ilqaras: (pic#15229945)
Dohalim Melqal il Qaras Na'amo ([personal profile] ilqaras) wrote in [community profile] eggbowl2022-08-31 01:52 am

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]


You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]
geocash: (♪As it pools on the ground)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-05 07:49 am (UTC)(link)
[it's a little baffling, in the moment, what Dohalim is intending to do. even as a God, he'd never considered intimacy with someone who he didn't care for, so the idea of it - even as he's pinned to the bed with a knee between his thighs - isn't even vaguely on his mind.

the Renan speaks, a petulant child lashing out in anger and sorrow and self-hatred, and Zhongli can only feel pity in that moment. it is, after all, the tirade of someone who is less unlike the God than he knows. to lose friends, to watch them turn against you, against your morals and intentions...]


My words will not reach you now, I know this. But perhaps, somewhere, it will stick. I don't know your history. I don't know what you, personally, have been through, and I have never claimed to.

[his legs spread a little wider as Dohalim's thigh slides between them, knee pressed to the bed and pinning him down all the more. though his hands are free enough, he doesn't move them in opposition. there isn't a point, he doesn't think.

... even if there is the faintest tinge of pink to his cheeks when realisation dawns on him, as fabric shuffles and shifts aside. of all the ways to assert control, even in madness...]


But I don't need to understand your pain to understand pain. Nor to want to offer solidarity.
geocash: (♫All that you see is true)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-05 07:04 pm (UTC)(link)
[That corruption turns then, and in some ways it's what he's been waiting for. Rationality still holds in him, his astral energy unwavering in the face of those words, at least.

If Dohalim wants stories of loss... Zhongli could keep him busied for the rest of his life, probably. But as he stills, as his astral energy pulses and resonates with Dohalim's, it slowly strips away at the edges of that madness. It gleams like burnished gold, gentle and warm as it shatters what has no place between them and bolsters what should. It isn't perfect, corruption tainting that bond and Zhongli's energy like a corrosive tarnish, just in little flecks and bits.]


I didn't-- say that. [The effort leaves him distracted, just a little. His normal gentility and poise suffers for it, a sharp inhale and exhale sounding as a sickly sensation crawls through him.] I said that I would take action before they lost complete control... and that the fate would be kinder than that loss.

[and, almost ironically... even that is only so much kinder. Hatred and corruption fester in the dark, growing stronger over time, but... it's not as simple as Dohalim seems to think. True, for him, right now, death may be an option... he still doesn't think the man deserves that pain.

He wants to show him kindness and warmth, even if it means he has to kill him or seal him later. That hasn't changed.]


I don't do this as torture. It isn't an easy path, but I... would like to help you walk it. If you don't want that, then... I suppose I'm sorry.
geocash: (♪Under a phantom divine)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-06 10:36 am (UTC)(link)
[pain eases as Dohalim releases his hair, and there's the faintest hint of a shiver running down his spine at the relief. it's gone by the time Dohalim's forehead comes to rest against his shoulders, a different sort of weight keeping him in place. it feels better, at least... but for how long?]

... Because, as I said, I wish to put my trust in you. To lend you what stability I have, based upon the action I've observed.

Because, contrary to your belief, this is not something you deserve. One's history does not define what one must become... one's hardships are not innately unconscionable. That is what I believe, after all this time.

[what will he endure? what must he endure? it doesn't really matter. this isn't his first such contract, and it's one he knows will end in heartache. still...]

It may be selfish, but I want to see you continue to grow. To remember you, even if there is no escape from this path.

[because he doesn't know if there is one, but... he won't forget. he's never forgotten any of them. it's sentimental, but perhaps he's allowed that, after so many years.]
geocash: (♪The selfish reason)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-06 07:13 pm (UTC)(link)
[His pain is so minor as to be practically nonexistent, and he doesn't fear it - rather the opposite, truthfully. The healing arte glosses over that, and he's released to the measure of his own thoughts. There's a brief wonder of which of Them the young man is more like... it's a discarded thought a few heartbeats later. It doesn't matter. He'll figure it out.

He doesn't hesitate when Dohalim moves, especially when he can hear the man falling to his knees, the shuffle of fabric. And he does not accept any protest in setting himself on the floor and pulling Dohalim to his chest.]


Don't withdraw. [It's a quiet murmur, not sharp in the least. As he speaks, a hand rises to gently coax hands away from dampened hair, to be replaced with the gentle stroke of his own.] breathe slowly, and take your time. This is not easy, but you are not alone in enduring it. This I swear. I will be here as long as you wish me to.

