.
but eventually, the feeling wanes, his heartbeat slows and his breathing evens out. he can feel the clamminess on the palms of his hands; he brushes them against his pants. the wine and inebriation has a slight hold on him now, which only serves to make everything feel worse. even the drink is betraying him... perhaps he really should retire early. he supposes, if that's his choice, he should inform Morax.
Dohalim finally steps out of the room, looking unperturbed, before walking down the hall to meet with Morax again. he must imagine that the elemental must be worried for him, at this point]
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well, as it turns out, it doesn't matter where he was. as the elemental is peering down the hall in consideration of which way to go, he spots the familiar countenance and turns himself to approach. he seems fine, and Morax isn't... very interested in pressing the matter, so he offers a wan smile of his own.]
... It seems I was a little impatient. Things are... in order, then?
[it's such a subtle thing, the thread of guilt in his voice. after all, whatever happened is directly related to his words, his curiosities. he still doesn't know what to do about that fact, but it's fine. he'll figure it out.]
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...Yes, they are. However, I may retire from dinner early, regretfully.
[he looks away idly, down the hallway, his bangs covering his eyes and face. he has no intention of striking up small talk with anyone else for the night, though he may have to inform someone of their short dinner, and perhaps have a small meal delivered to his room later on in the night. he knows for a fact that he won't get much sleep tonight, either, not with his mind racing as much as it is]
If you are still hungry, I can have something sent to your room later tonight, if you would like.
[reaching up, Dohalim crosses his arm over his chest to rest his hand on his shoulder. a posture of comfort when he's feeling his most insecure, as if trying to hold himself together. his fingers drum against his shoulder gently, as if trying to decide on something]
I can... Send Melqal to you, as well.
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[Morax watches him for a moment, crossing his arms in consideration. dinner... he really doesn't eat much, after all, so it doesn't really...]
No... that's alright. I have had more than enough to eat, I believe.
[the prospect of spending time with Melqal is of course tempting, but he stows it for a moment, at least.]
I... leave that to your discretion. For now-- it is impertinent, but... would you permit me to walk you to your room? No... need for conversation. Just a little company.
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[Dohalim is sure that Melqal would make better company than he at the moment, and as much as he wants to push the elemental away so he himself can be alone, he... doesn't. perhaps that's his other self's influence at play, or perhaps he does want someone by him as he roams the gilded hallways]
...If you would like.
[like before, he doesn't wait for Morax to answer as he turns to the direction of his chambers, mind foggy, now. the unfortunate aftermath of his anxiety. his demeanor is different than before when they walked down to the dining hall together; this time, he's silent. closed off. all Dohalim wants to do is curl up into a ball, wait out the night and hope that it'll be better in the morning. or maybe Melqal...
as they reach his room, Dohalim turns on his heel to face Morax, uncertainty painted across his face. he can feel a gentle prod from his ancestor; he takes it as the other wanting to talk to Morax]
I truly am sorry for cutting tonight short.
[and without even a moment's notice or another word, his posture changes completely, and a frown tugs at his lips as Melqal shows himself again. no words are exchanged just yet as he reaches for his lover's hand, and tugging him into the room. they're still a little clammy, redisual anxiety still claiming hold on him]
Dohalim... He... has a lot on his mind.
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without knowing how to help, it's all he can do. the least he can do, really... so when they reach the room and Dohalim faces him, he offers a quietly warm expression in turn. it's an attempt to reassure that he's under no obligations even now, that this was just Morax's choice--]
No, it-
[... and he's gone. Morax's brows knit briefly in that moment of silence, and he takes Melqal's hand without hesitation. pulled into the room, he can't help but pull his lover a little closer, nuzzling into his shoulder.]
... So I surmised. I certainly seem... quite capable of finding spaces of discomfort with regard to him.
[he chuckles at that, weakly.]
I shall have to temper my words more carefully, in future.
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[shifting around slightly, Melqal rests the side of his head on Morax's shoulder, his arms sliding around his waist. Not without his own anxieties, but facing the brunt of what is clearly plaguing Dohalim, it does make him cling to his lover a little more. So much has happened, and it's only been several hours... No doubt that, among other things, this must be a confusing time for his other self. For that anxiety to bleed through, even to him...]
