It wasn't a simple decision, but a selfish act of self preservation. I've robbed him of his future. Both his and Fahria's.
[had he let Tarnigen win, then maybe the both of them would have come out of the competition alive. sure, perhaps their friendship would have been strained, but at least he and Fahria would have been able to get married. Dohalim had omitted some of the facts, some of what had transpired between them. the fact that Tarnigen, in a fit of desperation, had tried to use astral artes during a test of pure physical combat, that he tried to cheat... but no one needed to know that. especially none in their (former) circle of friends.
this is his own burden to bear, after all. if he could just compartmentalise it...
as damp fingers trail down his face, Dohalim leans into the touch slightly. despite Gepard's station as a captain of his guard, and despite the slight roughness of his hands that are synonymous with a fierce fighter such as he is, the touch is warm, kind, soothing. it doesn't quite quell the simmering storm threatening to overtake his mind like it does from time to time, but it does calm him down some, enough to talk about the events without sending him into a full blown panic attack]
I only wanted to stop his advances. I didn't mean to kill him... Fahria's screams still haunt me. How is it fair that I get to experience this sort of intimacy while she lost her beloved?
no subject
[had he let Tarnigen win, then maybe the both of them would have come out of the competition alive. sure, perhaps their friendship would have been strained, but at least he and Fahria would have been able to get married. Dohalim had omitted some of the facts, some of what had transpired between them. the fact that Tarnigen, in a fit of desperation, had tried to use astral artes during a test of pure physical combat, that he tried to cheat... but no one needed to know that. especially none in their (former) circle of friends.
this is his own burden to bear, after all. if he could just compartmentalise it...
as damp fingers trail down his face, Dohalim leans into the touch slightly. despite Gepard's station as a captain of his guard, and despite the slight roughness of his hands that are synonymous with a fierce fighter such as he is, the touch is warm, kind, soothing. it doesn't quite quell the simmering storm threatening to overtake his mind like it does from time to time, but it does calm him down some, enough to talk about the events without sending him into a full blown panic attack]
I only wanted to stop his advances. I didn't mean to kill him... Fahria's screams still haunt me. How is it fair that I get to experience this sort of intimacy while she lost her beloved?