[There's a resounding gravity to that statement, made without even the faintest tinge of obligation.]
geocash: (♫I'm a new dimension)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-06 09:32 pm (UTC)(link)
[Zhongli strokes Dohalim's hair as the young man tries to calm himself, tries to see past the panic and terror of the inevitable. It's hard to know what to do, when he's always been so... aware of his own limits, aware that one day, even he will begin to forget.

Arms wrap around his back and he doesn't even flinch, his other arm sliding around the man's waist to provide him more warmth, more gentle stability.]


It's natural to fear. To be angry and to lash out. You grieve, for yourself and for others, and that... that is why I am here. But what comes... what comes may take all your life to truly manifest. [His eyes close as he considers his words, unsure which ones may bring any comfort to begin with. Perhaps, if he could introduce Dohalim to one of those few remaining friends... but then, he's always been gloomy and overly dedicated. Perhaps not.] This journey is far from over, and that, I think, is a good thing.

Let yourself grieve for now, if you can. But... keep in mind too that I am only one elemental deity. I know much, but I do not know everything.

I can hardly say where the answer might be, but... if you should wish to look for a cure for this, I will support you in any way I can.
geocash: (♪The one without a name)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-07 02:15 am (UTC)(link)
[Zhongli is patient, content to wait as long as Dohalim needs. the more he sees, the more he suspects that Rena is no more kind to its people than it is to the Dahnans in some ways. it's unfortunate, but given their general preferences and the eternal harvesting of Dahna's astral energy...

as Dohalim raises his head, Zhongli brushes away a few tears, offering a small smile.]


If I'm honest, I have no idea. It must be remembered that Dahna is only one world, and I had no need to turn my sights to anything past my own abilities or space. We would have to research it from the start, and I suspect it will be... difficult at best. Then again, that difficulty is often more satisfying.
geocash: (♪One without a name)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-07 04:11 am (UTC)(link)
[Zhongli remains for a moment, letting Dohalim get comfortable before he stands up to follow, though he just settles on the edge nearby, for now. the question, and its inevitable origin of worry, are hardly a surprise... and he smiles faintly before he speaks again.]

Of course. That would be true, if you didn't dismiss me wholesale, even without our contract. [a hand comes to rest on one of Dohalim's shoulder, light and unobtrusive.] For now, do you need anything? I will fetch some water for you, you'll likely need that later.
geocash: (♪Witnessing everything melting around)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-07 05:25 am (UTC)(link)
Of course. I won't leave for anything until then.

[it had settled into something of an easy comfort, after that. slowly putting Viscint back together, starting to work through all that needs to be done. honestly, it's barely even a scratch of the surface, especially with the intent of unseating the tyranny of Rena...

but as that sensation pulls at their bond, at least, Zhongli does make a concerted effort to be around more notably, hoping to soothe as much of the frustration as he can. in the end, it only works so much - there are so many things he has on his mind and leads to follow before bringing them to Dohalim's attention. so far, it's been a lot of nothing, but that's... not unexpected. when it comes to avenues the deity didn't already knew about, a lot of it is hearsay and misunderstanding of vague details, left over from history that's been nearly scrubbed clean.

this particular day had been a notably grueling one, hunting down the last bits of information. nothing of use, or at least... nothing they can do anything with, at this junction. he's just finished sending a message to someone before finding himself shoved into the Renan's room again.]


Dohalim-

[ah. his back hits the bed again and Dohalim is quick to straddle him, hands slipping around his neck. gentle for now, but the threat of pressure is so plainly there. what had happened? perhaps he'd lost track of time, but--]

I- was following up on some information. [he's careful and mild with his tone, all too aware of that mad look in his eyes.] My apologies, I thought I had spoken to the servants when I needed to step outside the city...

[it's still so odd to him that it keeps ending up here. means something, most likely, but he's not the type to make presumptions about others. though.. on top of it all, he hasn't been under someone in quite a long time, a fact he'd thought about a fair bit after the last instance.]
geocash: (♪A tapestry of us)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-07 07:12 am (UTC)(link)
Ah...

[thumbs press down against his throat and Zhongli reaches up just to place a hand on his arm, perhaps as reassurance. he doesn't try to push him away - less because he's worried for himself and more so that there's less chance of a catastrophic misunderstanding.

gone for too long... he'll have to remember that. it shouldn't be too hard to keep in mind, all things considered, though he's a little surprised it's causing such an immediate effect... an issue of the proximity to grief, perhaps.]


Doha...lim... nngh...

