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[Dohalim/Zhongli] You're standing next to me...
[it started out as vague dreams of what seemed to be a lifetime ago. something so foreign and yet familiar. even in his dreams, he can almost feel it, taste it, smell it. like warm stone on a summer’s day, like a strong embrace holding him steady. and in every dream, he sees the same person with golden eyes and a soft smile and all he can feel is a warm fondness for them.
who is he, Dohalim would ask himself, as he would reach out to him.
and that point is when his dream would turn into a nightmare; in a flash, all he can see is carnage, and that person who he’d felt that fondness for would look at him with a frenzied fire in those golden pools, his face contorted into what seems to be pure, unadulterated rage. why… he can feel the fear piercing his heart, along with a certain pain he can’t quite put his finger on, that he has to watch this man fall into his wrath and despair.
”My apologies…” he remembers saying, before he would wake up with a start, brow damp with sweat as he would sit up in his bed. at first, that dream wasn’t nearly as frequent, but now, it seems like it’s occurring every night. what does it mean? who is that man in his dreams?
what happened?
come morning, however, that dream becomes a passing thought, as it usually does, as he starts his day. it’s only a dream; he doesn’t need to dwell on it.
there had been reports of a sudden spike of astral energy in Traslida Highway, one that Dohalim had taken upon himself to investigate (much to the chagrin of his guardsmen). if it has anything to do with earth astral energy, who better than the lord whose affinity of that very element? if anything goes wrong, he would be the most capable of containing it, at least. what mattered most is that the citizens of his realm are safe.
but it’s strange, as he walks out of Viscint, that he doesn’t need to be told where the anomaly is. he can… almost hear a quiet whisper, indiscernible in its words, but pulling him towards where he needs to go. it’s as if he’s lost all autonomy of his body, falling into a sort of trance, but the pull doesn’t feel malicious in its intent. in fact, it feels almost as familiar as the feeling in his dreams; he has to wonder why that is.
as he approaches the new rock formation in the Tietal Plains, Dohalim strains to listen to guardsman speaking to him; something about how it had appeared overnight, and that they had deployed a small platoon to stop anyone from entering it. but the whispers nearly drown him out, beckoning Dohalim to walk through the portal. it’s reckless, he knows, to walk into something without even an inkling of what awaits on the other side, but nothing in him tells him to stop as he steps forward towards the barrier. he holds a hand up, as if to feel the energy radiating off it, and before anyone could pull him back, Dohalim steps forward. he hears one of the guards call out his name, only for it to be muted once he’s on the other side.
just where is he…?]
who is he, Dohalim would ask himself, as he would reach out to him.
and that point is when his dream would turn into a nightmare; in a flash, all he can see is carnage, and that person who he’d felt that fondness for would look at him with a frenzied fire in those golden pools, his face contorted into what seems to be pure, unadulterated rage. why… he can feel the fear piercing his heart, along with a certain pain he can’t quite put his finger on, that he has to watch this man fall into his wrath and despair.
”My apologies…” he remembers saying, before he would wake up with a start, brow damp with sweat as he would sit up in his bed. at first, that dream wasn’t nearly as frequent, but now, it seems like it’s occurring every night. what does it mean? who is that man in his dreams?
what happened?
come morning, however, that dream becomes a passing thought, as it usually does, as he starts his day. it’s only a dream; he doesn’t need to dwell on it.
there had been reports of a sudden spike of astral energy in Traslida Highway, one that Dohalim had taken upon himself to investigate (much to the chagrin of his guardsmen). if it has anything to do with earth astral energy, who better than the lord whose affinity of that very element? if anything goes wrong, he would be the most capable of containing it, at least. what mattered most is that the citizens of his realm are safe.
but it’s strange, as he walks out of Viscint, that he doesn’t need to be told where the anomaly is. he can… almost hear a quiet whisper, indiscernible in its words, but pulling him towards where he needs to go. it’s as if he’s lost all autonomy of his body, falling into a sort of trance, but the pull doesn’t feel malicious in its intent. in fact, it feels almost as familiar as the feeling in his dreams; he has to wonder why that is.
as he approaches the new rock formation in the Tietal Plains, Dohalim strains to listen to guardsman speaking to him; something about how it had appeared overnight, and that they had deployed a small platoon to stop anyone from entering it. but the whispers nearly drown him out, beckoning Dohalim to walk through the portal. it’s reckless, he knows, to walk into something without even an inkling of what awaits on the other side, but nothing in him tells him to stop as he steps forward towards the barrier. he holds a hand up, as if to feel the energy radiating off it, and before anyone could pull him back, Dohalim steps forward. he hears one of the guards call out his name, only for it to be muted once he’s on the other side.
just where is he…?]
