ilqaras: (pic#15229945)
Dohalim Melqal il Qaras Na'amo ([personal profile] ilqaras) wrote in [community profile] eggbowl2022-08-31 01:52 am

In my blood...

[everything happened so quickly and so slowly, everything that happened is nothing but a haze in Dohalim’s mind. he isn’t sure what had transpired, all he can think about are the dredged up memories he’d spent so long suppressing, tamped down and never to be brought to light ever again. the despair had overtaken him, distant screams and thoughts of death clouding his thoughts as gleaming, liquid silver splashed into view. all he knew after that was unadulterated rage, wanting nothing more than to banish those with him, and to punish those who were responsible.

trails of blood and carnage followed Dohalim to the palace as he tore through any Renan in his path. they could no longer be trusted. the ideals of coexistence is now nothing but a burned up dream; he now sees their true colours. the Dahnans were not the ones at fault here, he could not blame them. but those who got in his way are pulled away by summoned vines as he continues his warpath.

blood splatters the pristine walls of Autelina Palace, an angry contrast to the calming whites, golds, blues and greens, crimson liquid staining the fresh plants and flowers lined up along the walls. countless times had he been met with Renan resistance, clearly those who are dissidents of his rule. they did not stand for very long. the audacity they had to stand up against a lord like him…

vines rip the doors open to his chambers where Kelzelik and his supporters huddle together, eyes widened to see Dohalim stand before them, rod in hand. words are not exchanged as those same vines wrap themselves around those who’d dare to oppose him, their pleas falling on deaf ears as they slowly squeeze the lives out of them. all, except Kelzelik, one of those who Dohalim had trusted the most. one who seemed to follow his every order, his every suggestion, his every dream for this realm. the blood on Dohalim’s hands are also on his former advisor’s, as he gestures to the men struggling around them]


You did this.

[Dohalim’s voice sounds strange even to him, hoarse and pained. maddened eyes stay on the man, standing unflinching as thorns burst from the vines and through those it’s ensnared. crimson blooms of roses blend with the blood as it drips from the petals as he puts to rest those who had tried to seize his realm.

when Dohalim is finally found, he’s still in his chambers, on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around himself as hands grasp onto his shoulders, his breathing is ragged and erratic]
geocash: (♪The one without a name)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-03 06:59 am (UTC)(link)
Ah. Well, it isn't anything so dastardly, really - I only meant the technology was used to take control of astral energy as a whole. And-- please, I have no wish to be worshiped or held on high. I'm simply Zhongli, now. A consultant with a long memory, nothing more.

[with that said, Zhongli exhales a heavy sigh, closing his eyes.]

Mortality so commonly equates godhood with perfection, rather than a force that's really not that different than their own. We're afforded long lives and great power, but we are by no means infallible. We all chose to fade, you know. [a beat, followed by a wry, twisted huff of laughter.] Most of us got to choose, that is.
geocash: (♪Oh how I wish for soothing rain)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-03 07:19 pm (UTC)(link)
I have found the implementation and choices made as a society... lacking, yes. In truth, I suspect the reasoning is not so simple, however. It's only a hunch, but... there again, we are not so different.

[If he were to guess at why Dohalim shows such an affinity for his element, Zhongli would guess that it has more to do with his morality. He's certainly still affected by the mentality and societal norms of Rena, but it's no stretch to say that most Lords - even most Renans - would struggle to have such a deep guilt for their own actions.

To think that he's somehow been corrupted, beneath all that... it's a terrible thing, he thinks.

But Dohalim's question earns a soft hum from Zhongli, and he watches the man for a brief moment.]


When creating a realm for all, hubris and morality show themselves plain. This... began long before Dahna was fully populated, though many of them were after I had become the protector of my fledgling country.

[He doesn't hesitate too much, but it's clearly something he thinks about a lot.]

After we ceased our war... Gods and their ilk are not as immortal as many think. Beyond the obvious differences from one to the next, the progression of time eventually robs us of sense and morality. Creatures who once stood in defense of the land often become its greatest threats... many of them created by deities like myself.

For myself, I entered into contracts with such creatures join their inception - with the stipulation that, should they become a threat to the very land they protected, it would be my duty to see them stopped. Though the face of Dahna has changed, I have fulfilled that intention to the letter.

[It puts an interesting perspective on some of the things that have been found in the world - things that most certainly predate the Renan invasion, sealed away under strange, impenetrable barriers.]
geocash: (♪Watching the needle)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-04 01:15 am (UTC)(link)
... Why?

[Zhongli considers the question for a moment, mulling over how he wants to answer. it's a complex one, as so much of his life seems to be... but really, why?]

I believe I told you before that you could think of it as my faith in you. Beyond that, though... ultimately, it's because I don't believe you deserve to die right now, nor do I believe you want to die.

[rising up to his feet, he steps toward the tub, hair shifting behind him.]