[his little grunt is muted as the Renan presses down on his windpipe, sound reverberating against his fingers. it's not impossible to breathe yet, nor speak, but it's certainly not easy.]

I'm sorry... had I known, I... would have been more... attentive. [each pause is broken by a sharp inhale, fingers twitching faintly against the redhead's arm.] but I... am back, yes? No... lying there. I would never. If there's something... to help you believe that...
geocash: (♪Witnessing everything melting around)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-07 01:31 pm (UTC)(link)
[in retrospect, he should have realised how that madness could twist this. How their words had potentially sounded. How... careless of him.]

Ah-- haah...

[pain pulses against his throat as Dohalim applies more pressure, breaths rattling thinly as it first takes his speech. It's taken over again, the Renan says, and it prickles guilt in him. The change is so subtle, like rust beginning to oxidise on freshly exposed iron. We've Zhongli can't quite feel it as it sinks into their bond, twisting and connecting them further. Had he been too far to feel a pull on their connection? No, he shouldn't have been, but... he would have come back if he felt it. Right? It's always been his intention...

If he somehow missed it, let Dohalim alone to this pain after everything... doesn't he deserve it, at least a little? Tears prick at the corners of his eyes as his lungs burn, airway cut off with the squeeze of fingers. It hurts - almost more on his neck than deeper, the grip threatening to bruise delicate flesh. It's also almost intoxicating in the most confusing way, just... this side of pleasurable? How... strange.

His gaze trembles as the burn for fresh air worsens, fingers squeezing the redhead's arm in subtle plea. And amid their bond, an apology, soft and soothing. He hopes. Will he let himself be truly endangered? Probably not, but if this helps... if this soothes Dohalim's anger a little...

Ah. Everything starts to feel like it's floating then, golden gaze struggling to focus as his eyelids flutter.]
geocash: (♪As it pools on the ground)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-07 04:52 pm (UTC)(link)
[air rushes back to his lungs and a shudder runs down Zhongli's spine, chest heaving with each breath. Dohalim remains above him and it makes... such a pretty picture, somehow.]

Ah... haah... I...

[His voice is a ragged as his breaths, thin and thready. The ache is there, and yet... and yet the sensation left over after he can breathe is almost erotic.]

... would have to... hear it... nnh. [His Adam's apple shifts against Dohalim's fingers as he swallows, gaze still light and slightly glassy. He can't think of anything he would refuse Dohalim for, especially if it helped him relax.] Ah... haah...
geocash: (♪The once and forever bloom)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-08 03:41 am (UTC)(link)
[it's strange, really. even Zhongli isn't sure if he's enjoying this, gaze flickering over Dohalim's face. there's no sign of the gentler soul in all this, completely lost behind his anger, his fear, the spell of corruption and anxiety so strong.

the words make his brows knit - more confusion than outright refusal - and he shivers despite himself as fingers curl around his neck and close down. corruption seeps into cracks he didn't even know were there, and the deity gives a soft noise. to use his body... where did that idea come from, he wonders. the Renan had never seemed particularly thin for partners, and besides...

still, if this is what he can do, is it that hard a choice? it's only a body, after all.]


You- [thumbs press down and he gives a choked grunt, fingers curling against Dohalim's arm again for the brief moment of aching pressure.] You're... presuming... haah... [struggling through breath and speech, he closes his eyes for a moment. the feeling isn't unpleasant, true, but...] This... isn't anything I want...

[at least, his head doesn't want it. the dizzy warmth that courses through him, nurtured by the taint on their bond, feels so... sweet, somehow, tinging his cheeks as much as the reprieve from breathlessness. it really is the least he could do, isn't it? to give him relief, to apologise for disappearing.]

But... I do want... to repent...
geocash: (♪If I stay my arms)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-08 05:04 am (UTC)(link)
[Zhongli's breath hitches when Dohalim grinds hips against his own, a faint aching need that he so rarely feels. the passing thought is so occasional he hadn't even considered that others might look at him with some measure of want, even.

but this... ah. corruption or not, his body responds marvelously to stimulation. it's not the most obvious, beneath his clothes, but still. he doesn't know how much of this is Dohalim and how much is the corruption, but he'll weather the latter. he must, even if he can feel it now. it seems... he may well be in for the same fate as Dohalim, if they don't find a way to mitigate all this.]


... nngh. I see... then I suppose I will have to do my best to satisfy you, won't I?

[at least he's not new to the idea, even if it's been quite some time. and if it hurts a bit... well, he can handle that too.]

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