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...My apologies.
[he's suddenly not so hungry, as anxiety bubbles up inside him; as mild as Morax had sounded, he knows he must have irritated the elemental for him to make such a comment. perhaps he should have... but he can't. the memories of everything surrounded by his most loved hobby are too painful to think about.
reaching over to the wine bottle on the table, he fills up his glass, before taking a swig of it. at least, if he were to get a little inebriated, it'll soften the blow of the soon coming onslaught of memories]
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It's fine. I only meant-- you already forewarned me that you may not want to speak on any subject. If it makes you uncomfortable, you're free to say so.
[Exhaling a sigh, he gently lifts the wine bottle to follow suit; he doesn't know if it'll have much of an effect on him, but that's not why he wants it anyway.]
I do not... like... being left ignorant. Particularly when someone isn't trying very hard to convince me that something else is... going on. [As he stares into the wine in his glass, he considers his words for a moment.] Something like this -- I don't wish to make you uncomfortable, so I'm more than willing to accept that you don't want to talk about it. I suppose I still struggle with the act of dismissing information, even if it isn't related to myself. There is too much regret to be had in that space.
[How many lives had his ignorance cost? Before he grew bitter at his treatment, and before Melqal had brought forth all the horrible realities of what he'd done over so many lifetimes? People and creatures he'd cared for, many of whom had quietly, willingly, just--
and he's a hypocrite in that, he knows. It isn't as though he's really spoken to anyone about the depth of it. Melqal knows some, but some things were just too deep to burden him with.]
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he drains his glass quickly, not even allowing himself the moment to enjoy the rich flavour washing over his tongue before he pushes the plate away from him. as he stands, he bows his head]
Pardon me. I will be right back.
[without waiting for Morax's response, Dohalim turns on his heel and briskly walks out. his vision tunnels as he rushes to the nearest room he knows is empty, though, like in the dining room, no cracks in his veneer could possibly show the panic attack that's currently rising in him until he gently closes the door behind him.
he thought he'd be able to get through a simple questions about him, but he hadn't expected to touch on a subject that would remind him of his past. all he can remember of those days is when he...
pressing a hand to his chest, Dohalim tries to calm his ragged breathing, head spinning from the wine and the panic induced anxiety. he needs to pull himself together before he rejoins Morax. Melqal seems to be quiet as well... but it may possibly be because he can't focus on anything else other than not reeling himself into a full blown attack]
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... ah.
[There's not even time to reply, as the Renan steps away. The sound of soles on the perfectly polished floor recedes, and the elemental is left alone in the dining room, considering what he should do.
He's not so impulsive as to try to follow, at least. Dohalim doesn't likely trust in him enough to appreciate that, whatever is going on. Did he use the wrong words? Apologise wrong? He doesn't think so, but perhaps. Humans are... complex, and he must remember to be more careful.
Exhaling a sigh, Morax pushes himself out of his seat and rounds the table, trying to work it all out with only fragments of the story. The resulting jumble suggests that he is in some way the catalyst, clumsily asking questions. And perhaps he should just... not call out the lies, for a little while? His feet take him across the room and back, preoccupation taking his thoughts enough that the faint shimmer of astral energy coalesces into the mirage of his tail, trailing behind him in some attempt at self-soothing.
Dohalim said he would be back and Morax intends to believe him... though if he's gone much longer than it takes for the man to stumble through his own thoughts, he'll leave to find him. After all, there are still questions about the change in ruling, concerns about how many are actually against the idea of coexistence. Even if Dohalim doesn't see it... well, Morax is paranoid enough for the both of them.]