Unless you'd like to try and change my mind. Perhaps be faced with the actual imminent threat... but truly, I think you're worrying too much. I suspect you're worrying about your reputation - which will change, I'm certain, but not so drastically. You see those you killed as horrible losses, and that is true - but it doesn't change the fact that they were dissenters. They had forsaken Menancia and all it stands for in order to better their own positions at the expense of others.

Were your actions correct? I have no right to say. Questions of such morality should be debated by those who share even the base of morality, not those who didn't so much as bat a lash at the prospect of burying his enemies beneath meteors and mountains. If you asked me, though... I don't believe the loss was so devastating. From my observations, I don't think the people will see you as some horrible tyrant, either. They may be fearful for a time, but what you've given this place far, far outweighs fear.
geocash: (♪Would you trust in me?)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-04 02:19 am (UTC)(link)
[he can't speak on the prevalence of th e feelings, but what one feels and what one wants, he knows, are not always the same. and perhaps it was cruel of him to keep Dohalim going, but...]

Do you believe most people operate for the sake of others? That there isn't a touch of fear or regret? Why you did it isn't ultimately important.

My only question is thus: given the same outcome via a different method, would you regret this one? Would you unmake all of the changes you have made if you could simply sequester yourself outside of their sound, ruling from on high without a care?

[his footsteps are conspicuous as he approaches, fine fabric creaking when the man kneels down to dip his hands in the water and raise them to wipe away flecks of dried blood from the Renan's face.]

If it matters so much that you did this in bad faith, why did you enter into a contract with me, Dohalim?
geocash: (♪To find the missing lifeline)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-04 06:02 am (UTC)(link)
[Zhongli listens quietly, attentively. the root of the problem lies much deeper than he knew - unsurprising, given his general lack of knowledge of the machinations of Rena itself. still...]

... and yet, it was a choice you could have made. If you wanted to hand your life over to be lived at someone else's behest, we would not be here right now.

[they wouldn't be here, and Kelzalik would be ruling from behind the hand of a puppet lord.]

But why would you prevent the deaths? If you hid yourself away from them, how would you have any interest in how many lived or died? If you had been the Renan they desired, none would be spared. If you truly believe they would have allowed any kindness to those they deemed lesser, you're deluding yourself. Your lack of ambition may be regrettable, but it isn't why this happened. It isn't why no one else knew until this moment. As I said, I am not without guilt in this circumstance.

[water drips from his fingertips, and he watches as it ripples across the still bath.]

... This is not a conversation I can have delicately, in truth. If you feel guilt, if you want to repent for your actions, then you must move forward. Not all memories are pleasant, and yet forgetting them only makes it worse. And simply letting yourself die is an easy escape, cowardly and brief. Guilt, blood, regrets... these can be the ambition that drives you.

You would not be the first, by any means.

[there's a familiar, heavy ache to that, and declined, he shifts to move again.]

... I will continue to answer further questions as I am able. Enjoy your bath, Lord Dohalim.

[he's talking too much, he thinks, about too many things. a break... a break from his own arguments would be fine.]
geocash: (♫All that you see is true)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-04 07:45 am (UTC)(link)
[it's not hard to hear the snip in his voice. Zhongli... doesn't mind it, not entirely. in some ways, it's ideal - being mad at him gets him to stop wallowing in his own self-pity for at least a short time, after all. he's clearly struck a nerve, though the deity can't be sure if that's ultimately a good thing or not.]

... As you wish. If it pleases you, I will send one of your servants to fetch you. Many of them have been worried.

[he... has nothing to do, ultimately. he'd set anything that had remained aside, but that's fine. there's plenty he can work on, being what he is.

... like cleaning up some of the mess and unmaking most of the vines and things left over from the rampage. he should really speak to some of the Dahnans and remaining Renans, too... at the very least, he's never been bad at keeping busy.]
geocash: (♪Weaving into knots)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-04 08:37 am (UTC)(link)
[he's stopped by more people than he expects, providing mild-mannered updates to the circumstances. outside of that, he asks for no assistance and so receives none, cleaning up what he can without water and detergents.

the vines, at least, are mostly gone before the servant finds him, a soft clearing of throats catching his attention. he's a little surprised by the summons, but nods nonetheless, slipping past the servant after a murmur of the cleaning that still needs to be done.

his steps echo in the halls of the palace, and there's not even the slightest hesitation as Zhongli opens the door and closes it behind him. the first pause comes at the odd sensation that filters through - it was there before, he supposes, but distant and unobtrusive.]


... Do you require something of me, Dohalim?

[he doesn't quite know what to expect, but it doesn't matter, ultimately. here, he's just as he always is, with that same unreadable expression as ever.]
geocash: (♪Without an honest heart as compass)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-04 09:51 am (UTC)(link)
[it's concerning, that touch of madness. something almost physical, deep and horrible. before he can speak his acquiescence, hands slam into the wall beside his head, his space taken up, gaze taken up by the redhead.]

