I think he was more frightened of the repercussions within his guard, if I'm honest.
[not just a Landau, but someone like Gepard - it's like as not that the word never got out how the injury had happened. Perhaps Serval knew, even if he'd never told her... the bond between them always seemed strongest when times were hard. He himself doesn't know, just as he doesn't know what sparked the man to try.]
You had no reason to know there could be a problem. I know... I knew it was a joke even when you spoke it, after all. [His fingers squeeze gently over Dohalim's arm again.] I could never mistake you for someone like that. If I'm honest... I don't know why it made me think of it at all.
[He's always thought that he's... at least acceptable when it comes to putting things behind him. If he wasn't, then his past would weigh on him more, wouldn't it? Even so, it happened. And as Dohalim pulls him closer, Gepard attempts to bury his thoughts in that space, where he's warm, loved... it doesn't completely stay the wonder of where he'd be if that hadn't been enough to stop the lord's advances. Even so, it's enough. It doesn't matter where he would be - he's here now.]
You are exceptionally hard on yourself, Dohalim... you have always deserved more than you have. I know that it's difficult to believe, with everything that happened, and I can understand why you feel the guilt you do. But... you lost a friend, too. I can't imagine it was an easy decision.
[a hand rises to trail fingers over Dohalim's cheek, leaving just a faint trace of water as they go.]
If you deserve nothing for your decisions, then it stands to reason that... the same is true of myself, you see.
no subject
[not just a Landau, but someone like Gepard - it's like as not that the word never got out how the injury had happened. Perhaps Serval knew, even if he'd never told her... the bond between them always seemed strongest when times were hard. He himself doesn't know, just as he doesn't know what sparked the man to try.]
You had no reason to know there could be a problem. I know... I knew it was a joke even when you spoke it, after all. [His fingers squeeze gently over Dohalim's arm again.] I could never mistake you for someone like that. If I'm honest... I don't know why it made me think of it at all.
[He's always thought that he's... at least acceptable when it comes to putting things behind him. If he wasn't, then his past would weigh on him more, wouldn't it? Even so, it happened. And as Dohalim pulls him closer, Gepard attempts to bury his thoughts in that space, where he's warm, loved... it doesn't completely stay the wonder of where he'd be if that hadn't been enough to stop the lord's advances. Even so, it's enough. It doesn't matter where he would be - he's here now.]
You are exceptionally hard on yourself, Dohalim... you have always deserved more than you have. I know that it's difficult to believe, with everything that happened, and I can understand why you feel the guilt you do. But... you lost a friend, too. I can't imagine it was an easy decision.
[a hand rises to trail fingers over Dohalim's cheek, leaving just a faint trace of water as they go.]
If you deserve nothing for your decisions, then it stands to reason that... the same is true of myself, you see.