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he really wishes that Melqal would take over for the time being, so he could push this panic attack down but... nothing. not even a gentle pull, not even a whisper. so he really does have to deal wit this on his own... not that it's any different from any other time, of course. it's not even one of the worse attacks he's had recently, but it's still not something he's so keen on suffering through.
but eventually, the feeling wanes, his heartbeat slows and his breathing evens out. he can feel the clamminess on the palms of his hands; he brushes them against his pants. the wine and inebriation has a slight hold on him now, which only serves to make everything feel worse. even the drink is betraying him... perhaps he really should retire early. he supposes, if that's his choice, he should inform Morax.
Dohalim finally steps out of the room, looking unperturbed, before walking down the hall to meet with Morax again. he must imagine that the elemental must be worried for him, at this point]
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well, as it turns out, it doesn't matter where he was. as the elemental is peering down the hall in consideration of which way to go, he spots the familiar countenance and turns himself to approach. he seems fine, and Morax isn't... very interested in pressing the matter, so he offers a wan smile of his own.]
... It seems I was a little impatient. Things are... in order, then?
[it's such a subtle thing, the thread of guilt in his voice. after all, whatever happened is directly related to his words, his curiosities. he still doesn't know what to do about that fact, but it's fine. he'll figure it out.]
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...Yes, they are. However, I may retire from dinner early, regretfully.
[he looks away idly, down the hallway, his bangs covering his eyes and face. he has no intention of striking up small talk with anyone else for the night, though he may have to inform someone of their short dinner, and perhaps have a small meal delivered to his room later on in the night. he knows for a fact that he won't get much sleep tonight, either, not with his mind racing as much as it is]
If you are still hungry, I can have something sent to your room later tonight, if you would like.
[reaching up, Dohalim crosses his arm over his chest to rest his hand on his shoulder. a posture of comfort when he's feeling his most insecure, as if trying to hold himself together. his fingers drum against his shoulder gently, as if trying to decide on something]
I can... Send Melqal to you, as well.
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[Morax watches him for a moment, crossing his arms in consideration. dinner... he really doesn't eat much, after all, so it doesn't really...]
No... that's alright. I have had more than enough to eat, I believe.
[the prospect of spending time with Melqal is of course tempting, but he stows it for a moment, at least.]
I... leave that to your discretion. For now-- it is impertinent, but... would you permit me to walk you to your room? No... need for conversation. Just a little company.
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[Dohalim is sure that Melqal would make better company than he at the moment, and as much as he wants to push the elemental away so he himself can be alone, he... doesn't. perhaps that's his other self's influence at play, or perhaps he does want someone by him as he roams the gilded hallways]
...If you would like.
[like before, he doesn't wait for Morax to answer as he turns to the direction of his chambers, mind foggy, now. the unfortunate aftermath of his anxiety. his demeanor is different than before when they walked down to the dining hall together; this time, he's silent. closed off. all Dohalim wants to do is curl up into a ball, wait out the night and hope that it'll be better in the morning. or maybe Melqal...
as they reach his room, Dohalim turns on his heel to face Morax, uncertainty painted across his face. he can feel a gentle prod from his ancestor; he takes it as the other wanting to talk to Morax]
I truly am sorry for cutting tonight short.
[and without even a moment's notice or another word, his posture changes completely, and a frown tugs at his lips as Melqal shows himself again. no words are exchanged just yet as he reaches for his lover's hand, and tugging him into the room. they're still a little clammy, redisual anxiety still claiming hold on him]
Dohalim... He... has a lot on his mind.
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without knowing how to help, it's all he can do. the least he can do, really... so when they reach the room and Dohalim faces him, he offers a quietly warm expression in turn. it's an attempt to reassure that he's under no obligations even now, that this was just Morax's choice--]
No, it-
[... and he's gone. Morax's brows knit briefly in that moment of silence, and he takes Melqal's hand without hesitation. pulled into the room, he can't help but pull his lover a little closer, nuzzling into his shoulder.]
... So I surmised. I certainly seem... quite capable of finding spaces of discomfort with regard to him.
[he chuckles at that, weakly.]
I shall have to temper my words more carefully, in future.