... Haah.

[it's a soft exhale in the face of that strange tug on their bond, not quite painful, but... strange. unpleasant. so unsure is he that he has no answer for the first bit. for him, after all, the Earth is his most notable worry, and the people... well, he isn't perfect.]

... Bodies, yes. Countless forms unworthy of the end they received. I cannot speak to that grotto; that is not an anomaly natural to any circumstance I knew. [at the press for reasons, he only continues that steady stare, unflinching despite the way Dohalim leans into him, over him.] Do you want an excuse? Something you have a rebuttal for? Something to retaliate against? I am aware of my failures. Why I failed to see it for so long doesn't matter.

I cannot change the past. All I can do is remember it and move on. It's the least I can do.
geocash: (♫I am the empire)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-04 10:28 am (UTC)(link)
[that stoicness breaks a little as Dohalim's forehead presses into his shoulder. he's so young... really, Zhongli supposes he should have expected it. he has no sweet words of comfort, no uplifting stories.]

... Sometimes, the pain is worthwhile. Remembering is... worthwhile. Over time, the ache of it fades, but... try, if you will.

[there's an almost thrilling sense of danger to it, as he takes in the tug of their bond. how hard he must be fighting... long fingers move to hold him, light but sturdy.]

How do you mean? Is that pain not enough punishment for you, Dohalim?
geocash: (♪I let every thought)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-04 11:21 am (UTC)(link)
[Perhaps it's surprise that sees him so easily moved. Plants clatter and roll somewhere near his feet, and Zhongli gives a grunt as he finds himself pinned to the bed. Dohalim is warm over him, voice soft in his ear.]

A mortal life is just as worthy. You-- [His thoughts are put on hold as fingers curl over his throat. That sensation sinks into his bones, sinister and warped.] ... what punishment do you think I deserve, I wonder?

You certainly seem to have an idea in mind... and it is, after all, part of my contract to endure your worst.
geocash: (♪With the broken piece)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-04 06:32 pm (UTC)(link)
[wrong. It's wrong. Something distinctly not Dohalim, though it's not enough to force him back. No, it's not like that. He can feel it against their bond, twisted and harsh as it threatens to seep into aether.

He may have mistaken how deeply it had taken root already.]


... nngh. This corruption is--

[fingers grasp hair and shove his face into the bed and Dohalim's questions continue. It's a complex thing, something he can't heal. He never could. But he... answering like this is difficult at best, and a tough of delirium against his senses makes him wonder if it's really so bad.]

... I am prepared. I know not where or when this corruption was planted, and it isn't something I can cure, but... I can endure it.

[and maybe he can alleviate some of the pain of it. Some of the anger that roils in that slow sprouting core. His gaze is sharp, as always, hard to determine in full with one cheek pressed into the mattress, but there is a soft kindness there.

And as an answer, his astral energy extends to envelop Dohalim's, acting as something of a buffer or a shield to help stem the spread of corruption. It's not enough to relieve its influence, but the pain...

Maybe this truly is his punishment. Taking others' pain is nothing new to Zhongli, offering them an ear and an insightful word, but this... it's unnatural. Nothing Dohalim did should have caused this, and nothing the Renan could have done should have made this acceptable. Still, as long as it's levied at him, that should be fine.

It will be fine. He can take this. The Renan isn't alone.]
geocash: (♪To find the missing lifeline)

[personal profile] geocash 2022-09-05 04:51 am (UTC)(link)
[his astral energy flickers faintly when Dohalim twists fingers in his hair, a sharp hiss escaping him. the fact that he doesn't want to injure the man is... troublesome, but here he is.]

I am no healer. [when he speaks his voice is breathy, threaded with pain. madness, Dohalim - he isn't sure which, but it resists his own energy, and while he doesn't let it withdraw there's a sense of worry.] Omnipotence is a fallacy raised by those who wish to rule by fear. I have no need to pretend I am more than I am. Corruption is not something I have ever had the ability to cure. I can only help stem it... and promise a kinder fate, should it still grow out of control.

[what did he go through, to reach this stage? it's not as simple as others, as soothing the rage and thirst for carnage he'd been privy to before. how to handle this one... he doesn't speak with the perfect delicacy of other gods, after all. his personality is too blunt, too rigid in so many ways.]

... You... are not alone. Why are you so sure that you are, Dohalim?

[he'd turn, face the man, but under the circumstances that's not possible. too much attention is placed on trying to find Dohalim within the madness and irrationality, to strengthen his connection with the young man to help him out. it's not as if he's the only one who had the thought to do so, but... he's the only one here right now. moreover, the bond of their contracts filters any outward fluctuations of astral energy and corruption to his own body, pressuring his resilience to try and break in, to corrupt him in turn.]

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