Would you stay here with me for a while? I... Am not sure I would like to be alone, right now.
[there's a weariness in his voice, indicative of what both Melqal and Dohalim must be feeling at the same time]
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[it's so automatic, as Melqal leans on him and slides arms around his waist. long fingers brush through his hair in soft, soothing motions, his stance a solid support for his lover.]
... Have I ever been known to say no to you, my love? I feel that is... perhaps best, truthfully. And... I don't care to be alone right now, either, in truth.
[gently, he'll start to lead Melqal back to the bed, intending to sit for a little while and just... be in the other's presence. he's missed it, and even wanting to get to know Dohalim doesn't help that feeling fade, of course.]
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Mm... Your tail...
[a small comfort, one that he would very much like, right now. a security blanket, of sorts, he just wants to feel the weight of it on him. just to remind himself that this is all real, still, and not some figment of his desperate imagination.
it really does seem that Dohalim's anxiety is affecting him, as well.
Melqal takes a deep breath in, as if trying to fill his senses with Morax's presence, to commit to memory everything about him. it provides a little comfort, at least]
...Forgive me for my malapropos. It seems that Dohalim's anxieties are affecting me, as well.
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Curling it over Melqal's waist, the lower half winds itself around one of the redhead's legs, secure but not tight. It's just enough to remind him that the man is here, is real, isn't going to just... disappear.]
... he's hardly the only one. [Morax chuckles weakly, leaning in to pull the other into a kiss. It's slightly less chaste as the last have been, a little more desperate.] I thought I...
[shaking his head, he keeps up those kisses, reacquainting himself with Melqal's presence. Instead of dwelling on the painful memories, he switches track. He can't help it, they were both always so desperate for one another.]
There is part of me that very much wants to rile you up, like we always did. To recall all of you... [would it be at Dohalim's expense though? He supposes that would depend on who was doing the work and who was enduring it.]
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he nearly asks what Morax had meant before he's pulled into another series of kisses; both hands now roaming his body, remembering every muscle, every curve and dip of his body. the firmness in some places, but the softness in others. it's as he remembers; nothing has changed. it's pleasing, to say the least, though, he does have to wonder about something, especially after what Morax says next]
Mm... I would not say no...
[it's the same thought Melqal has; if Dohalim would be alright about it. he's had his fair share of intimate encounters, so it's not as if he's prudish in that regard, but... perhaps he can ask, if it gets to that point]
However... I do have to wonder if you're still sensitive here.
[his fingers trail to the base of Morax's tail, touch featherlight and teasing, just to test the waters. Morax can rile him up, yes, but Melqal knows just how much of a begging, desperate mess he can render the elemental just by this touch alone]
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No? I'm quite surprised...
[he's not surprised at all, of course. they're both considerate, of course, and both of them want Dohalim to feel comfortable in this, so it makes sense to wait. of course, that's assuming they can keep their hands off of each other, and that's a tall order, except--]
Ah? A--ah...
[no doubt it'll please Melqal to see just how sensitive he still is there, cheeks heating up as fingers trail just so lightly over his tail. the thought of riling Melqal up takes a backseat immediately, and his hips rise up into the teasing touch, as if asking for more.]
Is it that surprising that I am the same as I was, Melqal? [oh, there's a little of that pouting feeling as he nuzzles into the other man's shoulder, as if that will hide how his tail squeezes his leg a little more, encouraging those touches.] I don't dislike being sensitive for you...
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[it really does please him that he can still elicit such reactions out of Morax, even now. he lets his thumb graze the base idly, watching his lover with a mischievous look on his face. he knows that the other likes being teased like so, even pushed to the point of begging for more than just a simple touch. really, it's rather exhilarating, to be the one to be able to do this to the elemental]
I wonder what people would have said in our time... [Melqal gives his tail a squeeze] ...If they knew that I could render you in a state of rapture with just a touch.
[really, it is a thought that has passed through his mind on more than one occasion; a diety such as Morax, a symbol of earth and strength, unable to be shaken so easily, floored by his own whims. that isn't to say that Morax himself doesn't know what buttons to push to render him in that same state. but he supposes it's just a matter of who gives in first]
Only I can shake you to your core, yes?
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