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[shifting around slightly, Melqal rests the side of his head on Morax's shoulder, his arms sliding around his waist. Not without his own anxieties, but facing the brunt of what is clearly plaguing Dohalim, it does make him cling to his lover a little more. So much has happened, and it's only been several hours... No doubt that, among other things, this must be a confusing time for his other self. For that anxiety to bleed through, even to him...]
Would you stay here with me for a while? I... Am not sure I would like to be alone, right now.
[there's a weariness in his voice, indicative of what both Melqal and Dohalim must be feeling at the same time]
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[it's so automatic, as Melqal leans on him and slides arms around his waist. long fingers brush through his hair in soft, soothing motions, his stance a solid support for his lover.]
... Have I ever been known to say no to you, my love? I feel that is... perhaps best, truthfully. And... I don't care to be alone right now, either, in truth.
[gently, he'll start to lead Melqal back to the bed, intending to sit for a little while and just... be in the other's presence. he's missed it, and even wanting to get to know Dohalim doesn't help that feeling fade, of course.]
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Mm... Your tail...
[a small comfort, one that he would very much like, right now. a security blanket, of sorts, he just wants to feel the weight of it on him. just to remind himself that this is all real, still, and not some figment of his desperate imagination.
it really does seem that Dohalim's anxiety is affecting him, as well.
Melqal takes a deep breath in, as if trying to fill his senses with Morax's presence, to commit to memory everything about him. it provides a little comfort, at least]
...Forgive me for my malapropos. It seems that Dohalim's anxieties are affecting me, as well.
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Curling it over Melqal's waist, the lower half winds itself around one of the redhead's legs, secure but not tight. It's just enough to remind him that the man is here, is real, isn't going to just... disappear.]
... he's hardly the only one. [Morax chuckles weakly, leaning in to pull the other into a kiss. It's slightly less chaste as the last have been, a little more desperate.] I thought I...
[shaking his head, he keeps up those kisses, reacquainting himself with Melqal's presence. Instead of dwelling on the painful memories, he switches track. He can't help it, they were both always so desperate for one another.]
There is part of me that very much wants to rile you up, like we always did. To recall all of you... [would it be at Dohalim's expense though? He supposes that would depend on who was doing the work and who was enduring it.]
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he nearly asks what Morax had meant before he's pulled into another series of kisses; both hands now roaming his body, remembering every muscle, every curve and dip of his body. the firmness in some places, but the softness in others. it's as he remembers; nothing has changed. it's pleasing, to say the least, though, he does have to wonder about something, especially after what Morax says next]
Mm... I would not say no...
[it's the same thought Melqal has; if Dohalim would be alright about it. he's had his fair share of intimate encounters, so it's not as if he's prudish in that regard, but... perhaps he can ask, if it gets to that point]
However... I do have to wonder if you're still sensitive here.
[his fingers trail to the base of Morax's tail, touch featherlight and teasing, just to test the waters. Morax can rile him up, yes, but Melqal knows just how much of a begging, desperate mess he can render the elemental just by this touch alone]
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No? I'm quite surprised...
[he's not surprised at all, of course. they're both considerate, of course, and both of them want Dohalim to feel comfortable in this, so it makes sense to wait. of course, that's assuming they can keep their hands off of each other, and that's a tall order, except--]
Ah? A--ah...
[no doubt it'll please Melqal to see just how sensitive he still is there, cheeks heating up as fingers trail just so lightly over his tail. the thought of riling Melqal up takes a backseat immediately, and his hips rise up into the teasing touch, as if asking for more.]
Is it that surprising that I am the same as I was, Melqal? [oh, there's a little of that pouting feeling as he nuzzles into the other man's shoulder, as if that will hide how his tail squeezes his leg a little more, encouraging those touches.] I don't dislike being sensitive for you...
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[it really does please him that he can still elicit such reactions out of Morax, even now. he lets his thumb graze the base idly, watching his lover with a mischievous look on his face. he knows that the other likes being teased like so, even pushed to the point of begging for more than just a simple touch. really, it's rather exhilarating, to be the one to be able to do this to the elemental]
I wonder what people would have said in our time... [Melqal gives his tail a squeeze] ...If they knew that I could render you in a state of rapture with just a touch.
[really, it is a thought that has passed through his mind on more than one occasion; a diety such as Morax, a symbol of earth and strength, unable to be shaken so easily, floored by his own whims. that isn't to say that Morax himself doesn't know what buttons to push to render him in that same state. but he supposes it's just a matter of who gives in first]
Only I can shake you to your core, yes?
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[Morax certainly does like this, and after a moment of soft gasping and sighs in response to Melqal's gentle teasing, his lips press to the man's neck, tongue lapping gently there between featherlight kisses. It drives him forward a little at a time, mind just faintly cloudy as the other speaks.]
They would... nngh-! [He still knows all the right places to touch, and it's... heartening somehow.] Ah... they wouldn't know what to do with the... scandal.
[It's an absolutely trivial acquiescence, surrendering all of his stoicism and sturdiness to the touch of a hand - of this man's hand, in particular. On another night, he might take up the fight to see who gives in first, but...
Perhaps he's been more lonely than he realised. Even with the other here, with the uncertainty of how to handle Dohalim, things hadn't been so clear cut in sharing time with them both. The constant stumbles haven't helped him over the course of the day.]
Only you, my treasure. I bow to no other. [shifting, he presses his weight into his lover's embrace. Voice warm and rich, he rises up to press kisses and nibbles to Melqal's jaw. His tail uncoils briefly to slide higher up his thigh, unperturbed by the loose fabrics covering his legs - even if it takes a little effort not to get tangled in them.] No one else could even draw near to my core, let alone shake me to it. They would regret it if they tried.
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so he doesn't stop teasing the spirit, as he gently tugs at the tail. hearing Morax's devotion to him, and fully knowing his devotion to the elemental is just as deep, it blooms warmth in his heart knowing that their love had transcended even time itself. aside from Dohalim, if his and Morax's relationship develops into something like that, Melqal isn't so inclined in sharing his lover with anyone else (despite making several jokes about it in their past); it brings him so much joy knowing that this astral spirit is his. possessive as it may be, again, he knows Morax has the same thoughts. and really, it's not like he minds the other being so possessive over hi, either]
Mm, I'm glad that I am the only one who is allowed to. I would hate for someone else to be able to shake you so easily like I can. I find myself... Not wanting those who cannot appreciate you to see you at your most vulnerable.
But... That is to say, I would not want anyone else to see how vulnerable you make me when like this. This is only for you, my love.
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It's such a sweet feeling, sharing their devotion this way. Everything could easily have ended, could have gone on with the reality of mortal lifetimes and such sad facts... but it didn't. And it's something he can share in some way with Dohalim, if it goes that way; not the depths of their circumstance, but the warmth of knowing someone equally as kind and persistent as his lover. It's funny, actually, to think there might be someone who doesn't set off either man's jealousy - even if there's a shared body involved. Morax listens as he speaks, the quiet sense of possession and jealousy in his tone absolutely exhilarating.]
... you're mine, after all. [There's a little rumble there, as his golden gaze peers upward.] If anyone were allowed to see you do indisposed, it would only be to show them the briefest glimpse of what they could never earn. [His words are almost sinister in their honesty, and hands reach up to cup Melqal's face and pull him into a kiss.] Only mine... all mine. As I am yours.
[another kiss, and Morax encroaches on Melqal's space more still. He's kept docile by the hand on his tail, making his threatening presence remarkably muted, even cute.]
I truly missed this, my love... even if you are still a terrible tease.
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eventually, he does pull away from those kisses, but only just barely, his lips brushing against the spirit's as he speaks]
A terrible tease, hm...
[if that's what Morax is truly going to call him, then he'll just have to deliver on that title. firmly gripping onto his tail, Melqal strokes it, fingers digging slightly into the base, in the spots where he knows is the most sensitive. to think, to have something so erogenous so exposed in his true form... not that other people know. a well kept secret, and one that Melqal intends to keep.
he continues the ministrations against the appendage, holding the other close to him. he knows that if he does continue, he'll have to take care of more... pressing matters, but after hundreds of years of not being Morax's embrace, is that truly a terrible thing? he thinks not.
however, he still has to remind Morax just how much of a tease he really is. so, he continues to rile the other up, before he suddenly just stops, pulling his hand away and very gently nudging him away]
Perhaps we should stop for a moment. An attendant will be around shortly to help with-- [he gestures to the regalia on him] --This.
[the same mischievous grin is still on his face, fully knowing exactly what he was doing]
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[there's the familiar hitch of breath, a soft noise that's dangerously close to a squeak when Melqal grips his tail, fingers curling around the redhead's shoulders. it really is a weakness none other knows, something that he had once had much more control over really. or, more accurately, he has much more control over it for other people.
for Melqal though, he's like this. every little stroke of his hand, press of fingers digging into the base, has him arching and squirming for more. Morax's breath ghosts against his shoulder, moans muffled into his arm. held just so, there's really nowhere for him to go, even if he'd wanted to.
and Gods, but he doesn't want to. after so long, how could he? he's finally getting to spend time with his lover again, and--
--and Melqal just stops, all that electric stimulation crawling up his spine one last time.]
Ah--haah... you-- [it takes a moment for his mind to catch up, eyes a little brighter for his arousal. his voice is breathy when he speaks again.] --nngh. You are the worst... what do you expect me to do until then?
[Melqal knows perfectly well what he's done and how long Morax's habit of compliance lingers - more than enough to know that he's going to have to answer for this, but that there's just enough sense left in the
lizarddraconic spirit's head that he doesn't just pin him down and make his demands.if he did, he'd at least feel guilty for Dohalim later.]
I assume you don't want anyone to find out about this, of course.
[he gives another squeeze of his tail against Melqal's leg before unwinding it again, actually huffing as he shifts to wiggle free from his embrace. you know, since he suggested it and all.
there is absolutely a pout on his face, cheeks tinged pink with want.]
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While it's no secret of Dohalim's... Trysts he does indulge in every so often, I suppose having you here so soon after inviting you into the palace may be a little too forward for the staff here to accept. The last thing I'd want is to raise concern of you infiltrating his inner circle.
[but, what to do, what to do... it's not like he can send Morax to his room half aroused (okay, maybe he can, but that would really be leaning into Morax's accusations of how much of a tease Melqal really is, and it would also just be a little too mean)... and he isn't close to being done with the other, yet. he still wants to explore the spirit's body, to see if it's just exactly as he remembers]
They should not be here for several more minutes if you want to take a moment to calm down. If you want to go back to your room, there may be a change of clothes that would be looser and more to your liking. Though, I am sure you may be able to stay if you would like... It is not like Dohalim is body shy.
[even though he has comments to make about his appearance. he sits up on his bed, reaching to brush a hand through the dark, silky tresses of Morax's hair]
But if you do go, you must come back here. I am not quite done with you... I want to remember how you taste.
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Didn't you just say I shouldn't raise the notice of the staff? I would happily stay here otherwise... and more happily explore this body of yours myself.
[His eyes close again as fingers brush through his hair, a soft sigh on his lips.]
I would rather be here, even without that promise... besides, I have no intention of letting you get away with riling me up only to stop abruptly. [leaning in, he presses a kiss to the corner of Melqal's.] How long should I wait before returning to you...? Or... where shall I wait, if I needn't leave?
[regrettably, he'll probably have to hide his tail for the duration either way, but still.]
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[Melqal offers Morax a cheeky grin at that, before pressing another soft kiss to his lips. he doesn't address his contradiction, fully knowing what he said, and if anything, he could probably convince whoever comes in to let the other stay. but he does have to wonder if Dohalim has any intention of coming out, seeming like he does so every time he's in the face of anyone who doesn't know about this... situation. perhaps as to not raise any concern or unwanted attention which... Melqal is very thankful for. but he also doesn't want Dohalim to feel like it's some sort of obligation, but truly, it is the type of person that he is.
as his mind wanders to his other self, he also has to wonder just how far he's allowed to push things. it's no secret that Dohalim's intimate affairs include both men and women, but... he's not the one in control here. he would say it's fine, but would it really be? and with how he and Morax can be when together... hm. perhaps he can meditate on it and ask Dohalim while he-- they? are getting changed.
as for the spirit... Melqal gestures to the couches in the opposite corner of the room, by the low table situated in between them]
You may be able to wait there.
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